thanks for nothing hubby!

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  • DrunkenFaeGirl
    DrunkenFaeGirl Posts: 107
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    My husband jaw dropped when I read him what your husband said (I didn't even add in about your injuries). He said he'd be expecting a knee to the groin if he said anything like that to me. He was raised by a single mom and 3 older sisters so the idea of being rude or disrespectful to a woman, especially your wife is astounding to him.
  • iamanadult
    iamanadult Posts: 709 Member
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    ...double post...

    wolfferestate52007.jpg
  • Kamikazeflutterby
    Kamikazeflutterby Posts: 775 Member
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    Meh, people say stupid stuff all of the time without even realizing this--especially spouses. We just have more time to get on the nerves of those we love.

    OP, this is really only a problem if you choose to handle most upsets by looking online for vindication rather than talk to your husband about how he upset you and why. Other than that, I'd go with this reply
    Proper response: gee honey, by that rationale .... I shouldn't be hanging out with you!

    ...and then move on. And definitely ask that friend if she wants to walk or run together. The worst that can happen is she says no.
  • zeebruhgirl
    zeebruhgirl Posts: 493 Member
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    I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

    I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

    If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.
  • coolraul07
    coolraul07 Posts: 1,606 Member
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    ...Thinking aloud I then said, "maybe we could walking or jogging together". DH says "Not likely, she's really fit, she wont want to be slowing down for you".
    Way to make me feel good about myself, especially when I'm already feeling rough! Thank you and goodnight!
    <extreme sarcasm ahead>
    How dare he?! Unlike him, I'm sure that you analyze everything you want to say before you say it. I'm sure that you logically parse and analyze all your word and take into consideration every possible way that it could be taken in a manner not intended and on-the-fly lightning-quick change your words accordingly.

    FACT: People say things sometimes that come out wrong but are genuinely meant to be helpful/innocent/humorous, etc. In fact, I had to read your post 3 times because I first interpreted it as him talking to her, not to you! I thought he was trying to complement you for improving yourself and telling the other woman that she wouldn't be able to keep up with you! After all, you said that you were talking to her and then he chimed in. You didn't say that he said that to you! That wasn't what you meant, but that's how it first came across to me.
    I understand now, but be mindful that you didn't give any indication that he was deliberately trying to insult you, or even that you spoke to him about it then or even later. Men cannot always read women's mind and vice-versa. Some women think that men are simple creatures and as such can be easily read. Even if that were true, what does that say about you? Either you're even simpler thus allowing us to read you, or you're more complex and are expecting too much by thinking that we can read you. That's why we have voices and verbal language. You want your thoughts and feelings known? They say it.
  • lukasmac
    lukasmac Posts: 216 Member
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    Ouch. That is called "Foot in Mouth" disease... us men find it debilitating. It's a silent relationship killer.

    Needless to say, though not tactful, I think his intentions were not malicious.

    Cough it up to our (males) Y chromosome... as in "Y in the hell did I just say that?"
  • haroon_awan
    haroon_awan Posts: 1,208 Member
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    He's being logical. You're being emotional.

    Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.

    You're both right.

    Terrible book. Read the reply by Cameron :The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do men and women really speak different languages?
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings, OP. It was just a comment that you were sensitive to. If the woman is actually more fit than you are, he might actually have a point, but you should ask her anyway. Maybe she would prefer having company.
    Really? Have you ever as a fit person said to someone less fit "no - I don't want to go walking with you?" I have NEVER met someone who was into fitness not want to support someone else's fitness. He is jerk - bottom line. This is not a "does this dress make me look fat question" where you open yourself up for truth- this was a slap in the face. I stand by my original comment - NOT VERY SUPPORTIVE!

    Are you familiar with the concept of "projection"?
  • rachaelgifford
    rachaelgifford Posts: 320 Member
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    Check his text messages.

    WTF???
  • JewelsinBigD
    JewelsinBigD Posts: 661 Member
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    I have NEVER met someone who was into fitness not want to support someone else's fitness.E!

    Oh hi, I'm Carlos. Nice to meet you.!

    I'm not wasting my workout time (which I have to fight my busy schedule for) working out with someone who is going to slow me down. I would feel obligated to slow down and wait for them which would make me feel like I didn't go as hard as I could thus making it a waste.
    Wow - a walk is your workout?
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    He's being logical. You're being emotional.

    Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.

    You're both right.

    Terrible book. Read the reply by Cameron :The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do men and women really speak different languages?

    I've never read it. That said, any book with a general premise that one should view his/her spouse solely (primarily?) on the basis of gender is not something I'd bother reading. My wife, as much of a "real" woman (whatever that means) as she is, is far more like me than pretty much any other person I know. If I couldn't communicate with her, than I wouldn't have married her. Next relationship guru please . . .
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
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    I have NEVER met someone who was into fitness not want to support someone else's fitness.E!

    Oh hi, I'm Carlos. Nice to meet you.!

    I'm not wasting my workout time (which I have to fight my busy schedule for) working out with someone who is going to slow me down. I would feel obligated to slow down and wait for them which would make me feel like I didn't go as hard as I could thus making it a waste.
    Wow - a walk is your workout?

    I have a friend who is very large, and I gave up one of my workouts to go to his house and walk with him just to get him off his *kitten* and moving. Yeah, it bummed me out that I had to basically cut my pace in half, but I got him off his *kitten* and moving!
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    I have NEVER met someone who was into fitness not want to support someone else's fitness.E!

    Oh hi, I'm Carlos. Nice to meet you.!

    I'm not wasting my workout time (which I have to fight my busy schedule for) working out with someone who is going to slow me down. I would feel obligated to slow down and wait for them which would make me feel like I didn't go as hard as I could thus making it a waste.
    Wow - a walk is your workout?

    OP said "walking or jogging". Maybe this poster runs.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings, OP. It was just a comment that you were sensitive to. If the woman is actually more fit than you are, he might actually have a point, but you should ask her anyway. Maybe she would prefer having company.
    Really? Have you ever as a fit person said to someone less fit "no - I don't want to go walking with you?" I have NEVER met someone who was into fitness not want to support someone else's fitness. He is jerk - bottom line. This is not a "does this dress make me look fat question" where you open yourself up for truth- this was a slap in the face. I stand by my original comment - NOT VERY SUPPORTIVE!

    Are you familiar with the concept of "projection"?

    ^ bingo.

    I have a few stringent criteria for running partners: (1) they show up consistently, and (2) we have the same pace. Trying to run/walk/hike at a significantly different pace than my normal pace isn't going to work.
  • iamanadult
    iamanadult Posts: 709 Member
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    I have NEVER met someone who was into fitness not want to support someone else's fitness.E!

    Oh hi, I'm Carlos. Nice to meet you.!

    I'm not wasting my workout time (which I have to fight my busy schedule for) working out with someone who is going to slow me down. I would feel obligated to slow down and wait for them which would make me feel like I didn't go as hard as I could thus making it a waste.
    Wow - a walk is your workout?

    No. I run. Fast.

    And if it was, who cares? Get off your high horse.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
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    I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

    I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

    If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

    There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.
  • Donald_Dozier_50
    Donald_Dozier_50 Posts: 395 Member
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    I am wondering what type of woman would come onto the internet and spout off to the world, everything they see wrong in their relationship, to the world? I am quite sure you would not be pleased to come across posts from your husband about how he was unsatisfied with your performance in the bedroom and asking for everyone's input about your inadequacies

    Based on your standard and your example, this is the place it should be discussed and you should be evaluated.

    Private business is just that........... private.
  • zeebruhgirl
    zeebruhgirl Posts: 493 Member
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    I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.

    I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.

    If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.

    There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.

    "Some women" was pretty obviously a dig at the person I was responding to.
    And I said it to her, where she can defend herself and knows it happened.


    My point in general, doesn't seem like a healthy marriage if you fly off the handle and run to a public forum to essentially call your husband an *kitten*.
  • astartig
    astartig Posts: 549 Member
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    I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings, OP. It was just a comment that you were sensitive to. If the woman is actually more fit than you are, he might actually have a point, but you should ask her anyway. Maybe she would prefer having company.
    Really? Have you ever as a fit person said to someone less fit "no - I don't want to go walking with you?" I have NEVER met someone who was into fitness not want to support someone else's fitness. He is jerk - bottom line. This is not a "does this dress make me look fat question" where you open yourself up for truth- this was a slap in the face. I stand by my original comment - NOT VERY SUPPORTIVE!

    No, I haven't. That doesn't mean that someone who is really into fitness and has limited time with which to work out would want to have to adjust their pace to accommodate someone else's ability. In fact, I have seen threads about that very situation on this site. I'm sure that is what, for a split second, crossed his mind. He is her partner. He isn't trying to be difficult. He saw the situation from one perspective and she saw it from another one.

    We are talking about a playdate.. that means walking with little kids.. come on how fast do you think they'd be going with little kids? how is that EVER going to be part of the equation
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
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    But he was an *kitten*.

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