JELOUS HUSBAND!!! HELP

Ignore it! Don't feed fuel to his fire! My hubby is doing the same thing. Congrates on your weight loss!:drinker:

That is not healthy. Have you tried to sit down and discuss it with him? He's probably feeling very insecure with himself and he's afraid he's not good enough for you now. However, as I said, that is not healthy and it needs to be addressed. Just my opinion.

I can understand why they do it--I wouldn't want my man to be around a bunch of girls if he's smokin' hot... not so much because of lack of trust, but because there's that "what if?" voice in the back of my head. If you're up for an experiment, dress up, take him out somewhere with a lot of guys (maybe out for a beer somewhere), and pay attention to *him*... I've heard this sometimes works to lessen the jealousy. (But congrats on your loss!!)

encourage him to get fit with you!

Workout together when you guys can!

Does he get a lot of attention from you? If not maybe he is missing that.

With me the more I lose weight, the more confident I feel and the more attention I give him because I feel better about myself.

Don't have much advice to give because except just talk w/ him.

Don't meant o sound negative but there is nothing healthy or funny about unfounded jealousy - so deal with him and deal with it... talk... it won't just go away on it's own.

You poor thing...what an awful; thing to go through! I can say I have never dealt with that, even at my smallest, my husband has never had a jealous bone in his body. It's difficult, but you need to let him see that you are doing this for you and he gets to share in the benefits of your success. I think he should see it as a HUGE compliment....you've earned every look you get, enjoy them!! It feels good to have others notice you.

I lost 80 pounds and my boyfriend (now husband) proposed. I'm assuming it was a combination of a lot of things. I'm more fun to be around, easier to get along with, less anxious/depressed, etc. I'm also a lot more confident and I do get more male attention. I saw my husband becoming more insecure with every pound I lost so I made the reasons I was losing weight and getting healthy VERY clear to him. I'm doing this for me. I also made sure to make it very clear that I love him and want to be with him and only him. It's amazing to be with someone who stuck with me and loved me even when I was an emotional nightmare and weighed 270 pounds.

Now our relationship is way better than it has EVER been. Just be honest about your reasons and make him aware you're not interested in other men. I'm sure you can figure out a way to do that. :nudge: :nudge:

edit to disagree a little with the post below mine. When you talk to him, use "I" statements, not "you" statements. You're telling him how you feel, not assuming you know how he feels.

yes, he should be happy for you, but im guessing his insecurities are getting the better of him ? he married you before you lost this weight, so he may wonder why you doing it now, and for who. he might worry you will find him unattractive, now that you are trimming down.

he might be thinking a million things, wrong or right, but it's important to note that whatever is going through his mind is not your problem.

i dont know him, so i dont know if either of the following would be helpful: have you tried getting him to join you in exercise or dieting ? maybe taking him out to select new lingerie that flatters your new shape ?

if he refuses to participate, there's always good old fashioned talking: explain your experiences and struggles with weight / dieting / whatever youre doing, the support youve found on sites like these, how much better you feel after losing the weight, how feeling better will allow you to enjoy your married life with him more than ever, and so on..

hopefully he will recollect his misplaced maturity and listen.

Buy him lots of presents, tools and electronics are a good choice...

But seriously....

I did this years ago when I was in my 20's. The first thing I noticed was that she had started working out, and eating differently. Though I noticed, I didn't think much of it, because she had complained about her weight before and had yet to do anything. I always told her I loved her the way she was, in my mind it was "problem solved."

So a couple months go by and she is losing weight. We talk about it, she is doing this for "her" and she does her exercise routine while I am at work, and eats before I get home. She is really into this program she is on, and a little later starts taking up a lot of time we used to use for other things, especially after she starts going to the gym at night after I get home too. Not my gym of course, because she doesn't want to be around a bunch of stinky foul mouthed fighters. But it seems to be making her happy, so I am supportive of it.

A couple more months go by and she is looking damn good.

We go out, and guys are noticing her, and I see her reaction to it, she likes the attention, she smiles bright ( like she used to smile for me). At first it was like WOW I got a hot chick here, but then.... It progresses to the point that when we are out together, guys will start hitting on her right in front of me like I wasn't there. She obviously enjoyed it, ego boost that it was for her, but this is when things started to blow up.

These guys coming up and doing this right in front of me was a disrespectful act among men (fighting words if you will). And yes I got into a few, because I got tired of it real quick, more so because virtually all of them were better looking than me (I'm just not that pretty), and many obviously had a lot more money. Insecure? Yes, I was very insecure, still am to a point, we all are.

Of course, she told me that I had nothing to worry about, she only loved me, yada yada yada.

"Then why don't you just tell them to get lost, of F off." I would say.

Instead, she would giggle, and smile, and make small talk.

To me, and my thinking, she was enjoying it way too much, these guys hitting on her right in front of me like I wasn't even there was like a direct insult to me by whatever guy was around. It's like a guy coming up and saying, "hey this guy is a loser, come get with me." That's not a joke either, when a guy does that, and it is obvious that you are together, he knows exactly what he is doing. To me, it was like she was condoning these guys insulting me. In reaction I got very jealous, possessive, and very aggressive toward other men.

Me working full time, and her having most of her day free to go to the gym, and hang out with her friends, just made me more paranoid about the situation. My feeling was that my complements meant nothing to her, she only got all happy when someone else complemented her, and more so when it was a guy. It also didn't help that our yummy time had diminished to almost zero. It had started slowing down the more she got into working out, and when we started fighting it went to nothing real quick. To me, that obviously meant that she didn't want me, and I was no longer good enough.

I Lost it one day real bad when some guy actually told me to get lost (and actually pushed me) while he was hitting on her. I sent the guy to the hospital with 2 broken arms and a fractured jaw. After this she said I was scaring her, and left.

Was I jealous? YES, very jealous, and I still am to a point, most of us are regardless of if we admit it, or if it never manifests as anything more than "acting weird."


Take it for what you will. I am not trying to justify myself at all here btw, this is simply how I saw the situation at the time.

I have talked to him about it, and he just says he is afraid that I am going to lose more weight and leave him. why im not sure?? but that isnt the case. He is very hard to talk to, Im going to try my hardest to sit him down and talk to him tonite.

Is he overweight? This may be where this is coming from. He may think that with your weight loss you won't want him anymore. Unfortunately (and men please cover your ears LOL ...errr eyes) men like to have some control and you losing weight is out of his control. You are going to have to re-assure him ... maybe pay extra attention to him (not saying you aren't) but I think this is a common problem. USUALLY women lose weight after a break up to show their ex's that they are HOTTTTT! Maybe he thinks this is a preemptive strike to some thing more.

Okay so that may be what it is ... he is scared if you lose the weight you will leave him because he isn't in shape ... this may be the issue. Is there any reason he wouldn't want to lose weight to?

If you can get him onboard with the dieting I think you'll find the jealousy dissappear. His jealousy probably stems from multiple concerns. Why your doing it, you motivation to do something about your weight(maybe he doesnt like the fact that your doing something to lose and he is not), etc. I had some friction with my wife when I first started dieting a few weeks ago regarding not bringing junkfood into the house(I have real low willpower ;( ). Now I got her dieting with me and everything is on track and its something else we can do together. Good Luck!

you HAVE to work this out w him. insecurity does not magically go away

I am sorry to hear that. I was in the same situation 3 and a half years ago. Unfortunetly for me I had to get a divorce because my ex sabotaged everything I was trying to do to better myself. I hope for your families sake he comes around and realizes it's for the better of everybody. If your happy and healthy, they will follow and be a lot happier and healthier. Good Luck.