shallow?

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leadiax3
leadiax3 Posts: 534 Member
in Motivation and Support
Is it okay that i am concerned about my appearance equally as much as my health? I consider myself pretty intelligent and kinda deep, but lately i wonder if i am shallow. Anyone else have this internal debate in their minds?
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Replies

  • ChristineinMA
    ChristineinMA Posts: 312 Member
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    Hard for us to tell. When you go out to dinner and there is a mirror near your table, do you look at your friend or do you talk to your reflection in the mirror?

    :-)
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    I think there are a whoooole lot of people on here who feel the same way you do.
  • Alehmer
    Alehmer Posts: 433 Member
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    Having concern about your appearance, and your appearance having an effect on your mental state = utterly normal and healthy.

    Allowing thoughts of how you look control your feelings and actions, measuring your self-worth by your appearange, judging the quality of other's by their appearance = shallow
  • leadiax3
    leadiax3 Posts: 534 Member
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    Yes! Very insight guys. I do look in the mirror a lot, but i dont judge anyone by appearance. Perhaps being concerned about the amount of emphasis on appearance vs health vs intelligence is a sign one is not shallow. I appreciate each of your reflections onthis lil debate.
  • lebaker310
    lebaker310 Posts: 164 Member
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    I've been having the same problem. I got into my fitness journey because I was tired of boo-hooing about not being able to wear the clothes I want and not feeling comfortable in a bathing suit. My entire life I have been insecure and have craved the confidence of a beautiful, HEALTHY body. Along the way I have reaped the benefits of being healthy, but I'm always focusing my goals and success around my body. My boyfriend keeps telling me I look great, but every time I look in the mirror after a 3 hour work out I think: I could have done more. Sometimes when I worry if I'm being shallow, I just remind myself that I'm doing this for myself and not anyone else. I couldn't give a f if anyone else thinks I'm attractive.

    I don't think it's shallow. I don't consider myself a shallow person. You don't sound shallow. I agree with the fact that I don't judge others, but I judge myself a lot.
  • JuantonBliss
    JuantonBliss Posts: 245 Member
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    Sometimes I wonder if I'm shallow because I judge others on what they eat, but I know I only do so because I feel like everyone should eat healthy and I know that it's doable, even on ****ty incomes. I know, because I have pretty much no money and I live a vegetarian lifestyle and exercise. But, I also know that you can't force anyone to do anything that they don't want to; you can only hope for the best.
  • Alehmer
    Alehmer Posts: 433 Member
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    We always recognize those things in others when it's our current area of interest/passion. A car person may get really frustrated with you because out of all the great cars out there, instead you bought what you did. A runner will see your gait and wonder why you don't care enough about yourself to learn and do it the right way. A computer person will wonder if how you didn't flunk out of 3rd grade when you can't connect to the VPN again at work... etc etc.

    There are a million passions out there, and for everything you know you're doing right there's a thousand things you could be doing so much better, though you're totally unaware of it. You are thinking of food and fitness though, so that's what your mind goes to when you observe others.

    It's natural, but it's only shallow if you judge yourself or others as a person because of what they eat and the quality of their fitness. I'm certainly not a better person because I can do a handstand pushup... I'm just better at fitness than most, end of story.

    Also, the next time anyone thinks about berating someone about their health choices, imagine how grateful you'd be if someone came to you and talked about how bad you are at fashion/business/driving/etc.
  • rkasper22
    rkasper22 Posts: 61 Member
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    i think that's pretty normal to go through it recovering from ED. i think if you choose to shortchange your health to achieve a certain look or put yourself in harm's way or maintain an unhealthy bodyfat for the way you look, then you are in trouble. i think your BF looks LOW from your profile picture, but if your doctor thinks you are healthy and you can live life healthily and happily at that weight, then i don't see why it's necessarily bad.
  • murphy612
    murphy612 Posts: 734 Member
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    I am not shallow. Far from it. But my weightloss is motivated by vanity and wanting to look better. Better health seems to be the only side effect of that, so that works for me :-)
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
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    Wanting to look your best isn't shallow at all. It's part of having healthy self esteem.
  • stuarth79
    stuarth79 Posts: 3 Member
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    Theres nothing shallow in wanting the bestor looking tour best in everything you do!! :)
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
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    Looking down and judging others based on THEIR appearance is shallow, being critical of how you look and judge YOURSELF is not.
  • MG_Fit
    MG_Fit Posts: 1,143 Member
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    Looking down and judging others based on THEIR appearance is shallow, being critical of how you look and judge YOURSELF is not.

    Eric is wise, I agree. Many of us bust our butts through blood, sweat and tears, fighting for a healthier, fitter, hotter version of us. I don't see anything wrong with being proud of the work that we do (even if it is for our own image). And if it is shallow, I'm right there with you!
  • NoeHead
    NoeHead Posts: 516 Member
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    Looking down and judging others based on THEIR appearance is shallow, being critical of how you look and judge YOURSELF is not.

    i like this explanation. I want to be healthy and one day raise a healthy family. But I would also like to wear a bikini for the first time EVER without making people nauseated...I don't judge someone's character by how they look, but how they treat me, others and people in customer service. edit to say i try not to judge period i am in no place to judge. but when it does it's on the things i stated.
  • ksmiley412
    ksmiley412 Posts: 274 Member
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    Having concern about your appearance, and your appearance having an effect on your mental state = utterly normal and healthy.

    Allowing thoughts of how you look control your feelings and actions, measuring your self-worth by your appearange, judging the quality of other's by their appearance = shallow

    ^^^this^^^
  • digbybebe
    digbybebe Posts: 25 Member
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    Looking down and judging others based on THEIR appearance is shallow, being critical of how you look and judge YOURSELF is not.
    wise...yes...and very fit!! That may be shallow...sorry:laugh:
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    Having concern about your appearance, and your appearance having an effect on your mental state = utterly normal and healthy.

    Allowing thoughts of how you look control your feelings and actions, measuring your self-worth by your appearange, judging the quality of other's by their appearance = shallow

    Truth, yo.
  • Alehmer
    Alehmer Posts: 433 Member
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    Looking down and judging others based on THEIR appearance is shallow, being critical of how you look and judge YOURSELF is not.

    I think this needs a qualifier though. When I was 50 lbs heavier I was not a bad person, I was simply an out of shape person. Likewise, the quoted poster is not a good person because he's extremely fit. (I have every confidence that he's both very fit and a good person!)

    You can only judge that facet of your life when you look at yourself. Too many people make sweeping judgements about themselves because of what they see in the mirror, the extreme of which is the person with an ED who can't feel good about themselves because of what they see, no matter how smart or kind or otherwise successful they are.

    That's the definition of shallow, only seeing the surface and making assumptions on all the unseen, deeper aspects of that person, be it yourself or others.

    It's like that rush of anger you get when some jackhole cuts you off on the way to work. For a brief moment of fury, you are sure that they are the worst Nazi-esque scum ever to crawl the earth, probably drunk, and surely is only rushing home to abuse their family! But all you really know is that they made a bad decision, and at worst may be a bad driver.

    Having had an Ex who would go on a depressive spiral if she thought for a moment she looked fat, I think this needs to be exceptionally well-defined.
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
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    As long as you aren't hanging all of your self-identification based on your looks, I think you are not shallow. There is nothing wrong with enjoying how you look as long as you don't let it consume who you are, and begin to downplay your other positive attruibutes.

    Keep a global view of who you are, and no worries.
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
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    I only talk to hot chicks.

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