Thought I had a home intruder last night.

Sounds like someone has a haunted bathroom....

Sounds like someone has a haunted bathroom....

My thoughts exactly! Did something awful happen in there, by chance?

Every time I have had Chipotle, yes.

Here's a picture of the bathroom.

We all know that paranormal activity shows up on cameras as blobs, or streaks, or other things that can't be explained by science.

Behold, ghost-free bathroom:

Next time, remember to yell out "HEY," then unload or you could get 25 to life.

More than once I've had to "clear" my house with a handheld bouquet of lead and steel. I don't have any of the wonderfully creepy stories that can be found upthread, but here's one that really did happen to me, with real people and not ghosts.

First, know that I work from home a lot. Most days, that means crawling out of bed and stumbling into my office at about 9am. I generally do not stop to get dressed, but nobody I work with knows I'm in my boxers most of the time. It's comfy, sue me. Also know that my dog is basically a giant set of female genitals, but she does lose her mind if someone comes to the door. Or walks on the sidewalk. Or drives by slowly. My office is upstairs and I keep my door closed to prevent invading animals, but if I tip the blinds I can see the entire front yard and driveway. I can't quite see the front door, though, as our front porch is recessed a bit behind the plane that my office window is on. If I were to open my office door and head for the stairs, any one who thought to look up would see me clearly through the giant window that sits atop the front threshold.

One day, after a few hours of workin' for the man in my skivvies, I am quite startled by a /BANG BANG BANG/ on the front door. Not a normal knock, not even an authoritative police-style knock. This was a loud bang, as if trying to wake the dead. Dog loses it. I think "wtf" and tip the blinds. I see no unfamiliar cars, no people, nothing. Here I am in my very svelte and masculine boxers. Sexy to be sure, but not exactly confrontation attire. I opt to continue working, as it is most likely someone trying to sell magazines or cable TV or newspapers or bug service or lawn service or omaha steaks. No matter what they're selling, I'm not interested and I got crap to do.

About 30 seconds later, as the dog is really ramping up her vicious snarls, barks, growls, and other criminal-scaring tactics, and /BANG BANG BANG BANG/ on the door again. F me, this is getting real... the dog is trying to eat the wall, and my spidey senses have gone from "ignore" to "protect and defend". My mind thinks back to the recent issue we had in my neighborhood of a man jumping fences and kicking in back doors in the middle of the day while most people are at work. *That* man was put in the hospital by my newly second-favorite dog - my neighbor's German Shepherd. I don't think he's going to try us again, but what other explanation could there be? Either way, I could not let this one slide. Knocking a couple times is no big deal... BANGing on my door repeatedly is going to get my attention.

I grab the smaller-caliber bouquet I keep in my desk drawer and jog into the bedroom for the nearest dirty t-shirt I can snag from the hamper, throw on some shorts, put the little bunch of daisies in my pocket, and haul butt downstairs. I'm 6'6" and 300ish lbs, but I can move when I need to. I didn't see him, he didn't see me... but when I picked up the 12ga scatterflower I keep by the door and opened said door, barrel first (pointed at the ground, of course)... nobody was there. W. T. F.

I put the shotty back in its nook and stepped outside. I looked down the block in both directions. I locked the door behind me and checked the back yard, the sides, the entire perimeter (daisies still happily resting in my pocket), but nothing. nobody in sight. I go back inside and try to calm down the little 30 lb 12-yr old australian cattle dog who has convinced herself she's a battle-bred pit bull on steroids.

After a few minutes, the canine aggression has slowed to a growl, with some raised haunches to let me know she's still on full alert, even if the immediate threat has passed. Good, maybe I can get back to work...

/BANG BANG BANG BANG/

This time I'm only seconds from the door, already dressed and already armed. Dog has gone back to DEFCON 1. I unsheathe the daisies, throw the door open and point all 1911 petals right at this man's groin. I'm not only huge, but also shaved bald with a beard... intimidating at first glance, no doubt.

"WTF do you think you're doing, banging on my door?" I challenged.

"Uh, *kitten*, um, I... wrong house," he quickly stammers.

"Who are you looking for?"

(trembling, probably urinating) "Jeff?"

"I've lived here for 7 years. There is no Jeff anywhere near here. Get the hell off of my porch and as far away from my neighborhood as you possibly can. Now. The police station is less than a mile from here and I know most of them personally. I'll be happy to introduce you if you want to stick around."

I don't know if he ever found Jeff, but he left post haste. He ran, full tilt, until he was out of my sight. I told one of my cop buddies about it the next day. They said he matched the description of a suspicious man that had been spotted a couple of times already, wandering the neighborhoods nearby. They were most appreciative that I had confronted him (and hopefully scared him off), but gave me some fresh business cards to call next time