When do the comments stop?

AllyCatXandi
AllyCatXandi Posts: 329 Member
edited November 1 in Goal: Maintaining Weight
Right, so I've been in maintenance for well over a year now. Yet every time I go back home to visit family and friends (moved away for university purposes), it seems like I'm still getting subjected to a barrage of comments about my size. And they're not particularly pleasant to hear either - my shoulders are too bony, I don't have any boobs, my hands look anorexic, and so on.

Plus people seem to think it's ok to grab and pinch and squeeze and point out every bit of pudge they might find. I've never really been a touchy-feely person in general, and when others get that way with me for the purpose of being critical instead of affectionate...highly annoying. I know what I look like, I know I still have things to work on, and I DON'T. NEED. REMINDING. EVERY. TEN. SECONDS.

Ok, not every ten seconds. But still far too frequently, and the bloody topic keeps cropping up despite my repeatedly telling them to stop and/or changing the subject (because let's face it, there are far more interesting things to talk about than my weight -.-").

I'd understand it more if it were a new thing. A year ago my mum was a bit surprised, but now she's just like, "Yep, you're a normal size" (just shy of 5'5, around 120lbs after having lost 30) and doesn't really dwell on it. And I would trust her to tell me if she thought otherwise.

So in a nutshell: I was wondering if anyone had any similar experiences, and how long it took people to get used to it.
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Replies

  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,038 Member
    It has taken about a year for me...now the comments center around how long i think I can keep it off...
  • mg720
    mg720 Posts: 212 Member
    i can relate...i reached goal over a year ago and now have been really focusing on toning up and staying at the weight range I currently am. I am 5'3 and somewhere around 125. I realized my walks and at home workouts were not toning me the way I needed to be, i lost over 80 pounds and have extra skin on my thighs and belly. I joined a gym and love going. I am so happy there and am super happy with the results i am slowly seeing. my family STILL makes rude comments me. that my hands look like a skeleton and my shoulders are all bones, that i am obsessed with the gym, and "enough is enough with your dieting" (i am not dieting i changed my lifestyle-they still dont get it)

    the truth is it hurts that they are not more supportive BUT i kind of at this point ignore it. i am proud of how far i have come and excited to see what my results will be if i stick with my gym routine. i think the reason my cousins and aunts do it is because they all are very very much obese and they are jealous that i was able to change my entire life and stick to this and now be happy. misery loves company i guess. but keep your head up! keep doing what your doing :)
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,453 Member
    .
  • tomcornhole
    tomcornhole Posts: 1,084 Member
    I get the impression sometime that some of my family / friends want me to fail to validate their lack of fitness. I'm ok with that. Sounds arrogant, but it is what it is.

    I have found that I am developing friendships with folks that are interested in fitness more than I had when I was fat. They don't question my weight. They encourage me to challenge myself with greater fitness goals. I like that better than "you're too skinny."
  • NebrGuy1969
    NebrGuy1969 Posts: 17 Member
    I must be blessed. I really have not had the experiences you all have described. I went from a 48 inch waist down to 34 inches, losing nearly 145 pounds. 83 of those pounds came off in 7 months last year and I have been in maintenance for 11 months now. Family have been extremely supportive of what I have done and most of my friends have as well. I think they have just been amazed at the transformation and it has actually inspired a number of friends to work seriously on their own journey. My dad originally asked how long I was going to diet. That was an opportunity to provide an educational moment that I was not on a diet and it allowed me to explain proper nutrition and a different perspective on "diet" vs "dieting".

    I only had one snide comment that stung a little while I was still losing weight which actually offended some of my friends that were there more than it did me. Now that person is actually on her own journey of losing weight and I've been able to provide some encouragement to her.

    Have others said things? Perhaps. But with the comments from this one individual, I decide what is going to offend me. It is about accepting myself for who I have become and knowing what my own goals are and through that it doesn't matter what others say and if I control how I react nothing they say can drag me down from this journey.
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
    It has taken about a year for me...now the comments center around how long i think I can keep it off...

    I think that's where I am too. When I'm at work people don't say anything unless they haven't seen me. Mostly. Except for one person who said I'd put it back on, watched me take it off and is encouraging but I can see her just waiting for me to regain. And a very good friend who lost and regains and lost and regains and . . . seems annoyed I haven't. What can you do.

    My family tells me I'm too skinny. Thank god my Mom, too, realized I'm back to the weight I was when I was 20 - not back to something I've never been before.

    You have to let it slide off you like syrup off a duck. And yeah, that sometimes sticks. The less you react, the more they'll drop it. It isn't an interesting topic unless you make it one.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I've mostly been maintaining for a year as well. The comments are still constant. Never really negative though, but a lot of "you're going to waste away." At 5'-2" and 135 pounds there is no wasting here! Sometimes I like the compliments, but even that can wear on me. I am like, is there not anything else you'd like to talk to me about?
  • MaDwItNeWfLaVa
    MaDwItNeWfLaVa Posts: 78 Member
    Who cares about what other people think, if your happy with yourself and have that good self confidence then dont let them put u down. Sounds like they're jealous anyways. You know what they say..people that bully are insecure with themselves, and dont like to see other people happy.
  • tomcornhole
    tomcornhole Posts: 1,084 Member
    You know what they say..people that bully are insecure with themselves, and dont like to see other people happy.

    True dat
  • Athena53
    Athena53 Posts: 717 Member
    Plus people seem to think it's ok to grab and pinch and squeeze and point out every bit of pudge they might find. I've never really been a touchy-feely person in general, and when others get that way with me for the purpose of being critical instead of affectionate...highly annoying.

    My response to that would be "Please get your hands off me NOW. Thank you." Repeat as often as necessary. You don't have to let them treat your body as public property.
  • Agate69
    Agate69 Posts: 349 Member
    Unfortunately change is hard for most people to accept or harder even to embrace. Sometimes thoughtlessthingscome out, or else we might just be hearing things wrong. Food is so much of our culture system of getting together and when a person changes their food patterns we often view them as a slap in the face. I assume the people who are pinching ad prodding areold? Old relatives for ever see you as a child and thus they want to see a fat happy baby. When I show my confidence i in my new shape, people finally stopped commenting on my weight loss. My suggestion is respond in a positive manner, get close and hug first and then move back into your own comfort zone (out of pinch range).

    Easier said than done. My 87 year old, never married aunt always asks me if I brushed my teeth? I always resond with, yes and have you had your BM today's. conversation takes a quick turn!
  • wannabpiper
    wannabpiper Posts: 402 Member
    Rude person makes comment.

    OP says "At least I don't have your problem."

    Rude person says "What problem?"

    OP says "Filter to mouth problem."
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    NVM …


    But I do like the comment above, the "filter to mouth" problem!!
  • jerendeb
    jerendeb Posts: 55 Member
    As an old runner I remember a question and answer. How much weight do I need to lose to be a good runner. When people starting asking if I am okay, sick, cancer, you've lost too much, etc. you've achieved your goal weight. Screw them. Take it as a compliment and thank them. Tell them you like you better now. Ask them if they'd rather have you fat and depressed? I don't know...my wife is my worst friend when it comes to weight and fitness. I truly focus on me. It's the virtue of selfishness.
  • NebrGuy1969
    NebrGuy1969 Posts: 17 Member
    Tell them you like you better now.

    I actually would change this. Hopefully you like yourself period, end of statement. "Well, at least I'm healthy now" or some variation of that (healthier, becoming healthy, etc). If you link it to being healthy and people make that connection then the comments will stop from those that matter.
  • okcat4
    okcat4 Posts: 224 Member
    Basically, change freaks out people. We, as humans, like predictable and if you change, then I have to change how I see, you, react to you, etc. Think how long it took you to change your mental picture of yourself and see you as you are. The relatives don't have the daily input and resort back to their stored mental image and pattern with you , then when they see you , is is new (CHANGE) all over again. Eventually it will stop. Until then, mentally, you will have to gird your loins for the onslaught. Take the comments as recognition of your success, just phrased poorly.

    Congrats to you and your success!
  • jmadams111
    jmadams111 Posts: 145 Member
    Being an older guy, I remember a quote attributed to Mae West, whom most of you don't know/recall, "The only thing worse than being talked about, is NOT being talked about."

    If people say anything, I simply thank them for noticing, good, bad or indifferent. If they are supportive, great!. If not, its their problem, not mine.
  • amandammmq
    amandammmq Posts: 394 Member
    I was very, very thin in high school and college. I ate lots of healthy foods, but I just couldn't keep up with my metabolism and my growing... I'm 5'11". The comments NEVER STOPPED. People LOVED to tell me to my face:

    -you're so skinny, you're disgusting (can't tell you how many times I got called "disgusting" to my face)
    -you need to eat something
    -you're too skinny
    -too-tall
    -string bean
    and zillions and zillions of other comments. I got way, way, WAY more negative comments straight to my face than I do now.

    The comments didn't stop until I wasn't skinny any more.
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
    My guess is that these people have always walked all over you. This is the time to put up your boundaries and stop them. You've lost the weight, now you've got to lose the timidness. Stand up and say, "Please don't grab at me." There's no obligation whatsoever to answer questions from rude people. Just shrug and say I don't know or whatever. Make them move on. When someone's unsupportive, negative or disrespectful, you don't need to engage.

    Congratulations on your weight loss. :drinker:
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,333 Member

    the truth is it hurts that they are not more supportive BUT i kind of at this point ignore it. i am proud of how far i have come and excited to see what my results will be if i stick with my gym routine. i think the reason my cousins and aunts do it is because they all are very very much obese and they are jealous that i was able to change my entire life and stick to this and now be happy. misery loves company i guess. but keep your head up! keep doing what your doing :)

    The above is so true. And I respect you for seeing this. Yes, if anyone is putting you down because you've lost weight...they are just jealous that you've accomplished something that took discipline and hard work. It makes them feel like a slouch that they have not accomplished a difficult goal. I know it is family and loved ones. and many times they don't realize they're jealous or tearing down someone they love.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    The comments stop when you tell them to eff off and mind their own. :wink:
  • sheclimbsrocks
    sheclimbsrocks Posts: 110 Member
    If people touch with without your permission and after being told not to touch you, maybe you should consider giving the molester a light slap on the hand. Actions speak louder than words! Likewise, if they make comments about your body, turn it around and start making comments about theirs. Then maybe they will realize how unintentionally rude they are being.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Seriously? They pinch your pudge? I'd tell them to the back the eff off and like sheclimbsrock said, slap their hand away. And tell them that's unbelievably rude.
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
    I've always been thin and I've always had to deal with it. For some reason, people think it is ok to comment/ criticize others on their weight & body. Tell them to *kitten* off.
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
    Seriously? They pinch your pudge? I'd tell them to the back the eff off and like sheclimbsrock said, slap their hand away. And tell them that's unbelievably rude.

    My secretary did that, which I thought was bizarre behavior. But she was doing it because she couldn't believe that it was gone. She, and the other colleague who keeps asking me about my weight and telling me it's impossible to keep off, have both been fascinated with my weight loss.

    Yes, they made discouraging noises (you'll never take/keep it off). But they both have weight problem. Since I've lost they both have started using MFP and exercising. And they are honestly pleased. But yeah, it came out funny!

    I think it's that mixed feeling that people have when they want something and keep being told they can't have it or can't do it. They don't believe they can do it. Then they see someone else do it and they're both jealous and it also means they have no excuses to not try themselves.
  • StaticEntropy
    StaticEntropy Posts: 224 Member
    You need a better support group. At least you have the good folks at MFP...
  • ChristineinMA
    ChristineinMA Posts: 312 Member

    Easier said than done. My 87 year old, never married aunt always asks me if I brushed my teeth? I always resond with, yes and have you had your BM today's. conversation takes a quick turn!

    Too funny!
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    That's really unfortunate that your family are that way. I would suggest either letting them know that you are really uncomfortable when they poke at you and point out your flaws or just build a mental wall to keep their comments out. If you know they are going to say things about your weight just ignore them. Get to a place where you are happy with yourself and don't let them bring you down. My family stopped making comments when I made it clear that I didn't care what they said about me.
  • LAnne16
    LAnne16 Posts: 272 Member
    Yeah I never let people touch me without my permission... When I get thinner, that's not going to change. Sometimes you have to be a bit more upfront with people. That really bothers me, actually.. I'd lose it. haha.
  • RacerX_14
    RacerX_14 Posts: 578 Member
    I think folks are just jealous that you've had amazing success!
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