Losing friends (real life not mfp)?

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Courtney011691
Courtney011691 Posts: 55
in Motivation and Support
So one of my friends came to visit this weekend. I didn't know beforehand but his entire plan was to spend the weekend getting drunk. I had no intention of getting drunk and told him so. We basically spent the entire weekend arguing about what I ate (or didn't eat). For instance, I don't normally eat deep fried foods. Aside from the ridiculous amount of calories in them I always feel sick to my stomach afterwards so I generally avoid them. I ate half an elephant ear at the fair/carnival we went too. At that point I was starting to feel a bit sick and decided to stop. He kept pushing me to eat it and wouldn't give up. What did I do? I threw the rest in the trash. I'm not about to be pressured into eating something that makes me sick. Needless to say he was a bit annoyed.

Next, we went to the beer tent. A few beers plus watching the demolition derby sounded great. I had four 16 oz beers. Seeing how I've hardly drank in months I was really feeling it. I told him I was done and he went and bought me another one. I refused it and it sat on the table in front of us. When we left I gave it to the guy sitting on my other side. At this point I'd say he was somewhere between highly annoyed and p*ssed.

After that I wanted to go on the rides. The swings are easily my favorite. Unfortunately, he is really overweight and too big to fit on them. He pretty much told me how lame the swings ride was and that it was a waste of my tickets and only kids go on it. I went on it anyways. I did skip out on other rides because he couldn't go on them but I really love the swings. It was the one ride I refused to give up.

By the time we finally got home it was close to midnight. I was tired by then so I told him I was going to bed. My long run was the next day (half marathon training) so I needed sleep. He seemed to get really mad then. He had brought two cases of beer with him and I refused it all that night. We spent a good 15 minutes arguing about me wanting to run tomorrow and not staying up to get drunk. In the end I just went to bed.

Now, after a weekend of constantly being put down I feel like I really don't want to talk to him or see him anymore. I don't feel like he was really a friend. Is this crazy or am I overreacting? Is anyone else losing friends because you're getting healthier?
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Replies

  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
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    You are not losing a friend. You are outgrowing a selfish, immature doofus. Lose his phone number, email, etc.
  • pamperedlinny
    pamperedlinny Posts: 1,574 Member
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    I have lost a lot of friends in the past year or two. Some were because of my new lifestyle, some because we out grew each other and other I really have no idea... There is an entire group that just cut me out. And that's fine. If they don't want me in thier lives that is thier perogative.

    You can find more friends. It's not easy (I have learned that too) but if they don't want to be around you and don't like you for who you are then they aren't a real friend anyway.
  • TribeHokie
    TribeHokie Posts: 711 Member
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    It sounds like you were trying to accommodate him but he wasn't interested in compromise. Sometimes people change, and in this case that would be you. Not that it is a bad thing, just a fact of life. If you two have nothing in common now that you don't like the same indulgences he does, and if you both can't accept each other the way you are, perhaps you should take a break from each other.
  • Bunny1177
    Bunny1177 Posts: 32 Member
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    He clearly had plans to pig out and drink, and since you were not his partner-in-crime, he didn't like it. Selfish of him, yes.

    Maybe next time you go out with a friend who doesn't know about your new life style, tell them about it first, and tell them that you have no intentions to pig out. Of course, you could get friends for healthy life. I would love to have a group of my own to meet with, talk about nutrition, go out to eat well and healthy, take power walks together and such.
  • micheleb15
    micheleb15 Posts: 1,418 Member
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    Unfortunately, this is a part of life. You are still young, but you will find that you will no longer have things in common with people, people will move away and you'll lose touch plus some need to be cut out because they are toxic and don't benefit your life at all. It happens. Keep around the ones that matter and move on with your life.
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    You are not losing a friend. You are outgrowing a selfish, immature doofus. Lose his phone number, email, etc.

    I second this.

    Live well and press on! You're doing great!
  • mspoopoo
    mspoopoo Posts: 500 Member
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    I don't think he is much of a friend anymore. I would lose his number.

    I think you could have picked a stranger off the street and had a better time at the fair than with him.

    You've changed. He is still wanting a drinking and binge buddy. You've moved on to health which is a good thing.
  • Courtney011691
    Courtney011691 Posts: 55
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    Thanks everyone! I'm feeling a lot better about leaving him behind now. I'm not allowing "friends" to drag me down anymore!
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    I don't think hes a bad person your just at different stages in your lives..you enjoyed the beer with him and at some point in life enjoyed the same things as he did at one point...now its time to just move on and close the chapter before it ends badly.
  • Coyoteldy
    Coyoteldy Posts: 219 Member
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    change is often threatening to those we care about or who care for us, especially when it appears that we are leaving them behind. I have to admit I am impressed with your determination to maintain your healthy eating and exercise ( ok four beers is a lot LOL)...
    You may have to let this friendship go in order to continue to grow on your own terms. It is painful but sometimes the best thing we can do is "change playmates" that better suit our lives or that enhance our lives. Friends sometimes change with us.. and other times they too need to move on because what we are doing does not work for them. It is a two way street. My advice is to wish him well and hope he finds what he needs, while you determine your path to healthy as well. Keep strong and determined...and do damn well on the half marathon!!! ( I am a runner too)
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
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    You are not losing a friend. You are outgrowing a selfish, immature doofus. Lose his phone number, email, etc.

    Bahahaha, this!

    He sounds like a retard. Surround yourself with friends who respect your decisions and lifestyle changes, and who don't try to impose their own destructive habits on you.
  • c50blvdbabe
    c50blvdbabe Posts: 213 Member
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    You are not losing a friend. You are outgrowing a selfish, immature doofus. Lose his phone number, email, etc.

    This. And only this.
  • PhoenixStrikes
    PhoenixStrikes Posts: 587 Member
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    Kinda off topic but did you say you ate an elephant ear? And then threw it away? Like really?
  • spoiledpuppies
    spoiledpuppies Posts: 675 Member
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    I don't think it's fair to say that you're leaving him behind. That makes it sound like you're better than him somehow. The two of you are just going different places for now. I'd just leave it at that. If he's a good friend, your paths may cross again, and it will be better to have not burned any bridges.

    My husband's social circle changed a lot due to giving up booze. Some of his friends had kids too, which can change a lot of friendships. But he thinks that he made them uncomfortable--at least for awhile--since they were people who probably should have been at least cutting back too. Now, he and his close friend of many years (who was probably the biggest drinker) have re-established a different friendship/routine. They meet for coffee/lunch and work on home improvement projects together. Still his best friend, but they did go through a phase of figuring things out.
  • Mslmesq
    Mslmesq Posts: 1,001 Member
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    Yikes, that person was never your friend...or probably anyones friend. Give him the phone number to a really good therapist, the location of his closest AA chapter, and delete your contact info from his address book.

    On the plus side, you sound like a nice good-natured person to go along with as much as you did. You will easily make better more well-adjusted friends in the future. :-)
  • corgicake
    corgicake Posts: 846 Member
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    Give him the phone number to a really good therapist, the location of his closest AA chapter, and delete your contact info from his address book.
    THIS.
  • triff14
    triff14 Posts: 129 Member
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    "Unfortunately, he is really overweight and too big to fit on them."

    I think it sounds like he may be jealous that you have developed a much healthier lifestyle, and seeing you make good decisions is making him feel bad about himself and lash out on you...
  • Courtney011691
    Courtney011691 Posts: 55
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    Kinda off topic but did you say you ate an elephant ear? And then threw it away? Like really?

    I did! It was enormous and I didn't want to get sick haha
  • HeadsPoppingOutOfCups
    HeadsPoppingOutOfCups Posts: 115
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    Kinda off topic but did you say you ate an elephant ear? And then threw it away? Like really?

    I did! It was enormous and I didn't want to get sick haha

    I think some people might not know what that is. I didn't realize people knew them as anything else until I was nearly 20. I believe the most common term is "fried bread dough".
  • dmarhal
    dmarhal Posts: 30 Member
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    You are not losing a friend because he is not a friend. Keep on being strong and stay on track. You don't need him that way. If he changes fine, but otherwise lose him or he'll drag you down to his level.

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