When do the comments stop?

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  • dym123
    dym123 Posts: 1,670 Member
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    I'm so sick of weight comments now, I don't want to hear anything about my weight!! Whether it is positive or negative, I do not want to hear it :laugh:

    This is how I am now, though I'm not in maintence mode yet. It has finally stopped at work for the most part, but when I run into someone I haven't seen in awhile or even a few weeks, they want to keep bringing it up, even if I change the subjuct. This is me now, discussion over.
  • princessofredrock
    princessofredrock Posts: 382 Member
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    I come from a large Italian family. If they told you that you looked good then you could probably stand to loose a few lbs! If they said you looked skinny and needed eat a plate of cookies or pasta then you were just fine! lol

    You can't walk on eggshells the rest of your life because you love your family! Be honest with them about your feelings! Someday they may get it!

    Congrats on your success! Great job maintaining! :wink:
  • shortmomma81
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    In my case they don't ever stop but I've learned that it doesn't kill me to indulge when I'm with them, that way it doesn't seem like I have a stick up my *** and they are conscious that I'm in their view "eating", it doesn't mess up my weight as long as I stay active. It's not the best advice but I love my family and friends. I'm small frame and I've always had your problem with comments, especially after reaching my goal. You can't change others opinion of you but always do what makes YOU feel happy.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    People are crazy. Try to ignore them.

    The latest one for me is "Oh my gosh your weight loss makes you look really skinny on top, it's less balanced than before"

    yeah, before I looked like an apple shape and was in danger of more health problems and had a huge bum and huge everything. Now my actual pear shaped body has emerged. Deal with it. It is MY body.
  • coffeepuff
    coffeepuff Posts: 13 Member
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    These comments are literally *verbatim* the ones I received this summer!!! I don't know why I kept the junk in my trunk and my upper half and hands got so bony, but thems the breaks. PLEASE STOP DRAWING ATTENTION TO IT CAUSE IT MAKES ME WANT TO HIDE IN A HOLE PLZ K THX.

    And the pinching!!! What is up with that!!! I have literally never pinched anyone in my life, why do people think that is ok???

    Also- I felt really self-conscious about my boobs (or lack thereof) all summer. 6 weeks later, the comments haven't changed, but I don't care as much? Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you about how long it takes for the comments to stop as I am new to this whole "healthy weight" thing, but maybe we can figure it out together. With (apparently) our bony hands. *makes claw* Rawr.
  • AllyCatXandi
    AllyCatXandi Posts: 329 Member
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    Oh wow, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply (and to those of you who sent friend requests!) :heart: You guys are amazingly supportive and it means a lot that you were willing to share your stories and offer support.
    It has taken about a year for me...now the comments center around how long i think I can keep it off...

    I think that's where I am too. When I'm at work people don't say anything unless they haven't seen me. Mostly. Except for one person who said I'd put it back on, watched me take it off and is encouraging but I can see her just waiting for me to regain. And a very good friend who lost and regains and lost and regains and . . . seems annoyed I haven't. What can you do.

    My family tells me I'm too skinny. Thank god my Mom, too, realized I'm back to the weight I was when I was 20 - not back to something I've never been before.

    You have to let it slide off you like syrup off a duck. And yeah, that sometimes sticks. The less you react, the more they'll drop it. It isn't an interesting topic unless you make it one.

    Great advice :)

    Yep, well said. If people want to discuss how you're 'destined to fail' or other silly business, they can do it with people who are equally petty-minded :smile:
    the truth is it hurts that they are not more supportive BUT i kind of at this point ignore it. i am proud of how far i have come and excited to see what my results will be if i stick with my gym routine. i think the reason my cousins and aunts do it is because they all are very very much obese and they are jealous that i was able to change my entire life and stick to this and now be happy. misery loves company i guess. but keep your head up! keep doing what your doing :)

    You should be proud - congrats on your progress! I'm sorry to hear that your family's been giving you that reaction though. My immediate relatives are very health and fitness focused (my mum's idea of a good weekend involves a 17k run and two hours of tennis training), so they've always been supportive with regards to eating the right things and being active. But what you've done is break away from your family's bad habits, and I feel that takes a heck of a lot of strength.
    I get the impression sometime that some of my family / friends want me to fail to validate their lack of fitness. I'm ok with that. Sounds arrogant, but it is what it is.

    I have found that I am developing friendships with folks that are interested in fitness more than I had when I was fat. They don't question my weight. They encourage me to challenge myself with greater fitness goals. I like that better than "you're too skinny."

    Mm, I've found that the general nature of my friendship circles has changed as well. But the thing is, no one where I live now ever knew me as chubby - and I think that issue plays a part as well. It's just kind of a shame that the friends I have back at home still haven't had their perception of me shift just yet. I'm not defined as the ex-fatty at uni, and it's kind of shocking when I feel like that's the case back at home.
    I'm so sick of weight comments now, I don't want to hear anything about my weight!! Whether it is positive or negative, I do not want to hear it :laugh:

    THIS! THIS THIS THIS A MILLION TIMES THIS!!
    Uninvited touching? NO. Do whatever they did to you back to them. Ask them - while they're still in shock that THEY were touched uninvited - how they like it. Almost guaranteed they won't do it again.
    1. Pinch them back, and say something equally obnoxious about their bodies. If this is not something you do, it should shock them and even cause them to consider what they just did to you. I have done this to male colleagues who have said inappropriate things about my appearance--namely, "Gee, Mr. White, you look so fresh and pretty in that new sweater vest!" That usually nips all the future comments in the bud.

    2. Look at them calmly and say, "Please do not comment on my appearance or touch me without asking for permission first." In those words. Again, that usually freaks people out; they will remember this encounter.
    Meh. Just keep changing the subject. If they don't catch on... Tell them exactly what you told us... "There are more interesting things to talk about than my weight/size." .... If they STILL don't get the point.. Walk away. End of story.
    My response to that would be "Please get your hands off me NOW. Thank you." Repeat as often as necessary. You don't have to let them treat your body as public property.
    I assume the people who are pinching ad prodding areold? Old relatives for ever see you as a child and thus they want to see a fat happy baby. When I show my confidence i in my new shape, people finally stopped commenting on my weight loss. My suggestion is respond in a positive manner, get close and hug first and then move back into your own comfort zone (out of pinch range).

    Thank you for the advice everyone :flowerforyou: I will definately take it on board.
    I've actually found it's more from people my age that I get it from - if I haven't seen them in a while I have to brace myself for the unavoidable "OMG you lost weight!" comment. Which I can understand if it's the first time they've seen me. But since it's been this long since I hit maintainence, it's at the point where it's like, "Ugghh...yes yes, let's move on to other topics..." :laugh:
    My guess is that these people have always walked all over you. This is the time to put up your boundaries and stop them.

    This, I'll admit, hit home for me. I have no problem being assertive, but only when I have to be. And it's looking like this IS a situation where I will have to be, because clearly nothing short of blunt, putting-my-foot-down-ness is going to get the message through.
    Also- I felt really self-conscious about my boobs (or lack thereof) all summer. 6 weeks later, the comments haven't changed, but I don't care as much? Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you about how long it takes for the comments to stop as I am new to this whole "healthy weight" thing, but maybe we can figure it out together. With (apparently) our bony hands. *makes claw* Rawr.

    FEAR OUR BONY HANDS OF DOOM! *evil cackle*
    ...though really, my hands have always been the same - and my mum has them, my grandma had them, so it's like "ARGH! Why are you picking the one thing about me that HASN'T changed to comment on!?" I've taken to telling people I come from a family of witches :laugh:

    No one should ever be made to feel like they have to justify being normal-sized. I lost a good bit of my boobs too, but since it's winter over here having to wear a million layers probably shielded me a bit. Summer will probably be interesting >.<

    ---

    Aaand I know there's probably a million people I haven't replied to here, but at the moment I just don't have time to respond to all of you. Nevertheless, thank you again for your input and sorry this post turned out so massive xD
  • anjialexander
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    ha- I relate. Currently about 119 pounds ( 54 kilos) and im 5' 1 ish ( one and a half to be precise and trust me at my height that half inch matters).
    'Your wasting away", oh my goodness- eat something.... youre crazy, stop doing so much.... youre going to the gym AGAIN- you went yesterday... have some cake - it wont kill you... do you EAT anything.

    Oh boy! I am definitely not underfed- I have muscles and I run half marathons. Back offffffff already lol.
    Do the comments stop? They damn well better cos I not impressed. No wonder society has obesity problems- people are healthy weight phobic
  • NickeeCoco
    NickeeCoco Posts: 130
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    Plus people seem to think it's ok to grab and pinch and squeeze and point out every bit of pudge they might find. I've never really been a touchy-feely person in general, and when others get that way with me for the purpose of being critical instead of affectionate...highly annoying.

    My response to that would be "Please get your hands off me NOW. Thank you." Repeat as often as necessary. You don't have to let them treat your body as public property.

    This. People should ask before they touch you. Not only is it rude and invasive, but it could be considered assault. I know, that's taking it to a different dimension, but I think sometimes you need to be very firm and clear about how you feel. They may take offence, but you know what? That's their problem, not yours.
  • libranpixi
    libranpixi Posts: 6 Member
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    I find that the best thing to do (more with family) is to embark on a loooong monologue about what you've discovered about weight loss, the exercise you've been doing, maybe what so & so celebrity has been trying, your latest colonic irrigation.... etc..

    If you do this every time you get comments or poked people will soon start to hold their toungues for fear of setting you off on one!!!

    I know my family are sick of me talking about it ! lol
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
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    I get the impression sometime that some of my family / friends want me to fail to validate their lack of fitness. I'm ok with that. Sounds arrogant, but it is what it is.

    ^^^^^Not arrogant. Obvious, glaring, brazen, disappointing TRUTH.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    if someone grabs my flesh without asking, I go straight to threats of assault charges (which I would absolutely follow through on). I don't give a damn who they are, my body is MY body.
    ...which might be why people don't pinch me.
  • k10magnuson
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    The view of what is a healthy weight in certain circles of people is so far off, that when they see someone who is actually healthy, they can't even recognize it.
  • trackmyday1973
    trackmyday1973 Posts: 393 Member
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    Who cares about what other people think, if your happy with yourself and have that good self confidence then dont let them put u down. Sounds like they're jealous anyways. You know what they say..people that bully are insecure with themselves, and dont like to see other people happy.

    So true :)
  • jillianbeeee
    jillianbeeee Posts: 345 Member
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    I am a size 6 now (down from a size14) and my mother still says I am fat. Not congratulations on how well I have done but you still could lose another 20 pounds! Yea, I know that but gees......lol I hope eventually the conversations will turn from what I am eating or how much more I need to exercise. Am looking forward to normal conversations with family members again. :)
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
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    I live in a small town with very friendly neighbors. They've almost taken the place of family since my own family is far away. However, they can get on my nerves, too. Everybody knows everything about you. I'm a 5'3" woman who went down from somewhere in the 180s to 145 pounds (and I'm still in the overweight category). I'm aiming for 130.

    Two comments repeated back to me this week from elderly (overweight) neighbors through a 3rd person: "I hope she isn't going to take this weight loss thing too far" and "I hope she's eating enough food and isn't starving herself."
  • JuantonBliss
    JuantonBliss Posts: 245 Member
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    I get the same comments sometimes. My mom still constantly brings up how much weight I've lost and it's a bit annoying at times. I'm super bony also at my shoulders, hips and hands, although I don't get comments about it from people that I can recall; at least not anymore. I just kind of brush it off now because it's been awhile since I've lost the weight so it doesn't really matter to me anymore.
  • JuantonBliss
    JuantonBliss Posts: 245 Member
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    I find that the best thing to do (more with family) is to embark on a loooong monologue about what you've discovered about weight loss, the exercise you've been doing, maybe what so & so celebrity has been trying, your latest colonic irrigation.... etc..

    If you do this every time you get comments or poked people will soon start to hold their toungues for fear of setting you off on one!!!

    I know my family are sick of me talking about it ! lol

    That's how my family gets when I start talking about being a vegetarian :laugh:
  • vswilliams
    vswilliams Posts: 13 Member
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    People can really be so cruel and allow their jealousy to appear. I think it is really disheartening that you have people in your life who are rooting for you to fail, might be time to cut them. That's what I did lol I know that people are hoping and wishing behind my back that I would gain all my weight back; but the only way they can say it behind my back is if I am ahead :)

    Keep up the good work, you are beautiful!
  • vswilliams
    vswilliams Posts: 13 Member
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    It has taken about a year for me...now the comments center around how long i think I can keep it off...

    People can really be so cruel and allow their jealousy to appear. I think it is really disheartening that you have people in your life who are rooting for you to fail, might be time to cut them. That's what I did lol I know that people are hoping and wishing behind my back that I would gain all my weight back; but the only way they can say it behind my back is if I am ahead :)

    Keep up the good work, you are beautiful!
  • HIITMe
    HIITMe Posts: 921 Member
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    ran into an old nemesis recently on a trip back "home"... said person is related to my BFF....told my BFF that I must have cancer or something because I look horrible....(She wears no less than a size 24)

    my cousin who is a self-proclaimed medical expert has been telling my family that I am committing slow suicide and am hiding some secret fatal illness..... I lost the weight too fast for it to be anything else ( took over 18 months to lose 100 pounds, said relative saw me ONCE in that 18 month period)...She is a size 6-8 and used to being the skinniest person in my mostly obese/super-obese family

    and then there is another relative who swears my marriage is in trouble and Im doing all of this diet stuff to try & hold onto my man....
    my BMI is 24-ish.... I weigh more today than I did 6 weeks post-partum and much of my adult life so its not like these folks arent used to seeing me thin ( I had been overweight for last 10+ years but still)

    and folks wonder why I live several states away from these folks and loathe that I need to see them once a year