I'm not trying to insult anyone by trying to lose weight.

ellebrosseau
ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi guys. I'm 5'4'' and I weigh 143lbs. My BMI is normal but I'd still like to lose 20+lbs. I'd still be in a healthy range of weight. I posted something about this before, and people just repeatedly told me I didn't need to lose weight. Why is it a must that a person actually NEEDS to lose the weight in order for it to be socially acceptable? I know a lot of people on here are overweight or obese and need support taking the steps to move toward a healthy weight, which is why I do my best to comment on posts and support them. I'm not trying to be insulting by wanting to lose weight even though I'm at a healthy weight; I just know I could be better and want to work toward it. Yes, I've had a history of disordered eating; NO, I do not need to "seek counseling" more than I need to lose weight. It's a personal choice and I'm doing it right.

I guess I'm just feeling extremely discouraged. It seems like nearly everyone is supportive of those starting at an unhealthy weight but not of those starting at an already-healthy weight. If I had lost 100lbs, people would be pushing me to lose the last 20 to look good, not feeling insulted over it. I guess I just don't understand the mindset.

Blahhhhh. Okay, rant over. Please don't hate me for my feelings, guys and gals.
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Replies

  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    I think the fact that you feel others are personally insulted by your decision (as unhealthy or healthy as it may be) to reach 100 lbs shows there are still problems in your head concerning your body image.

    What is your plan for doing it right this time, to avoid the hospital and extreme dieting?
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    You're an adult (you are, aren't you?). If you wanna lose more weight, go ahead. Just try and be healthy about it. Don't starve yourself. Don't workouts 8 hours a day.

    I think many people on focus on BMI (as I'm afraid you are) keep forgetting that the BMI system is fairly flawed. Instead of losing weight, I would encourage you to try and lose some body fat instead. Try to eat reasonable amount of calories and start some strength training program. May I suggest weight lifting? There are many other strength training program besides lifting mind you, so explore some. Heres a thread you can checkout to see how much calories you really need to consume:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819055-setting-your-calorie-and-macro-targets
    (it might be a long read so take your time with it. Visit the websites to check your TDEE though. Thats the important thing)
  • ellebrosseau
    ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member
    I think the fact that you feel others are personally insulted by your decision (as unhealthy or healthy as it may be) to reach 100 lbs shows there are still problems in your head concerning your body image.

    What is your plan for doing it right this time, to avoid the hospital and extreme dieting?

    I wouldn't think this except there's a user (whose name I obviously won't post) who actually PMed me to say that she felt insulted. Another user commented on my last post and literally told me I need counseling more than dieting. I was excited about being on here, but now it feels like I'm a horrible person or something because I'm not obese. And I'm eating a minimum of 1200 calories, which is a whole lot better than fasting for three days then eating 300 (which is what I used to do). I'm also not exercising to excess- instead of as much as my body can take, I'm only working out for an hour or two a day, depending on what I'm doing.
  • Becca211H
    Becca211H Posts: 24 Member
    I haven't seen your other posts. We are the same height, and I had the same starting weight as you. I have lost 20 lbs and feel great. I am by no means too skinny, and no one that saw me would think I was. Just do what you need to do.
  • ellebrosseau
    ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member
    You're an adult (you are, aren't you?). If you wanna lose more weight, go ahead. Just try and be healthy about it. Don't starve yourself. Don't workouts 8 hours a day.

    I think many people on focus on BMI (as I'm afraid you are) keep forgetting that the BMI system is fairly flawed. Instead of losing weight, I would encourage you to try and lose some body fat instead. Try to eat reasonable amount of calories and start some strength training program. May I suggest weight lifting? There are many other strength training program besides lifting mind you, so explore some. Heres a thread you can checkout to see how much calories you really need to consume:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819055-setting-your-calorie-and-macro-targets
    (it might be a long read so take your time with it. Visit the websites to check your TDEE though. Thats the important thing)

    Yes, I am an adult. I just feel bad because a girl told me she felt insulted. I'm really not trying to insult anyone! And I do strength training in addition to my cardio and incorporate dumbbells and 5lb balls into my abs/arms workouts where I can. Thanks for all the advice!
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member

    I wouldn't think this except there's a user (whose name I obviously won't post) who actually PMed me to say that she felt insulted. Another user commented on my last post and literally told me I need counseling more than dieting. I was excited about being on here, but now it feels like I'm a horrible person or something because I'm not obese. And I'm eating a minimum of 1200 calories, which is a whole lot better than fasting for three days then eating 300 (which is what I used to do). I'm also not exercising to excess- instead of as much as my body can take, I'm only working out for an hour or two a day, depending on what I'm doing.

    Ah - my apologies then. Whoever that person was, they shouldn't have felt insulted and even less should have PM'd you. Your plan for changing your body at a healthy and sustainable rate sounds like a good one.
  • NonnyMary
    NonnyMary Posts: 982 Member
    Hi - I dont know if that's the right weight for you, so I cant comment on whether you are slim enough.

    If you want to pursue weight loss, then you may want to try this -

    Go to the MFP "Goals" and enter in the info. Then see if you can eat according to those numbers, and then see if your body will allow you to lose weight. Do exercise to see if that helps.

    Then give it a month and see what progress you have made and then see if your body has lost any weight. That should be able to give you a clue whether your body can or not.

    I would say you know what your eating disorder is, if you are not losing weight, then do not do the habits of your previouis eating disorder,

    i would say work with a nutritionist to get a professional advice and how to best eat and care for yourself. Going to a nutritionist is not psycho-therapy, its just someone to help guide you and make sure you are doing well along your path.
  • ellebrosseau
    ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member

    I wouldn't think this except there's a user (whose name I obviously won't post) who actually PMed me to say that she felt insulted. Another user commented on my last post and literally told me I need counseling more than dieting. I was excited about being on here, but now it feels like I'm a horrible person or something because I'm not obese. And I'm eating a minimum of 1200 calories, which is a whole lot better than fasting for three days then eating 300 (which is what I used to do). I'm also not exercising to excess- instead of as much as my body can take, I'm only working out for an hour or two a day, depending on what I'm doing.

    Ah - my apologies then. Whoever that person was, they shouldn't have felt insulted and even less should have PM'd you. Your plan for changing your body at a healthy and sustainable rate sounds like a good one.

    I just don't like the feeling of insulting someone accidentally. That's not what I'm here to do! :/
  • ellebrosseau
    ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member
    Hi - I dont know if that's the right weight for you, so I cant comment on whether you are slim enough.

    If you want to pursue weight loss, then you may want to try this -

    Go to the MFP "Goals" and enter in the info. Then see if you can eat according to those numbers, and then see if your body will allow you to lose weight. Do exercise to see if that helps.

    Then give it a month and see what progress you have made and then see if your body has lost any weight. That should be able to give you a clue whether your body can or not.

    I would say you know what your eating disorder is, if you are not losing weight, then do not do the habits of your previouis eating disorder,

    i would say work with a nutritionist to get a professional advice and how to best eat and care for yourself. Going to a nutritionist is not psycho-therapy, its just someone to help guide you and make sure you are doing well along your path.

    I have a nutritionist, who I absolutely adore! Mrs. Dyer (okay I usually call her Nancy haha) totally approves of what I'm doing, too. She's helped me a ton, especially this last week where I've lost inches but not pounds! It's driving me nuts but she's right there helping me with my food intake. :)
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    You're an adult (you are, aren't you?). If you wanna lose more weight, go ahead. Just try and be healthy about it. Don't starve yourself. Don't workouts 8 hours a day.

    I think many people on focus on BMI (as I'm afraid you are) keep forgetting that the BMI system is fairly flawed. Instead of losing weight, I would encourage you to try and lose some body fat instead. Try to eat reasonable amount of calories and start some strength training program. May I suggest weight lifting? There are many other strength training program besides lifting mind you, so explore some. Heres a thread you can checkout to see how much calories you really need to consume:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819055-setting-your-calorie-and-macro-targets
    (it might be a long read so take your time with it. Visit the websites to check your TDEE though. Thats the important thing)

    Yes, I am an adult. I just feel bad because a girl told me she felt insulted. I'm really not trying to insult anyone! And I do strength training in addition to my cardio and incorporate dumbbells and 5lb balls into my abs/arms workouts where I can. Thanks for all the advice!

    Past is past, put it behind.

    I am afraid what you're doing wouldn't really be strength training. Heres a thread I started as a joke but it features real MFP girls and their workout and results are real:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/987513-lifting-is-the-most-horrible-thing-to-a-woman-since-twiggy

    What I'm trying to get you to see is that perhaps losing weight isn't the main thing. Perhaps checking out and opening yourself to other routes is. Like eating decent amount, getting a nice body thats not only amazing but healthy. I have seen over and over again girls talking about losing weight but in reality, the body they're trying to seek is not lower in weight, but rather lower in fat and they got there by doing some serious strength training.
  • LeviLeDoux
    LeviLeDoux Posts: 151 Member
    Screw 'em. Don't let others' opinions affect your personal goals.
  • Birder150
    Birder150 Posts: 677 Member
    I wish I would've nipped my extra weight in the bud when I only had 10 lbs to lose.
    Having to lose 100 lbs sucks.
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
    On your last post you stated that your mother was anorexic and she kept telling you to lose weight. That is why I said that you need to seek counseling. Also you had stated that your primary reason for losing weight is for your boyfriend . When you put it like that what do you think is going to happen?

    IDK why that girl emailed you though, she obviously has body image problems of her own and needs to grow up.
  • AccioHotBod
    AccioHotBod Posts: 44 Member
    Hi guys. I'm 5'4'' and I weigh 143lbs. My BMI is normal but I'd still like to lose 20+lbs. I'd still be in a healthy range of weight. I posted something about this before, and people just repeatedly told me I didn't need to lose weight. Why is it a must that a person actually NEEDS to lose the weight in order for it to be socially acceptable? I know a lot of people on here are overweight or obese and need support taking the steps to move toward a healthy weight, which is why I do my best to comment on posts and support them. I'm not trying to be insulting by wanting to lose weight even though I'm at a healthy weight; I just know I could be better and want to work toward it. Yes, I've had a history of disordered eating; NO, I do not need to "seek counseling" more than I need to lose weight. It's a personal choice and I'm doing it right.

    I guess I'm just feeling extremely discouraged. It seems like nearly everyone is supportive of those starting at an unhealthy weight but not of those starting at an already-healthy weight. If I had lost 100lbs, people would be pushing me to lose the last 20 to look good, not feeling insulted over it. I guess I just don't understand the mindset.

    Blahhhhh. Okay, rant over. Please don't hate me for my feelings, guys and gals.

    I'm 5'6 and 142 so...I don't think your 20lb weight loss goal sounds ridiculous to me. However, I do think that maybe you should focus on losing body fat versus fixating on a particular goal weight, you might achieve what you want to look like in 5-10 lbs if you start strength training.
  • ellebrosseau
    ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member
    You're an adult (you are, aren't you?). If you wanna lose more weight, go ahead. Just try and be healthy about it. Don't starve yourself. Don't workouts 8 hours a day.

    I think many people on focus on BMI (as I'm afraid you are) keep forgetting that the BMI system is fairly flawed. Instead of losing weight, I would encourage you to try and lose some body fat instead. Try to eat reasonable amount of calories and start some strength training program. May I suggest weight lifting? There are many other strength training program besides lifting mind you, so explore some. Heres a thread you can checkout to see how much calories you really need to consume:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819055-setting-your-calorie-and-macro-targets
    (it might be a long read so take your time with it. Visit the websites to check your TDEE though. Thats the important thing)

    Yes, I am an adult. I just feel bad because a girl told me she felt insulted. I'm really not trying to insult anyone! And I do strength training in addition to my cardio and incorporate dumbbells and 5lb balls into my abs/arms workouts where I can. Thanks for all the advice!

    Past is past, put it behind.

    I am afraid what you're doing wouldn't really be strength training. Heres a thread I started as a joke but it features real MFP girls and their workout and results are real:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/987513-lifting-is-the-most-horrible-thing-to-a-woman-since-twiggy

    What I'm trying to get you to see is that perhaps losing weight isn't the main thing. Perhaps checking out and opening yourself to other routes is. Like eating decent amount, getting a nice body thats not only amazing but healthy. I have seen over and over again girls talking about losing weight but in reality, the body they're trying to seek is not lower in weight, but rather lower in fat and they got there by doing some serious strength training.

    I meant strength training in addition to incorporating dumbbells into other workouts. :) I have a mini-gym in my basement. It's got tons of lifting equipment!
  • ellebrosseau
    ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member
    On your last post you stated that your mother was anorexic and she kept telling you to lose weight. That is why I said that you need to seek counseling. Also you had stated that your primary reason for losing weight is for your boyfriend . When you put it like that what do you think is going to happen.

    I don't understand why the reason matters as long as I'm not being unhealthy?
  • FrankiesSaysRelax
    FrankiesSaysRelax Posts: 403 Member
    I started with 15 lbs to lose. it maybe isn't as common, but there are plenty of people just looking to slim down a little or feel/look healthier. Just do what is best for you. As long as you're doing this in a healthy way, I say go for it and ignore the criticism.
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
    Eh. I joined because I wanted to lose 9 pounds. :huh: If people want to feel insulted by it, that's on them.
  • adnamalegna
    adnamalegna Posts: 203 Member
    I think if I had started worrying about my weight when I only had 20 lbs to lose... I wouldn't have the long road ahead of me that I do... so I think you are doing just fine. Provided that you do it in a safe manner. And Taunto is spot on- you might want to refocus on toning- not so much "losing" in order to be the fittest you can be.

    I have a very dear friend on here who is 5'9 and very slender. She's a cancer survivor and she is trying to "lose" 10 lbs of "fat" and replace it with muscle. And I'd be on someone's case for making her feel bad about it. Eat healthy, eat clean and be persistent. Don't let the naysayers get you down girl!
  • looking4au
    looking4au Posts: 85 Member
    you just need to find the right "friends" to support you. I have actually had to delete some and have now found a handful of very motivated and supportive "friends" on here that are from all shapes and sizes. I want my group of "friends" to strive to be healthy, and happy whatever their goal is. Could be weight loss, maintaince, strength training/building or whatever.
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
    On your last post you stated that your mother was anorexic and she kept telling you to lose weight. That is why I said that you need to seek counseling. Also you had stated that your primary reason for losing weight is for your boyfriend . When you put it like that what do you think is going to happen.

    I don't understand why the reason matters as long as I'm not being unhealthy?

    When an anorexic pressures me to lose weight there may be a problem. You established that you had unhealthy loss habits in the past and it did not really seem like you wanted to change them that much that is why people got on you.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    On your last post you stated that your mother was anorexic and she kept telling you to lose weight. That is why I said that you need to seek counseling. Also you had stated that your primary reason for losing weight is for your boyfriend . When you put it like that what do you think is going to happen.

    I don't understand why the reason matters as long as I'm not being unhealthy?

    Yeah I'm with OP. I see many girls who's only reason is "To look hot". I have seen threads after thread of "I wanna be called a MILF". Whats wrong to be healthier for your SO? The OP, from my POV, do have some issues (like all of us) and perhaps needs some guidance but that doesn't warrant harassment. Shame on people who stoop this low to prove themselves right. Next time, please say your piece and let the others do their thing.
  • amandabrooke17
    amandabrooke17 Posts: 24 Member
    Ehhh I think some people are just overly sensitive and have their judgey pants on. Guessing it was someone from your intro post http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1070502-hi-my-name-is-danielle-i-really-need-your-help ? Brush it off and move on :) this is your journey to Healthy and no one else's.

    I'm your same height and my goal weight is 125# which for my body type/build is well within the healthy range. I have to agree with PPs who suggested focusing on getting lean and reducing body fat; you'll be healthier and look your best that way anyhow.
  • jdaley90
    jdaley90 Posts: 259 Member
    i dont think you're goal is ridiculous.. i'm 5'4 and at my heaviest was 136 but i've still lost 16 pounds.

    what i would say though is that i used to be a 5-6x/week cardio junkie who ate 1200 cals daily. it's taken a lot but in the last year and a half i've started eating 1800-2000 cals daily and done a ton of heavy lifting. while i still weigh the same everything else has changed: i have awesome muscles (i'm not bulky....) i'm not afraid to show off, i eat a clean, healthy, balanced diet, and i've totally changed the composition of my body. I'm sure that i was 25-30% body far before and am now 16%.

    food for thought :) if you'd like to get into lifting and want any advice feel free to shoot over a FR! good luck!
  • ellebrosseau
    ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member
    On your last post you stated that your mother was anorexic and she kept telling you to lose weight. That is why I said that you need to seek counseling. Also you had stated that your primary reason for losing weight is for your boyfriend . When you put it like that what do you think is going to happen.

    I don't understand why the reason matters as long as I'm not being unhealthy?

    Yeah I'm with OP. I see many girls who's only reason is "To look hot". I have seen threads after thread of "I wanna be called a MILF". Whats wrong to be healthier for your SO? The OP, from my POV, do have some issues (like all of us) and perhaps needs some guidance but that doesn't warrant harassment. Shame on people who stoop this low to prove themselves right. Next time, please say your piece and let the others do their thing.

    I'm sorry I'm not on the forums enough I suppose but... what's OP mean?
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    On your last post you stated that your mother was anorexic and she kept telling you to lose weight. That is why I said that you need to seek counseling. Also you had stated that your primary reason for losing weight is for your boyfriend . When you put it like that what do you think is going to happen.

    I don't understand why the reason matters as long as I'm not being unhealthy?

    Yeah I'm with OP. I see many girls who's only reason is "To look hot". I have seen threads after thread of "I wanna be called a MILF". Whats wrong to be healthier for your SO? The OP, from my POV, do have some issues (like all of us) and perhaps needs some guidance but that doesn't warrant harassment. Shame on people who stoop this low to prove themselves right. Next time, please say your piece and let the others do their thing.

    I'm sorry I'm not on the forums enough I suppose but... what's OP mean?

    Original poster (sometimes also refers to original post). In this case, OP is you.
  • ellebrosseau
    ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member
    On your last post you stated that your mother was anorexic and she kept telling you to lose weight. That is why I said that you need to seek counseling. Also you had stated that your primary reason for losing weight is for your boyfriend . When you put it like that what do you think is going to happen.

    I don't understand why the reason matters as long as I'm not being unhealthy?

    Yeah I'm with OP. I see many girls who's only reason is "To look hot". I have seen threads after thread of "I wanna be called a MILF". Whats wrong to be healthier for your SO? The OP, from my POV, do have some issues (like all of us) and perhaps needs some guidance but that doesn't warrant harassment. Shame on people who stoop this low to prove themselves right. Next time, please say your piece and let the others do their thing.

    I'm sorry I'm not on the forums enough I suppose but... what's OP mean?

    Original poster (sometimes also refers to original post). In this case, OP is you.

    Oh. I get it now. Haha.
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
    Im not arguing or anything. Its just that on your original original post it seemed like you wanted to lose the weight because of others. At the time you did not reach your target audience and instead pissed off a series of people that are struggling to lose weight the size of a 5th grade boy.
  • jmoliveson
    jmoliveson Posts: 40 Member
    Hi there! I applaud you for signing up and welcome you! I joined MFP to make a lifestyle change which includes being committed to better eating and staying active. I am not a believer in the BMI because it all depends on how you feel and that's all that matters. This site does have a wide variety of people on here and some are only too happy having fun insulting you because they have nothing better to do than make you feel dumb for wanting to better yourself. In the past I have weighed a lot less than I do now but looked way worse because I lacked muscle. Hang in there and its best to ignore all the imature comments attacking you..
  • ellebrosseau
    ellebrosseau Posts: 103 Member
    I know you were trying to help, maryjane_88, but what you said bothered me because I thought I made it clear in my last post I was definitely changing for the better. In addition to that, I've seen tons of people with worse reasons to shed some pounds. :/ And in all honesty, I was more frustrated with the girl who sent me a PM than I was with what you had said. I guess the way you worded it just stuck.

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