Husband calling me fat?

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  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
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    I don't understand how this story makes someone a troll? It sounds like they have a lot going on. Someone wanting a divorce and changing their mind and insulting their spouse is not out of the ordinary in our screwed up world. IMO you should make up his mind for him. Sounds like he is unhappy and is staying but in the mean time whats to make you as miserable as he is. I hope you can see through it and look into yourself and do what is best for you and your kids. Good luck.
  • MzPix
    MzPix Posts: 177 Member
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    If someone I am in a relationship with were to insult me, I would call them out on that behavior and let them know it is not acceptable to call me names. If they continued to do so, I would consider how to avoid that situation arising again, such as removing that person from my home or daily life.
    You are an adult and responsible for your relationships. If you feel that people are mistreating you, you need to be reactive in an assertive manner and proactive in preventing that from happening again. You can’t change other people or how they behave. You can only remain responsible for how you react to their behavior.
  • BajaDreamin333
    BajaDreamin333 Posts: 267 Member
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    Rule # One: Boys are dumb.

    He's being mean and thoughtless and hurtful. Men don't get that we girls are super-sensitive about our looks and his comments are really total BS. But he is yours, and unless you want divorce court, he will continue to be. Maybe you can sit down and talk to him, tell him you know your weight is an issue and you're working on it. Explain that his support is critical, and be honest when you tell him his dumb comments HURT. Sometimes they don't even realize what they say is really almost killing us. If he really isnt' going to be "nice' and love you no matter what, there is nothing to do but prepare for a life with support from outside sources. When the going gets really tough, how will his behavior affect you? Life is long, life is hard. This could be a good chance to open communication about what is really important and expected. Love is supposed to be unconditional. Not "I'll love you forever...unless you get fat". Again, he may not even realize what he said, or the maginitude of his words. Give him a chance to understand. And try not to let his hateful comments break you. We all change as we age, you just need to figure out how to deal with the new physical you, and get to a place physcially where you're healhty and happy. That might not be the "old you". But the "new you" will be even better because of the experience.
  • polo571
    polo571 Posts: 708 Member
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    Divorce him and log the weight lost on your ticker =)
  • caramelgyrlk
    caramelgyrlk Posts: 1,112 Member
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    I'd tell you to find a new husband but that's not the most practical solution. If he appreciated you for you, he wouldn't view you differently because your appearance changed. As a guy who prefers tiny women, I can say that tastes are hard to change. However, my feelings didn't change a bit when my girlfriend gained 30 pounds. In fact, she was just as appealing to me. We worked together as a couple to get her back in shape and yes, she ended up in better shape than before she gained in the first place. I'm not taking credit for it, but I'm sure it wouldn't have been as easy for her if I had make her conscious of it. Just surround yourself with the right people

    Your approach is the way it should be. You provided a solution to the issue.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    I would write "Fat" on the door and walk out of it....let him think on that for a while..In permanent marker..let him figure how to scrub it off and explain to everyone why its on there. I wouldn't make a fuss probably just go get my nails done or something or go for a walk while he thinks.....If he cared enough to do so.
  • naturallyme36
    naturallyme36 Posts: 155 Member
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    I'd tell you to find a new husband but that's not the most practical solution. If he appreciated you for you, he wouldn't view you differently because your appearance changed. As a guy who prefers tiny women, I can say that tastes are hard to change. However, my feelings didn't change a bit when my girlfriend gained 30 pounds. In fact, she was just as appealing to me. We worked together as a couple to get her back in shape and yes, she ended up in better shape than before she gained in the first place. I'm not taking credit for it, but I'm sure it wouldn't have been as easy for her if I had make her conscious of it. Just surround yourself with the right people

    ^^^^^^^^^^^This is awesome!^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Spoken like a real genuine MAN!!
  • boredlimodriver
    boredlimodriver Posts: 264 Member
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    Did he really call you "fat" or just make comments about you putting on some weight.

    Not saying it's right either way, especially with a medical problem.

    Just saying there are right and wrong ways to tell your spouse things.
  • TechOutside
    TechOutside Posts: 101 Member
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    I would NEVER, and I mean never, tell my wife that she was fat, or ugly, or anything like that. It is an open wound for all men for some dumbass to say crap like that to their spouse, and it comes from both sexes.

    I have a sister in law that talks to her husband like a child, calls him names, and he just sits there like a fool. I told my wife that I would leave in a heartbeat if she ever began talking to me like that and she would do the same. I have a daughter and would be as hard on her if she were in this situation.

    You need to lay the rules down, be strong and fight for what you deserve or leave and start a new life with someone who is willing to show you some respect. If you can't find the will, or the gumption to stand up for yourself, you are in for a horrendous life of self loathing and pity. Stand up for yourself and demand some respect, a true man would fight to ensure your self worth remained in tact.
  • guif
    guif Posts: 23 Member
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    Ok, I'm not always the nicest person, nor am I someone who goes looking for a reason to be a witch. But in your case I will share my witchy side with you.. Next time you see him naked, look over make a contemplative face staring at his genitals.. then say "hu, your prick is shrinking, I heard that can happen when men get older." walk out of the room with a perfectly straight face and go about your daily business, he will be in there trying to figure it out and term self conscious will have a whole new meaning for him.. When he pushes the subject just tell him it was just an observation from when ya'll got married to now.. sit back and watch him twitch, ..

    Cheers,
    :drinker:
  • MrsGriffin67
    MrsGriffin67 Posts: 485 Member
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    I'd tell you to find a new husband but that's not the most practical solution. If he appreciated you for you, he wouldn't view you differently because your appearance changed. As a guy who prefers tiny women, I can say that tastes are hard to change. However, my feelings didn't change a bit when my girlfriend gained 30 pounds. In fact, she was just as appealing to me. We worked together as a couple to get her back in shape and yes, she ended up in better shape than before she gained in the first place. I'm not taking credit for it, but I'm sure it wouldn't have been as easy for her if I had make her conscious of it. Just surround yourself with the right people

    ^^^^^^^^^^^This is awesome!^^^^^^^^^^^^

    This is truth! My husband tells me I still look the same to him as the day we met...12 yrs ago. I know that my weight has probably made me 'less' desirable to him but he knows that I am working hard to look and feel better than the day we met. I wish you all the luck in the world. :flowerforyou:
  • TechOutside
    TechOutside Posts: 101 Member
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    What is funny to me is that 30 years from now you'll both be as far from perfect as you'll have ever been, if you aren't working it through now, just think of the fun you'll have then.....
  • GuybrushThreepw00d
    GuybrushThreepw00d Posts: 784 Member
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    yeah, ditch that zero and get yo' self a hero.
  • mommy3457
    mommy3457 Posts: 361 Member
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    I wish I could give you a hug. I'm sorry he is saying that to you and for the other wives who their husbands are saying these types of things to them too. My husband thinks I'm beautiful no matter what weight I am. Even when I was pregnant and at my highest weight, he was still crazy about me. I've never been skinny, but our bodies change over time. We live in a selfish and superficial society, and people buy into these lies.
  • organic0gf
    organic0gf Posts: 87 Member
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    Physical attraction should come secondary to "love". I have no patience for people who try to bring others down by verbal/emotional abuse. *I* would kick him to the curb. He's probably worried he will lose you if you get back to being "skinny".
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
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    well I would prolly tell him that he's just upset because his junk is too small...but that's me.

    No, he shouldn't be hurtful, yes, he should be supportive. And prolly get off his own fat *kitten* and exercise with you.

    what a jerk.
  • BattleTaxi
    BattleTaxi Posts: 752 Member
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    Divorce him and log the weight lost on your ticker =)

    This!

    To be honest, if my "other half" isn't on board or supportive, bye bye! Left my ex over similar reason. I ain't got time for that!

    g695195617.gif
  • bdeezy3396
    bdeezy3396 Posts: 89 Member
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    If he doesn't want you at your worst then he doesn't deserve you when you're at your best !!!!!
  • julien999
    julien999 Posts: 41 Member
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    I'm sorry you are going through this, no one who is trying to better themselves should have to listen to other people belittle them. What he is doing is technically considered emotional abuse,he knows he's hurting you and continues to do it. Its no less degrading than if he as actually physically assaulting you.
    I think the man has a serious mental problem if he thinks it is ok for a grownup to treat the woman he is supposed to love like this.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    Does your husband suffer from PTSD? It's extremely common in the service. You are not the cause of his emotional burden, in any event, and you have troubles of your own with responsibilities at home and a health crisis of your own. You, and he, probably shouldn't be trying to tackle your problems alone. You don't have to give up. I would definitely try to get both of you into counseling, because guess what - your husband is part of your children's lives for the rest of their lives. I know what happens when someone brings PTSD home. The whole family gets it.

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