why do people like to tear others down?

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Replies

  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 509 Member
    Maybe he was interested in you. He was nice and encouraging in the beginning but once he came to the understanding that his feelings were not reciprocated, he turned into a jerk. One thing is for certain, "Women love jerks" . Deny it all you want, but its true. All men know this and we use it to our advantage. Its already working on you. You are thinking what you should do about a guy you lift weights with. Why should you care? You have already tore him down with comments i.e. not much going on in his life, not attractive. If you aren't interested, why does that matter? See, its working. Women love jerks because you think you will change his mind, his opinion, or outlook. Let me know when after a workout, you walk him to the car and ask him "What happened to us?" "Did I do something wrong?" Then BOOM, he has you. My reply will not be popular, but its honest.

    "Women" don't all like everything the same. We don't all even like chocolate, we certainly don't have the same taste in friends.

    No, I don't like jerks. So, luckily, you are safe from my affections, I assure you.




    But on topic, it sounds like he's jealous and doesn't know how to articulate it. If you like him as a person outside of these comments, if you really care about him as a friend, maybe you should talk to him honestly instead of insulting him online and throwing him away.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    Honestly, from the limited information i have, I think this guy is in a relationship with you in his mind. Even though you may look at it differently, he sees that as "our" time, not "your" time and he just happens to be who you workout with.

    So you start crossfit? Less "our" time and more "you" time. In his mind you are "cheating" on him in a sense. Maybe he has a passive aggressive personality. So he makes those comments hoping you stop stepping out on him and things return to the status quo.

    It sounds ridiculous but if vegas was taking bets I put mine here.
  • mdn15
    mdn15 Posts: 145
    Why do you think he is saying this to be mean? Maybe trying is just trying to be honest with you.

    No because I have reduce body fat significantly and clothes size. I have become more muscular and that is what I wanted.
  • tworthen79
    tworthen79 Posts: 1,173 Member
    I wouldn't be hanging out with other men since I'm married.

    Well, some people are mature enough to handle having friends of the opposite gender even when they're in a relationship.

    I'm mature. But it's less drama. My husband and I hang out it groups. And that works for us. But apparently for her it isn't working. So yeah I agree one can be friends with the opposite sex, if they want too hangout with other men alone, great. But personally, I don't. Whatever works.
  • mdn15
    mdn15 Posts: 145
    I have my life together (wife, kids, house, financial stability, etc).

    You have a wife? That's hot.

    That would be hot. I meant husband :smile:
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    Just a thought....are you sure that you truly understand this person(s) view? Perception and interpretation are HIGHLY impacted by your present state of emotional reality.


    Personally, I love the phrase....Grow some skin.... If you allow the sayings of those around you, close or not, to impact who you are and what you believe and perceive...you need to Grow Some Skin. You are your own individual. Stand tall and Proud in who you are. And if you can't, then you will always perceive the negative.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    :noway: I almost forgot...Killer Calves!
  • mdn15
    mdn15 Posts: 145

    He has a lean body but not attractive and does not have much going on in his life other than gym. I have my life together (wife, kids, house, financial stability, etc).
    I don't get why his tearing me down.

    You obviously think you're much better than him..perhaps he has been picking up on this vibe.

    OP, I'm really coming down in the middle here and caught between what others have asked as to why you are still hanging around this person, and the above quote.

    Are you looking down on him and treating him poorly? Is he reacting to that?

    We can't tell from here, but it's food for thought.

    I'm nice to him and treat him well. I have tried to help him get certain aspects of his life in order.
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    He is tearing you down because (he thinks) you owe him.

    Some people think if they are nice to you, you it to them to make them happy.

    You may even feel guilty - you are doing well, you have much, he seems to have little, you are happy, he is unhappy. (But how much of this is perspective -- he has had success losing weight, he is lean, he is able to work out 6x a week, he has a workout partner)

    But that is not how it works. And you are not responsible for making him happy.

    Is he an open person? ie. does he do things without any expectation of getting back? Does he appreciate what he does have, or does he measure his life by what he doesn't have, and by what others have?

    People tear others down because of jealousy, or because they want to control others, or because they blame you for their current state.
  • mdn15
    mdn15 Posts: 145
    So the next questions: Just slowly disappear or tell him?
  • admegamo
    admegamo Posts: 175 Member
    I do think it might be time to move on if he's making comments that you don't like. I mean, what does it really matter anyways if you keep him as a friend or not?! Probably not much if he's starting to annoy you now.

    I would like to point out 2 things:

    1. I don't think he means "big" as in "fat" but big as in "muscular" - I know myself, I don't find extremely muscular woman attractive, and perhaps this is what he was getting at.

    2. See this quote here?
    He has a lean body but not attractive

    Is that not also just as judgmental as he is being towards you? Justifying that you should drop him as a friend/work out buddy because you are doing better/are more attractive than him doesn't seem like a very nice reason, just like it's not nice of him to tell you to not ever talk about how you are enjoying crossfit because he isn't interested in it.

    ETA: I also agree with what a few others have mentioned - if you are not gaining anything out of this relationship, and it's putting stress on you, then it's probably not worth it. This guy sounds like he might need more motivation, and perhaps he wants you to stick around because he feels motivated by you - but his way of saying it is really flawed.

    I also want to add that to me it sounds you already have your mind made up but just want validation from other people. If he really is your friend, have you tried talking to him about it? To me it sounds like you kind of look down on him and if that's true, he can probably see it. I get why he wouldn't want to hear about you doing the training that he wants but cannot afford and yes it's immature for him to tell you not to ever talk about but I would think that as his friend you would be sensitive to that and not feel the need to talk to him about getting what he can't have. It's rude.

    I think regardless of how your relationship changed, you owe it to him to tell him the truth. Don't just disappear because that's really sh**** thing to do.
  • FerretBuellerr
    FerretBuellerr Posts: 468 Member
    So the next questions: Just slowly disappear or tell him?

    Just slowly disappearing is kind of a really low-life thing to do IMHO, especially since (I'm assuming) you've been work out partners with him for more than a few weeks.

    Please be mature and talk to him - and not just "hey, I don't want you as a work out partner anymore, period" but an actual conversation regarding how he's making you feel, then see where it goes from there.
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
    Well, neither one of you seem to have a very high opinion of each other... so I'm not understanding why you are even gym partners... :huh:

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