Scared of being slim

OP, I absolutely understand what you mean. This was a brave post to share with us, and I wish you all the best.

As someone who was both abused as a young child, and someone who has always been obese, I understand 100%! Through lots of therapy, I KNOW that for me, the fat was a padded barrier between me and the "harshness" of what else was out in this big, bad world. I was obese enough that I could be pretty much invisible. I had friends, but I kept everyone at arms length literally. I always kept the focus on them and not me. Yes, I was being a wonderful friend, but was shortchanging myself. (no pun intended since I'm 4'8" LOL)
OP, your feelings are very valid, and I guess the thing that motivates me is the health benefits. I WAS insulin dependent, on BP meds, have multiple orthopedic issues,and of course good ol' depression. I've lost half the weight I need to get to a healthy BMI.I'm no longer on ANY diabetic meds, off the BP meds, and the orthopedic issues, although still with me, are not near as painful. Yes, it's hard sometimes because I really MISS that padding between me and the rest of the world! The trade off is a better quality, longer life. And Hun, YOU'RE WORTH IT!

OP, you are definitely not alone in this fear. Not an hour ago I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. I was shocked to see how thin I looked (relatively). I glanced down at my fat stomach and was oddly reassured. (Side note – I have been overweight/ obese for the last 40 years). I was then freaked out by feeling “comforted” by still being fat. I am going to do some research and find some counseling. Losing 61 lbs so far has made a big difference in my health and quality of life. Neither one of us deserves having these types of thoughts threaten our weight loss journey. Good luck to you!

There are some really understanding & positive posts on this thread ... most ppl understand the fear of the unknown... I do.

OP...you have a lot of ppl here that can relate and that are 100% behind you, you're most definitely not alone in your thoughts!

Anyone not understanding simply hasn't been down the path others of us have, they haven't walked in our shoes... and that's OK, they have their own path to go down.

Thank you for your honesty in your post.... it's helping me better understand my fear & it sounds like others as well.:flowerforyou:

Cheers for you joining up, for opening up and helping others by doing it!:drinker:

Check this article out:

Is Fear Making You Keep the Weight On?
By Katie Rickel, PhD

Practically every day in my practice as a weight-loss psychologist, I hear a patient lament, “I know so much about losing weight that I could write my own book about diet and exercise. So, why can’t I follow through and do what I know I should?” You may have wondered this about yourself. It should be easy – just eat less and move more, right?
Wrong. For the vast majority of those wanting to lose weight, a “knowledge deficit” is not the culprit for failed attempts. Instead, there is an underlying fear that can stall even the most well-crafted eating and exercise program, and these fears create subconscious motives to continue engaging in unhealthy behaviors. These are the fears I see most commonly:



Fear of Heightened Expectations

Joe long considered himself the “black sheep” in his family because his siblings always outshined him. Since childhood, his parents had very low expectations for him because he never took much initiative – in his career, in relationships, or in his self-care. Joe’s most common response to their nagging was typically, “Well, I’m too heavy to do that," or “That’s not possible for a fat guy like me.”
Sadly, many overweight individuals manage to convince themselves (and convince people around them) that their weight “disqualifies” them from pursuing certain goals. They may hesitate to advance their careers, to seek out romantic relationships, or to engage in physically-demanding activities. Folks may lack the confidence that they could be successful in these endeavors. Thus, losing their excess weight creates a sense of fear and hesitancy and becomes a justification for not even trying.



Fear of Attractiveness

Heather was sexually abused as a teenager and the experience left her feeling uneasy in situations where she received even playful sexual attention from men. Although she did not consciously harbor a desire to make herself unattractive, she did notice that she was approached much less frequently as she gained weight. Over time, she grew accustomed to this “protection” that her weight afforded her.Although cultural ideals about body types are constantly shifting, our society today tends to equate a trim figure with sexuality. Obese individuals may be viewed as lacking in sexual appeal, and this prejudice may actually be adaptive for overweight people who would rather not be viewed as sexual beings. Thus, there is often significant anxiety around losing weight and subsequently attracting more sexual attention. People may lack confidence that they could successfully ward off unwanted advances.



Fear of Losing One’s Identity

Tony, or “Tubby T” as his friends called him, was known for his big personality. He always made jokes about his weight before others could, and Tony defined himself – in large part – by the decadent, food-laden events that he hosted. However, he was beginning to develop some weight-related health concerns and struggled with adopting a healthier lifestyle. He couldn’t imagine not being the “big guy” or changing the way he socialized.

When one’s identity has been shaped by having a literally large presence, the prospect of becoming smaller through weight loss can feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Similarly, when an individual’s social environment centers around overeating, there is potential for a great loss if more moderate and structured eating behaviors are adopted. For Tony, losing weight implies that he might lose a piece of what makes him uniquely “Tony.” Even with the threat of weight-related health problems, losing weight might feel like losing his identity.



For some, the desire to lose weight is simple and uncomplicated. For others, losing weight carries inherent risk – risks some might not be willing to take. However, oftentimes, the perception of these risks is simply a lack of confidence. At any weight, Joe could make whatever lifestyle choices he deems best for him; Heather could be as selective as she wishes about getting into romantic relationships; and Tony could remain a social butterfly. The work lies in disentangling the role weight actually plays from the power that we so easily give it.

Edited to include- http://www.doctoroz.com/blog/katie-rickel-phd/fear-making-you-keep-weight

thanks! This is helpful

I feel the same way. I am scared of succeeding because then I will like a failure for not doing it sooner. I am afraid of the loose skin I KNOW I will have. I am scared people will start talking to me, people who would not before because then I will know it is ONLY because of how I look. I am scared of people treating me better because I will know I was treated badly before because of my weight.

Losing weight is pushing your mind as well as your body. People stay overweight because it is comfortable. No, not comfortable trying to find clothes that fit or people saying rude things...but comfortable in that it is easier to stay overweight than work hard to lose it. Because when you start to do that, you are admitting to yourself and others that you got yourself into a situation that was not healthy. You are admitting you were wrong and no one likes to do that.

You have to focus on other things. Do not focus on the numbers or the body type you will have. Focus on what you will be able to do that your weight is holding you back on now. Focus on little things....being able to walk further and breathe easier. Being able to play with your kids (if you have them). Being able to do the things in life you deserve.

Check this article out:

Is Fear Making You Keep the Weight On?
By Katie Rickel, PhD

Practically every day in my practice as a weight-loss psychologist, I hear a patient lament, “I know so much about losing weight that I could write my own book about diet and exercise. So, why can’t I follow through and do what I know I should?” You may have wondered this about yourself. It should be easy – just eat less and move more, right?
Wrong. For the vast majority of those wanting to lose weight, a “knowledge deficit” is not the culprit for failed attempts. Instead, there is an underlying fear that can stall even the most well-crafted eating and exercise program, and these fears create subconscious motives to continue engaging in unhealthy behaviors. These are the fears I see most commonly:



Fear of Heightened Expectations

Joe long considered himself the “black sheep” in his family because his siblings always outshined him. Since childhood, his parents had very low expectations for him because he never took much initiative – in his career, in relationships, or in his self-care. Joe’s most common response to their nagging was typically, “Well, I’m too heavy to do that," or “That’s not possible for a fat guy like me.”
Sadly, many overweight individuals manage to convince themselves (and convince people around them) that their weight “disqualifies” them from pursuing certain goals. They may hesitate to advance their careers, to seek out romantic relationships, or to engage in physically-demanding activities. Folks may lack the confidence that they could be successful in these endeavors. Thus, losing their excess weight creates a sense of fear and hesitancy and becomes a justification for not even trying.



Fear of Attractiveness

Heather was sexually abused as a teenager and the experience left her feeling uneasy in situations where she received even playful sexual attention from men. Although she did not consciously harbor a desire to make herself unattractive, she did notice that she was approached much less frequently as she gained weight. Over time, she grew accustomed to this “protection” that her weight afforded her.Although cultural ideals about body types are constantly shifting, our society today tends to equate a trim figure with sexuality. Obese individuals may be viewed as lacking in sexual appeal, and this prejudice may actually be adaptive for overweight people who would rather not be viewed as sexual beings. Thus, there is often significant anxiety around losing weight and subsequently attracting more sexual attention. People may lack confidence that they could successfully ward off unwanted advances.



Fear of Losing One’s Identity

Tony, or “Tubby T” as his friends called him, was known for his big personality. He always made jokes about his weight before others could, and Tony defined himself – in large part – by the decadent, food-laden events that he hosted. However, he was beginning to develop some weight-related health concerns and struggled with adopting a healthier lifestyle. He couldn’t imagine not being the “big guy” or changing the way he socialized.

When one’s identity has been shaped by having a literally large presence, the prospect of becoming smaller through weight loss can feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Similarly, when an individual’s social environment centers around overeating, there is potential for a great loss if more moderate and structured eating behaviors are adopted. For Tony, losing weight implies that he might lose a piece of what makes him uniquely “Tony.” Even with the threat of weight-related health problems, losing weight might feel like losing his identity.



For some, the desire to lose weight is simple and uncomplicated. For others, losing weight carries inherent risk – risks some might not be willing to take. However, oftentimes, the perception of these risks is simply a lack of confidence. At any weight, Joe could make whatever lifestyle choices he deems best for him; Heather could be as selective as she wishes about getting into romantic relationships; and Tony could remain a social butterfly. The work lies in disentangling the role weight actually plays from the power that we so easily give it.

Edited to include- http://www.doctoroz.com/blog/katie-rickel-phd/fear-making-you-keep-weight

You know that rant post you had the other day, the one where you were upset that program wouldn't accept you because you didn't qualify because your BMI was too high. They told you to go to the hospital to look for a program. It may be for reason such as this...you need more than a program for weight loss, you need a program to help with the weight loss AND the emotional AND mental aspects of weight loss.

I have that protective barrier as well, but you know what? It has not served me. Instead, it has hindered me in my life in ways I can't even believe, and now it's time to let it go. Let your true self shine through. You deserve it.

Nicely put!

The small issue I have with it is that many of us wonder what our "True self" actually is. Why does it necessarily have to be the thin and fit one?... And my own answer to that is that I will never know what's best until I try it.

Hi,

I think that the issue of weight gain has its origins in fear. Most folks are running from something, someone, some feeling of low self-esteem, assertiveness, confidence in one's decisions, or traumatic experience that gets buried as we try to prevent facing the matter. When gaining the weight has its roots in unfinished business, losing the weight becomes an epic adventure. Because imagine having to go through what you are running from before you can loose the weight. Pretty scary if you had your mind set on that continuous marathon, ha? So, no, you are not crazy. Actually, most people would never admit it, so I commend you for your courage. It's a good idea to find someone you can talk to help bring it to the surface. If you're interested, there a counselors who do pro bono (free). I wish you all the best in your weight loss goals.

Lolinda M.