Unsupported by the one person that matters.

hey hun,

i think it will just take time, once he can see you are succeeding then he cant say anything. my husband was a little dubious at the start of mine as ive done the cambridge diet 6 times with 4 different people, then slimming world 3 times with 2 different people. ive joined the gym 3 times, 3 different gyms. 2's i was with my husband and i joined because he said he would go with me to motivate me and then he stopped going so he's the reason i stopped with that.

but once my weight started to drop off he's become very supportive. ive lost 22lb so far in about 3 months, still have a long way to go and i go a little off the wagon now and again but he is so much more helpful now. and its not costing me any more money like the other diets were.

keep at it, your success will get through to him.

Maybe get marriage counseling? Or divorce? Sounds like you are pretty unhappy and unable to talk to your husband. Best of luck OP and hope you find a solution that best makes you happy :flowerforyou:

I'm sorry he's being a jerk. Even if you've tried to lose weight before, that doesn't give him the right to be an *kitten* about it this time. It costs him nothing to be supportive. In fact, as your spouse, it's kind of his job description.

Losing weight is mostly diet. Yes, exercise is good for you and will help you become healthier overall, but 80% of the game is watching what you eat. As long as you're doing that honestly and faithfully (watching your portion sizes, weighing your food, logging it on MFP) then you should lose weight. Adding exercise will help, but you can start small with just walking. But getting your eating under control is an important first step.

Good luck. Hopefully he'll come around.

Random, but my dog looks exactly like yours!!!! What breed is he/she?

I did what you did and started my weight loss programme without telling anyone, because I tried and failed so often in the past.
And I'm starting again.

One quote that means a lot to me right now. 'The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time' Thomas A Edison.

Try not to worry about your spouses reaction. He's been there when you have been through this process before, and he probably just wants you to have a healthy relationship with food, he just does not know how to communicate well!

Best of luck with your weight loss.

Betty...

First of all....Keep up the good work..

But for me it helps to get some exercise into your weekly routine..you might be surprised, I know I was on how many calories can come off.

And as well as making you feel more positive mentally...because you have gone and done it..

I found going for a swim yesterday when I was feeling hungry and could have easily snacked..got my mind off the food as I was absorbed with different things..so calories saved on two accounts..

The one person that matters.... is you. Let his naysaying be your motivation. Prove him wrong.

The one person that matters.... is you. Let his naysaying be your motivation. Prove him wrong.

You must be my twin. My husband is not so optimistic about it. i told him to do me a favour on someting and he says he will when i weigh 80 kilos. ( CW-91kgs, SW -100kg or 220ib)Now he's seeing the difference and he can tell am just not ready to give up cos is a lifestyle change for me. He even once said starting is easy but as to whether you will follow through is a different issue. I guess his naysaying is my motivation. OP prove him wrong by all means. Good luck

Topic: Unsupported by the one person that matters.

HI BETTY,

IM SAVING THIS TO RE READ LATER , I LOVE THE SUPPORT YOU HAVE RECEIVED HERE FROM YOUR MFP FAMILY OF FRIENDS.

IM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING," AGAIN",

I HAVE DESIDED THAT THIS IS "MY" TRINITY OF LIFE JOURNEY OF MIND, BODY AND SOUL. THIS IS ABOUT "ME" THIS IS FOR "ME". i CAN DO THIS AND SO CAN YOU.

Hi Betty - that struck a chord with me. I just joined myfitnesspal today after years of yoyo diets. My partner is naturally slim (grrrrr) although he does exercise frequently. He doesn't get how hard it can be for other people to lose weight when it's so easy for him. Hang in there - I know my other half doesn't mean anything when he bangs on about exercise all the time - even though I want to hit him with something blunt and heavy. Keep on keeping on and you will get there in your own time. Easy for someone else to criticise - however well meaning - but you know what they say about walking a mile (no pun intended) in my shoes.:laugh:

Hi Betty,

Firstly I'd like to thank you for writing this post as it's given me the chance to moan too and get things off my chest!! I really feel for you and know just how you feel! I started MFP last September as I'd managed to lose a bit of weight for our wedding in Feb last year but I still really wanted to lose more to reach my goal of 10 stone.

When I first started logging foods and exercising (I workout to dvd's/hulahoop/cycle machine etc in our basement) my hubby was constantly interrogating me as to why was I bothering, why did I want to lose weight when HE was happy with my size and loved me how I was?! I wasn't huge but still bigger than I was when we met - I just wanted to lose a few dress sizes. Like you, I had tried dieting before and had always failed and ended up putting on more weight each time.

Since then, he has acknowledged that I want to work out but it is still difficult for him to understand why I'm trying to do it and why I need to log my food etc. Ok he's not deliberately being nasty about it (except for the occasional comment which is normal for him - he often doesn't think before he speaks!!) For example, this last week, he must have asked me if I want to go out for dinner or get a takeaway at least 3 times! Every time I have to remind him that I'm trying to eat healthily and that offering me bad food really doesn't help! He is a fussy eater and I have a slight gluten and dairy intolerance so cooking meals we can both eat is quite difficult. On Thursday night, I needed to have a lower calorie healthy dinner, so I made myself a mackerel fillet, new potatoes and salad - none of which he'll eat - but offered to cook him whatever he wanted to keep it fair. What does he do? Order in a huge Domino's pizza and sits and eats it in front of me! Ooh I was pissed off!!!!

He is currently overweight and really needs to get healthy - we both do - we plan on trying for a family in a few months which is why it's so important to me to lose a bit more weight and get healthy - it's so frustrating that he just doesn't seem to care, even though he wants kids more than me! This morning is another example - he announces that he plans on taking me out for Sunday lunch (even though he knows I'm not really a fan of roast dinners!) and again I have to try and explain that taking me out for food makes it easier for me to make bad decisions, and harder for me to log correct food weights etc as well as trying to avoid gluten and dairy!!! It's like talking to a brick wall!!!

I have learned that the best way to motivate myself is to do this for me - no matter what anyone else says - no matter how much hubby rolls his eyes, makes snide comments or moans because I'm going to bed late due to a workout session. I'm doing this for me and nothing's gonna stand in my way. Utilise his unsupportive words and actions not to upset you, but to motivate you into proving him wrong. There may be some worry there on his part that if you lose weight, get fit and healthy, you might start looking elsewhere - I think this may have been part of the initial concerns with my hubby. Also, remember that men are a totally different species! They think differently to us and have totally different logic! A woman who is 20lbs overweight will look in the mirror and probably feel some sort of resentment/hatred towards herself - a bloke who's 20lbs overweight will look in the mirror and still be like 'hell yeah, looking good!' It's just a different mentality! lol! ;-)

You have to stay strong, and don't be afraid to come to the community here when you need support - we're all in this together and understand how hard it is! I think you're doing the right thing by starting to manage your food intake first before starting to exercise, small steps are the best way. Just take is slowly - this needs to be a lifestyle change, not just another diet. Try and have a sit down session maybe with your husband (trust me, I know how difficult that can be!) and talk about your reasons for doing MFP, your plan going forwards, and maybe even suggest he does it with you, maybe just to get healthier if not to lose weight. I plan on trying to get my hubby onto MFP soon so that it may change his mentality of "it's ok that I just ate that 386 calorie double choc chip cookie because I've walked the dog today". Yeah honey, but your 30min 3mph dog walk only burned about 130 cals so you do the Math!!

Keep it up - you're doing great!!!!

Becca(Nearly)SkinnyMoo
xxx

My ex used to drag home all sorts of unhealthy food and he never exercised. His body type is slim, but he wouldn't be able to run very far without being completely breathless nor lift heavy weights. Even though I knew these things I still compared myself on some level to his slim contours. I also ate what he ate and on some level was angry at him for bringing that food into the house.

I'm still torn about responsibility; on one hand we are adults and make our own decisions, on the other a loved one could really try to help their family member by not having junk food in the pantry. In the end, he wasn't shoving down the food down my throat, but I ate it voluntarily, and just because he didn't want to take a walk with me, doesn't make it his fault that I was unsuccessful at my lifestyle change.

Others have said it before me, but it is worth repeating. Be the change you need, commit for your own sake, surround yourself with people who give you the support you need (if not in your physical world then online). Take the responsibility, don't blame others for lack of healthy actions in you or them, don't make excuses, look inward and into a mirror. Create health to see health.

Big Hugs!
First, I know it imust be hard to not have a supportive spouse who makes awful comments about your weight and food choices. Though I am sure you know that you are the only one that matters, you want to feel support, love and motivation from the one person that you love and who is suppose to love you the most. I get it. But here is what I have learned. Changing your body and your mindset towards a healthy lifestyle is highly personal. You have to tune out everything and everyone else and focus only on yourself. I don't worry about hurting people's feelings, it is all about me. When we have cake in the office for birthdays, I say no thank you. When I was brought a cake, I let everyone enjoy, and I took the rest to my niece and nephew to enjoy. When your husband brought home the fast food, you did the right thing. His reaction was uncalled for, but he may have been hurt because you pointed out that his food choices were unhealthy. Maybe that is why he attacked your food choice. Either way, you have got to build thick skin and YOU control what you eat. My hubby, God Bless him, didn't get it at first either. He knew that I loved Italian food, and picked a restaurant that was off the charts with calories and fat to take me to on one of our date nights. I went, and instead of my usual lasagna, I got a salad with chicken and dressing on the side, one roll with butter, water with lemon and no dessert. I am determined that regardless of what life throws my way, my focus is on making the best choices for me, and as you go along your journey, you will too! Best of Luck!

Prove him wrong...give him something more to drool over...make that your motivation! It may not be the most popular way to handle it, but I bet it will help. :-)

The one person that matters.... is you. Let his naysaying be your motivation. Prove him wrong.

Word. ^ this post all the way.

The one person that matters.... is you. Let his naysaying be your motivation. Prove him wrong.

QFT!!!