How should I feel??????

rmsrws
rmsrws Posts: 639 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am approaching the three year mark of my weight loss journey. I am very dedicated to working out and maintaining my current weight. Now I would like to share with you a situation that happened to me over this past weekend that has me feeling, well I am not sure, I just know I am not feeling great!

We had a wedding reception to attend for one of my husbands business colleagues some of his friends were going to be there as well. My hubby asked me to step it up a notch and look my best. Not a problem! He even selected what I wore. I get dressed, do the hair, nails, make up ( I even had my eye lashes perfectly separated ).

I walk out and ask how I look......

His response......." About a 7 - 7 1/2 with room for improvement!"

I immediately gasped....and thought WTF!!!! I could deal with the 7 -7 1/2 but the "room for improvement" blew my mind! I have lost almost 150 lbs, I work out faithfully every single day. I have taken ONE rest day in the last several days. I log my food faithfully 867days here on MFP!

My first thought when he made his psychologically abusive remark......" You stupid Fat ( sorry I refrain from using those hurtful words since I was once there myself) F*** of a blithering idiot, have you looked at your sexy self in the mirror lately?" But I kept my mouth shut! My hubby has not been supportive of me on my journey I have received more love and support from my friends here on MFP. My hubby is 250 lbs, 5'6" and very bald. I love him dearly his weight does not bother me except for the health aspect of it! It does bother me that he will sit there and eat an entire box of pop tarts in front of me, and things like this.

I did flip him off, and told him to F off, and walked away. Since I have been giving him the silent treatment. But the joke is on me, this has only made him more cocky and arrogant towards me.

I am not seeking compliments from you all. I just don't know how I should feel, or how to deal with this. I just feel in awe and numb!

Thank you for taking the time to read this!
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Replies

  • larsensue
    larsensue Posts: 461 Member
    Tell him to **** off again! you are great!!! don't let him make you feel bad. if he cannot be happy for you and love you for who you are then **** him.... cocky shmocky... give him some of his own medicine.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    I'd say your anger is warranted. Is this a repeated behavior from him? The state of your marriage (and his contribution or LACK thereof) might be worth evaluating if it is.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Sounds like he's a real winner...
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
    You should feel sorry that you married a ****head. You look fabulous.
  • UNLESS19
    UNLESS19 Posts: 118
    that's horrible! I'd be upset and angry too! you put in so much effort (mainly for him too!) & he does that!! I bet you looked fantastic and congrats on the loss- great loss! you look great and tell him to do one. some people can change, like my boyfriend has, but some people don't.. like my dad who still picks on me, my mum or my sis for anything
    Don't let it get to you and take your confidence- you're great! He should be grateful to have you on his arm!
    ungrateful and nasty get
    <3
  • djshari
    djshari Posts: 513 Member
    Divorce him? Or if you don't feel it is worth being that drastic do not ask him for his opinion!
  • agdyl
    agdyl Posts: 246 Member
    All I can say is that the silent treatment is unlikely to accomplish anything. I'd say it's time to sit down and have a talk. Ask what the he actually meant - (I will say that occasionally men have a really bizarre thought process and say things without realizing what they are going to sound like). At that point I guess it's up to you to decide if he just needs some feedback on how not to sound like a jerk or if you need to be reconsidering the relationship altogether.
  • elizak87
    elizak87 Posts: 249 Member
    I know I would feel hurt, sad and angry. I am appauled just by the fact he told you how to look and what to wear. His comment was disgusting. The fact he is now cocky about how hurt you are is really, really well bs. Your weight loss journey shows how strong you are. Maybe you need to show him how independent you are.
  • EileeKay
    EileeKay Posts: 11 Member
    You have achieved something amazing here - most importantly you have saved your own life!!! It sounds like your husband is feeling very insecure since you look so amazing now and (I bet) receive a lot of attention from other men... It is his problem, not yours. I'm sure he knows the writing is on the wall regarding his own health but only he can do anything about that.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    It's not a socially-acceptable response to the question. But if he's always been a social misfit, perhaps he's not being intentionally hurtful.
  • rich347
    rich347 Posts: 508 Member
    If I where you I would challenge him to a slap boxing match and you can let him know what he said hurt your feelings and hopefully y'all can hug it out.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    I think it is really bad of him to make you feel this way.

    I also think that you are married to him and it is your decision as to how to handle it.

    You will get lots of tea and sympathy from people on MFP.

    If I was your buddy and just reading what you have posted I would be saying go dump him.

    But seriously, it is your marriage and your life and there are sides to every story.

    Talk to him, if you do not share how you feel with him then how can you expect total strangers to give you advice?

    Talk to family members, they will know you both better than us strangers?
  • sukiwabi
    sukiwabi Posts: 221 Member
    first, to ask you to step it up for the wedding. wtf, as if you were going to go in tatters?
    then to rate you?

    awwww hell no. you deserve better treatment than that. i just looked at your photos. your transformation is nothing short of amazing. and he sounds like a miserable git.
  • skylark94
    skylark94 Posts: 2,036 Member
    I'm sorry you married such an a-hole. Is this an example of how your relationship goes on a regular basis? I know if my husband talked to me like that there is no way I would stay with him. I value myself more than that. I hope you value yourself too.
  • rachtxaggie
    rachtxaggie Posts: 14
    You should feel so accomplished I only hope to be where you are in a year or two!!! Never let anyone allow you to feel like that and take away your sparkle, you should have told him if that's how you feel then I just won't go with you anywhere because I am a ten and I know it!! Keep your chin up you have accomplished amazing things!
  • TheDoctorDana
    TheDoctorDana Posts: 595 Member
    I bet there were quite a few of his friends that rated you a 10 in their heads :wink: You look great! I would re evaluate my relationship. He sounds like a control freak.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    All I can say is that the silent treatment is unlikely to accomplish anything. I'd say it's time to sit down and have a talk. Ask what the he actually meant - (I will say that occasionally men have a really bizarre thought process and say things without realizing what they are going to sound like). At that point I guess it's up to you to decide if he just needs some feedback on how not to sound like a jerk or if you need to be reconsidering the relationship altogether.

    I agree with this...yes, it was rude of him and hurtful. However, guys do have a completely different thought process. Some guys don't have a filter. So I would just set him down and ask him what he meant. Then go from there.
  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
    You should feel how ever you want to feel. But what you should do with that feeling is another matter.
  • awebs89
    awebs89 Posts: 53 Member
    Waiiiit, he asked you to "step it up a notch"? Shouldn't he be proud to be with you as you are? And he selected what you wore too? If my boyfriend tried any of that he would be in a world of hurt.
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    Let me see if I understand you right...

    Your husband is fat, gluttonous, BALD and rude, and he has the audacity to act cocky and arrogantly call a smoking hotbox like yourself a 7.5? WTH?

    He wouldn't act that way if you didn't allow it. Ratchet your standards up a little and expect more from him. It's clear he has no idea how good he has it.

    Personally I would have very calmly taken off the nice dress (that HE picked out), yanked on an old pair of cutoffs and dirty flip flops, messed up my hair and taken off every scrap of makeup and say, "ok, ready to go!" If he won't appreciate you looking your best, then he deserves your worst.
  • char71165
    char71165 Posts: 65 Member
    Your feelings are your feelings. You know best because you are in this relationship. I think you have questioned yourself for a long time but now you need to just be yourself....your WONDERFUL self. I agree with some of the others who posted that it is time for you to have a long talk with him about how you feel and about where your relationship is headed. Personally I would not choose to be married to someone who was psychologically abusive. But it is your relationship and you must decide what you need for it to be.

    I also agree the silent treatment doesn't work.

    If my fiance had done what your husband did by choosing the clothes and telling me to look my best only to insult me I would have not only told him to F off but I would have refused to attend the wedding with him. He could go by his own sorry *kitten*. But that is just me.

    Hang in there wonderful lady and know that you are doing great things with your life. If he can't handle it then maybe it is time to revisit the relationship. Hugs to you.
  • HappyMeLovely
    HappyMeLovely Posts: 134 Member
    What he said was totally inappropriate! I would have reacted the same way. That being said, is there something else going on between you two or is he always that way? It sounds like he is just a d*****bag and undeserving of someone like you. I had an ex that made remarks like that when I was a healthy weight and in shape, he once said "You're pretty but you're no super model." Comments like that are unnecessary and psychologically abusive. I wouldn't stand for it. Maybe ask him what he meant by "room for improvement"... I bet you could do well by losing a bald 250 pounds...
  • maecrocker
    maecrocker Posts: 56
    It sounds like he is becoming vey insecure because you look hot and from how you describe him ... not so much. I am thinking that his comment about you being a 7 - 7 1/2 with room for improvement might have been pretty accurate ... he might have been thinking that you were a 10 but by having him standing next to you, you lost 3 or so points. maybe the "room for improvement" was all about who is on your arm.

    I will tell you this though, get on your relationship right away. If you and your husband are having issues and resentments, the silent treatment is not going to fix those issues, only make them worse. Before you know it, years will pass and you will wake up one day realizing how lonely and resentful you really are. You cannot get those years back. So get busy working on it.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    Sounds like insecurity to me. You've achieved something he cannot, and subconsciously (or maybe consciously) he doesn't want you feeling like you are better than him.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    your quote on your profile says it all ...and staying with that schmuck your watching your MR RIGHT pass you by....you deserve much better....in life...let some other chic frost his poptart...you can do better by yourself working at a grocery store....
  • rich347
    rich347 Posts: 508 Member
    You should get a young Breezy to be your side piece
  • tlou5
    tlou5 Posts: 497 Member
    I think you look great and should be very proud of your accomplishment. I am sorry your husband is an idiot- did you know that going in? If this is recurring behavior I would seriously reconsider the relationship.
  • brendaj39
    brendaj39 Posts: 375 Member
    I would say you have every right to be angry with him. But it does sound like he isn't handling your losing weight very good. He is feeling bad about himself and you are doing it without him. He is probably very jealous. That is something he has to get over. I hope you guys can work it out. You need to have a serious talk with him and let him know to knock it off the attitude and get some help...he can't go on treating you that way.

    and WOW! you look great, if you would have asked me , I would have said a 10 or 11...
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    I'm sorry. :( I think you should feel slightly sorry for him because my guess is he was projecting his inner insecurities about himself onto you. He must be so jealous watching you transform while he stays like he is. Again, I'm sorry....I bet you looked AMAZIMG!
  • 1princesswarrior
    1princesswarrior Posts: 1,242 Member
    You held your tongue much better than I would have. Regardless, not only was his comment disrespectful and inappropriate, his behavior afterward has been as well. And apparently all during your journey to lose the weight. Come things like eating a whole box of pop tarts in front of you. Even if he is insecure that is no excuse to treat you that badly. I would have been hurt and embarrassed for him acting that way. Maybe it is time to reassess the relationship to get things back on track.

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