Women, would you take this offensively?

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Replies

  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    I wouldn't be offended. He saw you struggling (whether or not you can normally lift that weight is a different matter) and he helped you out. As someone else said, his social skills are lacking a bit but I think he had the right intentions.

    In future, don't be embarrassed. There'll never be a right time to start in terms of fears and such over getting started, but once you suck it up and start going regularly, ignoring the stares, you'll get more confident. It'll become routine and you won't get embarrassed anymore :) You're there for a reason, remember.
  • runzalot81
    runzalot81 Posts: 782 Member
    A strong woman would laugh it off and say, "thanks for your help! i don't know what my problem is today."
  • LaGata8484
    LaGata8484 Posts: 14 Member
    I think you felt self-conscious, which is understandable and okay, but... YOU DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. What that man was thinking is of no consequence. So, be who you are, a small, strong woman, and work out wherever you choose. Be so strong that if you ARE struggling, you can walk up to any one of those men and ask for a little help! ;)
  • ggxx100
    ggxx100 Posts: 520 Member
    He definitely could have been more tact about it. Haven't experienced rudeness like that in a gym, but I'm sure it happens. A shame.

    However OP's experience shouldn't put women off from the free weights section. In my own experience, people are nothing but kind, and help is always available if you ask.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Yes I would have found it rude and been offended ESPECIALLY because most likely some *kitten* man left it there. RE RACK YOUR *kitten* WEIGHTS!

    I have seen just as many women forget to re-rack their weights in the gym.

    "Forget"
    That's cute.

    Yes, forget. People are human.

    U even lift?

    No. I don't lift. I just complain about people not re racking because it makes me sad for those who do lift.

    Let me guess...you don't re rack.
  • sozisraw
    sozisraw Posts: 418 Member
    I would have laughed and said I think your right thanks for helping! But really I would have asked for help as unloading weights with random form is not part of my workout and I wouldn't be embarrassed at all!
  • jaggerhawks
    jaggerhawks Posts: 187 Member

    No. I don't lift. I just complain about people not re racking because it makes me sad for those who do lift.

    Let me guess...you don't re rack.

    Pls go
    He definitely could have been more tact about it. Haven't experienced rudeness like that in a gym, but I'm sure it happens. A shame.

    However OP's experience shouldn't put women off from the free weights section. In my own experience, people are nothing but kind, and help is always available if you ask.

    Men are shallow dogs though. If you're cute they'll jump in to help, but if not they might stand back.

    I'm not one of them, just being honest lol
  • Frood42
    Frood42 Posts: 245 Member
    I think he was just trying to be helpful because he saw that you were struggling. Maybe he could have worded it differently though.

    You shouldn't be self-conscious in the weight room. Most of the men don't even care that you're there, and they'll pretty much just leave you alone.

    this.

    men tend to be more blunt and literal than women. Take it totally at face value, he saw you struggling, wanted to help you out, stated exactly what he thought instead of saying it a bit more delicately.... that's all there is to it.

    DEFINITELY go back to the weight room!!
  • brandynot
    brandynot Posts: 88 Member
    Okay so I RARELY go to the weight room when I'm at the gym. I've only been there probably 3-4 times in my life. You know why? Probably all of the reasons why all you women are afraid of also, getting stared at by men and not being able to know how to use the equipment correctly. Well anyways I was trying to lift heavy to do some squats. I noticed that someone left 45 lb weights on the dumbell so I tried to remove it. I was struggling for some reason and it was taking me a while to remove it. I was getting really self-concious because I felt like men were staring at me as if I was in idiot. And guess what?! I was right, this man in his 40's went up to me and said, "I just saw you trying to take those weights off and I can't take this anymore, I should help you remove those weights because it's going to take you half an hour to take that off." I just felt embarassed.... I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to the weight room anymore, I think I'm just going to use free weights and the lighter dumbells in the stretching area instead! I feel like he underestimated my strength as if I am a weak small girl. I am a strong women not weak... Would you women feel offended? And men, do you find this rude?

    I personally don't like going into the weight room because I often get the "can I help you" or "let me show you", but by no means do I let this keep me out of the weightroom when I feel the need to use it. Now I will qualify my dislike of the weightroom with the fact that EVERY machine and weight I have ever used in a weight room was shown to me, including how to properly use it, either by one of the gyms trainers or a previous personal trainer who I have asked to show me proper usage. So, most of the time me being approached is unnecessary in my view...but I smile nicely and say no thanks or hear them out and possibly learn a new use of the machine. Depends on my mood.

    With that said, I get what you are saying about why some feel that they are improperly targeted and feel out of place or uncomfortable in this setting. But I will say two things about this. One...I used every experience where someone approached me in that manner to either accept their "advice" and/or help or to simply tell them "NO THANKS". I am not a know it all, and I accept that sometimes the weights are heavier than I can lift. If someone sees me struggle I would so rather them approach me to assist than for them to sit there gawking at me awkwardly fiddling with the machine. Two...the only person who can make you "feel" like you are "weak" is you. NEVER let someone elses actions make you feel less than the strong woman you are. However, in the situation you described I do not believe that someone trying to assist you in performing an action that you were clearly struggling with was to try to make you look like a weakling. He may not have said it in the nicest of ways, but I wouldn't call him a jerk.

    Next time...and yes there will likely be a next time until you get use to being in the weightroom and acclimated to the proper usage of the machines...ask for help before you use a machine. Asking for help =/= being weak. JMO.
  • pushyourself14
    pushyourself14 Posts: 275 Member
    It was good that he helped you out, but don't worry about what he thinks anyhow. I kind of think he was being rude at the same time, though.

    When I wanted to start weight lifting, and didn't know much I read New Rules of Lifting for Women by Lou Schuler and Alwyn Cosgrove. It's really comprehensive and a great starting point. I didn't really like the workouts, but it definitely has a lot of ideas. :)
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
    A strong woman would laugh it off and say, "thanks for your help! i don't know what my problem is today."
    That is super-great; I'm going to try to remember to use that one! Thanks!

    Also, I am sometimes guilty of forgetting to re-rack my weights, as I'm sure we all are. Sometimes I'm whipped and fried from my sets and I just stumble away thoughtlessly. I'll endeavor to do better. Thank you for the reminder!
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    so long as he didn't use or imply "little lady" anywhere in the statement of "I'm going to help you because it looks like you're struggling"I don't se any reason to get offended.

    I'm 5'1 - when some idiot has left his 40 kg weights on the squat rack, and put that thing way above my reach, I won't even try to fix it, I'll ask for help. Firstly, because it is basic gym etiquette to clean up after oneself and re-rack the weights properly. Secondly, because if I drop one of those things on my toe, I risk serious injury. And thirdly, that's what the gym staff is for: to help.

    What you should have done is get loudly offended at whichever *insertswearwordhere* didn't clean up after himself.

    I am 4'11", so this 100%.

    I like this plus if you annoy the staff enough they'll start to watch the patrons a little more to "encourage" them to re-rack. Don't let his comments keep you from going if thats what you want to do...soon you'll be showing them proper form and technique. No one succeeds by quitting.
  • gsager
    gsager Posts: 977 Member
    Oh *kitten* he was being nice. I would has said, Thank you!
  • JLArispe
    JLArispe Posts: 62
    I use the weight room all the time and when there are weights that I can not lift, I first ask if someone is using them, because in between sets, some guys will go get some water or walk around and if no one is using them, then I will ask. Usually, I make a joke of it and say one of these days I will just be able to throw this weight right off. But, one thing never look nervous or scared in the weight room, or self-conscious, because guys will sense that and then they will be watching you. Go in with confidence and do what you can, small steps but it will happen. Good luck!
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
    My female friend who's often gone about how strong she is still hassles me if I leave the 20kg weights on (my smaller weights have gaps, but these are actually a bit awkward to lift as it goes). She will normally ask for help to take them off.

    I'll normally tell her she's there to get stronger, so she can do it herself ;).

    But it's certainly not something worth worrying about either way!

    I suspect the blokes in there would be more worried if you were flicking the big weights off with one hand :).
  • overstreetjl
    overstreetjl Posts: 11
    Okay so I RARELY go to the weight room when I'm at the gym. I've only been there probably 3-4 times in my life. You know why? Probably all of the reasons why all you women are afraid of also, getting stared at by men and not being able to know how to use the equipment correctly. Well anyways I was trying to lift heavy to do some squats. I noticed that someone left 45 lb weights on the dumbell so I tried to remove it. I was struggling for some reason and it was taking me a while to remove it. I was getting really self-concious because I felt like men were staring at me as if I was in idiot. And guess what?! I was right, this man in his 40's went up to me and said, "I just saw you trying to take those weights off and I can't take this anymore, I should help you remove those weights because it's going to take you half an hour to take that off." I just felt embarassed.... I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to the weight room anymore, I think I'm just going to use free weights and the lighter dumbells in the stretching area instead! I feel like he underestimated my strength as if I am a weak small girl. I am a strong women not weak... Would you women feel offended? And men, do you find this rude?

    This is just my opinion, but I think you're being overly sensitive and you're looking to blame stuff on the men around you. That's the way the post came off to me. I get what you're saying about feeling like he underestimated your strength, but at the same time, obviously he really didn't, if you were having that much of an issue removing the weight. As for his social skills, yeah, he probably could have said something different, but I also don't think he said anything out of line. I think he was just trying to bring levity to the situation. I mean, what was he supposed to say "I'm sure you're perfectly capable of doing this on your own, but as it was taking you a long time to get it done, I figured I would do it for you"? People don't talk like that.

    Finally, in regards to your getting "stared" at. I'm not sure how to respond to this. I'm sure it sucks of people are gawking at you constantly, but are people not supposed to look at you when you're in a gym? Girls are just as guilty as doing it to the guys too, so that argument has never really held water with me, not that you were trying to argue anything, I just hate hearing that, because it makes all men sound like perverts, because they noticed a girl in the gym.
  • Jonesingmucho
    Jonesingmucho Posts: 4,902 Member
    I wouldn't have been offended in the least. I would have thanked him and paid attention to how he did it so that I could do it faster the next time.

    I would have also probably laughed and flirted with him and given him my number. Jk Jk
  • Mr_Competitive
    Mr_Competitive Posts: 845
    Didnt read the original thread but Jonesing has it sorted by the sounds of it :)
  • britttttx3
    britttttx3 Posts: 458
    I think it's pretty nice that he helped you.
  • CubanSammich
    CubanSammich Posts: 236
    At least he cared..he could have just kept laughing inside like every one else
  • bennysammysofie
    bennysammysofie Posts: 331
    Get back in the kitchen and lift some pans. Wash them after cooking my dinner. U shouldn't be allowed to even go to the gym
  • myuhmaya
    myuhmaya Posts: 71 Member
    Oh, don't get embarrassed sweetheart! His **** is probably tiny.
  • Tamstar1985
    Tamstar1985 Posts: 334 Member
    the guy was probably trying to be helpful, it just came out wrong :) don't be afraid of the weight room.

    sometimes i get very shy in my gym's lifting area because i am the only woman who lifts there. also, i live in a relatively small city in china, so i am also the only white woman lifting there. i stick out like a sore thumb! a lot of the older guys will stare at me like i'm crazy, but then i just crank up the tunes and ignore them. to add to this, i get a major boost of confidence when i see guys doing super light deadlifts in the smith squat machine with terrible form, meanwhile i am doing proper DLs @ 1 x my bodyweight or more. sweeeeeet!
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    Okay so I RARELY go to the weight room when I'm at the gym. I've only been there probably 3-4 times in my life. You know why? Probably all of the reasons why all you women are afraid of also, getting stared at by men and not being able to know how to use the equipment correctly. Well anyways I was trying to lift heavy to do some squats. I noticed that someone left 45 lb weights on the dumbell so I tried to remove it. I was struggling for some reason and it was taking me a while to remove it. I was getting really self-concious because I felt like men were staring at me as if I was in idiot. And guess what?! I was right, this man in his 40's went up to me and said, "I just saw you trying to take those weights off and I can't take this anymore, I should help you remove those weights because it's going to take you half an hour to take that off." I just felt embarassed.... I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to the weight room anymore, I think I'm just going to use free weights and the lighter dumbells in the stretching area instead! I feel like he underestimated my strength as if I am a weak small girl. I am a strong women not weak... Would you women feel offended? And men, do you find this rude?
    i'm a cranky, grumpy feminist who gets offended by pretty much everything... and I would have laughed.

    he was absolutely honest and absolutely right.
  • GordonWayneWatts
    GordonWayneWatts Posts: 120 Member
    Okay so I RARELY go to the weight room when I'm at the gym. I've only been there probably 3-4 times in my life. You know why? Probably all of the reasons why all you women are afraid of also, getting stared at by men and not being able to know how to use the equipment correctly. Well anyways I was trying to lift heavy to do some squats. I noticed that someone left 45 lb weights on the dumbell so I tried to remove it. I was struggling for some reason and it was taking me a while to remove it. I was getting really self-concious because I felt like men were staring at me as if I was in idiot. And guess what?! I was right, this man in his 40's went up to me and said, "I just saw you trying to take those weights off and I can't take this anymore, I should help you remove those weights because it's going to take you half an hour to take that off." I just felt embarassed.... I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to the weight room anymore, I think I'm just going to use free weights and the lighter dumbells in the stretching area instead! I feel like he underestimated my strength as if I am a weak small girl. I am a strong women not weak... Would you women feel offended? And men, do you find this rude?
    Heck yeah that was rude! While it may have been an inconvenience to him, he should have offered to help you -and asked NOTHING in return --I occasionally offend people (I am a bit talkative and opinionated), but this guy sounds like he did it on purpose!

    Yes, you should go to the gym: More people are normal and willing to help you than the opposite. Go at your own pace, but do try to meet your goals -whether or not others approve of them, they are your goals, not theirs -- don't give up: There really are many people out there in the local gyms that are willing to help you, and perhaps you can help them too. Be safe, train hard, and have fun!
  • She_Hulk
    She_Hulk Posts: 277
    I would have chuckled at that. I *think* he was trying to be nice. He made light out of what was turning into an awkward situation for you. You shouldn't have had to take the plate off in the first place. Is it too much to ask for people to put their sh@% back? Clean up after yourselves, people! Your momma don't work here!
  • Catlady87
    Catlady87 Posts: 302 Member
    Sounds like he was trying to help you, but the way he said it wasn't very good. He didn't stand there and laugh at you or tell you you didn't belong in that room did he?
    I wouldn't take offense and the next time you see him say hi or something
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    Maybe he was just awkward. Depending on HOW he said that, he could have been trying to lighten the moment. He could have been trying to explain why he was helping without embarrassing you (since you really were struggling), but not everyone's a natural.
  • chancock6
    chancock6 Posts: 87
    All he had to say was, "Would you like some help?" or "Here, let me help you with that." The way he went about it was rude, and I probably would have blushed and left. Yeah, it would embarrass me. I'm sorry it happened to you. :(
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
    Okay so I RARELY go to the weight room when I'm at the gym. I've only been there probably 3-4 times in my life. You know why? Probably all of the reasons why all you women are afraid of also, getting stared at by men and not being able to know how to use the equipment correctly. Well anyways I was trying to lift heavy to do some squats. I noticed that someone left 45 lb weights on the dumbell so I tried to remove it. I was struggling for some reason and it was taking me a while to remove it. I was getting really self-concious because I felt like men were staring at me as if I was in idiot. And guess what?! I was right, this man in his 40's went up to me and said, "I just saw you trying to take those weights off and I can't take this anymore, I should help you remove those weights because it's going to take you half an hour to take that off." I just felt embarassed.... I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to the weight room anymore, I think I'm just going to use free weights and the lighter dumbells in the stretching area instead! I feel like he underestimated my strength as if I am a weak small girl. I am a strong women not weak... Would you women feel offended? And men, do you find this rude?

    I have to disagree that you are strong if you can't lift a 45 pound weight. Not making fun of you, but 45 isn;t very heavy. Like a bag of dog food,.

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