What is WRONG with people?!?!

ThriceBlessed
ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
in Motivation and Support
Okay, so earlier this evening I posted the following status on my Facebook page: "Okay, so I want to be able to run a 5K by next June. I've never been a runner. Even as a child I avoided running if at all possible, but now I am seeing this as something I'd like to start. I don't know if I'll sign up for an actual race, and I don't know if it will take me that long to be fit enough to do it, I may be ready before then. I'll officially start the couch to 5k plan in April if all goes well, but in the meantime I am working on losing as much weight as I can, I'd really like to be under 200 before I start the couch to 5k plan. So for now I'm continuing with T25 and lots of walking, plus counting every calorie that I consume. I guess I am officially in training now, but the first phase of the training is just general fitness, and the actual running training will begin when I am fit enough to do so without hurting myself."

Now, instead of just getting encouraging likes and "you can do it" remarks, I get someone trying to talk me into doing it sooner, or doing a half marathon instead. I reply to them, "I weigh 254 pounds, and have a foot injury that flares up when my weight gets higher than 230. I want to take the time to lose 55 pounds before I even start the running phase of the training."

And they continue to try to "encourage me" to push myself harder and go for it sooner.

I reply again, "What I am planning is to continue watching what I eat and working out for September - March or April that's 7-8 months, at around a 2 pound loss per week I'd be able to lose 56 pounds in 7 months, so I did put thought into the timing of the running. I want to be under 200 pounds before I ask my foot to take the pounding running will put on it."

Then they finally suggest walking a 5k... well, I walk not 5 kilometers, but 5 miles EVERY DAY, sometimes more. So walking a 5K isn't really a goal to aim for, I've exceeded that long ago. I want to take it slow and work up to running so that I don't injure myself and become unable to work out at all, is that so hard to understand?

What is it that makes some people think they know what's best for everyone?
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Replies

  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    When you post your goals and ambitions to a public forum such as FB, people will feel free to comment to them and give you advice. If you do not want people commenting to your goals and giving your advice, then do not post such things on FB.

    I have a rule regarding my fitness and nutrition plans, and that is that I do not discuss my fitness and nutrition plans with anyone in real life who is not someone with whom I train. Period.

    If someone happens to ask me about my fitness and nutrition programs, and I think that they are seriously asking for help, then I will offer assistance. If I do not think that they are serious, then I will respond with something along the lines of "I don't really work out much."
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    True, and I don't mind a little unsolicited advice, but to go on and on after I clearly state my reasons for the goals as they are set up... it just seems rude!

    Anyway, MOST of my friends were very encouraging, and probably the person who did this thought they were being encouraging too, by saying I could not only meet that goal but exceed it... but it just seemed pushy.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    if you don't want the world to comment on your plans, don't announce your plans to the world
  • jimmmer
    jimmmer Posts: 3,515 Member
    I have a rule regarding my fitness and nutrition plans, and that is that I do not discuss my fitness and nutrition plans with anyone in real life who is not someone with whom I train. Period.

    If someone happens to ask me about my fitness and nutrition programs, and I think that they are seriously asking for help, then I will offer assistance. If I do not think that they are serious, then I will respond with something along the lines of "I don't really work out much."

    I have this rule, too. I have honed it over many years. If you're into this stuff for long enough, you'll work out sooner or later it bores the tits off most people. Most of the rest already think they know better than you but actually don't have any clue about it. A slim remainder are actually on your wavelength about it.
  • Naomi0504
    Naomi0504 Posts: 964 Member
    Sorry about the non-support, girl! You know your goals are well thought out, don't even worry about the rest.
  • jr235
    jr235 Posts: 201 Member
    I wouldn't post our fitness related goals on facebook. Accomplishments (I just walked 5 miles and am feeling great!), but goals will get lots of unsolicited advice. Its why I don't post much of anything on facebook ever.
  • DrunkenFaeGirl
    DrunkenFaeGirl Posts: 107
    Just try to look at it as now you know who to block from seeing your future weight and health posts on FB.
  • fatcindy33
    fatcindy33 Posts: 4 Member
    I am just finishing up the second week of couch to 5k program I am by far not a runner (I failed gym because I couldn't run the mile.) Before I started this program I walked and walked and walked only when I finally hit a plateu did I even try. I took a good friend to finnaly give me the shove to start. I am getting better and better I can acually run for 90seconds now I look forward to my runs now. What I believe people are trying to do is not upset you but give you that little bit of shove. You definatly know your body better then any one else and you know when your ready to take on the change. Their are tons of 5ks out their that aren't race based if that something you really want to do go for it you don't have to run the biggest bonus is you get to meet like minded people have fun and you get to say hey I made it:-)
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    i'd delete without replying if I were you.
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
    If you've never done a "race" before - consider walking the 5k.

    You'll get to support the charity (pretty much all 5k's have a charity).
    You'll get to experience the way that these sorts of runs work and this will save you future worry (I'm too slow. What if I can't run the whole thing? What are the rules? etc.).
    You'll get to meet like minded people - half the field or so will also be walking.
    It will be fun.

    :flowerforyou:

    ETA;
    Plus you'll probably get a shirt - and who doesn't need a new dri-fit shirt?
    And depending on where you live - it might be too cold soon.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member

    What is it that makes some people think they know what's best for everyone?

    They're worse when they mean well. "You should try my hairdresser!" "You should see my doctor!" "You should make sauce exactly the way I make it!" "All my things are awesome, try my things, which I like!"

    Agree, only ever ask advice, post goals, comment on any intention or complaint at all, if you are without resources in addressing it yourself.

    Because you think it's about you, and so does everyone else; they won't give you the validation you're after anyway.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
    There is actually a study that says that if you discuss your goals and plans you are less likely to achieve them. After reading an article about that study, I've kept mum about my plans and goals.

    I'm about to reach a milestone this weekend. I'll share the info after the fact, though. I haven't told anyone what I'm up to, and I'm approaching my goal much faster than I would have guessed.

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2009/05/12/talking-the-talk.html
  • traceyjj
    traceyjj Posts: 406 Member
    With the exception of one other forum I visit, not one of my online friends outside of MFP know of my weightloss and fitness routine, Nor do my work colleagues. I've lost a fair amount of weight, so I think it must be showing, but nobody at work has asked HOW and why, nor do they offer "advice" and I like that. No pressure on me from them. Even my family dont know how much I have lost, what my goals are etc, because I dont want them to push me harder than I can safely go without injury. Last year I had plans that I wanted to run a 10k, but I tore a knee ligament, so I changed my plans. Now I am doing circuits, HIIT, aqua, swimming and my recent addition, lifting heavy (well, its getting heavy now LOL)

    I guess I am just trying to say, do it at your pace and dont tell everyone what you want to do... ideas change, but the ultimate goal of being fit and healthy stays the same.
  • TitaniaEcks
    TitaniaEcks Posts: 351 Member
    When you post your goals and ambitions to a public forum such as FB, people will feel free to comment to them and give you advice. If you do not want people commenting to your goals and giving your advice, then do not post such things on FB.

    I have a rule regarding my fitness and nutrition plans, and that is that I do not discuss my fitness and nutrition plans with anyone in real life who is not someone with whom I train. Period.
    I totally second this. I don't discuss my diet or fitness plans with anyone but people on MFP, and sometimes fitness/weightloss buffs IRL or my boyfriend's brother who's in med school, because people mostly don't know what the hell they're talking about. Half the stuff they tell you is useless, misinformed, and based on their retarded notions of how fitness works.

    Certainly don't pay attention to your pals on FB unless they're qualified to comment. Really, you shouldn't post anything about fitness on FB unless it's on a fitness group, and even then you're gonna get a bunch of douchenozzles commenting.
  • leslturn8
    leslturn8 Posts: 505 Member
    I was the same never liked running, still kind of dont. I cant run now due to issues with my leg, however i was doing interval running for 20 minutes a day on my treadmill and felt great. I was beating my 2 km time each day and its really addictive! Do what you feel is best!
    Its your journey not your motivators. They think they are doing the right thing but really they may just want your company. I was the same. :sad: Couldnt get anyone to do anything with me so I just gave up trying.
  • Cindyinpg
    Cindyinpg Posts: 3,902 Member
    I will comment occasionally on Facebook about workout routines etc, mostly because it keeps me accountable and a few of my friends from here are also my friends on there and vice versa and we share similar goals. Also, I have lost enough weight that it is very obvious that I am 'dieting' (hate that word) so some people are interested in how's and wherefores. But... I try to keep it in check and do not offer or ask for advice on Facebook. Sometimes, people get strange when they see other people posting about trying to attain goals and be successful. Especially when all they post about is memes and how drunk they're going to get on the weekend. It's like you're expected to be shallow.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    When you post your goals and ambitions to a public forum such as FB, people will feel free to comment to them and give you advice. If you do not want people commenting to your goals and giving your advice, then do not post such things on FB.

    I have a rule regarding my fitness and nutrition plans, and that is that I do not discuss my fitness and nutrition plans with anyone in real life who is not someone with whom I train. Period.
    I totally second this. I don't discuss my diet or fitness plans with anyone but people on MFP, and sometimes fitness/weightloss buffs IRL or my boyfriend's brother who's in med school, because people mostly don't know what the hell they're talking about. Half the stuff they tell you is useless, misinformed, and based on their retarded notions of how fitness works.

    Certainly don't pay attention to your pals on FB unless they're qualified to comment. Really, you shouldn't post anything about fitness on FB unless it's on a fitness group, and even then you're gonna get a bunch of douchenozzles commenting.


    I third ALL of this. lol

    I don't even tell anything to the people I live with. They know I exercise and that's about it.
  • MrsFowler1069
    MrsFowler1069 Posts: 657 Member
    Yeah, I don't discuss much about my weight loss or goals IRL, with the exception of 4-5 people I spend a lot of time with (and therefore eat with a fair amount, etc) and whom I trust to be respectful. Works for me. My accountability isn't to them anyway.


    Good for you for having a plan, though. I have some foot issues, too - pre-dating my weight increase, but certainly exacerbated by it. I am early in my weight loss and starting strength/resistance training this week, but a 5k is definitely on the list!

    I hope you love it!
  • Rei1988
    Rei1988 Posts: 412 Member
    Ignore everyone else. You CAN do it! I have seen many on MFP that have done that exactly. Keep your goals to yourself though, people will wanna bring you down. Good luck! :)
  • hazellac
    hazellac Posts: 90 Member
    I'm actually the opposite and tell everyone what I plan to do, I find that way people are asking how I'm getting on and I'd feel rubbish if I hadn't done anything so it pushes me to do what I say I will. Also I kind of like people scoffing at my goals - "Pfft I don't think you'll be ready by then" - "Why don't you set your goals a little lower" etc - it pushes me more, makes me want to prove to people I CAN do it. Good luck with your goals.
  • ThriceBlessed
    ThriceBlessed Posts: 499 Member
    Thanks everyone, I am pretty sure the person meant it as encouragement. As for doing a walking 5K, I may do that, but that isn't the point. I already walk almost double that distance on a daily basis, sometimes more, through rough terrain. The point isn't a race. The point isn't an event. I want to *be able* to run a 5K, I may or may not ever actually take part in an official 5K. I just want to run 5 Kilometers without stopping, its a fitness goal.

    I do find that many of my friends are supportive, which is why I post things about fitness. Next time though, if I'm planning such a long term goal, I won't post about it until its closer to being obtained. If I had waited until 10 weeks before I planned on finishing, and said I was now beginning a 9 week 5K training plan, I doubt I would gotten the same result.

    My mistake, thanks for letting me vent. :wink:
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,268 Member
    well that is the internet for you, just do what you know is best for your body. There is no sense in hurting yourself. There are programs and youtube videos on how to work up to running. Pace yourself and don't worry about other people. Everyone seems to be an "expert" when you don't even ask for their advice. THey should be patting you on the back. This is proof that you have to be your own biggest cheerleader when it comes to achieving your goals. Stay positive.
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  • rduhlir
    rduhlir Posts: 3,550 Member
    The way I see it...and this is strictly my view of it.....I think the person who was responding to you on facebook was trying to point out to you that you don't have to be a certain weight to start the C25K program.

    In the C25K group I have seen several 200+ people start and complete the program successfully. And that includes some people that were closer to the 250/300 pound mark. If you are walking 5+ miles a day, you are more than ready for something like C25K. I understand your wanting to be below 200 pounds to start, and if that is what you -want- to do then fine.

    But I honestly don't think it is fair to vent anger about someone who was only trying to encourage you to not look at weight as a something that holds you back.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Why don't you do a half marathon instead?

    ;-)

    Seriously, just ignore it. They think they're being encouraging. They're not trying to hurt your feelings and maybe they don't quite understand what you're saying.

    You may end up not even needing C25K once you're ready for it. I was never a runner, but I walked a lot, swam, did the elliptical -- all sorts of things. Then I decided to start running and was able to do 3 miles right away because I'd been doing all those other things. So keep doing what you feel you need to do, keep exercising and you may surprise yourself.
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    I am spoiled because people are MFP are generally more supportive and understanding. I always try to remind myself that my friends on Facebook don't have fitness and health on their minds all the time, and do not understand how much work goes into fitness and health when I haven't been that way most of my life.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    sounds like he means well, and just wants to encourage you to achieve more... maybe he thinks your goal is to compete at the highest level you're capable of.... and also some people have an all-or-nothing mentality, and don't get the idea that people may not have a goal to win the hardest race they can, instead they may have a goal just to be fit, healthy and enjoy running. take it as a compliment that he thinks you're capable of achieving more... but stick to your goals and your reasons for being into this.

    I agree with everyone re sharing goals on social media. You will get unsolicited advice, and it will include bizarre suggestions and the advice of totally misinformed people, and there will be people who think you're crazy or doing something dangerous and try to talk you out of it. As bizarre as some things are that get posted on here, at least everyone's roughly on the same page as we're all here to improve our body composition... on facebook you also have to contend with people who are not trying to change their body composition for all the myriad reasons they may have for that.
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
    FB is like that, MFP is better :)

    If you believe you can do it- then you will do it.

    Don't give in.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Honestly, I don't know how Facebook works - I've never been there, so I don't know how info is shared there. But if I were you, I wouldn't let other people and their opinions (remember they are opinions, not truths) upset me. Take in the information you can use, keep an open, positive mind (I always assume that MOST people mean well even when they are totally ignorant or misguided), and just IGNORE anything that doesn't fit for you. Consider it background noise. Good luck with your plan. :flowerforyou:


    ETA: I personally think you should do a full marathon...next week. (kidding)
  • estellenagel106
    estellenagel106 Posts: 5
    Last year, after getting absolutely sick of the way I looked I hired a personal trainer to work with me twice a week. I was not "able" to do more than 5 push-ups, I was not able to do a bridge position, I was not able to do jumping jacks. In fact, every single fitness test the trainer gave me, I failed miserably. A year later, and I can't believe how much I am now "able" to do. I understand what you are saying, and yes, we should set realistic goals for ourselves. But we also should not judge people based on what they are "able" to do in the present. You may never win a marathon, but of course you can run one - 80-yr olds are doing them! Fitness is not about athletic ability - its about perseverance and lots of hard work. Ignore the haters.

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