need help with my daughter

You could try not keeping unhealthy food in the house then there will not be a choice whether to have "bad" food or not.

Wow thats a tough one, especially with a teenager. My stepdaughter is 14 and talk about attitude!!! My stepdaughter is about the same height and weight as your daughter, kinda funny cuz her moms name is lynn too. Anyway, I had trouble with my stepdaughter taking snacks out of the pantry and hiding them in her room or backpack so she could take them to school and eat them and I tried to get her to work out with me and she was always very lazy about it or would make exscuses. When it came down to it I had to finally start hiding the junk snacks and just pretended that I didnt buy them. I would put one in her lunchbox a couple of times a week so she could have something good and then for dinner i intentionally wouldnt make enough for anyone to have more than a 2nd plate. I also started cutting out breads with our meals. For example if i made spagetti i would make it with whole wheat noodles and ground turkey instead of white noodles and beef and then I used to also make garlic bread or cheese bread to go a long with it but i just completley cut it out. If anyone was still hungry when it was all gone, then i offered a peice of fruit or told them i could heat up some veggies, most of the time they wouldnt want it. I am not going to tell you that I did it without her getting mad cuz that is far from the truth but over time she started realizing that I wasnt going to change it. I also started making her go outside for atleast 30 minutes everyday after school. I would tell her she could walk, read, ride her bike, I didnt care really as long as she wasnt getting into trouble and was outdoors. Typically she would get mad, but then she would walk around the neighborhood with her mp3 player and by the time she got back she would be over the attitude, shower, and hang out. Good luck on all of it! I know its hard but also, if you do get smaller than her, it might encourage her to start doing what you are doing so dont give up just because she isnt intersted, Teens are not interested in anything! lol

If I had to gauge what is going on, it is probably the pressure of school. She is performing the role of emotional eating. I remember when I was 14, I always thought I was bigger than the other kids. Which in reality I was, I just wasn't fat. I translated being bigger than them with being fat.

Keep trying for more physical activities. For instance, try skating, swimming, walking around the mall instead of a park. Maybe tell her it's your way of wanting to spend some girl time with her and after walking the mall for a hour, you will get pedicures.

Loosing weight, even at the age of 14 is a choice each individual has to make on there own. If she makes the statement about being upset if you loose more weight, let her know you to can do it together and she can be smaller than you an the everyone else. Tell her you to will have a goal of getting a new outfit or taking a mother daughter weekend trip. Like everyone else said, remove the unhealthy food altogether so when she wants it, it is not easily available! If that means everyone has to suffer for a few time, then so be it. Keep yogart in the house as a snack.

I hope some of this helps as this can be a difficult area for anyone to help with.

Coming from someone who weighed about 170 pounds at 5'2" when I started high school at age 14, I WISH my mom had done some of the things that you're doing!!! I wasn't really willing to make a change for myself until now (and I'm 23 and just got out of college). I got about as far as realizing that I was heavier than everyone, joining softball (which isn't as much exercise as it looks since I played outfield), and going to gym class 3 times a week.

I think encouraging healthier eating choices is a good start. I had no concept of portion control, how bad the foods I ate really were, and when to stop snacking. It really helps to encourage these habits now, otherwise it's a pain to have to learn the hard way as an overweight adult. I think the fact that she has expressed concern if you end up being smaller than her is a sign that she might have more underlying issues than you see on the surface about weight and healthy eating. I'm not saying drag her to Weight Watchers or throw out all the junk food in the house and serve nothing but veggies. But start a discussion about how important it is to be healthy, to eat better, and to get exercise. It will probably be painful (as if 14 year olds aren't painful enough... haha), but it's much better to sort it out now then to have problems later in life. I asked my mom why she didn't do anything about my unhealthy habits and her excuse was "you wouldn't listen". I wish she had MADE me listen. Start small and work your way up, at least get her interested in it.

My mom was always heavy and I was chubby child but my mom tried really hard to keep healthy snacks out. I did not care much about my weight until I was 15 or 16, that is when I started to realize I was "fat" or so I said and decided to eat better. I have struggled with my weight my whole life so I know about that and the feelings. She might be eating more and not well because she is maybe depressed on the inside. At 14 you dont really talk about that.

I know it sounds terrible but try a reward style approach to help her get healthy. Have her go for walks with you to "explore" or have her ride a bike with you for a few miles. Tell her if she does this then you will have a treat later. (buy skinny cow ice cream bars or treats) that is the treat. Only buy healthy treats and not something like twinkies. Keep grapes and apples at her fingertips. Always on the kitchen counter and put all the bad stuff out of sight. Its like the out of sight out of mind way of thinking.

If she continues to tell you she will be mad if you weigh less then her then tell her to walk with you and that if she does what you do you wont weigh less. She needs motivation to get healthy and at her age it needs to be worked on. Then it will become her lifestyle and not just something to do for the moment!

Good luck

Whatever you do, don't let your daughter's behaviour sabotage your progress! You've done incredibly well with your weight loss.

I realize that you have other family members in the house, but maybe you just shouldn't have all of the extra food that isn't really needed (fudgcicles!). Also, could you adjust the portions that you cook so that there are NO leftovers? I cook for between 4 and 6 people, depending on whether the lodgers and/or step-daughter are here, but it's rare that we have leftovers. If I know we're going to (or that someone will eat extra food even when they're full) I'll pull out a portion before the food gets to the table. That way, I have a quick lunch the next day and there's no temptation for anyone to eat too much.

I can relate. My boys are nine and six years old. Neither of them are overweight. The problem is that my older son, while very active, eats like a horse. If I didn't stop him, I promise you, he would eat an entire large pizza on his own. We went out to dinner last night--he ordered a kids meal, a salad and a huge bottle of rootbeer. Fine, he had just finished his football game, he was hungry. We allow the kids to splurge when we go out to eat. But, at the end of the meal, he stated how full he was. He looked a little miserable. When the server comes by and asks about dessert, he's ready for a sundae! Naturally, we said no, and he didn't argue. When he behaves as if he is consuming his last meal, it really worries me. I explain to him that there are other meals in his future, and might include a sundae, if he wouldn't stuff himself silly. For me, it's a fine line between educating them about eating properly and giving them a complex about their weight. He has even commented that he is 'fat.' Is that even normal for a boy? Especially one who is very lean like him? I have never called him fat or chubby, but I do worry that he may become that way. I really think that when I stop him from eating too much, he takes it as my way of calling him fat. But, what am I supposed to do when he clearly binges?

My daughter is 15. She is not overweight, but it's still a challenge to get a teenager to eat right and exercise. What has worked for me is bringing her in to the meal planning process. We talk about proper nutrition and why the ingredients in certain foods are bad for you, so she understands the "why" to help make better choices. I have her help by reading labels (it's a helpful ploy to 'forget' your 'reading glasses', then when we are in the grocery store, I ask for her help by reading the ingredient list to me and the nutritional content - sounds sneaky, but it helps to open up the dialogue). She is now pretty expert at reading labels and recipes to determine which ones are healthier and most importantly, WHY they are healthier. This helps to teach her life skills that she can use once she leaves home on her own. She helps me make out the weekly menus, helps to pack her own healthy lunch and helps me prepare meals at dinner time to learn how to cook healthy meals on her own. We never make more than one serving per person. It's slow going, and yes, the 'attitude' shows at times, but she's turning the corner on that and things do improve over time.

With regard to exercise, I just kept trying until I found something that she likes to do - dance. I got her the HipHop Abs DVD and she worked out to that over most of the summer. I use ChaLEAN Extreme and after several months, she began to see my results, she decided to join me this round so now we workout together.

It all takes time. The important thing is not to make her feel like you think something is wrong with her that needs to be fixed. It seemed to work much better for me from an inclusive standpoint - that I needed her help and wanted to include her in meal planning, finding healthy recipes and making things together for the family, so she can learn to do it on her own.

Hope this helps you - and good luck!

I know exactly how you feel I have the same problem, and FINALLY I think I have really made progress with her. My youngest daughter is sixteen and very strong willed. I have been working for years to get her to move, new bike, rollerblades, exercise equipment, promises of expensive bathing suits or new jeans. I have tried crying, begging, (I am not proud of this) yelling at her. I am convinced if there was a fire in the house she wouldn't move. She is terribly strong willed and stubborn. She asked this summer if she could join Jenny Craig, I tossed the idea around for a couple of weeks. I figured only my wallet would get thinner and after all if she wanted to diet I could help her. Something told me to give in and I took her, she has been going for 5 or 6 weeks now and she has lost 18 pounds. She works out daily on the treadmill, she walks not that fast but she walks at a 10% incline so she is getting a pretty good workout. We only signed up with Jenny Craig for the 20 lbs or 10 week promotional thing and I figure by this coming this Friday she will be done. She has agreed not to sign up for more and we are going to work together. She still doesn't move unless she absolutely has to but she is extremely heavy and as she thins out I suspect this will improve. I am overweight myself, but I think it is more painful to have an overweight child. I'm going to add you as a friend and maybe we can support each other and give each other ideas. (My daughter would hit the roof if she saw this post.)

Hmm... for a teen girl, you might try "Hey, lets go shopping" and walk around the mall for a couple hours at least. Just getting her out of the house and moving would be good.

For teens (guy/girl) (this is pricey) an option it they like video games is Wii and any interactive game (not perfect idea, but can help motivate) If your family is up for it, maybe a pet that requires physical activity (walking a dog) and make it the teens responsibility.

I hope some of my ideas help. Good luck.