Negative Husband

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  • Tyree985
    Tyree985 Posts: 22 Member
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    Wow that was too much of a perfect answer for you to be married. Do you want to mentor my husband LOL.
  • cicisiam
    cicisiam Posts: 491 Member
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    My reply would simply be. "Who said I want to be 20?" " I just want to be as fit and healthy as I can be, and me being happy with myself is enough." Sounds like it is his problem not yours. Look at all the fit ladies over 30 and their pictures for encouragement , and to help tune out hubby's negativity. This is about what you think..NOT HIM.:flowerforyou:
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
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    When I tell my husband how much more weight I want to lose or my fitness goals he always feels the need to remind me I am not in my 20's anymore. Anyone else deal with a negative nancy?

    Maybe it's a matter of semantics? Maybe it's his way of saying he loves you regardless of your size and don't stress TOO much over your fitness goals, because it's more important for you to be happy than it is to be skinny.

    Maybe he feels a little insecure over his fitness level and is worried about having to keep up with you or you leaving him in the dust when you reach your goals.... How about letting him know you love him regardless, as well.
  • holliebevineau
    holliebevineau Posts: 441 Member
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    My husband told me not to loose any more weight becaue then I will be too skinny. I am 5'9" and 169lbs and my goal weight is 160lbs. Good thing I am doing this for me and NOT for anyone eles.
  • kf5ljp
    kf5ljp Posts: 31
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    Let me translate this is in MALE language. He is forseeing a time period where you may be frustrated in your quest and says this so that you may prepare yourself for this time of depression OR he may be trying to discourage you because he knows the unevitable is about to spring on him such as a spousal produced commitment instead of a personal commitment. The trick is to say nothing and do it anyway and when sees the results, he will come around to supporting you and then he may do enough soul searching to actually commit himself in a personal way. No other pressure to change is as effective as a personal resolve to change.
  • AndyBloot
    AndyBloot Posts: 31
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    Blimey that is an annoying response!
    And believe me, it is all about him

    Translation
    Bloody hell she looks good. i don't want to try and keep up with how hard she works to look like that. I'm getting older and just want to relax - why can't she. I wonder how many buffed blokes look at her and think she's hot. I don't feel so hot, but I'm too tired to work out like she does. Why can't she just look how she used to look. I'm feeling inadequate with all this exercise and health business. She doesn't care how i feel!

    Probably already been said, but poor chicken feels threatened
    Don't seek his approval or positive comments - just tell him you love him (if you do)
    If not, then who cares what he says
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
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    Your husband is wrong.

    Age means absolutely zilch when related to someone's weight. I weigh less now at 38 than I did when I was 20. My mom has two friends her age that eat healthy, don't starve themselves, and weigh-in at around 100 lbs. I hope I look as fabulous as they do when I'm that age.

    There's no reason why you can't - eat at a calorie deficit, don't deprive yourself too much, and you'll get there.
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
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    I guess he is trying to tell you in his own ways that he does not think you need to lose weight to look good for him and you are fine the way you are.
    My hubby was the same way and lead to me putting on 20 pounds. This time i have trained him to be supportive and now he is as supportive as he can be :laugh:
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    If he's not going to be supportive, it's probably a good idea to keep your weight loss efforts to yourself. You can cut back and exercise without having to tell him about it. Then he either won't worry that you're not happy about how you look, or he won't feel so insecure.
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    Maybe he just doesn't want you to get your hopes up. But...it could also be insecurity. He might be afraid that you're losing weight and then might leave him.

    Try to only tell him what you've accomplished and not what you hope to do. And remember - like someone else said, as long as he's not trying to force feed you cookies it's probably okay. Sometimes you just gotta love them through these weird spots.
  • teganjessica
    teganjessica Posts: 20 Member
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    I have one too but luckily I have plenty more friends who are very complimentary of my figure and have noticed my weight loss ..... I put it down to jealousy knowing how much hotter we will look as the weight drops off .........I use my husband attitude as motivation ..
  • herblackwings39
    herblackwings39 Posts: 3,930 Member
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    When I tell my husband how much more weight I want to lose or my fitness goals he always feels the need to remind me I am not in my 20's anymore. Anyone else deal with a negative nancy?

    If I had to guess I'd say he's not trying to be negative. Sometimes, a weight that suited a person at 19 or 20 would be hard to sustain at 30 or 40. My guess would be that he doesn't want you to be disappointed if things don't work out to your expectations.
  • needtoloseafewpounds
    needtoloseafewpounds Posts: 161 Member
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    I've met blunt people like this and we know too little to judge whether he said that out of love or something else.
    BUT! What's important is that you're setting yourself up for a healthy lifestyle and you're doing a good job! Just don't
    do it the unhealthy way and you will feel great about yourself! My mom is 58 now (I'm a late child) and she works
    out every day and still eats a lot but she is slim, has nice legs, and strong abs! You can do it :)
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    You don't need him to tell you you can or can't - just do it, then rub your slim and toned tushie in his face like you're Miley Cyrus at the VMAs.

    :laugh:

    Just make sure to tell him you can't stop and you won't stop.

    He sounds like he is trying to let you know he loves you the way you are. So sweet. :flowerforyou: Have your MFP pals or a trainer be pushy with you and let him give you the unconditional love. Best of both worlds.

    This.
  • ckish
    ckish Posts: 358 Member
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    Is he usually a jerk or mostly supportive of your hopes and dreams in general? If he's is generally supportive cut him some slack. If he is usually a jerk cut the strings. When spouse's or SO's are not loving supportive people and you chose to put up with it - it is more of a reflection of how you truly view yourself and less about what negative thing they said. People who have a high level of self-esteem do not remain in destructive relationships. Weak people who think they have the power to change people will pretend that putting up with the BS proves how strong they are. Time will tell what kind of people you both are. I truly wish you the very best as you work to achieve your goals.
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
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    You don't need him to tell you you can or can't - just do it, then rub your slim and toned tushie in his face like you're Miley Cyrus at the VMAs.

    ^ I love this. It is playful and fun and puts you in control of your actions. :flowerforyou:
  • kf5ljp
    kf5ljp Posts: 31
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    Relax
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
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    I'm not in my 20's anymore, either. The awesome thing is I look way better than I did when I was in my 20's.

    If he doubts you can do anything so remarkable, show him this video of Ernestine Shepherd. She is 75 years old, and never exercised until she was in her late 50's.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIxmj_HHfWA
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    Get yourself looking simply fabulous: super slim, super fit and literally glowing with health.

    Then get an upgrade.. ;-)

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