Unsupportive family and food.
Rosieannaxo
Posts: 129
At the start of my lifestyle change, my family was willing to alter what they bought to decrease my urge to binge and eat badly. But now, the cupcakes, cookies, fatty greasy food has made it way back to my house. And no, it's not just a small box. It's literally all over the counters, they sit on top of my vegetables and fruits, and the smell of sweets perfumes the house. It's so hard for me to stick with my diet with all these temptations. They know these are my trigger foods. When I eat just one bite of these kinds of foods, I go on binges and I can't help it. I've tried talking to them about decreasing the amount they buy but I just get chastised for my new food lifestyle and I've been branded "annoying and irritating" because I'm so "picky". All I want to do is eat clean and loose weight. Unlike the rest of my family, I wasn't blessed with high metabolism and a skinny body. I'm literally 30 pounds overweight and all I want is some SUPPORT when it comes to my eating. But rather than support me they always say "just have one slice, it won't hurt you." or "have a cheat day". Hearing those things don't help, it makes me feel like I have no control over what I eat.
Does anyone have a problem like mine? What can I do? I'm literally so tempted right now to grab a chocolate peanut butter brownie.
Does anyone have a problem like mine? What can I do? I'm literally so tempted right now to grab a chocolate peanut butter brownie.
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Replies
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You don't have to eat clean to lose weight. Depends on what your daily goal is, but you should be able to fit in a small something.
Maybe you should see a therapist about your lack of control about food. Binging is a serious issue.
Unfortunately I think you just have to deal with the way they are. By the sounds of it, things aren't going to change.0 -
It would be difficult for me too in that situation-you have to feed yourself with things conducive to the way you want to eat and be strong about it. If you can fit it in your calorie goals, have a brownie once in a while. I must eat whatever I want in small portions or else I would not be very happy and I need to experience culinary joy every day.0
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Wow! That's a tough one to handle. I'm assuming you all live under the same roof. The only thing I can say is it's going to take alot of will power. But like they say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. You will just have to prove your strength and show them you are serious. Hopefully they will get it. Being skinny doesn't always translate to healthy. My brother is slim but he still had a heart attack at 48. He lived through it and it was partly due to smoking. I'm not saying don't try to lose weight. Just that your family may eat like that and be skinny but doesn't mean they are healthy. If you need support from here feel free to add me. :bigsmile:0
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It's not the calories I'm worried about, it's the amount of sugar. My intake is suppose to be 25 grams a day and usually having just one slice of cheesecake or whatnot goes wayyyyy over that amount. I usually just count the sugar intake since that helps limit me and usually it makes my calorie intake low. In regards to not having to eat clean, I know. But I don't want to just loose weight, I want to be healthy. And eating clean does make me feel better than eating artificial and chemical filled food. The chemical filled food may be lower in calories but clean food just feels right for me, personally.0
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At the start of my lifestyle change, my family was willing to alter what they bought to decrease my urge to binge and eat badly. But now, the cupcakes, cookies, fatty greasy food has made it way back to my house. And no, it's not just a small box. It's literally all over the counters, they sit on top of my vegetables and fruits, and the smell of sweets perfumes the house. It's so hard for me to stick with my diet with all these temptations. They know these are my trigger foods. When I eat just one bite of these kinds of foods, I go on binges and I can't help it. I've tried talking to them about decreasing the amount they buy but I just get chastised for my new food lifestyle and I've been branded "annoying and irritating" because I'm so "picky". All I want to do is eat clean and loose weight. Unlike the rest of my family, I wasn't blessed with high metabolism and a skinny body. I'm literally 30 pounds overweight and all I want is some SUPPORT when it comes to my eating. But rather than support me they always say "just have one slice, it won't hurt you." or "have a cheat day". Hearing those things don't help, it makes me feel like I have no control over what I eat.
Does anyone have a problem like mine? What can I do? I'm literally so tempted right now to grab a chocolate peanut butter brownie.
Ok, I may get chastised for this response but oh well. As you can see I've quoted your OP with certain parts in bold. If you want to lose weight and eat clean, then do it. They're not putting the food in your mouth, they're not forcing you to eat it. While it definitely helps to have support from those around you, it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you'll just have to deal with it on your own. As for "just one slice", technically, they're right. One slice of cake WON'T hurt you. It's the extra slices you might have afterwards that will. Everyone is different, some can work in those foods with their daily calorie intake, some can't. It seems as though you can't, so then don't eat them. Willpower is something that only you can give yourself.0 -
I know what you mean, it has happened to me. Now I buy "snacks" in portion control sizes. They are starting to see how a portion looks. It really helps me to, if I want one, I just log it. Greasy food is hard to control.0
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Eating right food is as important as doing right exercise. I completely can understand your situation.
I too am in the flow to loose another 10 kgs (lost 6 kgs before) and believe me eating is very important if you are pretty serious in your goals. Usually when I face such situations, I try to remember my goals and control the urge to eat junk food. I know its not an easy task but you should keep on trying. Don't loose heart and be firm with your goals.0 -
I will say that the vast majority of people you see on these board who have been successful were not blessed with a "high metabolism and a skinny body". they achieved success through hard work and learning to control what they eat. To some degree at least. Obviously, some people struggle with emotional eating and/or binge eating more than others, and not everyone who has reached their goal has completely cracked having a relationship with food. But, the key thing is that to some degree, they have learned to control what they eat. The world is full of temptation, and if you can't learn to live with that, then you're really going to struggle meeting your goals.
Now, I'm not saying that living with people who bring home lots of food that tempts you to overeat is easy, but it should also not be a complete hindrance to you losing weight. I would sit them down and talk to them again. Have a serious conversation. See if you can reach a compromise - perhaps you could have separate cupboards or something. You really can't expect others to stop eating the foods that you struggle with though, that's just not fair. They should be able to eat, and bring home, the food they like. You should be able to eat the food you feel comfortable eating. If you really cannot control yourself at all around that food, then I would seriously suggest getting some professional help with that because even if you can achieve control over the people you live with (which you shouldn't) at some point you're not going to be completely control the environment you're in.0 -
I'm sorry you've been chastised like this. I'm the only clean eater in my house as well. I am still chastised by family and friends by my eating habits. One member takes it in stride very well but the others do not. I've been told that I should "just have a bite" because it "won't hurt me" or that I'll "binge eventually".
I usually have a treat once a month, if that, because of social force. It pisses me off to no end but they are not the ones busting *kitten* an extra 5-10 hours a week and using up all the mental energy to make sure they are staying on track. Every time I see a tempting food, I tell myself, "For all the work I've put in all this time? HECK NO!"
I routinely fill the candy bowl with brownie bites and M&Ms at my house, bake sweets for bake sales, and buy treats for the family because they request and eat it, but I never even think to touch or taste it. I've been doing this healthy lifestyle thing for over a year and a half now. I just remember the feelings of eating desserts and fast food. They have no substance to them, upset my stomach, and make me feel regretful. I have developed a great deal of self-discipline over the year and a half and I think it's my personality too.
My first guess is that they are jealous or envious of your success. This goes with anything... auditioning for a play, getting a promotion at work, blah blah blah. People will pull you down. Show them studies, infographics, and videos about health benefits of eating healthy. Or, just don't seek support from them. Turn to friend and MFP, that's why we're here. So... prove them wrong. Make that your motivation to keep going. To prove that it's YOU that can make things happen, that can change your life.
For when you want to binge: "I will not eat this food because it will make me feel weak and regretful. I do not need this food. I eat to nourish my body and keep it healthy for life. I eat healthy foods because they provide my body with the nutrients it needs and deserves, and makes me feel good."0 -
It is up to you to make changes and not your family.
You can eat a wide range of food, meet nutritional goals and still lose weight because a calorie deficit is all that is needed to achieve that goal.
Unless you have a medical condition, you do not need to worry about sugar numbers and tracking it because sugar is a carb, so track that number.
There are chemicals in everything, so remove the clean, dirty, good, bad and labeling of foods.
And again, it is up to you to make changes and not your family.0 -
It's not the calories I'm worried about, it's the amount of sugar. My intake is suppose to be 25 grams a day and usually having just one slice of cheesecake or whatnot goes wayyyyy over that amount. I usually just count the sugar intake since that helps limit me and usually it makes my calorie intake low. In regards to not having to eat clean, I know. But I don't want to just loose weight, I want to be healthy. And eating clean does make me feel better than eating artificial and chemical filled food. The chemical filled food may be lower in calories but clean food just feels right for me, personally.
Personally I just focus on getting enough protein and never count my sugar. It make life a lot easier!!!! And I am healthy inside and out. Perfect blood work are a good indication. I would say you have 2 choices. Develop a very strong will to not eat those foods or be a little less rigid in your dieting. You can't change those around you (I wish!!!!)
Good luck, it is not easy situation to be in.0 -
+1 to infinity :drinker:It is up to you to make changes and not your family.
You can eat a wide range of food, meet nutritional goals and still lose weight because a calorie deficit is all that is needed to achieve that goal.
Unless you have a medical condition, you do not need to worry about sugar numbers and tracking it because sugar is a carb, so track that number.
There are chemicals in everything, so remove the clean, dirty, good, bad and labeling of foods.
And again, it is up to you to make changes and not your family.0 -
I think most with a family have this issue to one extent or another. I'm in a house with growing kids and a husband who is thin by nature. I know if it was just me losing weight and eating right would be so much easier. However I buy the treats for the kids along with the healthy stuff. I eat both healthy stuff and not so great stuff (sometimes). Since I buy the groceries I could easily choose to not get the junk food but really I don't want to force that on them and then when they get older have them run to it because they can.
Is there a way to put your foods in a particular place and theirs in another place so you don't have to be tempted as much? Maybe explain that one bite leads to others for you or how the overload on sugar makes your body feel? In the long run really it is up to you. I don't stay away for the bad stuff always but do ask myself if that food will quench was I want right now. Sometimes one small piece of chocolate tastes way better and is probably better for you than the fudge brownie or cheesecake.0 -
Well, your family is not being a great support system. I'm sorry because it's so much easier when they are! That being said, I'm all for some tough love. But I'm not going to tell you to modify what you know helps you be successful. Like you, I have a very hard time stopping at one cookie once I start. What worked for me was to designate space for my things and their things. I have one drawer in the fridge that is only mine. I have one shelf as well and I keep a basket of apples right there in plain sight. I picked a visible shelf and gave them the other ones and the door. I also have a dedicated cabinet for my things too. I created a rule in my family that food left out and not put away gets thrown out, so no leaving donuts on the counter tops etc. If I see them, I send them right to the trash. They were not happy with me at first but they did eventually get the message that I was serious. I think they have to know you mean it and that it's not just a temporary exercise you're doing. It's your house so own it. Good Luck!0
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Obviously I have no idea about your personal circumstances, so some of this might not make sense for you. As others have said, you need to take things into your own hands. You need to prepare your own food. You need to buy your own food. If you do not have an income of your own, you could ask your family for a proportion of the family food budget to spend on clean food. You need a cupboard and part of the fridge/freezer. You need to eat regularly so that you're not getting as hungry when you smell their food.
It sounds extreme, it sounds unfriendly... They are not eating the food you want to eat, so why should you eat the food they want to eat? You are an equal member of that family and you have a choice about what goes into your body.0 -
You should not expect your family to change their eating habits in order to cater to your new way of eating.0
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In regards to kitchen space, no I don't have a place where I can put my own food. I think when I see my healthy food right next to cookies or chocolate, it tempts me to go straight for the bad food. And I don't eat because I'm hungry. I eat because it's good food. That's always been my problem. Hunger is completely irrelevant to me. I know it's all about will power but I guess I really have little to none will power. I've been struggling with food my entire life. My family honestly doesn't take me seriously with food. They always assume that I'm going to go back and I think what upsets me the most is the fact that when I see these foods, it brings me back to overeating. Also, just taunting me with the food, like "don't you want a slice, smell it!" or "Oh wow, this is SOOOO good, I'm glad I'm not on a diet!". I mean it hurts and wow, it really does give me reason to just gorge and binge. Perhaps this is something that needs to be dealt with a therapist or something but that requires money and that's a whole other issue.
Fact, I have no space. I share a room with a sister who loves to eat and over eats and stays a slim size two. There is candy all over the room and chocolate on the floor. It doesn't matter what I say, it's not going away. I get yelled at and punished for even suggesting that she should move her bags of chips into a place where I can't see it. The kitchen space is not mine. It's my mothers and I'm not allowed near it. I'm allowed to have food in it. But I can't control where it is or what it's next to.0 -
May be just have started with weight loss therefore you are facing these issues. once u get serious about it yourself. others will also support.0
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Your response to their lack of empathy is to reach out to this forum for support.
That's seems an extremely healthy reflex. Keep it up.
Looks like you have lot's of good will and support.0 -
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1105036-article-on-flexible-dieting-by-armi-legge?page=1#posts-17068746
Realize that just because you are making changes doesn't mean everyone around you should or has to. It's going to take willpower. And yes, you do have it. Just like any muscle in the body - the more you use it and push to use it, the stronger it gets.
ETA: I second also looking talking with a counselor about food issues.0 -
Reading your profile and your posts, it sounds like you're pretty unhappy overall. I'm in complete control of what enters my kitchen, but I'm a lot older than you and my husband is very supportive, so I don't have to share my kitchen or my house with people who eat junk and even tease me about trying to eat healthy. You're 21 years old -- I know it's not easy, and I don't know your circumstances, but considering how unsupportive your family is, what about moving into your own place? I know that may seem extreme, but in your current household I don't see you having much success....
Best of luck!0 -
It IS hard to resist food when you just want to eat it all because it tastes soooo good. It's like being an alcoholic and having to live in a bar when you just want to stop drinking. That said here is what I have done to help me resist binge eating and overloading on trigger foods.
A) Try not to obsess over food too much... I know it's hard and you do have to do a lot of thinking especially at first so that you don't forget to log and/or fall back into old habits. But you can think in the moment instead of thinking about food ALL the time.
Have a food journal with you when you are out and MLP up and ready to log on at a moments notice when you are at home and make yourself log things in. If you binge you binge, but you MUST log it in. Yes it will feel as though you have failed, you may cry about it, but you have to tell yourself "I have learned from this, I will move on and do better in the future."
C) PLAN. This one is the most important and often overlooked part of any "diet" or new routine. I figure out my max calories per meal and then work around those. If I eat something that is below that max great! If I eat something above I will balance it out later with a lower calorie meal. I also allow for a once a week treat after a hard workout day. That way I'm still well within my calories and I don't feel I need to eat everything in sight.
D) Deal with the underlying issue... binge eating isn't so much a primary issue as it is a symptom of something deeper. Usually emotional in nature. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I find that I have turned to food for comfort. Find something that helps that is healthier. Going for long walks when the day is nice helps me a lot. I also take care of my fish and I taught myself how to play guitar. These things don't cure the depression but they help me feel better and stop me from turning to food. Exercise is especially a wonderful mood lifter... you don't need to be a part of a gym or be super duper ripped. You just need to find something you enjoy and then do it as best you can a little everyday. I chose fast walking, it gets my heart rate up and makes me feel less stressed. I also like to put on a fun fast song with fun lyrics and dance and sing! Silly looking maybe but it helps.
E) Finally make mini goals everyday. "Today I will walk past those brownies and instead have an apple." or "I will allow myself one small piece of cake" and go ahead and log it in first thing in the morning and then divide the rest of your calories up. I literally take it a day at a time because often I have no idea what the day will bring. Plus if you are feeling self conscious or just depressed or blue having a little achievable goal helps to make it all seem a lot less overwhelming.
As for the taunting, simple "No thank you, I like the way my new lifestyle makes me feel" Or a "Thanks but I don't want to feel all bleh for the rest of the day" are good ways to respond. Often when people tease or taunt they are simply looking for a rise out of people or are jealous. I'm very blessed in that my mom also wants to be healthier but sometimes she tries to give me too much advice when all I want is a bowl of raw oatmeal or some rice! But at the end of the day I have to tell myself, this is my body, I'm finding what works for me. A day, an hour, even a moment at a time is sometimes what we need to stop an unhealthy habit. Especially when we aren't receiving support at home but you can do it! They are responsible for their body and you are responsible for yours. Best of luck!
Kittie0 -
To everyone who replied with comments like "it's your responsibility don't blame other people you have to develop self control etc etc etc"
WE ALL KNOW IT'S UP TO US!!!!
BUT....
Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???0 -
You're in a tough situation. My sympathies. It does get easier the longer you avoid eating junk food; if you can resist it long enough, eventually you'll find that things that used to taste good don't anymore.
However, that doesn't help you now.
When I'm confronted by something that I know I shouldn't eat (at least not there and then), or by the desire to take seconds or thirds even when I'm no longer hungry, I imagine eating it and then how I would feel afterwards. That's a powerful strategy for overcoming the urge to eat thoughtlessly.
If someone offers something or taunts you with food, don't argue; just say "No thanks, I don't want any." Don't explain why. Part of you may want some, but that's the part that you need to get under control.
Good luck!0 -
To everyone who replied with comments like "it's your responsibility don't blame other people you have to develop self control etc etc etc"
WE ALL KNOW IT'S UP TO US!!!!
BUT....
Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???
Thank you for this, I wasn't sure how to explain how this was the support I was talking about.0 -
To everyone who replied with comments like "it's your responsibility don't blame other people you have to develop self control etc etc etc"
WE ALL KNOW IT'S UP TO US!!!!
BUT....
Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???
Sounds like they were trying, but again, why do they have to completely give up things because of one person's mission to cut things out? You say compromise, but all I hear is one person asking for this and that, yet offering nothing in exchange. That's not a compromise.
The world doesn't revolve around you and this is a great opportunity to challenge yourself and prove you are stronger than you thought. Or you can just be bitter and use this as an excuse to fail and put the blame on other people who didn't cater to your life changes.0 -
To everyone who replied with comments like "it's your responsibility don't blame other people you have to develop self control etc etc etc"
WE ALL KNOW IT'S UP TO US!!!!
BUT....
Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???
Sounds like they were trying, but again, why do they have to completely give up things because of one person's mission to cut things out? You say compromise, but all I hear is one person asking for this and that, yet offering nothing in exchange. That's not a compromise.
The world doesn't revolve around you and this is a great opportunity to challenge yourself and prove you are stronger than you thought. Or you can just be bitter and use this as an excuse to fail and put the blame on other people who didn't cater to your life changes.
The compromise is for them to not always put tempting food in view. They can eat it, go crazy. But help us who can't eat it by not placing it everywhere. I thought her post was all about compromise. I don't know how her post because about the world revolving around her. Yes, it is a great opportunity to challenge one self when placed in a lot of food. But for me personally whose starting out, it'd be a great help not to have all these foods within view all the time. Like she said, maybe put it away in a cabinet or something. Also, I support my family is whatever they do. It doesn't have to be food related. If they want to do something, I'm there 100% and I'll alter my ways in order to help them. They can show me the same love and support me. It's not always about food. It's just about support and love. Support me as I support you.
And that last line. That's harsh and completely untrue.0 -
To everyone who replied with comments like "it's your responsibility don't blame other people you have to develop self control etc etc etc"
WE ALL KNOW IT'S UP TO US!!!!
BUT....
Is it so much to ask our families to be considerate and help us develop good habits? Would it be such an inconvenience to put the treats away, instead of leaving them all over? is it so bad for us to say "this is my weakness...please help me" to the ones we love and who are supposed to love us? We all make compromises for the people we love, and if having fewer treats in the house, or putting them away high up in a cabinet where they are out of sight will help someone we care about be successful...is that so much to ask???
Sounds like they were trying, but again, why do they have to completely give up things because of one person's mission to cut things out? You say compromise, but all I hear is one person asking for this and that, yet offering nothing in exchange. That's not a compromise.
The world doesn't revolve around you and this is a great opportunity to challenge yourself and prove you are stronger than you thought. Or you can just be bitter and use this as an excuse to fail and put the blame on other people who didn't cater to your life changes.
The compromise is for them to not always put tempting food in view. They can eat it, go crazy. But help us who can't eat it by not placing it everywhere. I thought her post was all about compromise. I don't know how her post because about the world revolving around her. Yes, it is a great opportunity to challenge one self when placed in a lot of food. But for me personally whose starting out, it'd be a great help not to have all these foods within view all the time. Like she said, maybe put it away in a cabinet or something. Also, I support my family is whatever they do. It doesn't have to be food related. If they want to do something, I'm there 100% and I'll alter my ways in order to help them. They can show me the same love and support me. It's not always about food. It's just about support and love. Support me as I support you.
And that last line. That's harsh and completely untrue.
So if they don't, then what? You quit?
Support is great but in the end, it is up to you to rely on yourself.
^It's an interesting read. You should look into it.0 -
If you are an adult and/or parent, and this is your house that you're paying for set some ground rules. Do not allow this to go on.
If you are an adult and living with family members and not paying, get a (better) job and move out.
If you are an adult and living with roommates and paying, try to set ground rules and if it does not work, move out on your own and/or find new roommates to move in with.
If you are a child/teenager and have no choice but to continue living there and cannot control what others do - it is going to be difficult but just buck up and be strong. Allow yourself a few small 'cheats' weekly.0 -
I wrote this awhile ago but it seems completely relevant here.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1058291-is-someone-sabotaging-you?page=1#posts-162560720
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