Help! Peer pressure to eat poorly

Girlrose
Girlrose Posts: 127 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I visited my cousin for a four-day weekend, which included both her birthday and another relative's wedding. I felt backed into the corner because my cousin associates a celebration with total gluttony. I heard the following throughout the weekend:

"You HAVE to get the waffle fries" and later "You have to use the sour cream dip with the fries!" "Come on, is that really all you're going to eat? Finish your burger like the rest of us...unless you didn't like it?"

A few hours and a 1300-calorie dinner later: "I only want to go to Applebee's if we can get a half price app. Can you seriously not fit in some chips and dip?"

"You can't order salad at a Mexican place! Get a burrito with beans and cheese."

"You have to get chocolate, too, otherwise I'll feel guilty!"

"Um, why do you eat so many vegetables. You're so skinny already!"

As much as I love this cousin, this weekend was way too much for me. Because it was her birthday weekend, I actually ended up giving in and eating a ton of crap I had no interest in. It sucks to have a healthy-looking body and for people with less healthy-looking bodies (like my cousin) to try to get me to match their appetites.

Does anyone have advice for how I should deal with this in the future? What have you done in similar situations?
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Replies

  • Flabulousss
    Flabulousss Posts: 106
    Just tell her it's not reasonable to eat all that. Okay, I'm not the most socially sensitive. But you don't have to treat yourself like crap just because it's her birthday. How did you not come away feeling sick? You could just come away with a bunch of leftovers and say you can't finish it.

    My mom guilt trips me too, but I wont budge. It's my body, not hers. Order that salad if it's what you want.
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    Just say no.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    Your cousin sounds pretty self centered and overbearing, maybe you should talk to her about that as apposed to the food.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Just say no.
    I

    Exactly. "I don't want waffle fries." "I'm not hungry anymore.", "I'm not hungry, I don't want chips and dip." ....
  • Escape_Artist
    Escape_Artist Posts: 1,155 Member
    Just say no. Nothing more nothing less. You are an adult and you make your own decisions.

    I don't think anyone around me would dare tell me what I can or can't do..
  • climbing_trees
    climbing_trees Posts: 726 Member
    I'm vegetarian and (moderately) lactose intolerant, and a lot of really unhealthy food is loaded up with meat and/or cheese. This gives me a pretty good excuse to skip over most foods I don't want to eat. (I can actually handle a small serving of dairy with no problem, but my friends don't really know that. So I will tell people that I forgot my lactase pills and if I eat that ice cream cake then they'll have to deal with my gas for the rest of the night, they usually back right off. haha)

    If people continue to pressure me and make me uncomfortable, I will just stop going out with them. My friends always push alcohol on me if we go out to bars or to house parties. Even if I say that I have to drive! I hate feeling guilty and being nagged, I can't have fun in such a negative environment. I haven't gone with them in over a month. Yeah, it kind of sucks to sit at home when my friends are all out on the town, but I've saved a lot of money and a lot of calories!

    If I want to visit with people who I know abuse food, and I don't want to make room for that in my daily allowance, I'll invite them somewhere that is not food related. Live music is something I've found that is agreeable to most people, and venues rarely ever sell snacks. Going to the park or the beach on a nice day, going to the movies, a museum, doing crafts...
  • 0somuchbetter0
    0somuchbetter0 Posts: 1,335 Member
    "I'm not used to eating all this stuff and if I take one more bite I will puke all over the table. Trust me, you don't want to see that."

    That should shut them right up. :)
  • FrankiesSaysRelax
    FrankiesSaysRelax Posts: 403 Member
    Just say no.

    Exactly. "I don't want waffle fries." "I'm not hungry anymore.", "I'm not hungry, I don't want chips and dip." ....

    Yep. You're the one giving in.. People are going to pressure you. Who cares what they are eating or want you to eat! Get what you want, stick with it and don't be afraid to say no.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Just say no.


    It really isn't that hard if you don't want it to be. They will love you anyway, regardless of whether or not you eat as much as they do... and if they don't, well that's on them not you.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I'd say before you go visit your cousin again you need to have a little talk. Let her know your desire to eat healthier isn't about being skinny, it's about health. You order what you want, she can order what she wants, you'll finish eating when you're done and you'd prefer that she doesn't make comments and embarrass you in front of everyone.

    You could even point out that if the shoe was on the other foot, she wouldn't appreciate the comments.. "OMG, you're eating fries AND dip - do you know how many calories is in that and how horrible it is for you?" Not cool, right?
  • Girlrose
    Girlrose Posts: 127 Member
    Thanks, guys! Of course I said no, but I relented when the "But it's my birthday" "But it's a wedding" comments came in. I was made to believe that my cousin would no longer have as much fun at this occasions if she were the only person over-eating. Grrr!

    I feel like I live in a culture in which people hate on the skinny girl who orders a salad at a restaurant. Guys will say things like "I like a girl who can really eat." And yet, we're also still held to a certain standard of physique. Obviously, all that crap aside, I just want to be HEALTHY! I just have trouble doing that when I eat in public because friends and family definitely take it as a "holier than thou" kind of thing. I think they feel like I think I'm somehow above them because I eat healthy food. I relented to the crap food this weekend because I wanted to make it clear that I was not on a high horse.

    Sometimes the answer should just be "no," right? Sigh.
  • jillianbeeee
    jillianbeeee Posts: 345 Member
    I had the same problem this past weekend only my in laws kept pushing me to drink! "come on one limarita won't hurt you!" "are you telling me that beer is off your diet? What kind of diet doesn't let you drink?" It was ridiculous! I had already declined 5 times when I finally gave in and had one! I know I blew my calorie intake! Its really hard to say no, over and over again at someone elses house! But all it did is made me feel like crap and guilty. So NEVER again, they can choose to be fat and out of shape but I chose not to be.
  • Girlrose
    Girlrose Posts: 127 Member
    I'd say before you go visit your cousin again you need to have a little talk. Let her know your desire to eat healthier isn't about being skinny, it's about health. You order what you want, she can order what she wants, you'll finish eating when you're done and you'd prefer that she doesn't make comments and embarrass you in front of everyone.

    You could even point out that if the shoe was on the other foot, she wouldn't appreciate the comments.. "OMG, you're eating fries AND dip - do you know how many calories is in that and how horrible it is for you?" Not cool, right?

    This is awesome advice. Thanks! You make such a good point. It would be very rude of me to make comments like that to her, as well.
  • jillianbeeee
    jillianbeeee Posts: 345 Member
    Thanks, guys! Of course I said no, but I relented when the "But it's my birthday" "But it's a wedding" comments came in. I was made to believe that my cousin would no longer have as much fun at this occasions if she were the only person over-eating. Grrr!

    I feel like I live in a culture in which people hate on the skinny girl who orders a salad at a restaurant. Guys will say things like "I like a girl who can really eat." And yet, we're also still held to a certain standard of physique. Obviously, all that crap aside, I just want to be HEALTHY! I just have trouble doing that when I eat in public because friends and family definitely take it as a "holier than thou" kind of thing. I think they feel like I think I'm somehow above them because I eat healthy food. I relented to the crap food this weekend because I wanted to make it clear that I was not on a high horse.

    Sometimes the answer should just be "no," right? Sigh.



    agreed! they compliment us on losing all the weight then turn around and make us feel like were stuck up or something when we don't eat or drink what they are. Its a losing battle,(no pun intended) we just have to say NO and not care what they think.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    Tell her that her birthday does not give her the right to dictate what you do with your own body. You aren't telling her what to eat, and she doesn't have the right to tell you.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    "No thanks." "I'm full." "Why do you keep telling me exactly what to order?" "I don't really have room for chips at this point."

    ETA:

    And if she feels guilty eating chocolate when you don't also get some, maybe she should not be eating the chocolate.

    I have a friend that feels guilty ordering a coke when I always drink water. People come up with the weirdest things in their own head.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    I visited my cousin for a four-day weekend, which included both her birthday and another relative's wedding. I felt backed into the corner because my cousin associates a celebration with total gluttony. I heard the following throughout the weekend:

    "You HAVE to get the waffle fries" and later "You have to use the sour cream dip with the fries!" "Come on, is that really all you're going to eat? Finish your burger like the rest of us...unless you didn't like it?"

    A few hours and a 1300-calorie dinner later: "I only want to go to Applebee's if we can get a half price app. Can you seriously not fit in some chips and dip?"

    "You can't order salad at a Mexican place! Get a burrito with beans and cheese."

    "You have to get chocolate, too, otherwise I'll feel guilty!"

    "Um, why do you eat so many vegetables. You're so skinny already!"

    As much as I love this cousin, this weekend was way too much for me. Because it was her birthday weekend, I actually ended up giving in and eating a ton of crap I had no interest in. It sucks to have a healthy-looking body and for people with less healthy-looking bodies (like my cousin) to try to get me to match their appetites.

    Does anyone have advice for how I should deal with this in the future? What have you done in similar situations?

    "Finish your burger"? Your profile says you are a vegetarian? I'm confused
  • samammay
    samammay Posts: 468
    My wife says to me fairly regularly "You can have this... you dont have to be at your calories everyday" as she is trying to get me to eat something unhealthy that I didnt want in the first place. My response is always "I dont have to, but I am going to anyway"
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Thanks, guys! Of course I said no, but I relented when the "But it's my birthday" "But it's a wedding" comments came in. I was made to believe that my cousin would no longer have as much fun at this occasions if she were the only person over-eating. Grrr!

    I feel like I live in a culture in which people hate on the skinny girl who orders a salad at a restaurant. Guys will say things like "I like a girl who can really eat." And yet, we're also still held to a certain standard of physique. Obviously, all that crap aside, I just want to be HEALTHY! I just have trouble doing that when I eat in public because friends and family definitely take it as a "holier than thou" kind of thing. I think they feel like I think I'm somehow above them because I eat healthy food. I relented to the crap food this weekend because I wanted to make it clear that I was not on a high horse.

    Sometimes the answer should just be "no," right? Sigh.

    You can still eat and join in on the food centered festivities... but you don't have to be a glutton like many are apt to be about it... and it's ok if you don't. They may want you to eat because they feel insecure... and again, that is on them.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    I visited my cousin for a four-day weekend, which included both her birthday and another relative's wedding. I felt backed into the corner because my cousin associates a celebration with total gluttony. I heard the following throughout the weekend:

    "You HAVE to get the waffle fries" and later "You have to use the sour cream dip with the fries!" "Come on, is that really all you're going to eat? Finish your burger like the rest of us...unless you didn't like it?"

    A few hours and a 1300-calorie dinner later: "I only want to go to Applebee's if we can get a half price app. Can you seriously not fit in some chips and dip?"

    "You can't order salad at a Mexican place! Get a burrito with beans and cheese."

    "You have to get chocolate, too, otherwise I'll feel guilty!"

    "Um, why do you eat so many vegetables. You're so skinny already!"

    As much as I love this cousin, this weekend was way too much for me. Because it was her birthday weekend, I actually ended up giving in and eating a ton of crap I had no interest in. It sucks to have a healthy-looking body and for people with less healthy-looking bodies (like my cousin) to try to get me to match their appetites.

    Does anyone have advice for how I should deal with this in the future? What have you done in similar situations?

    "Finish your burger"? Your profile says you are a vegetarian? I'm confused

    They make veggie, black bean and boca burger patties
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    ^ But those aren't real burgers. Those are veggie patties. Burgers are beef. :)
  • chani8
    chani8 Posts: 946 Member
    It's so hard to stand up against that pressure. It does feel a bit snobbish to insist that you're only going to eat a little bit. Also, it is hard when all the 'fun' needs to include food/treats. In your case, the fact that the fun was going out to eat, must have been really hard for you.

    Just say no is the best advice here, but I would just add that you should paste a smile on your face and try to be gracious about it. Firm and unyielding but pleasant.
  • Mcmilligen
    Mcmilligen Posts: 332 Member
    Thanks, guys! Of course I said no, but I relented when the "But it's my birthday" "But it's a wedding" comments came in.

    Of course, I wasn't there- so I can't say for sure HOW exactly you were saying "no".

    But I find when I say no with a more unsure tone, even SLIGHTLY, the person offering attacks as if they know you'll give in if they persist.

    When I decline in a strong 'matter of fact' tone, I find they leave me alone.

    Still, if they persist... Then a talking-to is in order, as has already been stated. Just tell her the truth, but know in advance what you're going to say so you don't sound like you're unsure of yourself (this happens to me a lot, hah). Be very direct, and don't stand down on your points. If it's something you feel strongly about, then it's something worth standing up for.

    Good luck! I know these situations are never fun.
  • Lemongrab1
    Lemongrab1 Posts: 158 Member
    Food assault!
    But seriously, just say no. Say you're not interested in having to workout extra to burn off so many calories.
    If she gets offended, well tough tittywitties. She's encouraging you to eat more cause she doesn't like being heavier than you.
    Woman logic.
  • Flabulousss
    Flabulousss Posts: 106

    But I find when I say no with a more unsure tone, even SLIGHTLY, the person offering attacks as if they know you'll give in if they persist.

    When I decline in a strong 'matter of fact' tone, I find they leave me alone.

    I was thinking this too. You gotta talk like you mean business. People nag pushovers because they know they'll win. Even if they persist, if you know what you want then it shouldn't matter what they say.
  • NonnyMary
    NonnyMary Posts: 982 Member
    You get what you want. then when she says to get something else you say "I'm still eating this." and then go on with other conversation.. really no one is forcing you to actually eat more. the waiter will not bring you more.. in fact you can tell the waiter quietly NOT to bring you more food no matter who else demands it.
  • MTBr0x
    MTBr0x Posts: 5
    I feel for you! Been in that situation a few times myself, often with a different angle: the stupid "real men eat a lot" / "big guy, big appetite" idea. Wish I could say that never worked on me.

    Your cousin knows that you're making better choices than she is. She knows it whether or not you make a big deal about it. But for her to tear you down just so she feels better about herself is very selfish. You should never be ashamed of making healthy choices just because someone else isn't.

    Love, acceptance, and humor may help, depending on the situation and the person. Assure the other person they can eat whatever they like, no big deal - really! Change the subject. Or say you have an upset stomach. You don't feel like cake right now, but that fruit salad looks good and you haven't had any in a long time. "Maybe later." Or take small portions. Or make sure that you spend too much time talking and doing other things to eat a lot.

    Good luck!
  • bergamese
    bergamese Posts: 36 Member
    Depends on your relationship with your cousin, but I'd say something like:

    "I'd enjoy your company more if you'd quit bullying me."
  • kkzmom11
    kkzmom11 Posts: 220 Member
    NOBODY can guilt me into eating how i don't want to. i don't care who they are. nobody should EVER have that much power over you and what goes in your body.
  • Lyerin
    Lyerin Posts: 818 Member
    Just say no, politely at first. Something like "wow, those look great, but I'm totally stuffed! I had a really late lunch." Then change the subject to something other than food - something that your cousin loves to talk about.

    If pressed more, just tell your cousin that you don't want the food and that you would rather just drop the subject. Firmly and with conviction. If she pouts or keeps it up, say something like "I get that it's your birthday and you can totally eat whatever you want. I want to hang out, but you are making this not as fun for me by harping on me about food."

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