I'm a bit torn
WeepingAngel81
Posts: 2,232 Member
My daughter is 8 years old, and part of the reason I started my get fit journey is for my kids. I have wanted to teach them healthy eating habits, I want them to be the type of kis who will ride their bike or throw a ball rather than watch TV. I am finally starting to see some of my hard work paying off in my daughter which makes me really excited. She wants to do her first run which is in October and sponsored by the public schools. It's a 1 mile run through a park. I am stoked that she wants to do this and she has asked if I would start jogging with her.
Last night was our first jog. I put my son on his bike to follow along, and off we went. She did great! Then this morning, she was making her lunch and started asking about all of the foods she was eating. Again, this was great. She opted for grapes and carrots rather than cookies and chips. Then, it came time to make her usual peanut butter and jelly on a whole wheat tortilla, with a banana rolled up. Like a banane burrito. She stopped and asked me if peanut butter and jelly was healthy. I told her that they weren't really very healthy, but that at her age it wouldn't hurt her. She became hesitant to make her roll up. This made me a little nervous. I told her that she needed to finish up what we had in the house and once it was gone, I would get a healthier verision.
I love that she is learning to read labels. I love that she is wanting to be active. I don't love that she is hesitating to eat certain foods, at least not at her age. I am realizing that there is a fine line between obsession and teaching. I have always had what I consider "fun snacks" in the hosue for the kids...little debbies, fruit roll ups, the stuff kids love and mama's stay away from. I tell her she can have one of those snacks with her lunch per day, teaching her to control rather than going over board. That said, I am not obsessesed so much with what my kids eat, rather, how they eat.
Is this something I should be worried about? What are your thoughts?
Last night was our first jog. I put my son on his bike to follow along, and off we went. She did great! Then this morning, she was making her lunch and started asking about all of the foods she was eating. Again, this was great. She opted for grapes and carrots rather than cookies and chips. Then, it came time to make her usual peanut butter and jelly on a whole wheat tortilla, with a banana rolled up. Like a banane burrito. She stopped and asked me if peanut butter and jelly was healthy. I told her that they weren't really very healthy, but that at her age it wouldn't hurt her. She became hesitant to make her roll up. This made me a little nervous. I told her that she needed to finish up what we had in the house and once it was gone, I would get a healthier verision.
I love that she is learning to read labels. I love that she is wanting to be active. I don't love that she is hesitating to eat certain foods, at least not at her age. I am realizing that there is a fine line between obsession and teaching. I have always had what I consider "fun snacks" in the hosue for the kids...little debbies, fruit roll ups, the stuff kids love and mama's stay away from. I tell her she can have one of those snacks with her lunch per day, teaching her to control rather than going over board. That said, I am not obsessesed so much with what my kids eat, rather, how they eat.
Is this something I should be worried about? What are your thoughts?
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Replies
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Why would you tell her that peanut butter and jelly is not healthy?? Peanut butter, jelly, banana and a whole wheat tortilla is a completely heatlhy meal. Is it the brand of peanut butter and/or jelly that is objectionable?0
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I am also a bit confused as to why her roll up would be unhealthy? A healthy diet for a growing kid should include all of those things.
Certainly little debbie snack cakes are treats and should be treated as such, but healthy fats and carbs should not be.
Another note: I never keep food in the house that I wouldn't eat as treats for my kids, I feel like it says to kids that restriction is necessary rather than balance. A healthy diet is what we should all be eating, but that includes a full healthy range of foods not "diet foods".
I realize I have said "healthy diet" way too many times.
Raising daughters can be a difficult thing, but teaching her a healthy relationship with food now is really important, and she shouldn't be thinking about restriction but moderation (you too).
Good luck.0 -
You should be worried about the fact that you told your child peanut butter and jelly is not healthy.
DAFUQ ?!
Please please tell us all why peanut butter and jelly is not healthy?
And to be honest, it sounds like you're walking a fine line with how you're teaching your daughter to view foods. There are NO good or bad foods. Don't fill her head with nonsense.0 -
I think kids really learn more by example than they do by people telling them things, at least at a very young age. My 2.5 year old daughter picks up everything I say or do and wants to do it herself. So if she sees me eating junk food at night, she wants to do it too. So I just try to eat healthier stuff most of the time and she seems to gravitate towards it too. Your kids are a little older so I have no experience there, but I think if she sees you eating a Little Debbie snack now and then, she'll learn that if mom does it occasionally and its okay, then I can too. You're not teaching her to eat one every meal of the day, but now and then its alright to have a little snack. Moderation always seems to work best as opposed to being overly strict or lax.0
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My son is 11 and I have always worried about him packing on the pounds as most of my family has
He will be starting pubery soon so I dont watch as much of what he eats because he is burning it off.
It really is all about moderation and peanut butter is a good snack. It has lots of protein in it.
http://weightloss.about.com/od/eatsmart/a/blppp.htm
I would just worry about making sure the kids are active, specially at such a young age.
I think you are doing good to give them healthy snacks but not every thing they put in their mouth needs to be "healthy"0 -
there is so much wrong with this... i can't even0
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You should be worried about the fact that you told your child peanut butter and jelly is not healthy.
DAFUQ ?!
Please please tell us all why peanut butter and jelly is not healthy?
And to be honest, it sounds like you're walking a fine line with how you're teaching your daughter to view foods. There are NO good or bad foods. Don't fill her head with nonsense.
^This.
PB&J is freaking delicious.0 -
Adini- seeing as I am no expert in raising children and I am learning healthy eating myself as I go I am sure I am going to say things now and then which may sound like nonesense.
I should have been more clear in my meaning on here. I was trying to convey that there were healthier options than what I had purchased. I had never given much thought to what I bought as far as peanutbutter and jelly, and am just now realizing that the calories in peanutbutter and the sugar in jelly is a bit high. I told her that they weren't going to hurt her but that if she wanted me to get her a healthier verision that I would after what I have in the cupboards is gone.
sunnyskies- that's not a bad idea keeping things I wouldn't eat. All I have to go off of is how I was brought up and these are the things my mom did for my sisters and I.
Csahl- Moderation is what I am trying to teach her when it comes to foods. I want her to learn that's it's ok, but that she doesn't need to go crazy eating snacks.0 -
Honestly, I might be a little concerned at her avoidance of foods. If it's just the brands you feel are unhealthy, maybe just explain that because thise peanut butter and jelly isn't the healthiest brand(s) doesn't make it "unhealthy" and that next time you'll look for a better brand.
I think it's great that you are teaching your children about healthy foods. But it might also be good to let them know that a "healthy diet" doesn't have to mean 100% heatlhy foods, and that there are degrees of "healthy" when it comes to food. That's what is meant by a balanced diet.0 -
Peanut butter and jelly not healthy? Start there.0
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This post makes me sad. Mostly because life without peanut butter would totally suck.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with peanut butter, jelly and banana on whole wheat. I can't understand why you would tell your daughter it's not only bad, but that you are finishing it up in order to replace it with healthier things. So, essentially, now she's knows peanut butter is a restricted food....
You need to re-evaluate what a proper diet is before you start filling her head with nonsense. If you can't figure it out on the internet, speak with a nutritionist.0 -
there is so much wrong with this... i can't even
Again...I'm not an expert and only learning as I go mysef so rather than judge me how about helping me out....which I thought this forum was for0 -
hum.......my favorite sandwich when I have the extra calories for it is peanut butter and banana.....yes I can say that there are "natural peanut butters" versus Jif so perhaps that is what she is referring to?0
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Maybe a lot of sugar in the jelly, but truly that is a pretty healthy breakfast, especially compared to a pop tart and a coke that some kids have. BUT, I am going through the same thing with an 8 year old daughter. It is a fine line you are right, but one thing I can guarantee you is that fitness will keep her eating, a LOT, as we all know. The more we workout the more our body needs, so she will come to learn that she can eat, and eat plenty, but eat clean and stay active and she will be fine. Just give it time she will learn.
That being said, we have learned to stay away from words like "diet" and "skinny". Someone the other day told my daughter, very proudly I might add, that she was looking like a skinny mini. They meant well, but getting skinny is not the objective and the word carries negative connotations. The only terms we use are being fit and eating healthy. No losing weight or anything like that. I do think that children, when taught correctly, are smart enough to know the difference if someone says I need to lose a few pounds or diet or whatever, but the problem is I can't be around her 24/7 and other people say those things and give a different impression.
It's great that your daughter is aware of these things, and it sounds like you are teaching her the right way so I wouldn't worry.0 -
Honestly, I might be a little concerned at her avoidance of foods. If it's just the brands you feel are unhealthy, maybe just explain that because thise peanut butter and jelly isn't the healthiest brand(s) doesn't make it "unhealthy" and that next time you'll look for a better brand.
I think it's great that you are teaching your children about healthy foods. But it might also be good to let them know that a "healthy diet" doesn't have to mean 100% heatlhy foods, and that there are degrees of "healthy" when it comes to food. That's what is meant by a balanced diet.
Excellent point.
OP - if you are concerned about the brand, then I would explain it to her more clearly. Take her to Whole Foods to see how it's made with the peanut grinders. That's low sodium and low sugar - as healthy as it gets.0 -
Honestly, I might be a little concerned at her avoidance of foods. If it's just the brands you feel are unhealthy, maybe just explain that because thise peanut butter and jelly isn't the healthiest brand(s) doesn't make it "unhealthy" and that next time you'll look for a better brand.
I think it's great that you are teaching your children about healthy foods. But it might also be good to let them know that a "healthy diet" doesn't have to mean 100% heatlhy foods, and that there are degrees of "healthy" when it comes to food. That's what is meant by a balanced diet.
Thank you. I am just not sure where to start these conversations. There are certainly better options out there, and as someone suggested I talk to my nutritionist every single week. I have worked with nutritionist for 7 years now....but not for myself, but becuase my daughter was born with MSPI. One person says it's bad.....the next says it's fine....and it's all confusing. I just want her to not avoid foods for any reason.0 -
there is so much wrong with this... i can't even
Again...I'm not an expert and only learning as I go mysef so rather than judge me how about helping me out....which I thought this forum was for
Ok, you want some help. Here you go.
The best way to have a healthy relationship with food is to not demonize it. There is no good or bad food. She is 8 years old, and you don't want her to feel guilty about eating a brownie at a friends house because its not the "best choice she could have made".0 -
Maybe a lot of sugar in the jelly, but truly that is a pretty healthy breakfast, especially compared to a pop tart and a coke that some kids have. BUT, I am going through the same thing with an 8 year old daughter. It is a fine line you are right, but one thing I can guarantee you is that fitness will keep her eating, a LOT, as we all know. The more we workout the more our body needs, so she will come to learn that she can eat, and eat plenty, but eat clean and stay active and she will be fine. Just give it time she will learn.
That being said, we have learned to stay away from words like "diet" and "skinny". Someone the other day told my daughter, very proudly I might add, that she was looking like a skinny mini. They meant well, but getting skinny is not the objective and the word carries negative connotations. The only terms we use are being fit and eating healthy. No losing weight or anything like that. I do think that children, when taught correctly, are smart enough to know the difference if someone says I need to lose a few pounds or diet or whatever, but the problem is I can't be around her 24/7 and other people say those things and give a different impression.
It's great that your daughter is aware of these things, and it sounds like you are teaching her the right way so I wouldn't worry.
The whole "skinny" thing would concern me too. I am wanting healthy. My family has a history of obesity, and this has always been soemthing that weighed on my mind. Growing up, I heard plenty of how I was "pretty" becuase I was thin, and this is not a concept I want her to know. There is so much more to her than that. I also know that her metabolism is so much faster than mine which is why it makes me nervous that she wants to read lables and stay away from certain foods, at the age of 8. I will have to watch what terms I use. I can't really remember if I have used terms such as diet, but you make a good point about avoiding those! I will have to be careful to avoid saying that!0 -
Just reaffirming that you want to be VERY careful about labeling foods either "good" or "bad". I was raised that way and it has been an extremely hard mindset to break. It ended up translating, for me at least, that when I ate a "bad" food I, in turn, was bad. I still battle with this today. :-/0
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Maybe a lot of sugar in the jelly, but truly that is a pretty healthy breakfast, especially compared to a pop tart and a coke that some kids have. BUT, I am going through the same thing with an 8 year old daughter. It is a fine line you are right, but one thing I can guarantee you is that fitness will keep her eating, a LOT, as we all know. The more we workout the more our body needs, so she will come to learn that she can eat, and eat plenty, but eat clean and stay active and she will be fine. Just give it time she will learn.
That being said, we have learned to stay away from words like "diet" and "skinny". Someone the other day told my daughter, very proudly I might add, that she was looking like a skinny mini. They meant well, but getting skinny is not the objective and the word carries negative connotations. The only terms we use are being fit and eating healthy. No losing weight or anything like that. I do think that children, when taught correctly, are smart enough to know the difference if someone says I need to lose a few pounds or diet or whatever, but the problem is I can't be around her 24/7 and other people say those things and give a different impression.
It's great that your daughter is aware of these things, and it sounds like you are teaching her the right way so I wouldn't worry.0 -
Honestly, I might be a little concerned at her avoidance of foods. If it's just the brands you feel are unhealthy, maybe just explain that because thise peanut butter and jelly isn't the healthiest brand(s) doesn't make it "unhealthy" and that next time you'll look for a better brand.
I think it's great that you are teaching your children about healthy foods. But it might also be good to let them know that a "healthy diet" doesn't have to mean 100% heatlhy foods, and that there are degrees of "healthy" when it comes to food. That's what is meant by a balanced diet.
Thank you. I am just not sure where to start these conversations. There are certainly better options out there, and as someone suggested I talk to my nutritionist every single week. I have worked with nutritionist for 7 years now....but not for myself, but becuase my daughter was born with MSPI. One person says it's bad.....the next says it's fine....and it's all confusing. I just want her to not avoid foods for any reason.
It is hard to judge with kids, but you'll know her better than anyone. Maybe show her the label explain what you feel is not great about the product - too much added sugar, trans fats, whatever it is. And that from now on you'll look for products with less or none of these.
And don't let the nasty replies get to you. You haven't scarred her for life by telling her the sandwich wasn't healthy. Just explain a little further in terms that fit her level of understanding.0 -
there is so much wrong with this... i can't even
Again...I'm not an expert and only learning as I go mysef so rather than judge me how about helping me out....which I thought this forum was for
I personally like the "sometimes" vs. "all the time" foods distinction, and use it with our oldest, who is also 7. We are starting with our 3 year old but it is still a little early. The older one is very active, in sports 5 days a week, and often hikes, and occasionally jogs, with me. She loves protein rich foods, and will often choose apples and carrot sticks over sweets, but we have worked hard to get her there without making her afraid of food. Let's be honest here, most kids love sweets. And I, personally, have no trouble giving our daughters a couple of treats a day. They easily burn those calories off, and I know that the majority of their diet is rich in the protein, fats, fiber and micronutrients that they need. I also use the word "strong" with them regularly, and while I say "beautiful" and even "gorgeous" to describe them, I avoid words like "skinny" or "fat," and instead focus on athleticism. That's our approach. I can't say what will, or will not, work for other parents and their kids.
ETA: peanut butter is an "all the time" food in our house.0 -
Great response. Not snippy and nasty like so many others, but compassionate and understanding. Well said.Maybe a lot of sugar in the jelly, but truly that is a pretty healthy breakfast, especially compared to a pop tart and a coke that some kids have. BUT, I am going through the same thing with an 8 year old daughter. It is a fine line you are right, but one thing I can guarantee you is that fitness will keep her eating, a LOT, as we all know. The more we workout the more our body needs, so she will come to learn that she can eat, and eat plenty, but eat clean and stay active and she will be fine. Just give it time she will learn.
That being said, we have learned to stay away from words like "diet" and "skinny". Someone the other day told my daughter, very proudly I might add, that she was looking like a skinny mini. They meant well, but getting skinny is not the objective and the word carries negative connotations. The only terms we use are being fit and eating healthy. No losing weight or anything like that. I do think that children, when taught correctly, are smart enough to know the difference if someone says I need to lose a few pounds or diet or whatever, but the problem is I can't be around her 24/7 and other people say those things and give a different impression.
It's great that your daughter is aware of these things, and it sounds like you are teaching her the right way so I wouldn't worry.0 -
I think a good place to start would be to ask your daughter why she would ask about it. I have a 10 year old, and we don't ever talk about calories, but she is concerned about needing to be on a "diet". She doesn't, but our kids are very aware of what is going on.
My advice would be to be careful how you talk about your goals. I talk about health and strength. I don't talk about fat, or calories with or around my kids. And while the needs of a growing, healthy child, will be different than yours, a focus on healthy food with treats in moderation for all of the family should be stressed.
Look into getting natural PB (without the added sugar), but the fact is has fat and calories is what makes it an amazing food, not a bad one. Jelly may be full of sugar, but they are eating a touch of it.
I applaud your acceptance that you are at a loss here, so browse amazon for some resources to help you. There is a great book about raising daughters but the name of the author is escaping me, and if you are still seeing your nutritionist tell her about this thread and let her give you reassurance about the foods the kids are eating.
The goal should be to keep her talking, ask her what her concerns her and reassure her, but also make sure that your eating and your goals line up with what you are telling her. Health and strength, not skinny.0 -
Ignore the holier than thou fitness keyboard commandos. You asked a very valid question out of love for your daughter and there's NOTHING wrong with that. You are learning, both of you, and asking questions is the way to go. There are people here who obviously have never heard that there is no such thing as a stupid question, but make it painfully obvious that there is such as thing as a stupid answer. MFP'ers often lack tact and compassion.0
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I think a good place to start would be to ask your daughter why she would ask about it. I have a 10 year old, and we don't ever talk about calories, but she is concerned about needing to be on a "diet". She doesn't, but our kids are very aware of what is going on.
My advice would be to be careful how you talk about your goals. I talk about health and strength. I don't talk about fat, or calories with or around my kids. And while the needs of a growing, healthy child, will be different than yours, a focus on healthy food with treats in moderation for all of the family should be stressed.
Look into getting natural PB (without the added sugar), but the fact is has fat and calories is what makes it an amazing food, not a bad one. Jelly may be full of sugar, but they are eating a touch of it.
I applaud your acceptance that you are at a loss here, so browse amazon for some resources to help you. There is a great book about raising daughters but the name of the author is escaping me, and if you are still seeing your nutritionist tell her about this thread and let her give you reassurance about the foods the kids are eating.
The goal should be to keep her talking, ask her what her concerns her and reassure her, but also make sure that your eating and your goals line up with what you are telling her. Health and strength, not skinny.
I should have added right away that my daughter and I had a frank discussion after the "diet" comment and she is a healthy child, but it made me very sad for girls today, thinking about it.0 -
Yeah, its not the end of the world or anything, you're just trying to teach her better habits. I think if you're trying to teach her moderation that's great. Cutting out or avoiding certain foods usually doens't work out so well for most people as they miss it and then end up binging. If she knows its okay to snack and eat cake now and then it wont ever even be an issue for her, it'll just be habit.
I grew up in a household where we snacked all the time in front of the TV and ate junk food and generally had a poor diet, so I've been battling those bad habits for a long time now. She's already off to a better start than someone like me. My parents still think I'm crazy for wanting to eat healthier stuff and for exercising and buying gym equipment for the basement, etc. At least she has your support at a young age. She'll probably learn the most just by emulating what you do though, so if you have healthy habits, she'll probably pick those up as well for the most part.0 -
there is so much wrong with this... i can't even
Again...I'm not an expert and only learning as I go mysef so rather than judge me how about helping me out....which I thought this forum was for
Ok, you want some help. Here you go.
The best way to have a healthy relationship with food is to not demonize it. There is no good or bad food. She is 8 years old, and you don't want her to feel guilty about eating a brownie at a friends house because its not the "best choice she could have made".
Thank you, and yes this is exactly what I am trying to avoid. It's how to avoid it that is the issue. She was my first, so I'm sure there will be plenty of things along the way that make me the not-so-mother-of-the-year, but the fact remains that I care about my daughter, and her well being, and I don't want to become one of those obsessed mothers that micromanage everything my daughter eats.
Georgiapeach- that was a great response that you quoted! I do agree that kids should know the difference when it comes to losing a few pounds and not being around 24/7. I don't know what the schools are like where you are, but here there is a HUGE push for lowering childhood obiesity. This means that she gets caught up in this even though she is of a good healthy weight. I appreciate the shcools efforts, but at the same time, I feel overwheled by it all. As others have mentioned, there is no "bad" food, which at the core is the term I need to stay away from. I just want her to know how to eat healthy and balance and how to fuel her body for getting through her school days and sports she plays.0 -
Ignore the holier than thou fitness keyboard commandos. You asked a very valid question out of love for your daughter and there's NOTHING wrong with that. You are learning, both of you, and asking questions is the way to go. There are people here who obviously have never heard that there is no such thing as a stupid question, but make it painfully obvious that there is such as thing as a stupid answer. MFP'ers often lack tact and compassion.
Haha so true! I'm on a couple other car forums that are generally pretty cool and I have to say this one has some seriously judgmental people on here. Most of us are on here to learn stuff as opposed to being criticized. Nothing wrong with having an opposing viewpoint, just a matter of conveying it appropriately.0 -
there is so much wrong with this... i can't even
Again...I'm not an expert and only learning as I go mysef so rather than judge me how about helping me out....which I thought this forum was for
I personally like the "sometimes" vs. "all the time" foods distinction, and use it with our oldest, who is also 7. We are starting with our 3 year old but it is still a little early. The older one is very active, in sports 5 days a week, and often hikes, and occasionally jogs, with me. She loves protein rich foods, and will often choose apples and carrot sticks over sweets, but we have worked hard to get her there without making her afraid of food. Let's be honest here, most kids love sweets. And I, personally, have no trouble giving our daughters a couple of treats a day. They easily burn those calories off, and I know that the majority of their diet is rich in the protein, fats, fiber and micronutrients that they need. I also use the word "strong" with them regularly, and while I say "beautiful" and even "gorgeous" to describe them, I avoid words like "skinny" or "fat," and instead focus on athleticism. That's our approach. I can't say what will, or will not, work for other parents and their kids.
ETA: peanut butter is an "all the time" food in our house.
I think this is a very sensible approach. You have to walk a line between teaching your kids how to be healthy and strong, and turning them into orthorexic stress-cases who are guilt-ridden at the thought of eating birthday cake.
ETA: I'll take her PB/banana roll-up if she doesn't want it. Sounds like an ideal snack!0
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