im sure im not the only one
Replies
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I loathe cleaning. My husband is a neatnik. Before we moved in together, years ago, I had a weekly housekeeper. We don't. lol. I try to be tidier, and clean more because it's important to him.
We had a good conversation about it after we first moved in together. I basically said once, before bed: if its important to YOU that the dishes be done before we go to bed tonight, then do them. If you can live with them til morning, I'll be happy to them.
WE need a tidy house, but our internal clocks for the scheduling of the cleaning is different. As a couple, we each needed to adjust. If he gets up at 4 and tidies up before I get up, so be it. If not, I'll certainly do it in the morning. I just don't like washing up after dinner (except for putting stuff in the dish washer). For me, it sorta...ruins the meal.
For the rest of the house we agreed on Sundays: for sweeping, mopping, laundry etc. And we just do it. He tolerates it much better than I do, but we do it. We have separate bathrooms, so in those rooms: whatever each of us wants, goes.
ps: I listen to books while I clean (and work out).0 -
I loathe cleaning. My husband is a neatnik. Before we moved in together, years ago, I had a weekly housekeeper. We don't. lol. I try to be tidier, and clean more because it's important to him.
We had a good conversation about it after we first moved in together. I basically said once, before bed: if its important to YOU that the dishes be done before we go to bed tonight, then do them. If you can live with them til morning, I'll be happy to them.
WE need a tidy house, but our internal clocks for the scheduling of the cleaning is different. As a couple, we each needed to adjust. If he gets up at 4 and tidies up before I get up, so be it. If not, I'll certainly do it in the morning. I just don't like washing up after dinner (except for putting stuff in the dish washer). For me, it sorta...ruins the meal.
For the rest of the house we agreed on Sundays: for sweeping, mopping, laundry etc. And we just do it. He tolerates it much better than I do, but we do it. We have separate bathrooms, so in those rooms: whatever each of us wants, goes.
ps: I listen to books while I clean (and work out).
my thing is she will leave it a mess for days. I just did a week no cleaning it been driving me insane just to see if she would lift a finger no the dishes needed done the trash was literally overflowing our bathroom has to be cleaned daily somehow our dogs hair gets everywhere in there which i don't understand but it gets in the sink on the counters just everywhere is she would just help me out with some of the daily stuff i would be happy. i don't mind doing the heavy stuff like scouring mopping shampooing dusting but i just don't feel like i should have to do it all. One time I went away for three days house was perfectly clean when I left came back and it looked like a tornado had ran threw it so im scared because im going out of town again on Wednesday so i know it gonna be a disaster when i get back0 -
I set a day where we spend a few hours cleaning up the house. I do it on the weekend so we have time to get it done.0
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Does she do other things? Does she do the laundry, cook, go grocery shopping? Maybe do a chore list, decide who does what chore, then set a timer for 15 minutes and see how much you both can get accomplished. It's certainly more fun to work on something together and most everyone can do something for 15 minutes. Maybe then it won't seem so overwhelming. 15 minutes every day. Then do something fun or relax together for a bit.0
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Tell her everything of hers that is left on the floor or not put away by XX, goes in the garbage. If you're going to take the time to clean, make sure it is only done once.
Why does everyone feel its ok to put up with this crap? My wife and I split up the work and get it done. Try setting some rules:
1. Whoever cooks, does not clean
2. No dishes in the sink at bedtime
3. Kitchen/Bathroom/Living Areas- figure out who is ok doing what and split the work (I do the bathrooms and kitchen, my wife does the dusting and floors)
4. If the dishwasher is clean but full, no eating until emptied
These basic house rules are critical to a calm environment. I do not accept the "oh but she puts up with my weirdness--its a copout".
Sorry but this stuff makes me insane, if she is a lazy slob then tell her and tell her you are done being her maid. If not, then STFU and do the work quietly!0 -
Tell her everything of hers that is left on the floor or not put away by XX, goes in the garbage. If you're going to take the time to clean, make sure it is only done once.
Why does everyone feel its ok to put up with this crap? My wife and I split up the work and get it done. Try setting some rules:
1. Whoever cooks, does not clean
2. No dishes in the sink at bedtime
3. Kitchen/Bathroom/Living Areas- figure out who is ok doing what and split the work (I do the bathrooms and kitchen, my wife does the dusting and floors)
4. If the dishwasher is clean but full, no eating until emptied
These basic house rules are critical to a calm environment. I do not accept the "oh but she puts up with my weirdness--its a copout".
Sorry but this stuff makes me insane, if she is a lazy slob then tell her and tell her you are done being her maid. If not, then STFU and do the work quietly!
whoooaaa i was saying its not a good enough reason to break up with the person that i love. i was just wondering what other people have done who have been in my situation0 -
Does she do other things? Does she do the laundry, cook, go grocery shopping? Maybe do a chore list, decide who does what chore, then set a timer for 15 minutes and see how much you both can get accomplished. It's certainly more fun to work on something together and most everyone can do something for 15 minutes. Maybe then it won't seem so overwhelming. 15 minutes every day. Then do something fun or relax together for a bit.
no i mainly do all that she used to do the cooking but now we work different times so honestly we never really eat together anymore or she doesn't like what im cooking since im trying to get healthy she will just stop at mcdonalds on her way home but i do like the idea of asking for 15 min a day to help clean maybe just be like look give me 15 min really our place is so small it would only take like 10 if we were both doing it at the same time before you turn the tv on than i wont bother you....thanks for the idea0 -
I've lived alone, with roommates, and with my late husband. Once a pig, always a pig. Same thing with being neat, People are what they are. A pig will make efforts now and then if they realize you're really mad, but will sink back to their piggery.
There is no magic answer, except pigs are happier living with other pigs and neat people are happier with others like them.
You can have a house meeting and designate who does what and post it on the fridge.
You can do it all (you will come to hate her).
You can hire somebody.
You can go on as you are and eventually will have huge fights.
She's inconsiderate, maybe depressed. Her standards are different from yours. What will probably happen is you will either lower your standards to hers or eventually split up if it bothers you enough.0 -
The question should be who makes all of the mess. My ex was really messy and I did pretty much all the houswork except taking out the rubbish, but it didn't upset me as we got on so well in every other respect. If you don't make the mess and you're cleaning it up then that's probably why it upsets you so much. Big question is if you love her and she won't change will you put up with it forever? If you don't love her enough to say yes then cut and run...harsh, but realistic, think of your blood pressure :-)0
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Does she do other things? Does she do the laundry, cook, go grocery shopping? Maybe do a chore list, decide who does what chore, then set a timer for 15 minutes and see how much you both can get accomplished. It's certainly more fun to work on something together and most everyone can do something for 15 minutes. Maybe then it won't seem so overwhelming. 15 minutes every day. Then do something fun or relax together for a bit.
no i mainly do all that she used to do the cooking but now we work different times so honestly we never really eat together anymore or she doesn't like what im cooking since im trying to get healthy she will just stop at mcdonalds on her way home but i do like the idea of asking for 15 min a day to help clean maybe just be like look give me 15 min really our place is so small it would only take like 10 if we were both doing it at the same time before you turn the tv on than i wont bother you....thanks for the idea
This girl does not respect you. If you're going to live together, you both need to take care of your place. You're not a maid and shouldn't be made to feel like one. She's acting like a child and taking advantage of the fact that she KNOWS you will clean up after her eventually. You can ask her to help out as much as you want; she knows all she has to do to get out of it is wait, because you'll do it yourself sooner or later. This isn't healthy and I advise you to take a good hard look at what's important to you. She's not the only girl on the planet, you know; there are plenty of others who will act like adults and take responsibility for their messes.0 -
I live with my sister, her husband and her 2kids. The house gets super messy. I feel I'm the only one constantly cleaning. I don't want to say anything as it is her house not mine. But I just keep cleaning. Dishes pile up, clothes are everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE! Rubbis everywhere, carpet is dirty everything.. It's driving me insane..
If it's not your house (temporary arrangement?) then why are you cleaning it? Your sister is grown-up enough to be married and have kids, so she's grown up enough to clean her own damn house. Or, failing that, pay someone else to do it. I mean, if you're gonna play housekeeper, you should at least get paid for it; all the time you spend cleaning is time you COULD be spending on...oh, anything else. Like finding a place to live where you're not being disrespected.
Since we don't know more facts about their living arrangement...
it could just as easily be the homeowners MIGHT be allowing her to live there and share their home rent-free and maybe they think she should appreciate it and pitch in to help.
If she pays 1/2 or 1/3 third of all the monthly expenses she has a lot to be upset about.
If she pays nothing, they are not 'disrespecting' her, they are expecting her to do something, ANYTHING, to contribute0 -
These are basic house rules for YOU. Not the way many others choose to live. Myself included. (And no, I'm not a slob).Tell her everything of hers that is left on the floor or not put away by XX, goes in the garbage. If you're going to take the time to clean, make sure it is only done once.
Why does everyone feel its ok to put up with this crap? My wife and I split up the work and get it done. Try setting some rules:
1. Whoever cooks, does not clean
2. No dishes in the sink at bedtime
3. Kitchen/Bathroom/Living Areas- figure out who is ok doing what and split the work (I do the bathrooms and kitchen, my wife does the dusting and floors)
4. If the dishwasher is clean but full, no eating until emptied
These basic house rules are critical to a calm environment. I do not accept the "oh but she puts up with my weirdness--its a copout".
Sorry but this stuff makes me insane, if she is a lazy slob then tell her and tell her you are done being her maid. If not, then STFU and do the work quietly!
How about they set some rules that work for them.0 -
I hear you. I'm just giving you my take as the female who's not a neatnik. We had to negotiate all of this stuff. And we did. If you're gonna live together forever and not kill eachother you're gonna have to work out something that will work for her and for you. fwiw, it would be hard for me to live with a total slob for long... I hear you. Good luck, and I hope you can work something out.I loathe cleaning. My husband is a neatnik. Before we moved in together, years ago, I had a weekly housekeeper. We don't. lol. I try to be tidier, and clean more because it's important to him.
We had a good conversation about it after we first moved in together. I basically said once, before bed: if its important to YOU that the dishes be done before we go to bed tonight, then do them. If you can live with them til morning, I'll be happy to them.
WE need a tidy house, but our internal clocks for the scheduling of the cleaning is different. As a couple, we each needed to adjust. If he gets up at 4 and tidies up before I get up, so be it. If not, I'll certainly do it in the morning. I just don't like washing up after dinner (except for putting stuff in the dish washer). For me, it sorta...ruins the meal.
For the rest of the house we agreed on Sundays: for sweeping, mopping, laundry etc. And we just do it. He tolerates it much better than I do, but we do it. We have separate bathrooms, so in those rooms: whatever each of us wants, goes.
ps: I listen to books while I clean (and work out).
my thing is she will leave it a mess for days. I just did a week no cleaning it been driving me insane just to see if she would lift a finger no the dishes needed done the trash was literally overflowing our bathroom has to be cleaned daily somehow our dogs hair gets everywhere in there which i don't understand but it gets in the sink on the counters just everywhere is she would just help me out with some of the daily stuff i would be happy. i don't mind doing the heavy stuff like scouring mopping shampooing dusting but i just don't feel like i should have to do it all. One time I went away for three days house was perfectly clean when I left came back and it looked like a tornado had ran threw it so im scared because im going out of town again on Wednesday so i know it gonna be a disaster when i get back0 -
I've lived alone, with roommates, and with my late husband. Once a pig, always a pig. Same thing with being neat, People are what they are. A pig will make efforts now and then if they realize you're really mad, but will sink back to their piggery.
There is no magic answer, except pigs are happier living with other pigs and neat people are happier with others like them.
You can have a house meeting and designate who does what and post it on the fridge.
You can do it all (you will come to hate her).
You can hire somebody.
You can go on as you are and eventually will have huge fights.
She's inconsiderate, maybe depressed. Her standards are different from yours. What will probably happen is you will either lower your standards to hers or eventually split up if it bothers you enough.
Hey now. I'm an ex-slob, reformed! Well ok I might not meet a very picky person's standards, but I'm definitely MUCH closer to average, and it's stuck. Here's what's made the difference:
- Getting rid of 98% of the stuff I didn't regularly use or look at. Maybe, OP, for your dishes & cutlery, that means putting away all but one set. So the ones that get used HAVE to be washed, or your partner's stuck w paper towels & fingers.
Also means getting rid of clothes no one wears. And, putting winter clothes away in storage (means storage bins, maybe for under the bed if it's a small place) in summer, and vice versa. This helps w laundry, too. Much more manageable. A really good thing for the bedroom is a little rack for clothes that aren't fresh from the wash, but can do with another wearing. No more flinging those over chairs!
- Establishing rational organization systems & spaces for things I do use. ie considering my use of the space, the flow of the room, etc. meant spending a LOT of time thinking about what kind of gadget would work. For me this basically means hooks & shelving.
Spaces would be eg a defined entryway: gadgets = a shoe rack, coat rack, and table for mail. Defined workspace: gadgets = desk w drawers, file tray for the 3 main categories of papers, etc. Bathroom: gadgets = shelving, clear boxes (so I can see what's in them) for the main categories of stuff I don't use often; stuff used daily just stays next to the sink bc eff me I'm not putting that away twice a day.
So, with all that organizational setting up, I truly have a place for everything. It means it's much easier for everything to go to its place. The worst things get these days is "kind of messy" (vs "this place has suffered a natural calamity").
OP: maybe you could have a heart to heart with your SO, and invest a bit of $ to do this, to make both your lives easier? Doesn't have to take a lot of money. There are plenty of Billy bookcases and things going around craigslist or freecycle.0 -
Some people just don't mind mess as much, so it's not really on the radar. Do a chore box-put all the daily chores in, see how many need to be drawn to make it even, and let the box decide at random who does what. Then you aren't commanding her but the message is still out there that it needs to be done. Just be prepared to have to be the one to haul out the box each day-if it doesn't bother her like it does you, she probably just won't be that concerned about it.
I agree with someone else who said to be sure you are acknowledging the other chores: RSVPing for events, remembering birthdays, shopping, lawn, repairs, car maintenance, cooking, paying the bills. Sometimes what we aren't doing doesn't hit our own radar. She could be feeling unappreciated for all that she does do.0 -
GET A DISHWASHER if you don't have one. #1 most important thing.
We have FOUR dishwashers. One at the end of each of my arms and my husband's.0 -
My girlfriend is a huge slob, and it does get frustrating at times. The most annoying habit is dropping things behind her when she's done with them (wet towels, clothes, trash, you name it) without even realizing it. She was bad about getting a clean towel every shower and then leaving it wadded up somewhere. I got tired of constantly running laundry, so I started only washing my towels for a while. When she stopped having clean towels, it started to make her aware of what she was doing. It still happens, but she's better about putting them in the hampers now. Since I know she won't go looking for a hamper, I put one in all of the main rooms so there's always one at hand. Same with the trash cans. Dishes are still a problem, but I find that simply reminding her to take the dishes to the sink whenever she starts to leave on where it is does wonders. It honestly just doesn't occur to her unless I mention it. I try to find the few cleaning tasks she's good at (such as cleaning the bathrooms) and leave those for her, freeing me to do the rest. On the other hand, she's the reason we get so many good deals on vacations and major purchases. We've gone overseas numerous times for a song because she's very good at researching the deals (she gets extremely frustrated with me that I tend to get bored of looking quickly and settle on something just to be done). We each have our strengths, so it's just a question of finding the best way to work within those. Small changes are easier and more likely to stick.0
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Give her a visual example of her behaviour:
Set aside one set of dishes for yourself, only use those and only wash those. Let the ones she uses pile up as long as necessary, don't give in to the urge to clean! Only wash your laundry. If she leaves dirty laundry on the floor, scoot it over to her side of the room so it piles up there. Choose half of the house and only sweep/vacuum that half. If she leaves a mess on the clean side, don't clean it up, just relocate it to the dirty side of the house. Throw all your trash in one can (secret if you must to keep it separate from hers) and only empty that one. Try to do your cleaning (and relocating of her messes) while she's not around so she doesn't realize what you're doing at first. If she doesn't realize in 2 weeks that she's a slob, it's probably hopeless and she'll never change. If she complains that the house is getting dirty, simply explain that she is the only one causing the mess as you have been cleaning your own up. Reevaluate your relationship if she throws a hissy fit.
This is funny after 20 years of living with a non- cleany , this is the only thing I haven't tried. Although looking at some of the other posts makes me think, he does shop, and used to cook for the family. However in the last 2 years, since he became diagnosed with a chronic illness, he has not done a thing, unless he has wanted to. He is not ill ALL the time , it is a fluctuating condition. He just doesn't want to, I've tried cleaning round him when he is watching things, he is oblivious to mess. I've tried being nice, doing rotas, the lot. He just doesn't want to do anything. I've had a physical injury for 3 months not allowing me to weight bear, in. That time he has cooed for me 6 times and NEVER cleaned one single room in the house, the kids, who are adults! Have done it all . I feel weird as I'm writing this as doesn't sound good at all
^^^Only slightly joking0 -
Could it be a symptom of depression ? Is she showing other behaviors such as being introverted, sleeping alot, being anxious, no motivation for other activities etc ? Otherwise, sometimes we can become enablers for others to not taking on responsibilities by doing their's, due to our own frustrations of having to get things done . Sounds like you have already tested this one. Take care !!0
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If you find a resolution to this please tell me. I know it all too well. It's unspeakably frustrating.0
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Damn I hate slobs.0
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