Dealing With Unsupportive Friends & Family

becausebrittany
becausebrittany Posts: 9 Member
edited November 2023 in Getting Started
I was wondering how you all deal with friends and family that just truly don't seem supportive in your weight loss journey.

I've gone on fad diets for the past few years and nothing has worked long term. My husband can eat and eat and eat and not gain anything, yet I look at a cookie and the pounds go straight to my stomach. I got a harsh reality check from my parents and my husband this past weekend and I need to make a change in my life before it gets too late.

For the first time ever, my husband is on board with me for the first time ever and I was so excited.

Until I got to work. My coworker and very good friend who is very obese is a very negative person in my life when it comes to being healthy. I have no one to blame but myself but hearing him say "oh this will just be another fad like weight watchers or atkins or being vegetarian" actually hurts to hear. I need to lose weight. I need to be healthy. But having him be so negative makes me want to just give up on the spot because I think to myself that I can't change who I am or how I eat. It's so frustrating :(

Have you guys ever had to deal with an issue like this? I don't want to cut this person out of my life, but I can't stand hearing that I can't make the changes in my life that I need to make in order to be healthy.
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Replies

  • knot_enough
    knot_enough Posts: 176 Member
    All the better to prove them wrong. If, no WHEN you stick to it and show them results, you will change their opinions. You have something to prove to them but more importantly to yourself.
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member
    All the better to prove them wrong. If, no WHEN you stick to it and show them results, you will change their opinions. You have something to prove to them but more importantly to yourself.

    This all the way!


    I felt kind of lonely in my weight loss goals when I started, but as I started to see results, the less I cared about whether people supported me or not. I'm doing this for me, dang it!:wink:

    Good luck and I hope you can stick with it. If you don't have much support IRL, the folks on MFP are more than able to make up for it.
  • AAL94LBB
    AAL94LBB Posts: 77 Member
    I live with my family and all of them eat very unhealthy. So, there's always loads of cookies, cupcakes, pastries, you name it, floating around the house. It takes great motivation and 'will-power', if you will, to keep on track when you're alongside people who could care less about their diet. BUT, you just have to learn to ignore what's there and live based off of what you're doing. I now don't even open my pantry because there's nothing 'healthy/clean' in there. So, I don't see the junk food that way. Plus, I never eat dessert with any of my meals. So, when I finish I just leave the table before my family whips out the junk food.

    Just stick to what you know is right because soon enough they'll release what they're missing out on!

    Best of luck!
  • Jim_1960
    Jim_1960 Posts: 399
    Had similar issue.

    Use the priority of "proving them all wrong" as key driver. Good luck
  • TINAHUNTER1969
    TINAHUNTER1969 Posts: 219 Member
    Its your life so you make healthy choices for YOU!!!!

    Make small changes and you will be amazed at the difference. I only eat bread once a day, I make my own low fat versions of my favourite foods, I eat more fruit and veg than before and I have low fat snacks such as special k crisps just in case I do get the munchies. I exercise by walking 12 miles a week, a couple of miles after work a few nights and sometimes on a weekend.

    Try making a low fat version of your favourite dish and ask for your friends opinion - if they are totally negative about it just say you don't want to discuss this topic with them as you need motivation and encouragement.

    I don't deprive myself of anything I want but I do add an extra walk or two to my week if I have had a lot more calories than I am supposed to.

    Find an exercise that you enjoy and stick to it, make manageable goals that you can fit into your day.

    I'm not on a diet, I'm eating healthy and exercising for LIFE!

    Good luck

    Tina x
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    Shut them out - don't talk to those people about your weight loss/ health stuff - they can be your friends in other areas but tell them you are not interested in their opinion in this one

    Keep that conversation to other people who support you or are on here they will help keep you motivated

    most negativity comes from people being jealous that they don't have the same drive you do so show them all up :)
  • LuvDarkChocolate
    LuvDarkChocolate Posts: 145 Member
    Not trying to be crappy...but why do you care what this "friend" has to say? Your husband is your champion that stands behind you...I would kick this person to the curb. Don't let him ruin your new life style
  • JADEPH0EN1X
    JADEPH0EN1X Posts: 162 Member
    Maybe he is jealous of what you are doing to improve your health . He may want to sabotage you so he won't be the only fatty . I would keep doing what you are & hopefully it will encourage him to join you . I'm glad your husband has got on board this time . My husband is being supportive this time to as he has really noticed my changing body shape ( from a HUGE toffee apple to a medium apple !) I have a long way to go but can see a difference already !!
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
    This is your journey and you can decide who goes along with you - or, who doesn't.

    Have you told him that his words are hurtful and that you would appreciate his support? Or invite him to take the plunge with you?

    When one person makes a change, it sometimes shines a great big shiny mirror into the lives of others and forces them to reflect on their own poor choices. Perhaps he feels that you are (indirectly and unintentionally) attacking him for his habits.

    Do what you need to, to get to where you want to go. Sometimes this means choosing to invest in more positive relationships and letting go of the bad.
  • djshari
    djshari Posts: 513 Member
    Do not include them in your discussions about weight loss or being healthy. You have other outlets. Ignore comments. It will get easier.
  • Brige2269
    Brige2269 Posts: 354 Member
    Easiest way is to not talk to family friends about it, and just do it. That's what we are here for on MFP. Use all of us as support. Once your family and friends see the change in you, and the weight loss, they will be on board with it and be supportive. That's what happen with me. It's great now.
  • expoduck
    expoduck Posts: 59
    I had someone at work tell me all about how MFP was a fad and wouldn't work... 54 pounds ago! ;)
  • skyeliz525
    skyeliz525 Posts: 54 Member
    Negative people suck! But if you are serious about weight loss then you need to take a step back and look at your life and who you surround yourself with...negative people have a tendency to drag others down with them...and some of us (me included) are more easily swayed by some than by others. I think you may enjoy this book I just started reading. it's called The Energy Bus by John Gordon. It talks about people being Energy Vampires, meaning they suck all the good out of things...and that's not good. I'm reading it based on a recommendation from a co-worker for reasons totally unrelated to weight loss, but OMG it so applies to so many areas of your life. And it sounds like you could use a little boost!
    And yes, I have dealt with the naysayers...you should also look up the band 311 and their song "All Mixed Up" - it tells you what to do with Naysayers!!! LOL!
    Prove them wrong, prove them all wrong {insert evil laugh here}!!!
    But most importantly: do this for you. You deserve it.
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,641 Member
    When I told my mom I wanted to do a triathlon she said I couldn't do it. When I told my friend that I was eating at TDEE - 20% she said I am getting obsessed and she didn't want me to get an eating disorder. When I told my grandpa I was getting my scuba diving certification he said I was going to sink like a rock. The funny thing is all these people will be wrong because when I make up my mind to do something I do it. So that hasn't really stopped me from sharing things, but I'm prepared that when I do share about my goals and ambitions I might not always get an encouraging response, but I will get motivation to work harder to prove people wrong. :)
  • Tiernan1212
    Tiernan1212 Posts: 797 Member
    My experience dealing with 2 constantly negative people (who are no longer in my life), came down to the fact that they didn't want to see me succeed where they couldn't. We all talked about losing weight and getting healthy, and we all went on the diets that didn't work. I'm the only one that tried to do it as a lifestyle change, and not a quick fix, and it's working for me (slowly but surely). I finally had to cut ties with both of them because I couldn't take the negative criticism of changes I was making to better myself. And even though we had all been friends for a few years, life is so much more positive without them :)

    Good luck!
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    All the better to prove them wrong. If, no WHEN you stick to it and show them results, you will change their opinions. You have something to prove to them but more importantly to yourself.

    Agreed!!
  • spatulathumbs
    spatulathumbs Posts: 125 Member
    Sometimes "friends" like these are the first thing we need to lose if you really want to lose. Consider it an NSV.
  • BlazeJay83
    BlazeJay83 Posts: 23 Member
    Maybe he is jealous of what you are doing to improve your health . He may want to sabotage you so he won't be the only fatty .
    Maybe not sabotage but it's almost certainly to make himself feel better. Deep down everybody who is "very obese" knows that it is a real problem, but many will choose to ignore it because it's easier in the short term. His defeatist attitude is only kidding himself.
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
    All the better to prove them wrong. If, no WHEN you stick to it and show them results, you will change their opinions. You have something to prove to them but more importantly to yourself.

    Definitely.

    Proving someone wrong is great motivation. :)

    Your previous attempts may have hurt your credibility on this topic with him - but your actions will restore it.
  • strongmindstrongbody
    strongmindstrongbody Posts: 315 Member
    I've learned to not discuss my weight loss with my family. They will only try to undermine my efforts and I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. MFP is where I come for support. So much easier this way.
  • ljordan15
    ljordan15 Posts: 2 Member
    I have had very little support to be honest. The good thing about calorie counting is that you don't really need support from others! As long as you control your portion size and limit snacking, you should have no problem fitting in your plan with others. Besides, dieting doenst have to be too hard.

    It can be tough if you are counting macros, but Ive read that as long as you priotise calorie consumption that you should still lose weight as long as you continue to exercise - http://fitzim.com/lose-weight-good-macros-part-3/

    Im managing to lose weight by just counting calories at the minute, though whenever possible I hit my 'secondary' targets of protein, carbs and fats like they suggest in that article. Makes things a lot easier!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    You can't argue with results! Make him eat his words.
  • TheCaren
    TheCaren Posts: 894 Member
    MFP is your safe place where you can discuss your weight loss successes, failures, and learning experiences. I've learned that the rest of the world pretty much doesn't want to hear it. People who have seen you try and fail in the past will rub your nose in those failures. People who are envious of your conviction will try to undermine it.

    Now, some of us are lucky and we have supportive people in our real life environment who encourage us. But if you don't, just keep coming back to MFP and quit going to the proverbial hardware store looking for a loaf of bread (going to historically unsupportive people looking for support).

    That's my take on it.
  • jacklis
    jacklis Posts: 280 Member
    Do not include them in your discussions about weight loss or being healthy. You have other outlets. Ignore comments. It will get easier.

    This- do not include them, let your actions speak for you.

    P.S. IMO if a 'friend' will say something like you've described, then they are not really a "good friend". You know a good friend when you have one.
  • babyj0
    babyj0 Posts: 531 Member
    Forget them! Pove them wrong! Show how amazing you can be!
  • SugarBaby71
    SugarBaby71 Posts: 3,630 Member
    You can either sit your friend down and say to him, "Look, this is really important to me and I am hoping for your support to help with the changes." Or you can stop talking about it with the non-supporters and just go about your life and depend on your friends here.

    One of my closest friends gave me such a hard time for choosing a salad, dressing on the side, water to drink and no dessert one time when we went out that I actually stopped eating with her. I hardly ever see her anymore, it turns out all we seemed to have in common was food.

    So sometimes when we make a lifestyle change we need to re-evaluate more than just the food.

    PS- It's very very awesome that your hub is behind you on this. It will make it less difficult. :flowerforyou:

    edited for spelling
  • chellec23
    chellec23 Posts: 147 Member
    My opinion -- misery loves company. This friend is unhappy and has no motivation. He feels threatened by the thought of "losing you" to a healthy lifestyle and wants to keep you down on his level, so to speak. He does not want to change and is afraid that if you make a lifestyle change to become healthy, you won't have things in common with him. If he continues with his negativity, just tell him to shut it and keep his crap to himself, because you are making good choices for yourself...and that if he is really a friend, he will support you instead of trying to tear you down.

    You're doing the right thing trying to get healthy. It is a long, hard process and you will need support! Toxic people like that have no place in your healthy future. Either he needs to change or he needs to go.
  • spoiledpuppies
    spoiledpuppies Posts: 675 Member
    I agree with proving them wrong. I have some cousins who have lost weight on a VLCD. That's not for me, but they feel kind of smug about it. So as I'm losing weight as well--with a balanced diet--I'll want to make sure to keep it off to show them that it's possible this way too (among the more important reasons to keep it off, of course)!
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
    Maybe you shouldn't tell everyone your business ....... just saying ......

    I didn't tell anyone, not even my own husband, that I was changing anything ...... I just did it ...... even when I'd lost 25 pounds, and people started to notice, I still didn't talk about it.

    My "online peeps" (and my doctor) are all the support I need :heart:

    Make your plans for healthy eating & reasonable exercise ...... stick to them ...... and best of luck to you !
  • ecka723
    ecka723 Posts: 148 Member
    I'm one of those people who is fairly direct. If someone is saying or doing something that genuinely hurts me and bothers me (it doesn't happen often, but it does happen), I simply tell them. As nicely as I can, I say that it bothers me they they think those things of me and I would prefer if they keep their opinions on the issue to themselves. In my experience, if I am nice about it and ask them politely, it's never become a bigger issue. Telling him that you need support right now might just be the way to go about this.
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