Telling People You've Lost Weight... Rude ?

Options
2

Replies

  • xxhieixx
    xxhieixx Posts: 89 Member
    Options
    I don't find it rude at all. I had a coworker mention how I looked good and she could tell I've lost weight. She quickly followed with "I never know if I should tell people that or not. I hope that didn't sound offensive". I didn't even know some people found that offensive, it always makes me feel better! I guess if you weren't trying to lose weight and someone said that it might make them upset but she knows I'm dieting and exercising.
    However, I never bring it up to other people. I'm proud of myself and that's all that matters. Everyone is different and I really don't want to make people feel awkward or to feel like they should comment on my weight
  • JL2513
    JL2513 Posts: 867 Member
    Options
    I've lost 18 of the 30 pounds I want to lose so far and not once have I brought it up. That's mostly because I'm a modest person by nature, but I also want people to notice and bring it up. Besides family, I've had one colleague notice my weight loss and she is genuinely happy for me; she's also on a weight loss journey. I feel like it's something better appreciated when you don't bring it up yourself.

    It is nice when people notice and I certainly expected more people to actually say something, but I'm honestly not bothered by it. I feel and see the changes and because these people see me day in and day out, it's probably hard for them to notice the gradual changes. I have noticed, however, my colleagues giving me long looks like they're trying to pinpoint something about me, so maybe they do see something but are afraid to bring it up or aren't sure.

    I'm actually waiting for the day people will notice once I hit my goal weight and I can tell them that yea, I did lose weight- 30 pounds. Bam! I kind of like the idea of them not really knowing and then having it suddenly hit them one day.
  • qtgonewild
    qtgonewild Posts: 1,930 Member
    Options
    when you have a bunch to lose, 18-20 doesn't look like much. just sayin. I should know.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    Options
    This is interesting timing. I recently had a conversation with a relative who's lost a lot of weight. We'd been together maybe two minutes when she said: see, I've lost x pounds, don't I look good! (she does).

    I wished she'd allowed me to bring it up, as I was planning, but meh, she's happy about it. So it goes. I'm happy for her.

    But. We're family. I wondered, after she left, if others feel as I did in the moment. I hope no one's upset with her, or put off, or whatever, but wouldn't be surprised. And knowing her as well as I do, I'm quite sure she does bring it up before allowing others to.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    Options
    Honestly, save for maybe one or two people, no one really noticed I lost weight until pretty recently when I hit about the 50 lb mark. I'm not the kind to fish for compliments anyway but my thought is, if people aren't noticing, lose more and wait until they do. You have to know that people are not observant at all so 20 lbs going unnoticed is not surprising to me at all. Plus if someone sees you every day, it's hard for them to notice subtle physical changes in you (kind of the same way you don't see yourself any smaller in the mirror).

    I personally would be REALLY weirded out if anyone had that conversation with me, but I'm socially awkward as hell so maybe it's just me. Lots of things weird me out, not gonna lie! Still, you really probably shouldn't be starting conversations like that, it's kind of a trap as another poster pointed out. Are you doing this at work or just with family members? That's what I wanna know.
  • stroynaya
    stroynaya Posts: 326 Member
    Options
    Nothing wrong with bragging about how you've lost weight, but it's gonna be awkward and offputting to people if you don't wait for them to introduce it.

    I had two people at work recently tell me about significant weight loss (neither of whom I knew when they were heavier). One was completely natural after I had complemented her several times on how much I loved her outfits. The other was awkward and forced, similar to your example, as if he was just looking for a place to shoehorn it into the conversation.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Options
    I don't think it's rude, per say. It does put them on the spot though, and no one likes that. 20 lbs is a great accomplishment, congrats. But on some folks it's not immediately noticeable. Telling peeps you lost when they didn't notice in the first place is just awkward for everyone.
  • slmakar
    slmakar Posts: 7
    Options
    20 lbs is fantastic, and there's a good chance you busted your *kitten* to get that weight off. 20 lbs can be kinda hard for other people to notice. Frankly, we just don't pay as much attention to other's weight as we do to our own.

    Lose even half the weight your ticker says you are trying to lose and people will really start to notice. You won't have to say a thing! You will get compliments on your good looks, asked how you did it (and what your secret magic weight loss bullet is), and even some snipy, rude comments from the ultra-jealous.
  • lilbearzmom
    lilbearzmom Posts: 600 Member
    Options
    I think it's pretty rude to put someone on the spot like that. If you're super excited about losing some weight, it wouldn't be as bad to say, "Guess what? I lost 20 pounds as of today!"

    I have lost 130 lbs and I have NEVER fished for compliments like that. Most people have commented to me about my loss, but there are some people who haven't said a word. I think it's strange, but I certainly don't put them on the spot and force them to say something.
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    Options
    sometimes a conversation goes like this

    me: have you noticed anything ?
    them: you look great !
    me: I've lost 20lbs !
    them: oh.... that's great ! yeah ! Good for you !

    Which is then followed by them sharply exhaling.

    There is a difference between telling people you have lost weight (because they asked) and putting them in an awkward position to guess what has changed about you. Awkward situations. Awkward responses/reactions.
  • FaithsVegWorkout
    FaithsVegWorkout Posts: 471
    Options
    While I agree that asking if someone has noticed something about your appearance puts them on the spot, I also think it's possible to ask that in an innocent way as a segue to tell them you lost weight/got your hair done/got botox. .. whatever. Not everyone has a direct communication style.

    People who love you and care about you won't overanalyze how you communicate with them about things you are happy about in life. However, if you insult them for not noticing, which it doesn't sound like you did, then that's taking it a bit too far.

    I'm a very direct communicator, so I'll just say, "Woohoo! I lost 5 pounds!" If that's seen as bragging or being rude, then I don't really want that person as a friend. On the other hand, I have friends who are not as direct in their communication, and if they ask if I noticed something, I'll be honest. I don't feel bad for not noticing. It's not my job to constantly notice what's different about people. However, I'm a mild narcissist. ;)
  • RunningSwede
    RunningSwede Posts: 42 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't call it rude...but it's sooooo much sweeter when I wait for them to tell me.
  • deemariec
    deemariec Posts: 12
    Options
    I wouldn't say anything if they want to comment on you they will without having to be asked :)
  • james6998
    james6998 Posts: 743 Member
    Options
    sometimes a conversation goes like this

    me: have you noticed anything ?
    them: you look great !
    me: I've lost 20lbs !
    them: oh.... that's great ! yeah ! Good for you !

    Which is then followed by them sharply exhaling.

    I think that would depend on a few factors.

    1. are they over weight themselves?
    2. your relationship to them
    3. if they are the paranoid type?
    Some people look at others victories as personal attacks to them.
  • AleciaG724
    AleciaG724 Posts: 705 Member
    Options
    It's frustrating for me having lost 40+# and not have anyone "notice" except those who know I've been trying to lose. Honestly, I know I have a lot more weight to get rid of, but I've lost almost 15% of my total body weight & it's not noticeable yet? Hmph...

    I think most people are just not that observant, so I wouldn't say it's rude, but it's fishing by asking IMO.
  • Microfiber
    Microfiber Posts: 956 Member
    Options
    A colleague once asked me if I thought she had lost weight, tbh, I was just thinking how much weight she'd put on :noway: but since she fished for a compliment, I gave her a compliment :laugh: She went away happy :smile:
  • Sjenny5891
    Sjenny5891 Posts: 717 Member
    Options
    One does not usually discuss their own weight. I may ask someone if they have lost weight or tell them a specific pair of pants.
  • sonyacheetham1
    sonyacheetham1 Posts: 2
    Options
    Sometimes it just comes up in conversation. There was one time I was speaking to someone about it and I felt awful after as it was something this person was struggling with. Then again if you are proud of what you have achieved why not tell people but only if it comes up in a conversation,
  • WildlyCurly
    WildlyCurly Posts: 151 Member
    Options
    To me it's not the rudest thing in the world you can do. But, it really depends on the relationship you have with the person you are telling. If this person is someone you can share anything with such as weight loss goals, then it's not rude, saying it all the time to this person is not really rude, but it could get annoying. On the other hand if it's a person you're an aquaintance with, like a person you often see in the supermarket, or in the gym, and those once in a while encounters, then I can see how that is rude (from their perspective) especially if the person struggles with their weight, these people might feel that it's a dig at them due to insecurities, while others will just think it's bragging.

    But if it was said to me by an aquiantance I really would not think it's rude, I'd see it as a bit narcisistic but not rude. It's fairly typical for people to share good news to seek some sort of approval. Random aquitances that I have not seen in a while have told me how much weight they have lost, how they don't have to shop in plus size stores anymore, how much money they are making at their job, the level of education they reached since they saw me last, and all this information was shared witthout me asking. I don't get offended, see it as rude, or as a dig at me. In high school and in early college days I would have, but now I realize that some people just want others to notice them, and want to hear praise as some kind of reward for their hard work.

    Good job on the weightloss. Losing weight is it's own reward and you don't need other people's praise or approval for the feeling of accomplishment. :wink:
  • Jlennhikes
    Jlennhikes Posts: 290 Member
    Options
    When I do it, I'm not fishing for complements but rather just REALLY proud of myself. I'll tell anyone if the conversation gets even close to it. Right now, my life kind of revolves around weight loss. I have the opportunity to turn 100% inward and do things for me and I'm freakin taking it! Other people can either deal with it or not talk to me.

    It's a free country, but wouldn't it be more pleasant to get honest compliments and not turn off people around you? You can't get much fun out out of extorted compliments, no?

Categories