Dealing With Unsupportive Friends & Family

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becausebrittany
becausebrittany Posts: 9 Member
edited November 2023 in Getting Started
I was wondering how you all deal with friends and family that just truly don't seem supportive in your weight loss journey.

I've gone on fad diets for the past few years and nothing has worked long term. My husband can eat and eat and eat and not gain anything, yet I look at a cookie and the pounds go straight to my stomach. I got a harsh reality check from my parents and my husband this past weekend and I need to make a change in my life before it gets too late.

For the first time ever, my husband is on board with me for the first time ever and I was so excited.

Until I got to work. My coworker and very good friend who is very obese is a very negative person in my life when it comes to being healthy. I have no one to blame but myself but hearing him say "oh this will just be another fad like weight watchers or atkins or being vegetarian" actually hurts to hear. I need to lose weight. I need to be healthy. But having him be so negative makes me want to just give up on the spot because I think to myself that I can't change who I am or how I eat. It's so frustrating :(

Have you guys ever had to deal with an issue like this? I don't want to cut this person out of my life, but I can't stand hearing that I can't make the changes in my life that I need to make in order to be healthy.
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Replies

  • knot_enough
    knot_enough Posts: 176 Member
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    All the better to prove them wrong. If, no WHEN you stick to it and show them results, you will change their opinions. You have something to prove to them but more importantly to yourself.
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member
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    All the better to prove them wrong. If, no WHEN you stick to it and show them results, you will change their opinions. You have something to prove to them but more importantly to yourself.

    This all the way!


    I felt kind of lonely in my weight loss goals when I started, but as I started to see results, the less I cared about whether people supported me or not. I'm doing this for me, dang it!:wink:

    Good luck and I hope you can stick with it. If you don't have much support IRL, the folks on MFP are more than able to make up for it.
  • AAL94LBB
    AAL94LBB Posts: 77 Member
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    I live with my family and all of them eat very unhealthy. So, there's always loads of cookies, cupcakes, pastries, you name it, floating around the house. It takes great motivation and 'will-power', if you will, to keep on track when you're alongside people who could care less about their diet. BUT, you just have to learn to ignore what's there and live based off of what you're doing. I now don't even open my pantry because there's nothing 'healthy/clean' in there. So, I don't see the junk food that way. Plus, I never eat dessert with any of my meals. So, when I finish I just leave the table before my family whips out the junk food.

    Just stick to what you know is right because soon enough they'll release what they're missing out on!

    Best of luck!
  • Jim_1960
    Jim_1960 Posts: 399
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    Had similar issue.

    Use the priority of "proving them all wrong" as key driver. Good luck
  • TINAHUNTER1969
    TINAHUNTER1969 Posts: 219 Member
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    Its your life so you make healthy choices for YOU!!!!

    Make small changes and you will be amazed at the difference. I only eat bread once a day, I make my own low fat versions of my favourite foods, I eat more fruit and veg than before and I have low fat snacks such as special k crisps just in case I do get the munchies. I exercise by walking 12 miles a week, a couple of miles after work a few nights and sometimes on a weekend.

    Try making a low fat version of your favourite dish and ask for your friends opinion - if they are totally negative about it just say you don't want to discuss this topic with them as you need motivation and encouragement.

    I don't deprive myself of anything I want but I do add an extra walk or two to my week if I have had a lot more calories than I am supposed to.

    Find an exercise that you enjoy and stick to it, make manageable goals that you can fit into your day.

    I'm not on a diet, I'm eating healthy and exercising for LIFE!

    Good luck

    Tina x
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    Shut them out - don't talk to those people about your weight loss/ health stuff - they can be your friends in other areas but tell them you are not interested in their opinion in this one

    Keep that conversation to other people who support you or are on here they will help keep you motivated

    most negativity comes from people being jealous that they don't have the same drive you do so show them all up :)
  • LuvDarkChocolate
    LuvDarkChocolate Posts: 145 Member
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    Not trying to be crappy...but why do you care what this "friend" has to say? Your husband is your champion that stands behind you...I would kick this person to the curb. Don't let him ruin your new life style
  • JADEPH0EN1X
    JADEPH0EN1X Posts: 162 Member
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    Maybe he is jealous of what you are doing to improve your health . He may want to sabotage you so he won't be the only fatty . I would keep doing what you are & hopefully it will encourage him to join you . I'm glad your husband has got on board this time . My husband is being supportive this time to as he has really noticed my changing body shape ( from a HUGE toffee apple to a medium apple !) I have a long way to go but can see a difference already !!
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
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    This is your journey and you can decide who goes along with you - or, who doesn't.

    Have you told him that his words are hurtful and that you would appreciate his support? Or invite him to take the plunge with you?

    When one person makes a change, it sometimes shines a great big shiny mirror into the lives of others and forces them to reflect on their own poor choices. Perhaps he feels that you are (indirectly and unintentionally) attacking him for his habits.

    Do what you need to, to get to where you want to go. Sometimes this means choosing to invest in more positive relationships and letting go of the bad.
  • djshari
    djshari Posts: 513 Member
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    Do not include them in your discussions about weight loss or being healthy. You have other outlets. Ignore comments. It will get easier.
  • Brige2269
    Brige2269 Posts: 354 Member
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    Easiest way is to not talk to family friends about it, and just do it. That's what we are here for on MFP. Use all of us as support. Once your family and friends see the change in you, and the weight loss, they will be on board with it and be supportive. That's what happen with me. It's great now.
  • expoduck
    expoduck Posts: 59
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    I had someone at work tell me all about how MFP was a fad and wouldn't work... 54 pounds ago! ;)
  • skyeliz525
    skyeliz525 Posts: 54 Member
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    Negative people suck! But if you are serious about weight loss then you need to take a step back and look at your life and who you surround yourself with...negative people have a tendency to drag others down with them...and some of us (me included) are more easily swayed by some than by others. I think you may enjoy this book I just started reading. it's called The Energy Bus by John Gordon. It talks about people being Energy Vampires, meaning they suck all the good out of things...and that's not good. I'm reading it based on a recommendation from a co-worker for reasons totally unrelated to weight loss, but OMG it so applies to so many areas of your life. And it sounds like you could use a little boost!
    And yes, I have dealt with the naysayers...you should also look up the band 311 and their song "All Mixed Up" - it tells you what to do with Naysayers!!! LOL!
    Prove them wrong, prove them all wrong {insert evil laugh here}!!!
    But most importantly: do this for you. You deserve it.
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,636 Member
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    When I told my mom I wanted to do a triathlon she said I couldn't do it. When I told my friend that I was eating at TDEE - 20% she said I am getting obsessed and she didn't want me to get an eating disorder. When I told my grandpa I was getting my scuba diving certification he said I was going to sink like a rock. The funny thing is all these people will be wrong because when I make up my mind to do something I do it. So that hasn't really stopped me from sharing things, but I'm prepared that when I do share about my goals and ambitions I might not always get an encouraging response, but I will get motivation to work harder to prove people wrong. :)
  • Tiernan1212
    Tiernan1212 Posts: 797 Member
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    My experience dealing with 2 constantly negative people (who are no longer in my life), came down to the fact that they didn't want to see me succeed where they couldn't. We all talked about losing weight and getting healthy, and we all went on the diets that didn't work. I'm the only one that tried to do it as a lifestyle change, and not a quick fix, and it's working for me (slowly but surely). I finally had to cut ties with both of them because I couldn't take the negative criticism of changes I was making to better myself. And even though we had all been friends for a few years, life is so much more positive without them :)

    Good luck!
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,065 Member
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    All the better to prove them wrong. If, no WHEN you stick to it and show them results, you will change their opinions. You have something to prove to them but more importantly to yourself.

    Agreed!!
  • spatulathumbs
    spatulathumbs Posts: 125 Member
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    Sometimes "friends" like these are the first thing we need to lose if you really want to lose. Consider it an NSV.
  • BlazeJay83
    BlazeJay83 Posts: 23 Member
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    Maybe he is jealous of what you are doing to improve your health . He may want to sabotage you so he won't be the only fatty .
    Maybe not sabotage but it's almost certainly to make himself feel better. Deep down everybody who is "very obese" knows that it is a real problem, but many will choose to ignore it because it's easier in the short term. His defeatist attitude is only kidding himself.
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
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    All the better to prove them wrong. If, no WHEN you stick to it and show them results, you will change their opinions. You have something to prove to them but more importantly to yourself.

    Definitely.

    Proving someone wrong is great motivation. :)

    Your previous attempts may have hurt your credibility on this topic with him - but your actions will restore it.
  • strongmindstrongbody
    strongmindstrongbody Posts: 315 Member
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    I've learned to not discuss my weight loss with my family. They will only try to undermine my efforts and I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. MFP is where I come for support. So much easier this way.
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