Opinions? I'd Appreciate It.

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JDeana14
JDeana14 Posts: 45 Member
in Chit-Chat
So, my wedding date is drawing nearer (yay!) and I have been in the process of sending out the invites. Well today, my fiance's mom had seen an invitation, and went completely ape sh-t that she and her husband's name wasn't listed. My parents are listed because they are the ones who are paying (and I am so grateful for this, otherwise we would have gone downtown and gotten hitched). Is this or is this not the proper way to word a wedding invitation? The one who is throwing the wedding, so to speak, is the one who is inviting the guests? If the bride and groom had payed for the wedding, they would list themselves and say "With their parents" or something along those lines. But it would be them who are inviting the guests.

Is it necessary to list the groom's parents on the invitation? I was under the impression that you only list who did the wedding, and who the wedding was for.

Either way, she really flew off the handle about this, and I thought it was offensive, hurtful and ridiculous. Before this incident she and I had a great future-in-law relationship. There is more to what happened today, but that's irrelevant and would cause me to drone on into a different ball game.

What do you guys think?
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Replies

  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    It's your wedding. Do what you want. Mother in Law's are annoying b****es. Also I might be bias since I really hate my future one. :laugh:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    I'm glad you asked my opinion!!!

    You probably should have listed them to avoid drama.

    Too late now though, so sit down with your mother in law and explain your reasoning. Say that you didn't mean it as a slight and you thought that was how it was supposed to be.

    Beyond that, don't worry about it.
  • JDeana14
    JDeana14 Posts: 45 Member
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    Haha! Yes you may be biased, but that's okay. This whole thing is nonsense, and I don't understand how I'm the bad guy here.
  • herblackwings39
    herblackwings39 Posts: 3,930 Member
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    It used to be traditional to list both sets of parents names on wedding invitations. Now, I'm not so sure.
  • JDeana14
    JDeana14 Posts: 45 Member
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    I'm glad you asked my opinion!!!

    You probably should have listed them to avoid drama.

    Too late now though, so sit down with your mother in law and explain your reasoning. Say that you didn't mean it as a slight and you thought that was how it was supposed to be.

    Beyond that, don't worry about it.

    Thanks for replying. I had tried that, and I really didn't do it deliberately, but she said "It's fine, I'm used to it." Not sure what that means, but she made it pretty clear that she was not okay with it.
  • JDeana14
    JDeana14 Posts: 45 Member
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    My mom and I got those blank invitations, and downloaded the coinciding template for them. On the template, the example was the bride's parents inviting the guests to the marriage of their daughter to the groom, then it listed the time and place of the ceremony, then the reception. I just changed the names and put in the needed information, so I didn't think anything of it.
  • generallyme2
    generallyme2 Posts: 403 Member
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    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/qa/grooms-parents-host.aspx

    They should have been listed, out of courtesy, but also because they are basically hosts as well even if they didn't pay for it. Unfortunately, it's too late to change the invites, so I'd just apologize and give a very brief explanation (no need to dwell or sound like you're making excuses or it'll just get worse) then move on. Make sure that you thank all of the parents in the wedding toasts or on the reception cards.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Emily Post says the invitations are issued by the host (aka the one footing the bill)

    http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/335-wording-formal-wedding-invitations
  • tennileb
    tennileb Posts: 265 Member
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    I think if you list one set of parents you should list both, or just don't list anyone. Were they against the wedding ( if so then I wouldn't list nor invite them)? it would feel crummy to be the parent who is not worth mentioning on the invite. I think it would also be embarrassing for them to have invite sent to their side of the family with one set of parents listed but not them.


    in the end it is your wedding but you are marrying onto the family for life, how much of a rift do you want from the start.
  • kindasortachewy
    kindasortachewy Posts: 1,084 Member
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    We paid for about 75% of the wedding ourselves and my parents gifted us the other 25% -- His parents don't have the means to help out, we still put both of the names of the invitation, its not worth hurt feelings to leave someone out
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    Every invitation I've ever received had both sets of parents listed. But it's too late now, all you can do is apologize and explain that you just used an online template and assumed that's how it was done.
  • JDeana14
    JDeana14 Posts: 45 Member
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    I honestly wasn't aware of this fact, and didn't think anything of it. I do feel bad that this had hurt her feelings so much, but I did apologize and say it wasn't on purpose, and that I was just ignorant to the fact. I seriously just changed the template's wording to suit my situation, and left it at that.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
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    Trust me its a mother-in-law thing. At my wedding my husbands mom threw a fit because his step-mom got her flower corsage before she did. She was all, "I'm his real mom not her, I should have received mine 1st!" In my step-mom-in-laws defense, she got to the church first. lol
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    seems kind of rude to have left them off the invitation.
  • janupshaw
    janupshaw Posts: 205 Member
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    Not putting their names on the invitation makes it sound like they are not in favor of the wedding. What does your to-be husband think? Do you have time to re-do the ones that will go to his side of the family?
  • YoBecca
    YoBecca Posts: 167
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    It used to be traditional to list both sets of parents names on wedding invitations. Now, I'm not so sure.

    No, tradition (and proper etiquette) is that the hosts issue the invitations. Wedding hosts are traditionally the bride's parents. You did nothing wrong here - there was no need to clear invitations through his folks - they are technically honored guests.

    My marital advice, FWIW: you should not be the one to talk to them about this. He should. A policy that each spouse handles drama from their own parents is a really good thing. It lets the parents vent without harming their relationship with you, and it makes it clear that you and your fiance are a united front, and he's not throwing you to the wolves. And when he talks to his parents, he should be on Team You, and when you talk to your parents you should be on Team Him.
  • realme56
    realme56 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    It used to be traditional to list both sets of parents names on wedding invitations. Now, I'm not so sure.

    This^^ I think it still goes and it is not about who pays for the wedding but a nod to each participants parents.
  • YoBecca
    YoBecca Posts: 167
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    Have your fiance send her some links explaining this - the rules of etiquette around this are pretty clear cut, and you followed them.
  • stacyhaddenham
    stacyhaddenham Posts: 211 Member
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    Traditionally the invite would list both sets of parents. Keep in mind that when your child gets married it is as big a deal and a change for the parents as it is for the children so emotions can run VERY high. I will admit though that this is why our invitations listed my step son and not our parents as the host.
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
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    We listed both. Perhaps you can do a special nod to them somehow at the ceremony or before hand?

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