Normal eating is impossible

Of course you're gaining weight, that is part of recovering from under eating and being underweight. And you are still under eating, it sounds like. Are you seeing someone for treatment? If not, you should. Because there is just no way that MFp set your goal at 1200 unless you put that your goal was to LOSE weight.

Don't give up.

I can totally understand the "seafood mentality" (you see food, you want to eat it). And I know, eating in moderation can be more than a little difficult. Here are a few things that have worked for me in the past, and that I am re-applying now that I am trying to get my weight back under control.

1) Try to space the food out over the course of the day. Nothing wrong with the salad, plum, peach, raspberries, etc. But see if you can do them a bit farther apart. When I was on my doctor-monitored diet, it was breakfast at 8am, snack at 10am, lunch at 12pm, snack at 2pm, dinner at 5pm-ish, snack at 7pm, in bed by 10-11pm. Snack was a LITTLE something, but at least fruit and vegetables are healthy for you!

2) When I'm seriously jonesing for chocolate, I allow myself two Lindt truffles. And that's it. I sit and savor the taste (knowing that if I'm eating chocolate, at least I'm eating GOOD chocolate) and let it melt in my mouth. And then I'm done.

3) While the sodium might not be as good for me, I'd routinely make myself a cup of chicken bouillon. There's just enough there to make my brain and stomach feel full, and at only 5 calories, it wasn't that huge a splurge.

4) Drink more water when you eat. It makes you feel more full.

5) If you do decide to go for McD's or whatever, don't beat yourself up over it. Try to keep the damage to a minimum (i.e., don't Super-size your order), and maybe skip the soda or get a small fries instead of a medium. Seriously. Last night I went to Buca di Beppo for dinner (the uber-family-size-portion Italian place). I had the mixed greens salad (though I splurged and got the gorgonzola and prosciutto on it) and Stuffed Mushrooms. But I skipped the garlic bread, passed on the wine, and hid the dessert menu. I don't feel guilty because I at least tried to eat sensibly.

I hope this rambling helps.

tl;dr version: Don't beat yourself up. And the MFP is NOT the Ten Commandments. If you go over your daily calories, don't starve yourself the next day. Just look at it and go, "Okay, moving on" and keep trying.

Of course you're gaining weight, that is part of recovering from under eating and being underweight. And you are still under eating, it sounds like. Are you seeing someone for treatment? If not, you should. Because there is just no way that MFp set your goal at 1200 unless you put that your goal was to LOSE weight.

I don't understand, my BMI is 19.5 now. That's far from underweight...I don't want to gain any more weight. I've been binge eating well over 1,200cals or even 1,800cals by 1,000 calories sometimes.

I'm not eligible for treatment anymore.

Are you measuring and weighing your food and keeping a daily log???

Yeah, you're bound to gain weight when you have restricted for awhile and start eating more again. I would suspect the reason you want to eat nonstop is because of your previous deprivation....it's usually one extreme or the other with eating disorders. Can you see anyone for support, like a therapist or a dietician to help you? Feel free to add me, I've been there and back and struggle with some of the same issues.

So I posted here about 6-9 months ago concerning my recovery from disordered eating. I had an underweight BMI (17.3) and was only eating once a day/about 600 calories. Well, now I'm having the opposite problem. I want to eat everything! I can't seem to find a happy medium...I gained about 12 lbs in recovery and I hate it, I feel so fat. I feel like overcompensating for the time I was starving/purging by eating. I feel like it's my only pleasure but I'm so afraid of becoming fat. I'm 5'5, 117lbs now...

Today I had salad, a plum, a peach, raspberries, cherry tomatoes, and some hummus amounting to 1,112cals. MFP wants me to stay at 1,200cals. I can't tell you how much I want to hit up Taco Bell or McDonalds or eat a candy bar. What should I do!? I binged a lot over the weekend...not only does it feel like ****, but it's expensive...sigh. I just want to eat. And eat. And eat. I have no self control anymore.

I think your body is telling you to eat more than just that 1,200 calories. With your stated height and weight, you don't need to lose any weight. In fact, it sounds like you either need to maintain or gain (depending on what your doctor tells you that you need to do).

Taco Bell is fine sometimes, but the goal is to learn portion control. Is it possible you can have just a little bit of something you want?

I do know where you come from because I have engaged in bingeing behavior a lot, but not in several months. You can change this behavior if you want, but it does take a lot of work and discipline.

By the way, have you talked to your doctor or recovery counselor/advocate about this?

Of course you're gaining weight, that is part of recovering from under eating and being underweight. And you are still under eating, it sounds like. Are you seeing someone for treatment? If not, you should. Because there is just no way that MFp set your goal at 1200 unless you put that your goal was to LOSE weight.

I don't understand, my BMI is 19.5 now. That's far from underweight...I don't want to gain any more weight. I've been binge eating well over 1,200cals or even 1,800cals by 1,000 calories sometimes.

I'm not eligible for treatment anymore.

If you are comfortable at your weight and your doctor supports you in this, then I you need to set your MFP profile to maintenance.

However, someone else said it-it's normal to gain weight during recovery for an eating disorder.

Of course you're gaining weight, that is part of recovering from under eating and being underweight. And you are still under eating, it sounds like. Are you seeing someone for treatment? If not, you should. Because there is just no way that MFp set your goal at 1200 unless you put that your goal was to LOSE weight.

I don't understand, my BMI is 19.5 now. That's far from underweight...I don't want to gain any more weight. I've been binge eating well over 1,200cals or even 1,800cals by 1,000 calories sometimes.

I'm not eligible for treatment anymore.

You may not have much luck eating intuitively because of hunger hormones still being disturbed from restricting. In fact, for a lot of recovering anorexics, their hunger cues never really return to normal and have to make an effort in ensuring they're consuming adequate calories.

Regardless, you shouldn't still be restricting calories at this point.

are your settings at losing or maintenance?
i know how hard it is, i am in recovery as well and some days are really good, others are terrible. it's so hard to find a happy medium, personally i find myself either at a very low intake or not being able to stop eating.
feel free to add me if you need support. sometimes it seems like it really is impossible to eat normally, whatever that even is. sometimes it can take years to fully recover, other times some people don't ever fully recover. but it is possible and if you are doing it alone it will be that much harder. do you have a good support system? for myself, no one in my real life kows what is going on i have some great supportive friends on here who are very helpful and i am greatful to have. also eating disorders annonymous (eda) has in person meetings, phone meetings and online meetings which offer great support. and if it is within your means, a therapist and nutritionist would definitely help you too.

also, try contacting hospitals that are teaching schools. a lot of times they offer low to no cost services for mental health/therapy from grad students or post grad students working on clinical hours, the students provide the services

Today I had salad, a plum, a peach, raspberries, cherry tomatoes, and some hummus amounting to 1,112cals.

So basically, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, and a little fat. No wonder you're hungry! Get some protein in and some more fat. I would starve to death on 1200 calories of carb but I can feel stuffed and have to force myself to eat after 400 calories of protein and 200 calories of fat.

I highly recommend reading Weightless, a well-written blog by a psychologist specializing in ED issues.

Food doesn't have to have a value judgement attached (good/bad/shameful), and one's self-worth doesn't need to be based on what the scale says. Sometimes, hearing that perspective in another way can be really helpful.

Hope that helps and you can find a healthy balance.

Of course you're gaining weight, that is part of recovering from under eating and being underweight. And you are still under eating, it sounds like. Are you seeing someone for treatment? If not, you should. Because there is just no way that MFp set your goal at 1200 unless you put that your goal was to LOSE weight.

I don't understand, my BMI is 19.5 now. That's far from underweight...I don't want to gain any more weight. I've been binge eating well over 1,200cals or even 1,800cals by 1,000 calories sometimes.

I'm not eligible for treatment anymore.

What YOU want and what YOUR BODY wants are two very different things. Your body wants you to eat enough to sustain its bodily functions and thrive; you want to force your body to remain a certain weight. Those are competing interests and the desire to eat and eat and eat will remain until you can eat an appropriate amount. I've been where you are and didn't understand that being a certain weight/BMI doesn't mean that MY BODY is healthy or happy. You've gained the weight not eating enough and you'll likely continue to gain weight until your body stabilizes--which I suggest you do at a higher calorie amount than you're currently eating. While recovering I wish I would have jumped right in and ate enough to not only gain but to restore my metabolic rate. Overall, I think I gained ~30 pounds before my body was happy; reaching a BMI of ~22 or so. You are far from fat; that's your disorder talking. You cannot and should not live like this forever, please please please don't give up and do not aim for 1200 calories which is very much a "weight loss" calorie target despite the fact that you've been gaining eating that much (or less).

I gained about 12 lbs in recovery and I hate it, I feel so fat. I feel like overcompensating for the time I was starving/purging by eating. I feel like it's my only pleasure but I'm so afraid of becoming fat. I'm 5'5, 117lbs now...

Your 5'5 and 117lbs and you feel fat ... ya that is still pretty skinny so still got a problem there... your body is hungry all the time cause it wants fuel.. 1200 calories still isn't enough.. binge eating is a sign of undereating.. so ya..