Normal eating is impossible

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  • jenniferb_00
    jenniferb_00 Posts: 81
    I kind of experienced the same thing you did. I wasn't ever actually diagnosed with an eating disorder, im still not even though my eating is more disordered then ever. I was restricting to 800 calories a day and got as low as 104lbs (Im 5'3). I looked pretty thin and hadn't had a period in over a year. Once my doctor was informed of this i was sent to a dietician and re-fed. I went up to 129 lbs because i literally couls not stop binging, almost every other night, it was bad. I understand how uncomfortable you feel with your body, especially after putting on weight. Im finally down to 117, hoping to get to 113, but its a constant battle. I still restrict and binge eat. I often feel like normal eating as you call it is impossible for me. I am very particular about what i eat and i can;t eat socially because it triggers a binge for me.

    Honestly, the binging is really because your body is hungry. I had to face this realization. My body was super hungry and when i finally started feeding it all i wanted was more food. If you slowly increase your calories, maybe my 100 a day each week, that would be my best suggestion. Don't let the binging become a habit for years to come. Its not worth it, and you will feel even worse about your body. If you ever want to talk or anything just message me, im not sure i can help much but id always try.
  • BarackMeLikeAHurricane
    BarackMeLikeAHurricane Posts: 3,400 Member
    Today I had salad, a plum, a peach, raspberries, cherry tomatoes, and some hummus amounting to 1,112cals.

    So basically, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, and a little fat. No wonder you're hungry! Get some protein in and some more fat. I would starve to death on 1200 calories of carb but I can feel stuffed and have to force myself to eat after 400 calories of protein and 200 calories of fat.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    1200 doesn't sound like a good target if you find you are binging. I couldn't do 1200 myself anyway, but I'm sure sometimes folks in recovery could feel quite full on it :) If you are binging, though, go on and up your daily intake and see how it makes you feel.

    What is the daily intake for your general target weight with a nice, healthy amount of activity? Or is it too hard to imagine a general target weight right now? What is the TDEE of your weight at the BMI you gave in this thread? I bet even that one is higher than 1200!
  • maracuya23
    maracuya23 Posts: 122
    I highly recommend reading Weightless, a well-written blog by a psychologist specializing in ED issues.

    Food doesn't have to have a value judgement attached (good/bad/shameful), and one's self-worth doesn't need to be based on what the scale says. Sometimes, hearing that perspective in another way can be really helpful.

    Hope that helps and you can find a healthy balance.
  • ixiHemlock
    ixiHemlock Posts: 83 Member
    Today I had salad, a plum, a peach, raspberries, cherry tomatoes, and some hummus amounting to 1,112cals.

    So basically, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, and a little fat. No wonder you're hungry! Get some protein in and some more fat. I would starve to death on 1200 calories of carb but I can feel stuffed and have to force myself to eat after 400 calories of protein and 200 calories of fat.

    I thought fruits and veggies were good for you....? I was trying to up my fiber.
  • Love4fitnesslove4food2
    Love4fitnesslove4food2 Posts: 711 Member
    Of course you're gaining weight, that is part of recovering from under eating and being underweight. And you are still under eating, it sounds like. Are you seeing someone for treatment? If not, you should. Because there is just no way that MFp set your goal at 1200 unless you put that your goal was to LOSE weight.

    I don't understand, my BMI is 19.5 now. That's far from underweight...I don't want to gain any more weight. I've been binge eating well over 1,200cals or even 1,800cals by 1,000 calories sometimes.

    I'm not eligible for treatment anymore.

    What YOU want and what YOUR BODY wants are two very different things. Your body wants you to eat enough to sustain its bodily functions and thrive; you want to force your body to remain a certain weight. Those are competing interests and the desire to eat and eat and eat will remain until you can eat an appropriate amount. I've been where you are and didn't understand that being a certain weight/BMI doesn't mean that MY BODY is healthy or happy. You've gained the weight not eating enough and you'll likely continue to gain weight until your body stabilizes--which I suggest you do at a higher calorie amount than you're currently eating. While recovering I wish I would have jumped right in and ate enough to not only gain but to restore my metabolic rate. Overall, I think I gained ~30 pounds before my body was happy; reaching a BMI of ~22 or so. You are far from fat; that's your disorder talking. You cannot and should not live like this forever, please please please don't give up and do not aim for 1200 calories which is very much a "weight loss" calorie target despite the fact that you've been gaining eating that much (or less).
  • BarackMeLikeAHurricane
    BarackMeLikeAHurricane Posts: 3,400 Member
    Today I had salad, a plum, a peach, raspberries, cherry tomatoes, and some hummus amounting to 1,112cals.

    So basically, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, and a little fat. No wonder you're hungry! Get some protein in and some more fat. I would starve to death on 1200 calories of carb but I can feel stuffed and have to force myself to eat after 400 calories of protein and 200 calories of fat.

    I thought fruits and veggies were good for you....? I was trying to up my fiber.
    Fiber is good but protein is the most important, fat is 2nd, fiber is 3rd. A diet high in carbs but low in fats and protein will leave you starving and malnourished.
  • Greenrun99
    Greenrun99 Posts: 2,065 Member
    I gained about 12 lbs in recovery and I hate it, I feel so fat. I feel like overcompensating for the time I was starving/purging by eating. I feel like it's my only pleasure but I'm so afraid of becoming fat. I'm 5'5, 117lbs now...

    Your 5'5 and 117lbs and you feel fat ... ya that is still pretty skinny so still got a problem there... your body is hungry all the time cause it wants fuel.. 1200 calories still isn't enough.. binge eating is a sign of undereating.. so ya..
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    If it helps you any, I'm 5'6", so very close to your height, and my lean body mass stays around 115 lbs give or take a couple. In dance the girls beside me (by height) would often weigh a whole lot less than me, but it wasn't about fat at all. You very likely lost a lot of muscle weight during your illness. The recovery pounds could be filling back in muscles that are so good for your body and look very nice, too :)

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