Pro tips for murder

SirBonerFart
SirBonerFart Posts: 1,185 Member
in Chit-Chat
1) Don't announce your plans on the internet, this can and will be used against you

2) If you are going to murder your spouse realize you WILL be the first suspect

3) Make sure you are sure of your decision and committed to it, there is no redo's
«1

Replies

  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    Thank you. It is so hard to find good tips for this on the intertubes.
  • fShaw86
    fShaw86 Posts: 878 Member
    make sure NSA
  • _crafty_
    _crafty_ Posts: 1,682 Member
    I was looking for more than just the tip. What else ya got?
  • InForBacon
    InForBacon Posts: 1,508 Member
    Make close friends with a hog farmer.
  • SirBonerFart
    SirBonerFart Posts: 1,185 Member
    I was looking for more than just the tip. What else ya got?

    Sorry all I can give you is the tip
  • MNA76
    MNA76 Posts: 1,541
    I'm printing this thread and tacking it to my fridge. Need to remember this.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    Don't confess to a murder using an internet meme posted on Tumblr or Reddit. Joking or otherwise.

    Verbal murder for hire contracts aren't worth the paper they are written on.

    The less people that know the better. Blackmail is easy in the digital age.
  • gym_king_carlie
    gym_king_carlie Posts: 528 Member
    I could murder a burger but I would never get away with it on here :(
  • bigphatcat
    bigphatcat Posts: 7,843 Member
    Make sure to wear A New England Patriots Game Jersey with the number 81 on it
  • Pangea250
    Pangea250 Posts: 965 Member
    Could you post your certifications and list of past murders committed? How do we know you are a pro?
  • SrJoben
    SrJoben Posts: 484 Member
    Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.

    Too late...now you're going down as an accomplice.
  • kr1stadee
    kr1stadee Posts: 1,774 Member
    What if it isn't my husband? How far down the suspect list would I be if it's a friend/sibling/coworker?

    :smokin:
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    I was looking for more than just the tip. What else ya got?

    You need a good tongue lashing!:tongue:
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    3) Make sure you are sure of your decision and committed to it, there is no redo's

    define redo's? same person, sure no, especially if successful. But there's the "more fish in the sea" or identical twins possibilities.

    (post is entirely meant to be cheap humor).
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • catneon
    catneon Posts: 911 Member
    4) Get an alibi

    ETA I like the above but I still think this should be #4
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    Make sure if you do announce it on the interwebs that you clear your cookies, eat them all up & be sure that there are none left in the packet.
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    4) Get an alibi
    I swear I was on MFP reading this murder thread. I have NO idea how his brakes went out in his car.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.

    its_a_trap.gif
  • branson101
    branson101 Posts: 173 Member
    Make close friends with a hog farmer.
    no. someone at a crematorium works better.
  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
    Bump

    Not that I have any ideas about this or anything
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    I was looking for more than just the tip. What else ya got?


    Be careful. You might get shafted.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    Do not read this thread. If a record of you viewing it survives it could be evidence of malice aforethought.

    LMAO, while I have no need to "murder" anyone, I almost didn't come in here because if something happens to anyone I'm close to they now have a record of me coming in here and checking it out....now I'm in trouble. But I couldn't resist, needed to see what was going on here.
  • MNA76
    MNA76 Posts: 1,541
    4) Get an alibi
    I swear I was on MFP reading this murder thread. I have NO idea how his brakes went out in his car.


    I never said anything about the brakes going out on his car. How did you know about this? Hmmmm...
  • InForBacon
    InForBacon Posts: 1,508 Member
    Make close friends with a hog farmer.
    no. someone at a crematorium works better.
    Possibly, but hogs eat everything, no DNA left.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    I have a few tips on this subject.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    When you murder someone, for the body, make sure you bleach out the body btw. THen cut the body into small pieces and toss it into a tub of bleech again. This way the blood gets rained easily into the gutters and doesn't make a mess. Then you can easily toss it into the garden and bury it. This way even if your dog (or neighbors) grabs a piece, it should be small enough to not matter. And the best part, you won't have to do it in the middle of the night with the whole body and try to hide it from the neighbors.

    But if you decide that chopping the body into 1 inch pieces is too much trouble, you can bury the body vertically into the ground. This way the satellites don't track down the body easily. I would dig a long hole though and kill the neighbors dog too. First bury the bleeched out body vertically, put heavy amount of mud, then the dead dog buried. This way anyone digging out of suspicion finds the dog first and then moves on. You're all welcome
  • bumblebums
    bumblebums Posts: 2,181 Member
    Do not search the internet for how to get away with your wife's murder and then claim that you were researching it for a CSI script:

    Forensic computer expert Dean Brown dug around in the recesses of Murray's computers and found a Yahoo! search for "murder for hire," "how to hire an assassin," "how to make a bomb," and "how to murder someone and not get caught."

    Investigators were thrilled with the secrets Murray's computers revealed, especially when they learned the searches were conducted just as the custody battle the Murrays were having was getting nasty.

    But the defense has an explanation. They say that Murray was interested in possibly writing an episode for a CSI-type program. The computers, however, offer up more bad news for Murray, including e-mails that show his anger with Carmin was growing: "I'm increasingly coming to feel like an animal that's been backed into a corner."

    Source: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18559_162-694835.html?pageNum=8
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    In on NSA thread.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories