Defeated and Depressed
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Hey there Doris.
Been in your shoes, babe. I understand. I did finally get the weight off. Nutrition is King, exercise in Queen. I ran about 40 miles a week and stayed well over 220lbs for years and years.
I had to get honest with myself about what I was really doing. I set about doing an extremely HONEST food diary. No holds barred.
For me, I was drinking too much alcohol. Way to much. That led to a whole new way of living, lots of AA meetings and finally weight loss that really lasted.
Weight loss is a mental issue too. For some reason you do not feel "safe" when you feel hungry. Why is that? For me it was because I honestly did not feel I deserved to look great. I had gone through years of abuse as a child and some real tough issues as an adult too. Both making me feel not good enough.
You are good enough. Watch this and repeat to yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg
First thing, get some cute clothes that fit you right now. Get a massage. Maybe hit an "Overeaters Anonymous" meeting. They are free and very helpful for our "head" issues. At least go for the coffee and the love.
Weight loss starts in the head. You did not DNF in the half marathon. You will not DNF in this "race" to get fit finally either.
One day at a time, baby!0 -
I agree with everything everyone else said. You did not gain the weight in one day so you are not going to lose it in one day. It does take time, patience and true commitment. It is obtainable though if you really want it, and you have come to the perfect place for amazing support and encouragement. We're all here for one another because we are all in the same boat. Everyone's story is so similar in one way or the other. You are not alone in this cause we will not let you be alone...You can do anything you put your mind to!0
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Just came on to log in my dinner and exercise for the day. Saw your introduction and photo, you are absolutely beautiful and worth being who you are. Don't give up just reevaluate your food choices, try to eat lots of fish, poultry, veges and fruit. I am 56, this was my first week and I logged onto this website every chance I got to read other peoples stories and questions I made some friends and that is what got me through the week. I also exercised eveery day for at least 30 minutes and more some days and that a lot for someone like me who hasn't done anything in 4-5 years, always an excuse. You made the decision to do this and do this you must, so you had a bad day start over and don't look back you can do this. Please put a smile on that pretty face and thank god for your wonderful supportive husband and family they will help you through this and so will we. What has helped me the most is before I put anything in my mouth I plan what I will eat for lunch or dinner and log it into my diary and see where I stand before I eat it and then it is too late. I hope to see you back on here soon friend me if you like it does help.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0
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Don't say "I CAN'T control my food" - say "I WILL LEARN TO CONTROL MY FOOD" - MFP is a fantastic tool for doing this. You've taken the hardest step - admitting you have a problem and taking steps (joining MFP) to address it. Use MFP - make the changes you want to make. You CAN do this. Will it be easy? No. Is it impossible? No! Take baby steps - pick one or two things to work on at a time. Every week or two, add something new. I started by just watching calories, then I started watching salt, then I started replacing more processed food with homemade... the list goes on and on. If you'd told me last summer how I would be eating now, I would've laughed at you - this is the best I've done in my adult life, but it took a year to get here.
Tell yourself every day when you wake up that the only person making decisions regarding what you eat is YOU. I find it helps to plan my days out in advance (as much as possible) - rather than logging as I eat, or eating and then logging.
Good luck. you CAN do this!
VERY well said.
Persistence is the key. You are obviously fit and have strong will power for exercise so now just need to channel that same will power into the nutrition side of things.
"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
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It does all come down to you. As they say, "The buck stops here!" I know how you feel and where you are coming from. Just last April I was at 270 lbs. and was heading downhill fast. I made the decision that I would not allow myself to continue on the way I was. Yes...you must find a focus point that will motivate you. Yours, like me, is your family and kids. Rely on us here to help motivate you but you have to be honest with your food diary and keep track of it truthfully. If you don't log your food correctly, you are only hurting yourself. I have now lost almost 55 lbs. and I feel great about it. People will become your motivator too. As you lose the weight, I promise the compliments will come and will drive you even more. That's how I did it and continue to do it. I still have about 25 lbs. to go but I cannot stop once I reach my goal. It will be a continuous maintenance and effort. It takes strength and hard work to make it happen, but I know you can do it, the people here know that you can do it and it's up to you to convince yourself that you can do it. Good luck and God bless!0
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Whether you say you can or cant do something, you are probably right, just dont give up and you can accomplish any goals you want.0
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I think about food all the time too, but MFP has allowed me to turn that into a positive, not a negative. I relate to so many things in your post. I'm in my 40s too, but barely. I turn 50 next month. My dad had diabetes, and he died last year of congestive heart failure. My mom is 100+ pounds overweight, and she has high blood pressure and other obesity-related ailments. I too have an amazing husband (although he's not as thin as he once was) and healthy and trim kids. My dad's passing was my motivation to finally get serious about taking off the extra pounds. And I did it! I've always been into working out and have been fairly strong and healthy, but I knew I needed to deal with my food issues if I really wanted to whip my butt into shape. I am so thankful I did it, and I am sure you will be too. This is an awesome community with extremely helpful tools. Take advantage of it. You won't be sorry!Hi -
I'm new to the MFP. I've been reading for a while and thought it's probably time to introduce myself. I've been on here over a week and haven't lost anything, so apparently I can't do this on my own.
I'm fat and I'm defeated. I think about food all the time, when to eat, when not to eat, what to eat, why do I over eat, it's so exhausting.
I used to be a pretty girl - what happened to her? All my friends are thin. I'm not a recluse, but it's not so much fun being the fat girl, so I don't go out as much as I used to. I have a fantastic wardrobe of clothes that I haven't been in for at least 6 years, but I refuse to give them up. I look like a hobo, because I also refuse to buy any more clothes at my weight.
I have the most amazing family. My kids are awesome, healthy and thin. My husband is healthy and thin. I once told him I was sorry for looking the way I do. He always had dated skinny, thin girls. He told me that he married me, not those other girls and loves me the way I am. Are you kidding me? With an amazing husband like that I still can't lose the weight?
It all comes down to food. I ran a 1/2 marathon this April and I weighed 178. I think I was the fattest girl out there. I exercise all the time - I just can't control my food.
I cry just thinking about what I've become. I can't give up food for my own children?
I just feel so hopeless and I so desperately want to change. I can't even tell you how many times I've said this to myself in the mornings. I want to change - this is the day - and the weight goes up. The scale read 185 and I still ate 2 rice crispy treats last night.
I'm in my 40's and have young children. My dad died of leukemia and had severe diabetes. My mom has had triple bi-pass surgery at 60 and has really bad diabetes - and this is the way I'm heading. All of these major red flags and I still cannot control this one aspect of my life.
I re-read everything I've written and I sound so pathetic - who introduces themselves like that? I have to lose more than 40 pounds to be back to what I once was. That number seems so unattainable. 0 -
you can do this! team work does help. there are many layers to this "onion". daily i am dealing with the why's. your goal to be healthy and change your family history is AWESOME! i don't have all the answers...but i love to cheer people on. team work and we will both be healthier. tell your awesome husband to give you a hug from me.0
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I know a little bit about the whole weight thing...and believe me, you are doing much better than I am as far as wieght goes. Don't focus on your weight so much, it is only a category in your life and those that matter and love you the most do not care about your weight, only of you and your happiness. You are your biggest critique. The point of living is not that you be slim and look like everyone else...it is that you experience every single second of it. That's why we are given life. You are not defined by your weight, but your personality. Do not be dismayed, this is a small battle, and you are beginning in a great way. Stress and worry will only aid to this weight "problem," So, make sure you are not stressing out about things too much and your weight too much because it will set you back so much. Don't worry about the diabetes stuff either, those were your family's struggles and do not mean that you will inheret it either...yes, there is a big chance, but don't let it convince you that you are "doomed to diabetes" or whatnot.
I hope this helps you. I know it is hard, really, and being right at 300lbs....(yeah and I don't even eat like a fat person...LOL) and struggling with those thoughts and worries since I was in 7th grade, I understand what you're going through....these are some things that have helped me. All we can do is try and live one more day in that effort, everyday is a new day, new experience, and it is waiting for us to enjoy it. Dont let these things hold you back. Just let go and live. 0 -
Welcome! I see you have a lot of inspiring and supportive notes to read already, so I just want to say great job on your first two pounds and for putting yourself out there so honestly. I have 86 lbs to loose and its easy to get depressed, but please never feel defeated. Sounds like you have a wonderful family and MFP is an incredible tool & network. Good luck!0
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first hugs to you, second - look at all these posts of incourgment for you! it is depressing at times when the scale doesnt move and you dont feel good in your own skin. i have struggled with my weight ever since having my kids. i have about 30-40 to take off. i would suggest talking to your dr then i would suggest joining a class or a gym or something to get extra friends for support. i joined karate almost 5 years ago. yes i am still overweight but i found some great friends who keep pushing me along and i push them.0
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Right Mrs...firstly hugs because nobody should feel like this.
Secondly - erm you 'used to be pretty' but where did the thin girl go? Thin DOES NOT equal pretty. You are STILL pretty you just fail to see that right now.
Thirdly as my lovely trainer tells me there is no such word as CANT apparently the word we are looking for is wont. Replace can't with wont and you'll soon motivate yourself to do this.
Here on MFP you will find SO much support it is unreal and in a few months time you will look back at your introductory post and think wow - was that me?
Lastly - just some more hugs xxx0 -
I have NEVER EVER written or told anyone what I wrote. I can't believe I put myself out here. It only took about 15 minutes to stop crying after I read all your wonderful replies and encouraging words.
I never thought I "needed" any support - I could do this on my own. I now understand the benefit of MFP. We are collectively all in this together. There is accountability with each other.
Thank you so much - this is just incredible.
I didn't sleep very well last night thinking about starting my NEW day - my new day to being the girl I want to be.0 -
Welcome, Doris!!!
Like others have posted before me, you are not alone in your struggles! I struggle daily with the urge to snack and am still figuring out strategies to outwit myself!
Have you had a full check-up lately to eliminate the possibility that it might be something going on with your body that's causing this? Thyroid, depression, adhd etc can all affect your hunger or your urge to snack.
Please feel free to send me a friend request, we can battle this together!0 -
Good Morning, how do you request friends or see if someone requested you? I'm also new at MFP. I think I started at the end of Aug and I am still trying to make the adjustments.0
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Welcome!
This weight loss thing is hard but it's mostly mental.
If you say "I can't" then you are already giving up before you've started, I'm not telling you off, because there is only one person who should be telling you anything and that's yourself, if you are not ready to heal then you won't get far. You have to be strong and positive. Even if you have a bad day, the next day will be better.
That said there's nothing like a bit of support, someone to help or commiserate where you're going wrong, or celebrate when things go right.
MFP is a great place if you use it for the right things. Get yourself a ticker and join in on the forums And good luck! 0 -
Good Morning, how do you request friends or see if someone requested you? I'm also new at MFP. I think I started at the end of Aug and I am still trying to make the adjustments.
Hi! If you click on someone's photo it will take you to their profile. From there, there's a green button to 'add as friend'. Then you just type an optional message and click to send your friend request.
If you have a friend request, MFP will email you. You can also see it from your 'My Home' page, and also on your friends page (access from 'my home' page). HTH0 -
Hello,
First, stop bashing yourself so much. You are STILL a pretty lady! What is it about yourself that you like? Your eyes? legs? smile? Enhance them, play them up. While I certainly understand that you may not want to invest in some clothes, stop looking like a hobo. I have found that if one tries to look nice on the outside, it helps them feel better on the inside. Second, you apparently understand the risks associated with being overweight and it sounds like you have a great support system in your husband, so that's a positive. Third, maybe you need to try and identify what are trigger foods for you and try to eliminate them or limit them. Also, when are you apt to eat more? Identify that and try to have a plan in place. For example, have some healthy snacks/fruits on hand when the urge to eat creeps up. (When my kids were young, I would eat at night after they were in bed. That's when everything seemed calmer.) Also, it seems as if exercise is or has been a part of your life, and that's a great stride in fighting the battle. Take it a day at a time and be patient with yourself. You will find some great support here. Good luck!0 -
Your story sounds so much like mine and alot of others. Its frustrating to work at losing and not see much success. Three years ago I joined some girls at work on "A lifestyle change". I lost 50 lbs. doing an adjusted version of the "Southbeach Diet". Both of the girls then transferred to other locations. I then gained back the 50 lbs and then some, but I still kept to some of the changes started.
The few things that help me even now are giving up sugar (unless natural), I was surprised at how well "sugar free" things taste now. I can hardly tell the difference. All pastas, rice, breads are whole grain (make sure first ingredient does not say enriched).
Since starting MFP 2 weeks ago and logging all of my calories and exercise, I have noticed a huge difference in my eating habits. I had the opportunity to have resteraunt tacos and breaded chicken sandwiches last night and turned them down for a Fiber One bar until I got home for dinner (at hospital with family members). I am learning how to push my plate away when I am feeling satisfied, instead of eating until full or all is gone. I first check calories on anything before I eat it, then make sure I can afford the extras on my daily food log. I joined a gym to help work off some of the calories also.
My point is, this is not going to be a fast or easy goal for any person to take on, but it is something that CAN be done. Hang in there and don't be so down on yourself. We are all here for you!!!0 -
I know what you mean about feeling defeated. I recently had some acupressure done and that really has helped. I have reduced a lot of my cravings especially the ones for sugar. Another suggestion is to have you thyroid checked, after having kids it isn't uncommon for women's thyroids to slow down.0
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