My boyfriend's weight gain - advice on how to talk to him!

Just tell him hes getting fat.... Thats how I laid it on my BF... I was like look hun, youre getting fat and im getting fit.. something needs to happen... He decided to start working out with me... lol sometimes you just have to be blunt

Make his *kitten* get a physical. Bam, I'm sure weghing-in at the doc's will lighten things up a bit.

But, remember, you can't make someone lose weight or even attempt to tell them they should because a) you become the *kitten* b) they will get emotional c) will make it harder for them to want to lose weight

I would not make it about looks, even if it is about looks. Find an article on the health problems associated with weight gain, specifically with waist circumference. Share it with him and tell him you are worried about his health because you love him and don't want to lose him.

It's hard to get mad at or be hurt by someone who concerned about your health.

People change appearance all the time while in relationships , they can get lazy and comfortable..both sides. As you mentioned his attractiveness and not his health I would take a guess that the relationship is ultimately doomed, but I don't mean that in a harsh unfeeling way but deep down you probably would get the right hump if he said that to you

One of my ex's a few years ago called me a fatty ba***rd and told me she wasn't going on holiday to the sun with me looking like I was ( a good few kilos over weight) , deep down this hurt and within 6 months it was over. Now I shaved 5 1/2 inches from my waist and according to Facebook, she seems to have gained it

Personality wins over physical appearance , if you don't fancy him anymore... or love him, let him find somebody who does. If this was a guy posting this about telling his girlfriend to lose the pounds or lose me... then people would be giving a lot of abuse.

If I did truly care about him then I would try activities you both could do in order for him to hopefully notice how out of shape he is. Telling somebody , nicely as it's noticed is far better than waiting and hoping for them to wake up and smell the coffee. Waiting for them to go 5 kilos over and then telling them isn't ideal

Hopefully I am wrong in a way , but try and truly see it as if he was saying it to you.

So... to sum up... you want to send him a text to tell him he needs to lose some weight so you find him more attractive again...

Yeah that'll go down really well. :huh:

Have you ever considered how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot?

My husband and i agreed that if either of us got overweight so we became less attractive, that we should be told...

Would you like to be told via text/email?

Isn't that like breaking up with someone via text? Isn't that a no-no?

My advice is don't. He's responsible for his health just as you are for yours. So you do your thing and invite him to join you. Lead by example. The only person you can change is yourself, same goes for him.

I agree with Markie166.

Before reading the rest of these, I know there will be the inevitable "dump him so he can find a woman to appreciate him in all his glory."

It's not PC, but it's not like you're saying he's not attractive to you because of something beyond his control to address.

The whole "someone should be beautiful to you regardless of how they care about themselves" is horse****.

Let him know how you feel (and do BOTH of you a favor).

Can you ask him not to buy the treats for the house because you feel like you might cheat? Make him eat what you're eating. Tell him that you need his support to help you through your journey.

Or you could go shopping with him to help buy healthy snacks. I like the idea of looking at old pictures, or not so old. My husband took a picture of me at a glass blowing class (from behind) and that is my motivation to get healthy. I didn't like the way I looked. Maybe that could work foor him.
Good luck

Make him go get his yearly physical. Let the doctors break the hard news to him when he gets his results back then play the good guy as "I'm going to help you fix this bc I care about you and your health."

Stealth mother Fin mind ninja mode unlocked.

BOOM. This. LOL

I really like this idea.. If he listens to his Dr then you know he wants to do something about it. If he doesnt, then he isnt ready and does not care.

My husband is overweight and growing (constantly complaining his jeans are too small now), but I would never try to change him. He for once is being supportive of my choice to lose weight and get healthy and before that would have never happened. Before he would try to sabotage me. And although he is overweight, my husband went to the health fair here at work and had his blood work done and his numbers were not as horrible as I would have thought. So I really have no room to complain because my triglycerides, cholesterol, and many other things tested were worse than his.

Another thing to think about... is he really overweight? Or is he just too overweight for what you want in a boyfriend? If he goes to the Dr, is the Dr going to tell him he is perfectly fine where he is and that he is at a healthy weight? Just questions that come to mind.

the only problem is if he is healthy labs are normal, blood pressure is good, and it's simply a matter of weight it can backfire. "i'm healthy why do I need to worry about my weight?"

You think he is grumpy now, wait til he has to be on a diet to keep you.

This

I also noticed you've broken up and gotten back together recently. I could be off base, since I don't know your relationship, but If his weight/sloth is bothering you this much right now, right after you just got back together, I suspect strongly that you are not 100% stoked to be back with him. You're critical and focusing on what you don't like. You think he's a "fixer-upper." You want him to be different. Why did you get back with him if you don't think he's good enough for you/not a good fit for your lifestyle?

And this.

A few thoughts, most of which are probably repeats:

- If you're going to address this subject with him in any fashion you need to do it face to face. You say you don't want to embarrass him but I think you really just don't want to embarrass yourself. Doing it by text only saves face for you, he will be embarrassed no matter how you bring it up. You might as well give him the courtesy of making it just as awkward for you as it will be for him.

- You've gotten a lot more "helpful" responses than this sort of thread usually gets so consider yourself lucky and take some of their advice. Don't come at him with a "you're looking gross and I'm not attracted to you" approach. Focus the conversation on his health and being able to do activities together. If you tell him you're less attracted to him he could get self conscious and putting that on top of the fact that you guys have previously broken up it might not be too long before he adds up enough reasons in his head to leave again. Be careful.

- If he's got an MFP profile, knows you have an MFP profile, decides to start using it again and finds this thread that you posted about him how do you think that will make him feel?

- These kinds of threads are the reason I would never be one of those people who gets skinny and leaves the person who loved them when they were big because they are now "too hot to settle". If I started gaining again after being at my fittest and my new hot boyfriend told me I needed to step it up because he was starting to not find me attractive I wouldn't deal well with it.