Funniest Fat joke you said about yourself
mikej1978
Posts: 362 Member
Being over weight I played it off alot by joking about my own weight. Something I used to say was "I am big boned", and when I went to the doctors and told him that he said "Yeah, but bones dont jiggle Mike"
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I was standing in a line at a horseshow (bathrooms) once and this little brat kid would not stop kicking the back of my boots. I turned around and glared at him and his idiot mother twice and she just smiled at me. The third time I spun around got in the kids face and said "Kick me again and I will fall on you. I will crush you and you will die!" Then I stood up and glared at the mother and told her I am big enough to take her out too...
They got outta line and ran away...0 -
I'm not fat, I'm fluffy!
Yes, I stole that one from Gabriel Iglesias.0 -
I was standing in a line at a horseshow (bathrooms) once and this little brat kid would not stop kicking the back of my boots. I turned around and glared at him and his idiot mother twice and she just smiled at me. The third time I spun around got in the kids face and said "Kick me again and I will fall on you. I will crush you and you will die!" Then I stood up and glared at the mother and told her I am big enough to take her out too...
They got outta line and ran away...
HAH!! That's awesome!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Where's Joan Rivers when you need her?0
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I was standing in a line at a horseshow (bathrooms) once and this little brat kid would not stop kicking the back of my boots. I turned around and glared at him and his idiot mother twice and she just smiled at me. The third time I spun around got in the kids face and said "Kick me again and I will fall on you. I will crush you and you will die!" Then I stood up and glared at the mother and told her I am big enough to take her out too...
They got outta line and ran away...
HAH!! That's awesome!! :flowerforyou:
There may me more of me than I'd like...but that situation was proof that some people should not reproduce :-P0 -
I have always thought jokes like that were disrespectful, especially to oneself.
Wow, I sound like I have no sense of humor! I do, I swear. But I just never (nor do I now) made jokes or comments about myself that seemed negative and/or degrading.
Probably the closest I have come is when I used to go to restaurants with my dear male friend who is around 400 lb and my ex who was 300-ish and I was also 270 or so, I'd tell the server in a restaurant we wanted a table not a booth and I might make a lighthearted comment about not wedging 3 big people into a small booth. I've also commented (to friends) that I didn't want my boobs on the table (due to small booths). That is no longer an issue for me at 218 lb, which is nice. But yeah.0 -
I'm not fat, I'm fluffy!
Yes, I stole that one from Gabriel Iglesias.
THIS !!! Love Gabriel Iglesias!!0 -
For the most part my body is in shape except for my stomach, so the big one I get is " aww how far along are you?" I love their faces when I reply " no I'm just fat". Lol everyday joys bless their hearts, I know it's mean to laugh at their discomfort but I'm laughing more because I am ok with my body and it really is funny0
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I can't take credit, but I love a friend's claim: "If someone tells me to haul *kitten*, I'll have to make two trips."0
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Being over weight I played it off alot by joking about my own weight. Something I used to say was "I am big boned", and when I went to the doctors and told him that he said "Yeah, but bones dont jiggle Mike"
LOL! Your doctor is awesome.0 -
If I were 1 inch taller, I would be round.0
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I was standing in a line at a horseshow (bathrooms) once and this little brat kid would not stop kicking the back of my boots. I turned around and glared at him and his idiot mother twice and she just smiled at me. The third time I spun around got in the kids face and said "Kick me again and I will fall on you. I will crush you and you will die!" Then I stood up and glared at the mother and told her I am big enough to take her out too...
They got outta line and ran away...
You are my hero :drinker:0 -
My good friend and co-worker hike two days after work, and every now and then we run into some grazing cows on our trek. I absolutely adore animals, so of course I try to head over to one of the chunky critters for a pet -- and off they run! I didn't say this out loud, because my co-worker would've given me a dirty look, but in my head I shouted, "Don't run! I'm one of you!!"
I think one of the best qualities for a person to have is the ability to laugh at one's self.0 -
I have two sayings I used and still use on occasions. My favourite is 'It aint over till the fat lady sings, and Im not damn well singing!' and the other is 'I might be fat but thats an easy fix I just need to lose weight, at least I dont need plastic surgery or a personality transplant!'0
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Everyone has heard this one... I'm not FAT Im P H A T, Pretty , hot and tempting!
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I gained a lot of weight before my wedding and we got married on the edge of a river. I told my step mom if I didn't stop gaining weight the wedding would be in the river due to my thunder thighs causing an earthquake as I walked down.0
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I was standing in a line at a horseshow (bathrooms) once and this little brat kid would not stop kicking the back of my boots. I turned around and glared at him and his idiot mother twice and she just smiled at me. The third time I spun around got in the kids face and said "Kick me again and I will fall on you. I will crush you and you will die!" Then I stood up and glared at the mother and told her I am big enough to take her out too...
They got outta line and ran away...
You are my hero :drinker:
Ha ha...thanks...really, I have a lot of patience, just not for stupid people.0 -
I was with two of my rather large friends, and it was about 1 a.m. and we decided to go to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles after seeing some bands. People try to use the parking lot for the bar next to Roscoe's, so when we got out of the car the security guard asked, are you going to Roscoe's? I said, look at us, what do YOU think? (He started cracking up.)0
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I walked past the TV last night in my house and my daughter missed 3 episodes of her favourite TV show!!!0
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I can't take credit, but I love a friend's claim: "If someone tells me to haul *kitten*, I'll have to make two trips."
Yep, this was the first one I was told when I was in 5th grade... Except they said it TO me. ha.0 -
I'm in shape! Round is a shape!0
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Whle doing the plank for the first time at my bootcamp class I joked "I should be able to do this for days because of all the years of sucking in my abs have been doing"0
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Looking back on this its really funny and insane, but at the time it was funny *kitten* shiz to my bro.
We were getting picked up by one of his friends and as im anti-social it was a big thing for me to come out - i was 17.
So my bro tells me his friend is bringing along her sis and i was complaining how he could bring an extra person on me just when the friend's car pulls up in this distance.... i saw the car and was like OMG i will never fit in the car and i started balling my eyes out in the space of 10 seconds!!!
it was a small car where you had to enter the backseat through the front door. So there i was standing with my bro laughing and trying to reassure me ill fit!! and the car pulled up and they asked me why i was crying and we just managed it. LOL not so much a fat joke i said but a fat incident lol.
FYI i fit perfectly LOL0 -
I can't take credit, but I love a friend's claim: "If someone tells me to haul *kitten*, I'll have to make two trips."
Yep, this was the first one I was told when I was in 5th grade... Except they said it TO me. ha.
So trip and fall on them...crush them...and they'll die! HAHAHAHAHA... Oh wait...that's me...hee hee...0 -
i used to say that my *kitten* was so big, it beeped when i backed up. 0
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I tend to say "gravity challenged" alot0
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I'm sure I've said a bunch of crap in the past but most recently I told someone I've been on a 34 year bulk cycle.0
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Not too funny, but I always told my husband that instead of being a Trophy Wife, I was a Monument Wife.0
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My good friend and co-worker hike two days after work, and every now and then we run into some grazing cows on our trek. I absolutely adore animals, so of course I try to head over to one of the chunky critters for a pet -- and off they run! I didn't say this out loud, because my co-worker would've given me a dirty look, but in my head I shouted, "Don't run! I'm one of you!!"
I think one of the best qualities for a person to have is the ability to laugh at one's self.
:flowerforyou: 0 -
I can't take credit, but I love a friend's claim: "If someone tells me to haul *kitten*, I'll have to make two trips."
Yep, this was the first one I was told when I was in 5th grade... Except they said it TO me. ha.
So trip and fall on them...crush them...and they'll die! HAHAHAHAHA... Oh wait...that's me...hee hee...
LOL yeah, these were my "friends" that said this.
I've always threatened to sit on people LOL. "You might hit me first but I'll sit on you and you'll die"0
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