JELOUS HUSBAND!!! HELP

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  • katyncal
    katyncal Posts: 100 Member
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    yes he is overweight also, He is doing better now that I am cooking and eating healthy. But he does not work out, and he does binge almost every night. I reasured him that I love him more than anything , and that I am doing this because I want to be healthier and that I want him to be proud of me as his pretty not fat wife. I think he is doing better, but im sure it will take time.
  • JennS19
    JennS19 Posts: 642 Member
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    encourage him to get fit with you!

    Workout together when you guys can!

    Does he get a lot of attention from you? If not maybe he is missing that.

    With me the more I lose weight, the more confident I feel and the more attention I give him because I feel better about myself.

    Don't have much advice to give because except just talk w/ him.

    I completely agree with this! Try to get him fit with you, Cook togther, work out together, and keep reminding him how much you love him, how you choose him over all others. Hopefully he will eventually turn his outlook around and love your weight loss as much as you do.
  • KarenBorter
    KarenBorter Posts: 1,157 Member
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    Okay so that may be what it is ... he is scared if you lose the weight you will leave him because he isn't in shape ... this may be the issue. Is there any reason he wouldn't want to lose weight to?
  • LotusF1ower
    LotusF1ower Posts: 1,259 Member
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    ok so iv lost about 20 pounds, and I have noticed that my husband has become very jelous and dosent want me around other men AT ALL now! I really dont understand it, I thought he would be happy for me. He has been acting very weird since i have lost weight., Any advice?

    That is his own insecurities coming into play. Pain in the *kitten* too to be honest, you work hard, lose the weight only to have to deal with a different sort of problem and one that is bang smack in your face all the time too! :frown:

    You'll just have to keep reassuring him but also make it clear that you are happy having lost the weight and wish to stay that way thank you very much.

    All this jogged my memory of many years back of a girl who lived on my street. She started to go out with a lad and he would continually buy her boxes of chocolates and because she loved sweet things, she would eat them all. She started off medium sized and ended up grossly obese - eventually she died at a young age due to her weight problems - believe me she was huge!

    It turned out that he was SO insecure that if she were slim she would leave him, that he would buy her stuff that he knew she had an enormous weakness for, hoping she would pile on the weight so that nobody else would want her.

    That sort of attitude makes me sick to be honest, tantamount to manslaughter - sounds OTT, but it really is emotional blackmail at its absolute worse.
  • lethwin
    lethwin Posts: 18 Member
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    If you can get him onboard with the dieting I think you'll find the jealousy dissappear. His jealousy probably stems from multiple concerns. Why your doing it, you motivation to do something about your weight(maybe he doesnt like the fact that your doing something to lose and he is not), etc. I had some friction with my wife when I first started dieting a few weeks ago regarding not bringing junkfood into the house(I have real low willpower ;( ). Now I got her dieting with me and everything is on track and its something else we can do together. Good Luck!
  • SweetPandora
    SweetPandora Posts: 660 Member
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    I agree you need to talk to him and try and get him more active. Make it a team journey. Tell him you want to be healthy for your life together and your family.

    I am fortunate my boyfriend is very health conscience and workout oriented and he loves when he notices other guys checking me out!

    Karen
  • fitbot
    fitbot Posts: 406
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    you HAVE to work this out w him. insecurity does not magically go away
  • Alioth
    Alioth Posts: 571 Member
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    Have you thought about doing a couples retreat or getting away somewhere, just you and him for a few days for some R&R? Maybe getting away from the usual setting and stressors would take some of the pressure off.
  • june_warner
    june_warner Posts: 126 Member
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    I am sorry to hear that. I was in the same situation 3 and a half years ago. Unfortunetly for me I had to get a divorce because my ex sabotaged everything I was trying to do to better myself. I hope for your families sake he comes around and realizes it's for the better of everybody. If your happy and healthy, they will follow and be a lot happier and healthier. Good Luck.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
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    hey there Jumewarmer..Congratualtions on your spectacular weight loss......awesome
    I hear you, about why you left your exx. Years ago, I was in a relationship, very very much like yours....I got out of it, thankfull

    Ok, Ladies, please dont bash me when I say this, but , sometimes one of the symptoms of a spouse having an affair ,is the woman or man, all of a sudden, takes a huge interest in the way they look

    this involves, going to the gym, eating and drinking less , working out 3 to 4 hours a day at the gym, after work, buying new clothes, coloring their hair, and wanting to look in top shape.....

    I only use this for an example, because this is how my ex sister in law was in affair that she had with her co worker. She is pretty already, really great shape, etc, but she would leave work, only to call my brother and tell him she was working out....
    hmm....

    She was at the gym allright, but unfortunately, she was with him.....

    So, this is why SOME guys may be concerned

    My perspective on it is trust.....and being happy for your spouse on their weight loss.....Id support my spouse, lol, but I dont have one, but as a man, I would TOTALLY trust and support the person completely

    How could you fautl a person for wanting to live a long and healthy liffe......Lloyd
  • Cina04
    Cina04 Posts: 609
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    I am sorry to hear that. I was in the same situation 3 and a half years ago. Unfortunetly for me I had to get a divorce because my ex sabotaged everything I was trying to do to better myself. I hope for your families sake he comes around and realizes it's for the better of everybody. If your happy and healthy, they will follow and be a lot happier and healthier. Good Luck.


    This reminds of an episode of Losing it with Jillian. where the wife told her husband that if he want her to get into shape/eat better & can't accept it than she is leaving .
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
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    Cina,lol.....I never watch Jillian, not to crazy about her, but I did see that show.....Ithink the couple had a boy that was large, and they lived in Miami, or somewhere in Fla and if I remember , they were Cuban, because his parents were kinda upset, about Jillian going off on them about their plantains and rice, ,lol

    Again, Im not a Jillian fan, please no bashing ladies, but that was a good show. And....I will watch her shows from now, because they do help me with my weight loss as well, ie, cooking and her work out routines....

    Take care, good luck Lloyd
  • mytmom
    mytmom Posts: 29
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    You really need to just sit him down and talk, or if you are like me and my ex and suck at real communication, write him a note or e-mail. Tell him the reasons why you are loosing the weight. I had the opposite problem, I was a thin, buff, 20 years younger, wife and when I went through a few rough years and put on the weight, my husband dropped me like a hot potato. I''m happier now on my own, and loosing the weight for myself, not to fit some "image" he expected of me. But by all means, do not give uup your journey to a healthier you!
  • katyncal
    katyncal Posts: 100 Member
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    so I have talked to him, and he really isnt opening up. I love him so much, we have been together since we were 16. I think that what a few of you are saying is right, I think that he miss's me sitting on the couch with him watching a movie after I put our son down for bed. Now I spend some of that time working out and cleaning. Also I just started a new job about a month ago so I am working full time. I think this is his was of trying to show me he needs more attention from me. I dont know how I didnt see it before. Maybe I was just being to selfish. We are doing much better now however. Thank you all for your great input and advice. This is a great site.
  • xDeannaGarciax
    xDeannaGarciax Posts: 675
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    Awww I'm sorry you have to go through that. My hubby has been 100% supportive but also (and I don't know if I'd call it jealous), but he's always been very "protective" of me. A little more so now, he'll say things before I leave like "be good" or "why do you look so beautiful just to go to the store" but he does it in a playful goofy way, and it makes me feel good.

    Him and I are funny like that, if some guy is flirting or staring at me when were out, I'll walk up to him (my husband) and give him a sexy kiss, to let him know I'm his and he doesn't need to worry. My mom actually taught us that and it's pretty funny to do, he'll walk up to me and kiss me if he notices a guy looking at me and I'll do the same with him, and vice-a-versa, it makes it fun and completely eliminates any type of jealousy or uneasyness.

    Regardless your man should be happy for you, jealousy is a bad thing when it starts affecting your relationship and you or your man start making "rules" for eachother because of jealousy, truthfully it'll just make you both miserable. There should be no "what if" in the back of your mind when your in love with someone. Defenitly sit down and have a talk with him, or go out and show him that he's still all you see, regardless of how much weight you have lost, it hasn't changed your feelings for him.

    Honestly I've witnessed it alot over the months as I've ost weight, met women losing weight, who's husband become jealous, just reassure him you love him no matter what your scale might say! Good luck hun:flowerforyou:
  • xDeannaGarciax
    xDeannaGarciax Posts: 675
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    If you can get him onboard with the dieting I think you'll find the jealousy dissappear. His jealousy probably stems from multiple concerns. Why your doing it, you motivation to do something about your weight(maybe he doesnt like the fact that your doing something to lose and he is not), etc. I had some friction with my wife when I first started dieting a few weeks ago regarding not bringing junkfood into the house(I have real low willpower ;( ). Now I got her dieting with me and everything is on track and its something else we can do together. Good Luck!

    Perfect points!
  • Cina04
    Cina04 Posts: 609
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    so I have talked to him, and he really isnt opening up. I love him so much, we have been together since we were 16. I think that what a few of you are saying is right, I think that he miss's me sitting on the couch with him watching a movie after I put our son down for bed. Now I spend some of that time working out and cleaning. Also I just started a new job about a month ago so I am working full time. I think this is his was of trying to show me he needs more attention from me. I dont know how I didnt see it before. Maybe I was just being to selfish. We are doing much better now however. Thank you all for your great input and advice. This is a great site.


    How about making Saturday night movie night w/ your hubby?

    Do you give yourself cheat days? Sunday's are mine and that's when the hubby and I just go enjoy ourselves/ spend time together and I'm not concern about cals.
  • cabrzama
    cabrzama Posts: 24 Member
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    I have found my wife being a little bit this way. She is not over-weight at all (she's a fitness instructor and just right, 5'3" 130 lbs). But she thinks I am going to get skinnier than her and she is used to me being big. I have had to catch myself bragging about weight I am losing lately because she feels "stuck" where she is. So my advice would be to just keep living a healthy lifestyle, don't mention your progress much, and really try hard to give him extra attention so that he still feels like he is number one.
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
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    Now that we have a little more information, I think it might have more to do with the lack of attention than your weight loss. This may suprise some of you, but most guys I know like it when their wife becomes MORE attractive.

    I think what you need to do is buy some new "bed time" attire. Put your son to bed, eliminate distractions, and rock his world.....THEN have this talk, like right after.
  • LittleSpy
    LittleSpy Posts: 6,754 Member
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    Now that we have a little more information, I think it might have more to do with the lack of attention than your weight loss. This may suprise some of you, but most guys I know like it when their wife becomes MORE attractive.

    I think what you need to do is buy some new "bed time" attire. Put your son to bed, eliminate distractions, and rock his world.....THEN have this talk, like right after.

    AGREE!

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