Women, would you take this offensively?
Replies
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I probably wouldn't even register the tone... at least not for a while. Though when I went to the weight room last week there were a couple a people there that were looking at me and snickering (at least that's how it looked to me)... but you know what, I'm not there for them... I'm there for me... so I plug in my earphones and do what I can do.0
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In all honesty he didn't handle it well BUT you clearly admit you were struggling.
Don't take offence if someone is offering to help you with something you're struggling with. Alternatively if you did think you could cope tell him so and show that you're strong.
I've had one man who tried to 'help' me in the weights area and I laughed it off and said "no thanks if I needed help it'd be from someone stronger than me" and smiled and it was a joke thing where he realised he'd offended me and it never happened again
Edited for spelling.0 -
not EVERYTHING is about men vs. women. I work out and i do the weights. as a matter of fact, when i asked the female instructor to show me how to use the free weights she kept trying to convince me that "it's too much for you". i finally just did it on my own. I take off plates when I can, and if i know that I can't, i ask for help - there is no shame in that. I can't lift the 40 kg plates because I am not strong enough yet - NOT because I am a weak woman. trust me - there are plenty of males in the world who can't lift 4 kilo, let alone FORTY.
PEOPLE (not specifically men or women) in the weight rooms will leave you alone for the most part. if you ask for help they will usually help. if you ask for help on a specific move or they will show you how it's done.
You just reminded me. There was this mid 30 year old woman who went up to me last time I went to the weight room and said, "I think I should help you." While I was lifting heavy with squats doing my own thing and I felt like I was doing it correctly, actually I WAS doing it correctly. And then I responded to her by saying, "Why?" She said "because I think you need help." She was a thin I guess pretty fit girl but too skinny in my opinion. The way she talked to me sounded as if she knew what she was talking about and as if she was better than me. I was pretty annoyed and pissed actually when she told me that because I knew what I was doing and I don't really like it when other people try to act like they are better than me. She ended up helping me out and I wasted 30 min of my life learning this weird exercises that she taught me without even making me sweat. I was soo pissed.
You need a backbone. :flowerforyou:0 -
not EVERYTHING is about men vs. women.
This. I don't see why I am asked by the OP this question (as a woman) any more than the guys around here are.
I am often blunt and offend people (male and female) and have to think twice before saying things because I just perceive my wording differently.
As for the topic: Just get over with it and forget it. I would be taken aback too, but there was nothing inherently evil about his behaviour. Sure if he does it again, you can say something but other than that- just keep going! 0 -
I probably would have taken offense. Maybe if he suggested a different weight for you to start off with would of been a nicer way for him to help with the situation. I do have the same problem about the weight room especially if I'm by myself, sometimes exercising with a partner helps me not to be so self conscious.0
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I think it was nice of him to help, but his comments qualified him as a jerk. Why can't men show women the respect they deserve?
Is this why you created a thread wanting to see all the girls in their bikinis?0 -
not EVERYTHING is about men vs. women. I work out and i do the weights. as a matter of fact, when i asked the female instructor to show me how to use the free weights she kept trying to convince me that "it's too much for you". i finally just did it on my own. I take off plates when I can, and if i know that I can't, i ask for help - there is no shame in that. I can't lift the 40 kg plates because I am not strong enough yet - NOT because I am a weak woman. trust me - there are plenty of males in the world who can't lift 4 kilo, let alone FORTY.
PEOPLE (not specifically men or women) in the weight rooms will leave you alone for the most part. if you ask for help they will usually help. if you ask for help on a specific move or they will show you how it's done.
You just reminded me. There was this mid 30 year old woman who went up to me last time I went to the weight room and said, "I think I should help you." While I was lifting heavy with squats doing my own thing and I felt like I was doing it correctly, actually I WAS doing it correctly. And then I responded to her by saying, "Why?" She said "because I think you need help." She was a thin I guess pretty fit girl but too skinny in my opinion. The way she talked to me sounded as if she knew what she was talking about and as if she was better than me. I was pretty annoyed and pissed actually when she told me that because I knew what I was doing and I don't really like it when other people try to act like they are better than me. She ended up helping me out and I wasted 30 min of my life learning this weird exercises that she taught me without even making me sweat. I was soo pissed.
Repeat after me: "No thank you."0 -
I've helped a small woman get loaded 45's off a squat bar before. She also needed help resetting the bar to proper height.
I asked politely, and yes if that's verbatim on what was said than that was impolite.0 -
I do all my heavy weight lifting with my 200+lb dumbbell set at home
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However, had I been in that situation, I probably would have just said "Thank you" and let him do it.0 -
It would have been nice if he'd asked if you wanted help. The way he said it makes it seem like he simply couldn't stand your female incompetence anymore. I woulda been really annoyed had he said it so rudely.
Edit: Typo0 -
I rarely go to the weight room, because no matter what I do, or don't do, some woman is going to be offended, if I help, don't help, say something, don't say something, look, or don't look.
So, now I just walk up to the weight room, and if a woman is there, I run away crying, just to be sure. Same goes if someone comes in.0 -
I rarely go to the weight room, because no matter what I do, or don't do, some woman is going to be offended, if I help, don't help, say something, don't say something, look, or don't look.
So, now I just walk up to the weight room, and if a woman is there, I run away crying, just to be sure. Same goes if someone comes in.
I'm offended, you didn't mention "good games"0 -
I'm not afraid to use the weight room. Never have been. If you don't know how to do something... or are struggling with something... why not ask for help? I know I've asked a question nearly every time I've gone, because I'm just curious and want to learn more. I've always found guys to be nice enough to help, if they think you are open to the offer. Should he have just sat there and let you struggle even longer with it?? I mean, he let you try, gave you the benefit of the doubt... and you weren't doing too well... so he offered to help. Not seeing the big deal, here...
To answer your question, no, I would not be offended, I would have felt relieved and said thank you. Now you can get on with your workout and not spend another 20 minutes struggling to deload a weight you were never even using.
I think people have the misconception that it's everyone for themselves when they enter the gym. Some people are jerks, yes... but most are not. If you need help, ask... most will be happy to lend a hand because they've all been where you are, and guess what? They had to learn from someone too.0 -
if i saw you struggling and it got to the point where i was going to give you a hand id probably be thinking it might be embarrassing for you. so id probably try to think of some joke to smooth it over. maybe thats what he was trying to do and it just came out wrong.
dont let that experience stop you from continuing.0 -
If someone saw me struggling and offered to help, I would not be offended. And even if they were dismissive in offering their help, I wouldn't let that put me off using the equipment I needed to use. It was one time, one day -- let's not let it influence other days, other workouts.I just felt embarassed.... I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to the weight room anymore, I think I'm just going to use free weights and the lighter dumbells in the stretching area instead! I feel like he underestimated my strength as if I am a weak small girl. I am a strong women not weak... Would you women feel offended? And men, do you find this rude?0 -
not EVERYTHING is about men vs. women. I work out and i do the weights. as a matter of fact, when i asked the female instructor to show me how to use the free weights she kept trying to convince me that "it's too much for you". i finally just did it on my own. I take off plates when I can, and if i know that I can't, i ask for help - there is no shame in that. I can't lift the 40 kg plates because I am not strong enough yet - NOT because I am a weak woman. trust me - there are plenty of males in the world who can't lift 4 kilo, let alone FORTY.
PEOPLE (not specifically men or women) in the weight rooms will leave you alone for the most part. if you ask for help they will usually help. if you ask for help on a specific move or they will show you how it's done.
You just reminded me. There was this mid 30 year old woman who went up to me last time I went to the weight room and said, "I think I should help you." While I was lifting heavy with squats doing my own thing and I felt like I was doing it correctly, actually I WAS doing it correctly. And then I responded to her by saying, "Why?" She said "because I think you need help." She was a thin I guess pretty fit girl but too skinny in my opinion. The way she talked to me sounded as if she knew what she was talking about and as if she was better than me. I was pretty annoyed and pissed actually when she told me that because I knew what I was doing and I don't really like it when other people try to act like they are better than me. She ended up helping me out and I wasted 30 min of my life learning this weird exercises that she taught me without even making me sweat. I was soo pissed.
Repeat after me: "No thank you."
Ear buds fix this entire situation0 -
I think he was just trying to be helpful because he saw that you were struggling. Maybe he could have worded it differently though.
You shouldn't be self-conscious in the weight room. Most of the men don't even care that you're there, and they'll pretty much just leave you alone.
this.
men tend to be more blunt and literal than women. Take it totally at face value, he saw you struggling, wanted to help you out, stated exactly what he thought instead of saying it a bit more delicately.... that's all there is to it.
DEFINITELY go back to the weight room!!
I agree! And now that you have all that practice getting the plates off, you definitely need to keep at it :happy:
Seriously though, it took me a while to feel comfortable over there. So I understand.0 -
I think he was just trying to help. He'd do the same for a man who was struggling I'm sure.
You are at the gym to get fit. Don't worry what people are thinking or if they are looking at you! Focus on yourself.
Why don't you ask a gym staff person/trainer to help you learn how to use the equipment correctly? Most gyms have at least 1 free session with a trainer to help you learn and get settled. Then you can do in there and use the stuff without feeling awkward.0 -
I, for one, have no idea what about this would have been offensive at all. I've been in and out of weight rooms for most of my adult life, and the first thing you learn is to focus on yourself. You're not there for the dudes in the gym, the other ladies or anyone else. You're there for you.
If he saw you were struggling and offered to help (regardless of his actual tone) you had a couple of options:
1. Let him help.
2. Tell him you don't need the help.
You being offended only hurts you. Being self conscious and considering not going back doesn't mean a damn thing to that guy, but in the long run it hurst you.
So go back, push whatever that guy said out of your head, and lift those weights, girl! JUST DO IT.
Btw, I was in the gym on Saturday and helped an older man move 4 45 lbs weights off the leg press. I wonder if he felt emasculated...oh wait, he needed help and so he graciously accepted. Perhaps the guy in the gym was being sincerely helpful and you were filtering this through man vs. woman and your discomfort in the weight room? Food for though.0 -
Don't let what other people say or do create road blocks to you reaching your goals. The fact of the matter is you were having trouble and if you want to be able to go in there and not have trouble you are going to have to keep training. As a man he probably doesn't understand the inner strength that it takes for a woman to be able to walk into a weight room. He doesn't understand how intimidating it was to begin with and probably thought that on some level he was being charming. Just let it roll off as one of the stupid things that people say and focus on what's good for you. Good luck.0
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On the bright side he did help you. He probably just didn't know how to approach you, so he figured he just use the comical type approach. I would not stop going to the weight room. If anything, if you need help removing weight from a machine, simply ask one of the gentlemen around. I am pretty sure no one will deny your request.0
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Okay so I RARELY go to the weight room when I'm at the gym. I've only been there probably 3-4 times in my life. You know why? Probably all of the reasons why all you women are afraid of also, getting stared at by men and not being able to know how to use the equipment correctly. Well anyways I was trying to lift heavy to do some squats. I noticed that someone left 45 lb weights on the dumbell so I tried to remove it. I was struggling for some reason and it was taking me a while to remove it. I was getting really self-concious because I felt like men were staring at me as if I was in idiot. And guess what?! I was right, this man in his 40's went up to me and said, "I just saw you trying to take those weights off and I can't take this anymore, I should help you remove those weights because it's going to take you half an hour to take that off." I just felt embarassed.... I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to the weight room anymore, I think I'm just going to use free weights and the lighter dumbells in the stretching area instead! I feel like he underestimated my strength as if I am a weak small girl. I am a strong women not weak... Would you women feel offended? And men, do you find this rude?
Smack him in the pp next time so he remembers to have better social skills. And yes go back to the weight room.0 -
not EVERYTHING is about men vs. women. I work out and i do the weights. as a matter of fact, when i asked the female instructor to show me how to use the free weights she kept trying to convince me that "it's too much for you". i finally just did it on my own. I take off plates when I can, and if i know that I can't, i ask for help - there is no shame in that. I can't lift the 40 kg plates because I am not strong enough yet - NOT because I am a weak woman. trust me - there are plenty of males in the world who can't lift 4 kilo, let alone FORTY.
PEOPLE (not specifically men or women) in the weight rooms will leave you alone for the most part. if you ask for help they will usually help. if you ask for help on a specific move or they will show you how it's done.
You just reminded me. There was this mid 30 year old woman who went up to me last time I went to the weight room and said, "I think I should help you." While I was lifting heavy with squats doing my own thing and I felt like I was doing it correctly, actually I WAS doing it correctly. And then I responded to her by saying, "Why?" She said "because I think you need help." She was a thin I guess pretty fit girl but too skinny in my opinion. The way she talked to me sounded as if she knew what she was talking about and as if she was better than me. I was pretty annoyed and pissed actually when she told me that because I knew what I was doing and I don't really like it when other people try to act like they are better than me. She ended up helping me out and I wasted 30 min of my life learning this weird exercises that she taught me without even making me sweat. I was soo pissed.
Repeat after me: "No thank you."
Ear buds fix this entire situation
I totally agree with the ear buds. There was this nasty 60 something year old man who ALWAYS bothers me at the gym calling me beautiful and wanting to take me out so now I put on my ear buds with my the volume on really loud so he won't bother me. I try to avoid eye contact also. It's sooo annoying!0 -
I just want to know why the first inclination when a man tries to help a woman is ALWAYS that he's being condescending or rude or patronizing? Maybe, just maybe, he actually thought you needed help, and he was being nice. And helpful.
I am much stronger than the average woman. Hell, pound for pound, I'm stronger than most grown men I know. And I still love when men offer to help me with things. But then I don't wake up every morning looking for something to be offended by.0 -
Hi there,
I probably would have been embarrassed as well. I have to say, it almost sounds like he was treating you like a "damsel in distress", which, of course, you weren't. I honestly don't think he was trying to demean you, he was trying to be helpful. But, it's all in the way we perceive the "help". I can be fiercely independent and take the "help" as embarrassing.
I have avoided the free weight room at the gym for this very reason. It seems to be filled with men who seem to know what they are doing and grunting all the while. It is pretty intimidating.
But, I also tend to shy away from new experiences. I think if you feel like you really want to do the free weights, go back in there! Try it again. Keep us posted as to how it goes if you do. 0 -
You have no reason to be embarassed!! This is why people are supposed to re-rack their weights. This was a HUGE pet peeve of mine when I worked at a gym. It's rude and lazy! It was probably the guy who made you feel embarassed who did it to begin with! Do
Don't let it get in the way of your fitness goals. Keep going to the weight room and before you know it you will be able to move the 45 lb weights off.0 -
It was nice of him to help you but his social skills are lacking, to say the least.
This....0 -
I would've asked someone to help me to begin with - so I guess this wouldn't happen...
You don't have women only gyms in your area?0 -
so long as he didn't use or imply "little lady" anywhere in the statement of "I'm going to help you because it looks like you're struggling"I don't se any reason to get offended.
I'm 5'1 - when some idiot has left his 40 kg weights on the squat rack, and put that thing way above my reach, I won't even try to fix it, I'll ask for help. Firstly, because it is basic gym etiquette to clean up after oneself and re-rack the weights properly. Secondly, because if I drop one of those things on my toe, I risk serious injury. And thirdly, that's what the gym staff is for: to help.
What you should have done is get loudly offended at whichever *insertswearwordhere* didn't clean up after himself.
This ^^^
I am 5'2" tall, and there have been a few times when some genius left the bar above my reach in the squat rack. I could have stood on the bench to get it down, but it was quicker and safer to ask someone to get it for me.
Get back in that weight room and get comfortable. Eventually the guys will be smiling and nodding at you.0 -
No I wouldn't take it offensively.. well depending on the tone. By the way I read it, he was just helping you out.0
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