How to deal with a hubby that likes the chubby?

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Replies

  • prat27
    prat27 Posts: 73
    Further, some might take offense to this or disagree but my reply is to speak my opinion and not purposely offend someone. It is human nature for males and females alike to be attracted to "fit" mates as it is a barbaric instinct to be attracted to someone who physically appears they will live longer. It is human nature.

    Personally I prefer petite fit women some of my friends prefer a rump-shaking booty with curves, but the one thing we all agree on is the we are attracted to women that are not over weight. Its a counter measure in my opinion because they truthfully domt have the confidence to see themselves with a fit woman.

    Juss sayin
  • lejla2002
    lejla2002 Posts: 118 Member
    it's a difficult thing. The most important thing is that you feel confident. Explain to him that you can't feel confident and love him properly if you can't respect and love yourself first.

    It's also probably an adjustment thing. He WILL get over it.

    He loves you for what's inside, he'll adapt to what's on the outside.

    you read my mind!!:smile:
  • Unknown
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  • PeteWhoLikesToRunAlot
    PeteWhoLikesToRunAlot Posts: 596 Member
    I've been told by my wife that she misses hugging when it wasn't like hugging a skeleton. She's not wrong, I carried a boatload of fat in the chest & shoulders, and have lost ~10" from that area. She's entitled to that opinion, it's fine. I like not feeling like a rhino.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    just keep up on the kegels and you'll do fine
  • alienaliens
    alienaliens Posts: 64 Member
    my friend lost a whole person and her hubby hated it so bad, he walked. Shame some people like people for what they look like and not who they are. But, he really and honestly did not like healthy women, he liked them obese.
  • eileen0515
    eileen0515 Posts: 408 Member
    just keep up on the kegels and you'll do fine
  • eileen0515
    eileen0515 Posts: 408 Member
    just keep up on the kegels and you'll do fine
    Lol!!!
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    A lot of people dislike change. Even change that is ultimately for the better. The familiar is easy and known.

    Parents, friends, husbands, wives.. all sorts of people react poorly to body changes. It's not necessarily a true preference.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    Solution - Put on a corset, with some fish net leggings. You are good to go, he wont be begging for change for much longer.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    One day my wife is going to get one of those short mom haircuts. I'm not gonna like it. Gonna have to live with it.
  • The_Enginerd
    The_Enginerd Posts: 3,982 Member
    I thought this was going to a post asking for tips on how to be a beard for your hubby that likes the other kind of chubby...

    He may really have preferred your face fuller and is having trouble getting used to the change, doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive and loves you. Sometimes men say stupid stuff. Unless this is a habit of bringing you down, I would not fret too much.
  • tamadrummer001
    tamadrummer001 Posts: 71 Member
    Being completely honest with you, I am happy that my wife is getting healthy and losing weight but I sure would not want her to get below what she has set as her goal weight. She will still be considered "obese" by the letter of the law for lack of a better term but she will be smoking hot and curvy at the same time.

    Personally she is already smoking hot regardless of the weight and she always has turned me on so this is just a bonus.

    What is kind of funny is that my goal of dropping the fat and developing a wide back, and huge arms and legs with a small waist is not much of a turn on to her. I hope as I turn the corner and become more muscular she will come around and like it,
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    He says you look good "BUT". (why did he have to put the but) I like you better before. He commented on my face and how he prefers when my cheeks are fuller.

    Sounds like did well choosing a life partner.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    One day my wife is going to get one of those short mom haircuts. I'm not gonna like it. Gonna have to live with it.

    OMG i promised myself if i ever have kids - i WILL NOT cut my hair short!! Or introduce myself as "Hi my name is Jessica, I am the mother of (enter number of kids here) kids."
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    she will be smoking hot and curvy at the same time.

    Just pointing out that one does NOT have to be overweight to be curvy. I was curvy when I was a size 3. It's bone structure, not fat.

    Wouldn't you rather she be at a healthy weight and have a longer life than be "curvy"?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    One day my wife is going to get one of those short mom haircuts. I'm not gonna like it. Gonna have to live with it.

    OMG i promised myself if i ever have kids - i WILL NOT cut my hair short!! Or introduce myself as "Hi my name is Jessica, I am the mother of (enter number of kids here) kids."
    My hair has never been shorter than shoulder-length and I am a mom.
  • bacitracin
    bacitracin Posts: 921 Member

    Girl, I feel ya on this. I was told tonight by my husband that he can tell I have lost weight but my butt is getting "jiggly" and not so round as it was before. He then went on to tell me that he missed my butt. Wtf, I only lost a fraction of what I want and need to lose but he was being honest. I told him flat out, that doesn't help my confidence and he acted like it was no big deal. I was thinking that I am starting to look good in my jeans and he tells me my butt is looking jiggly. THat sucks. I say whatever, it will get unjiggly soon enough and we need to do what makes us feel good about ourselves and makes us healthy. I went through this before when I lost weight, the more I got skinny he acted like I was wasting away. At least our hubbies loves us no matter what.

    Squats and lunges. Fat makes it jiggle. Muscle makes it firm.
  • RVfrog
    RVfrog Posts: 213 Member
    don't worry about it. I'd say he is insecure and is afraid you'll leave if you look nice and others guys will be after you. Just make him secure that you are there for the long haul....hahahaha. That's my 2 cents worth.
  • aklove907
    aklove907 Posts: 118 Member
    I am dealing with this very same thing. I enjoy being curvy, and my man loves me bigger than I am comfortable with. If he had it his way, I would be gaining weight.

    I think what is more important is how we feel. If you feel unhealthy, and clothes aren't comfortable, than lose until you feel good. Our men are important in our lives, and we love 'em, but we have to do for ourselves. If our men are not happy with the fact we are happy, then we are with the wrong men.

    Also. . . There is a difference between being curvy and being skinny. We can lose weight and actually gain curves.


    Keep up the great work!
  • jennlos
    jennlos Posts: 200
    Thank you to all that responded!!! Seriously I just needed to vent and get some encouraging words no divorce talk or anything like that. My husband loves me unconditionally. I guess I just can not count on him to be happy for me or encourage my progress. I really enjoyed reading the responses, Totally made me laugh especially the keep up with the kegal exercises, and put on a corset.
    Responses was getting a bit serious, no need for that. This was just to get some encouragement because I am not getting it. I am motivated enough all by myself to continue, because that is what makes me happy. Plus I look at before and after pics Like HELL NOOOO not doing that again!!!
    To the ones who are experiencing the same situation, got to do for you! At the end of the day its about us (weight-losers lol) and how we feel in our clothes.

    Again thanks to all that responded with words of motivation and kindness.
    Much needed and appreciated.
  • tamadrummer001
    tamadrummer001 Posts: 71 Member
    she will be smoking hot and curvy at the same time.

    Just pointing out that one does NOT have to be overweight to be curvy. I was curvy when I was a size 3. It's bone structure, not fat.

    Wouldn't you rather she be at a healthy weight and have a longer life than be "curvy"?

    Nope, I want her to be happy and healthy. I don't push my desire on her but I sure have an opinion and she does as well. We both enjoy the other very much. My wife is not a person that has ever been a size 3 and personally, I would be more turned off than on by that. I do not go much for the teeny tiny little momma. Yup, there are many many many others that do but that just isn't anything I am attracted to. Back in my single days (14+ years ago when I was also a size 26 waist and 150 pounds, yeah I went for a couple little ladies but I just never was attracted enough.)

    She wants to be xxx weight, she has a phentermine doctor that keeps telling her that once she hits xxx she will want to go down 20+ lbs and maybe even keep going and she keeps telling them, no thanks. Just get me to xxx and Ill take over from there.

    I am very proud of her and I believe she is proud too! Her labs are excellent and her vitals are excellent as well. The outside worlds idea of what healthy for my wife or myself or even someone other than themself is usually wrong. Yes there are general expectations but being an RN and working in the ICU I see the truth daily. Medicine has not even the first iota of a clue when it comes to definite rules for health. NONE! I have had twice now otherwise very healthy 40 year old hispanic females have fatal hemorrhagic strokes completely out of the blue. No known health history and no reason to believe they would be alive making breakfast for their children now and 5 minutes later be brain dead and donating their organs to life link to save other peoples lives.

    In a nutshell, I like the way my wife looks and I want her happy, period! No other requirements
  • itsaboutime71
    itsaboutime71 Posts: 3 Member
    I think you should use his negativity to motivate you even more. Great job! Get healthy for you first and then he will realize how lucky he is.
  • kkerri
    kkerri Posts: 276 Member
    I am still surprised by the people who comment on their spouses body in a "I wish you were" or "I liked you better when" manner.

    I have been with my husband for 23 years (since I was 14, so there have been a lot of versions of me from bone skinny to pregnant and looked like I ate a whale and the aftermath of that). If he ever expressed his "preference" for how he wanted me body to look, it'd be a long time before he came near it.

    I get that I owe him something so I try to take care of myself, but again, the "you looked better when" stuff would be met with quite a swift kick.
  • cranium853
    cranium853 Posts: 138 Member
    My husband constantly compliments me and offers to share his food with me. I remind him that my weight is going to put me in the coffin years earlier and it's to his advantage to keep me alive and healthy. I think that sometimes it's hard for a person to let go of who we were if they loved us as we were, so in a weird way it's a compliment to say he liked you as you were back then. He also has more power in the relationship if you're unhappy and he's the noble guy who accepts his chunky wife. Health is a heck of a confidence builder and if he's not so confident as he ages then he might not want you to feel strong, either.

    My mother-in-law weighed 300 pounds when I met her, used WW to get to 180, and then was just about hand-fed by her husband until she got past 300 again and had that surgery where a foot of intestine was removed. She had diarrhea for the rest of her life, died earlier than one might have expected, and when she got back to 180 he left her for a morbidly obese woman. He was convinced that even at 300 every male on the planet lusted after her and by 180 he just couldn't cope. That was his loss because she did care about him. But taste is taste. If my husband woke up significantly different than the man I care for I don't know how I would adapt. I hope I would know it's still him and still care for him because every day he changes a little as it is. I knew a man in his mid 80's who would purchase women from the streets for temporary love relationships because he couldn't handle touching someone with wrinkles. Pathetic, and sad, and dangerous. If your husband is a chubby chaser and that's not your thing, accept the loss, most of which is his loss, and move on. It sucks, but it's not worth dying ten years early just to have chubby cheeks and a man who likes you to be sick. That old guy died in a nursing home all alone. Does your husband really think that being without you is better than being with you when you are happy and healthy and confident? Again, if he does, let it be his loss.
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
    My man has always preferred larger women. He liked them when he was thin, he likes them now as he's gotten larger, himself. He likes smaller women, too, but his preferences always lean to the gals with fuller hips, boobs and butts with some extra belly in there.

    He preferred my body when it was 240, but he likes ME better at a healthier weight; I'm happier, healthier and comfortable in my own skin.

    You like what you like. There's nothing wrong with preferring one body type over another. These things get very emotional, though!

    OP- he's used to you at a certain weight. Once you are where you want to be for a while, he'll probably realize that he likes you at that weight, too. :)
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    Maybe he just likes thick girls, which has nothing to do with control or insecurity............it is called a preference.
  • kapatts
    kapatts Posts: 19
    You asked him what he thought.

    He gave you an honest answer.

    This isn't insecure, rude, or unsupportive.

    What would be unsupportive would be to ask your partner for an honest opinion and then penalize him for giving it.

    He will probably adjust to your new healthy body. But in the mean time you can respect him by not expecting him to lie to you. If you don't want the answer, don't ask. Go out on a date and have fun instead of fishing for compliments.

    Congrats on the weight loss BTW!
    Co-sign!

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