They Just Don't Get It... What Do You Tell Them?

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YesIAm17
YesIAm17 Posts: 817 Member
in Motivation and Support
So there you are. You are doing everything right (or at least as best you can and getting better) to burn that fat and improve your health...

- You're maintaining a properly researched, well thought out, healthy, deficit of your TDEE
- You're eating healthier "cleaner" foods (or at least more than you were)
- You're hitting your macros so you know you're getting the carbs/proteins/fats you need
- You might even be taking a multivitamin and or a few other supplements just to be safe
- You're doing cardio 3, 5, 7, however many times a week for 30 to 90 minutes
- You're doing strength training to prevent that muscle loss and being sure to give your self recovery days based on whichever muscle groups you're hitting.

...and so on and so on.

The point is, you have done your homework... you know that what you are doing is a healthy and responsible approach to cutting the fat and getting fit.

But maybe some of the people around you just don't get it.

They think...

- You're not eating enough
- You're not eating the right things/are eating the wrong things
- You're too thin (even if maybe your Body Fat % is clearly in the obese range)
- You're exercising too much
- You're going to make yourself sick
- You're doing it wrong
- You shouldn't be logging your food/using those apps

... you know they have no clue what they are talking about.

You try to explain all the science behind what you are doing, in detail, and the next day it's like you never explained it.

What do you tell them? What do you say to these people in your life? (without hurting their feelings)

Maybe some people just need to hear the right words in order to finally get it... maybe they have other reasons to not want to understand and or not want you to succeed, i.e. their own issues.

I would love to hear you're stories along these lines. What do friends and family say to you, and what do you say in return?
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Replies

  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,224 Member
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    I don't talk about it. I just do my thing. Nobody cares, really. I went to dinner a year ago with a bunch of women talking about how they were doing low carb/eating just green things/not doing this/only doing that. I smiled and nodded as I ate a crapload of Mexican food and they all looked at me like I was killing kittens. Saw them all again recently. I'm 3 sizes smaller and they are still talking about low carb/eating only green things. I just smiled and nodded. Nobody wants the science, nobody wants the reasoning, nobody wants to hear about it. So I stopped talking about it. At all. That's what my mfp friends are for. Everyone is much happier now.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    I don't talk about it. I just do my thing. Nobody cares, really. I went to dinner a year ago with a bunch of women talking about how they were doing low carb/eating just green things/not doing this/only doing that. I smiled and nodded as I ate a crapload of Mexican food and they all looked at me like I was killing kittens. Saw them all again recently. I'm 3 sizes smaller and they are still talking about low carb/eating only green things. I just smiled and nodded. Nobody wants the science, nobody wants the reasoning, nobody wants to hear about it. So I stopped talking about it. At all. That's what my mfp friends are for. Everyone is much happier now.

    ^^ This
  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
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    I keep my journey to myself. I don't open myself up to talk about it, or work overtime to convince anybody of a damn thing. I know exactly what I'm doing for myself, and I know it's working. Hell I don't even fully disclose my journey here on MFP, as I have some "unorthodox" methods that many, many here are ignorant to and would instantly frown upon. My wife and sister are the only two people in the world so far who are privy to my journey.

    People tend to feel comfortable nosing in on your journey when you don't make it clear, in your demeanor, words, and actions, that you are not interested. The minute you spent time trying to justify YOUR journey was the minute you gave them permission to make commentary.

    I keep it moving and let the results speak for themselves. The extent to which you share your journey is YOUR business, nobody else's.
  • pbrahan
    pbrahan Posts: 107 Member
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    You say, "Thank you for being concerned about me and for your support! I feel better than ever!" and you move on. That's it.
  • pbrahan
    pbrahan Posts: 107 Member
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    You can also say, "I have a pile of clothes that are too big for me now, would you like to try them on and see if you want any of them?"
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
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    You say, "Thank you for being concerned about me and for your support! I feel better than ever!" and you move on. That's it.

    This is the perfect answer.
  • shadow2soul
    shadow2soul Posts: 7,692 Member
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    The only people I talk about my journey to are here on mfp, on fittestfriends, and of course my husband(he's on the same page as me though/working to lose weight as well). I don't discuss it with anyone else. No one else really needs to know.

    As for what I'd say if the situation ever came up:

    1st time : I'd explain everything as nicely as possible.
    2nd time: I'd nod, but not say anything.
    3 or more times: Nothing nice would come out of my mouth, because at that point I'd be annoyed.
  • MizSookeh
    MizSookeh Posts: 106 Member
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    I think I've struggled in the past because I felt that I couldn't vent or talk to anyone - I don't like having to talk about 'being fat'.

    This time around, I've let a small number of friends know and update them once a week or so on Facebook, and I've joined up here to keep me on track day to day.

    It has really helped, but even then, I'm still too embarrassed to talk specific numbers - as in, how much I weigh now and what I want to weigh.

    There are a few people who have said to be careful of starting something that can't be maintained - and I'm well aware of that and make allowances for treats, going out, having drinks.

    If (when) people outside that small group start to comment or ask questions (hopefully because I'll be looking slimmer), I think I'll just say thank you, I'm taking better care of myself, and leave it at that.
  • jewel22887
    jewel22887 Posts: 72
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    If people give me advice I listen and thank them for caring, if they ask questions I answer them honestly. I do not bring up the subject and make sure I am not making a big deal out of my choices.
  • benol1
    benol1 Posts: 867 Member
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    Hi YesIAm17

    I usually don't attract those sorts of discussions/lectures. Maybe its my scary looks - I dunno.
    I recommend that you let your increased health and fitness do the talking for you. If some people are insistent then perhaps I would be very blunt in order to get through to them.
    kind regards,

    Ben
  • ElsaVonMarmalade
    ElsaVonMarmalade Posts: 154 Member
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    "I feel great and my doctor and coach are keeping a close eye on me. Oh hey, [redirect focus to them by asking about something they like to talk about]?"
  • MuseofSong
    MuseofSong Posts: 322 Member
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    I don't talk about it. I just do my thing. Nobody cares, really. I went to dinner a year ago with a bunch of women talking about how they were doing low carb/eating just green things/not doing this/only doing that. I smiled and nodded as I ate a crapload of Mexican food and they all looked at me like I was killing kittens. Saw them all again recently. I'm 3 sizes smaller and they are still talking about low carb/eating only green things. I just smiled and nodded. Nobody wants the science, nobody wants the reasoning, nobody wants to hear about it. So I stopped talking about it. At all. That's what my mfp friends are for. Everyone is much happier now.

    Absolutely this! But mainly because I do not want to be food policed. The second a heavy person tells people around them they're working on their weight loss they'll come at you like white on rice. I don't tell anyone at work anything about it. Most people in your life will not trust you to handle your own business.

    Also, picking on fat people is fun because you get to be judgmental while telling yourself you're helpful. I've sat in carpools with the people behind me talking about how unhappy they assumed I was because I'm fat. And the tone of their whispered conversation was 'friendly concern' and 'cordial sympathy' but really, they just wanted to talk about the fat girl in the carpool. Awesome!

    When someone at work notices weight loss and asks, I just say more protein, less carbs (which isn't exactly true, but not exactly a lie either). It's something they think they understand, like finger math, and then they leave me alone about it.
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,954 Member
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    I'm a grown up so I do what I think is best for me. If it's someone who wants to dialog I will have a conversation but I won't argue. I have been know to say, "We are not having this conversation. If you want to remain on speaking terms with me then we need to move on to a new subject." That usually does it. :)
  • amyelyseneer
    amyelyseneer Posts: 18
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    Well before I joined here with my goal to lose 100 more pounds and tone up, I'd already lost 100 from re-learning how to eat. and following a pretty simple easy to follow diet. I mean it wasn't a crash or an overnight things, it took a while, and that's fine 'cause slow and steady wins the race when the goal is "healthy"

    People who hadn't seen me in a while, reacted like it was an over night thing and wanted to know what miracle I'd worked, what spiffy fantastic diet I'd done. (etc). No one wanted to hear what it really was.

    "I learned how to eat only 'til I was full and didn't eat when I wasn't hungry."

    People didn't want to hear it. I'd say "Well I lost 100 pounds doing that" they'd say "Yah, but it took a year." and I did not not get how that was a problem... it should take time to safely lose weight, I didn't pack it all on in a day and a half, and it's twice as hard to lose as it is to gain.

    I think people just expect a magic bullet, more exciting than "Moderation and exercise"

    Moderation and Exercise is boring work. It takes time... it means you have to think and make significant changes in your views on food and motion. It means you have to put in some effort.
  • nordeast_yah
    nordeast_yah Posts: 38
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    I just say, "You're just going to have to trust me on this. If you choose not to, you can. But I'll take it personally."

    That ends 99% of this kind of thing for me.
  • fivethreeone
    fivethreeone Posts: 8,196 Member
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    I smile and nod and do what I want.
  • TreetYoSelf
    TreetYoSelf Posts: 58
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    A lot of people are just greatly misinformed, and fearful of change because if they acknowledge that you are doing something right, they have to admit that they are doing something wrong.
  • thatbelinda
    thatbelinda Posts: 94 Member
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    I try to ignore them and then I complain to my close friends. That's my honest answer.
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
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    You say, "Thank you for being concerned about me and for your support! I feel better than ever!" and you move on. That's it.

    That's a really good response. Also just keep on doing what you're doing and they'll soon get used it and see you become healthier, stronger and happier. You can't argue with results like that.
  • TeresaMarie46
    TeresaMarie46 Posts: 226 Member
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    You can also say, "I have a pile of clothes that are too big for me now, would you like to try them on and see if you want any of them?"

    ^^^This^^^..love it...totally.

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