Do people treat you differently -- or is it you?
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I only had 45 lbs to lose some I gained back on purpose 45 was too much, anyway no one said a word to me at all. It was kind of disappointing as I was working my *kitten* off. But when I started seeing results my confidence went up a lot.0
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For me (having lost about 80 lbs + or - a few), I have found that the more weight I lost, the more confident and outspoken I became. I'm at a point now where I sometimes have to really watch what I say because I can get a little too sassy and end up saying something that comes across as being a smarta$$.
I think a lot of it has to do with me being more confident in myself and not really caring as much about what people think of me, whereas in the past I was more introspective and quiet because I felt people were looking at me as being "the fat guy." Now that the fat guy is gone, I'm a lot more comfortable speaking to people and speaking my mind.
Weight loss isn't just about the physical changes that take place, it's also about the drastic change in mindset that occurs, too.0 -
yup - my female friends definitely react differently too based on their level personal confidence.The fit guys that are secure treat me like "welcome to the club -- now we have a more powerful Mammoth hunting team and we can fight off the enemy tribe together"
The insecure fit guys are like "I am going to be a d^^k because you are now officially competition for tribal leadership and choice mates"
Before... I was looked at as neither an asset or a threat. Interesting stuff we humans ....
One girl friend's reaction has been "you look so awesome. I can't wait to play dress up with your new body. let's go shopping together. how fun!" Another one's reaction has been "does it bother you that you're losing your boobs?" and "I guess we can't go to bars together anymore because we will be going after the same guys" (as if my taste in men suddenly changed because of the weight loss).0 -
For me (having lost about 80 lbs + or - a few), I have found that the more weight I lost, the more confident and outspoken I became. I'm at a point now where I sometimes have to really watch what I say because I can get a little too sassy and end up saying something that comes across as being a smarta$$.
I think a lot of it has to do with me being more confident in myself and not really caring as much about what people think of me, whereas in the past I was more introspective and quiet because I felt people were looking at me as being "the fat guy." Now that the fat guy is gone, I'm a lot more comfortable speaking to people and speaking my mind.
Weight loss isn't just about the physical changes that take place, it's also about the drastic change in mindset that occurs, too.0 -
For me (having lost about 80 lbs + or - a few), I have found that the more weight I lost, the more confident and outspoken I became. I'm at a point now where I sometimes have to really watch what I say because I can get a little too sassy and end up saying something that comes across as being a smarta$$.
I think a lot of it has to do with me being more confident in myself and not really caring as much about what people think of me, whereas in the past I was more introspective and quiet because I felt people were looking at me as being "the fat guy." Now that the fat guy is gone, I'm a lot more comfortable speaking to people and speaking my mind.
Weight loss isn't just about the physical changes that take place, it's also about the drastic change in mindset that occurs, too.0 -
For me (having lost about 80 lbs + or - a few), I have found that the more weight I lost, the more confident and outspoken I became. I'm at a point now where I sometimes have to really watch what I say because I can get a little too sassy and end up saying something that comes across as being a smarta$$.
I think a lot of it has to do with me being more confident in myself and not really caring as much about what people think of me, whereas in the past I was more introspective and quiet because I felt people were looking at me as being "the fat guy." Now that the fat guy is gone, I'm a lot more comfortable speaking to people and speaking my mind.
Weight loss isn't just about the physical changes that take place, it's also about the drastic change in mindset that occurs, too.0 -
I can't say that I've lost a lot of weight- a little less than 20lbs is all I needed to cut, but I think the way people treat me can be based on a few different things, not just the weight I've lost.
I tend to find that people who are in a place of needing to make a change but not ready to commit to it yet are the ones who will give the comments that are along the lines of 'you're too skinny' and 'you don't need to lose any more.' At first when I started getting these it made me angry, until I realized what was really going on.. so now I just smile, nod, and move on.
On the other hand, people who need to make a change and are ready are the funnest, in my opinion. I was at a bonfire with some friends a few weekends ago, and was getting myself steeled for what I thought would be the inevitable 'hey skinny *kitten*' comment that I thought would come from a certain acquaintance, and she totally surprised me and asked me to help her get her eating on track.. we went grocery shopping together a few days later and it was awesome!!!
Those are the only two mindsets I've really had going on in my life so far. So to answer your question... I guess it's a little bit of both!0 -
I noticed a difference after I lost 50 or 60 pounds, so fairly recently. No one was flirting with me 70 pounds ago, even on days I felt pretty cute, so I have to give credit to the actual weight loss. I think there comes a point where you pretty much become invisible to the world, and then there's a point in your weight loss where you become a viable option again.
I'd say this is me to a T. I was 75lbs heavier and I'm SURE my attitude/depression had something to do with it, but I constantly felt judged and talked about. "Paranoia, Paranoia everybody's coming to get me..." lol It's different now, after just this much weight lost. I still have about 125lbs to lose (yes, seriously) and even now, I get flirted with MUCH more often and the whole 'viable option' SUCH a perfect way of putting it. Wether people consider you that way, or you consider yourself that way, it's true. There was a point when I literally thought my life was NORMAL, being ignored/treated badly because of my weight/size. I'm still a hefty girl but trust me, people are so much more kind with just this loss.0 -
UGH!! Had three small paragraphs written and now it's gone due to clicking on something accidentally and I don't feel like typing it all over, but here it is in part:
THISS!! So this! Exactly, I think ultimately it is both, that is, people treating me/us differently AND us changing and treating ourselves different (I think this is the majority here, not so much the other people as it is us).
I feel similarly, I find myself feeling freer to express myself and talk to people more freely and feel more self confident for sure.
This journey has afforded me many opportunities to have discussions about it and make some new friends and increase my accountability and motivation. I no longer worry about how I look as much, at least I feel better about how I look which no longer inhibits me with meeting or talking to others or doing certain activities which again has allowed me more freedom in my choices.
Ultimately I think it is more about us changing, our perception of others is based off of how we feel, whether consciously or not, about ourselves and how we look and we project that onto others. I've realized this through this journey and it's going on 7 months, that my weight has really held me back from a lot of things in life, but no more! Onward and upward folks. Now time to hit the gym!Hi, this is a great topic.
I have about 50 lbs to lose and I have lost about 18. For me the changes are on the inside. i have come to that happy point where i don't care how fast I lose because I am doing things as a habit I have never been able to stick to before;
1. I work out every weekday before 6 AM
2. I can actually go to social functions and plan ahead so I don't overeat
3. I sleep way better
4. I am getting more disciplined in every other aspect of my life.
All these changes can't be seen by someone just walking up to you for the first time.
i travel a lot and I run into a lot of situations where people are rude. Before I would be the "nice happy fat guy" and swallow the insult or try to be super nice. I recently saw a guy treating a very friendly hotel clerk like dirt who had just helped me out a few minutes ago. I went back to the desk and told the guy to "lay off" and he just looked at me and disappeared. The clerk was really thankful and I offered to write up the situation to her manager to make sure he knew that his employee was doing her best to help a truly rude customer. --- I never would have had the courage to do something like that before
Just knowing that I am finally doing something about my condition (which frankly I caused) is paying off huge dividends.
i also find that I am much more comfortable meeting new people and automatically think the "best is in them" instead of feeling inadequate in their presence.
Great topic! :drinker:0 -
THISS!! So this! Exactly, I think ultimately it is both, that is, people treating me/us differently AND us changing and treating ourselves different (I think this is the majority here, not so much the other people as it is us).
Thanks so much!
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I think it was a little bit of both. I lost 30 lbs a couple of years ago and I definitely noticed that I was approached more often and that I also felt more confident in my skin. I think the way you carry yourself has a lot of power and people can see that and are attracted to it.
Also, they have treated me negatively as a result. People assume, because I have a small frame, that I have "always" been skinny and tiny and I don't know what it's like to be overweight or that I never eat unhealthy things. It's kind of ironic, actually. People just see the way you are and assume that it's how you've always been. People are shocked when they hear I lost almost 25% of my weight at one point in my life.
Even though I am still obese, I get that. At my current job, people know me as the tall curvy 218 lb I am right now and they can't envision me at 300. I was having a discussion about weight loss with my supervisor one day and she clearly thought I'd lost like 20 lb or something, not close to 100 lb. They made me trade office chairs with a larger employee who was uncomfortable because of the arms on the chair. I have lots of room to spare, but a few years ago I would not have. It is odd being the "right now" me, but I like it. However it's still kind of surreal to me too. I still look at women who wear around a size 24 and think of them as my size, even when a pair of size 16 jeans is on my body.0 -
I've found (after losing 50 pounds so far) that my own self esteem and confidence has grown significantly. I've found that I'm more out going than I was 50 pounds ago and finding it easier to talk to people. 50 pounds ago I was very, very shy, due to self esteem issues, so to be getting over that shyness is a personal goal of mine.
Also, to my husband's displeasure, I've been getting more looks and slight flirting from other guys. So, at that point I'll flash my ring and they stop. It's a whole new experience for me, lol...my husband was the only guy that really ever flirted with me and he won me over and I'm not complaining, ever.0 -
I still look at women who wear around a size 24 and think of them as my size, even when a pair of size 16 jeans is on my body.
Yeahhhhh, me too. Was at a size 28, at an 18 now and STILL can't see it some days.0 -
Question for people who have lost a lot of weight. Some of you have had amazing success and look younger, happier and more confident. So at what point did you notice that people treated you differently, approached you, talked to you, looked at you differently from before you lost the weight?
Alternatively, what happened first? Did you start to face the world with more confidence before other people noticed?
There have been some great transformations here. I'm wondering how that changes things on the inside..
It ultimately starts with us - even though we may not realize it. We feel better & more confident even if we had good self-esteem before. We carry ourselves differently. How good we feel inside shows. People react positively to it. I accept it in a positive manner, too. I understand that I am changing inside and out. I refuse to be suspicious and question motives or be upset because I did not receive this attention when I was a lot heavier.
It is a bit surprising but, mostly, it is a good experience. sure, there are going to be a few negative experiences but we have to realize there are always a few unpleasant experiences in our lives, whatever we weigh. I'm loving the way the world is reacting to me as I change.0 -
I think when you look better, you feel better-- and it radiates out from you.
People pick up almost magnetically onto positive people.
AMEN! feel better, look better. Vica Versa0 -
I get more free drinks0
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Well I live about 2,900 miles away from people who ever realize me being bigger than I am now (I'm 150 now, moved away at 160lbs., my heaviest was 247 in 2009) -- so not something I experience. I did however get down to 138 at a point, and people were nicer to me that remembered me. While proud of my accomplishments, I no longer live in that "former fat girl" identity. It's a part of my past and it's where it'll stay.0
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I think yes people treat me differently. But confidence speaks REALLY loud!! Waiting for the day that I am confident.0
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This is weird, but the main thing that I noticed is that more people let me cross over the road on my way to uni. That, and there were more *****y comments than ever from girls, but I put that down to jealousy.0
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Mix of both. Confidence and a positive mood are great but the bottom line is people are shallow too. I'd say at least some of that confidence boost people get comes from the fact that people are responding more positively to them, particularly where the opposite sex is concerned.0
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People that I knew for many years didn't recognize me. I lost 170 lbs in 10 months. To be honest I didn't push the issue by saying something to them about my weight loss. If they said anything or asked questions I just shrugged it off as politely as I could and changed the subject. People in general do treat me differently now than at 360 lbs. The word fat is no longer used to describe me. My religious, political or philosophical points of view have not changed. Yet people do talk to me differently0
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I am at the beginning of my journey, but wanted to read some of these responses, so I am BUMPING! Thank you for sharing everyone!0
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I have to say that most people did NOT notice my early weight loss. From 205 pounds down to 180, only my mom and a handful of females noticed. Then when I dropped to the 170s more people noticed. My arms were looking bigger and veinier too from my training. I bought clothes that fit, then lots of people noticed. Many guys at work made comments and wanted to know what I was doing. I've had male and female friends and almost strangers cop a feel of my arms, shoulder, torso, without asking. That never happened before this year.
I think I look better because I'm thinner, more built, have new clothes that fit, and I think I smile more. I do think people treat me better in general, at first I thought it was all about how my body looks, but, I tend to think I didn't realize how happy I was with myself and I wonder how much that showed thru and makes me more approachable.
I think the reverse happens too sometimes. Today someone at the gym looked away from me when I looked back at her. I think when I was chunkier, more people would have been more comfortable smiling back rather than quick looking away.0 -
I think its me. I feel so much happier since I have lost some weight. I want to do more things (who wants to go to the beach when they feel like an ice burg -blinding white and huge) and because I now eat better and exercise I have the energy to go and do more - so I've become more interesting I guess.0
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For me, I feel so much better inside and out. A coworker told me that I have a healthy glow. I feel more confident. I think clean eating shows in your skin and hair especially. I think I've changed which affects how people interact with me.0
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I think its me. I feel so much happier since I have lost some weight. I want to do more things (who wants to go to the beach when they feel like an ice burg -blinding white and huge) and because I now eat better and exercise I have the energy to go and do more - so I've become more interesting I guess.
Losing weight makes you more "interesting"
Because you want to do more things.
Yes. This.0 -
After losing 50 or 60 pounds, people did start to treat me differently, but I believe it was because I was ready to have people see me. At my heaviest, I was so busy trying to be invisible, and now I have my head up and meeting people eye to eye and I am smiling! So I must be more approachable now. You won't get the love you need from others until you love yourself first... I truly believe that.0
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It's both.
I get a lot more attention from people now. And a lot more comments on my clothes/looks/skin etc..
I was happy and confident 70lbs ago too, but i'm sure I walk straighter now and and more outwardly happy and confident as well so I'm sure that plays into it.
But I *was* on an online dating site and as soon as I updated my picture my email blew up. I had to take it down. I can also walk into any bar now and get hit on immediately. esp when I finally bought the size clothes that fit me. I thought I would like that, but I really don't.0 -
I've treated myelf differently. There aren't a lot of nice clothes that come in 4x, so even on a work day when I had 'power meetings' and training sessions, it was sneakers, stretchy pants, and an oversized shirt.
Today I had a meeting where I was meeting a new administrator and I WAS NOT EMBARRASSED BY THE WAY I LOOKED; nice shoes, fitted pants and tailored shirt.
I've also started sucking in my belly and sticking my boobs out a little more.0 -
I feel like the same person...or rather, just a smaller version of the same person.
One funny thing, though, is that over the past few months, other people in my firm have slipped into my office (it was almost laughable the way some of 'em did it...a la behind-closed-doors-darkened-room-blinds-drawn-etc) to ask me "psst-hey-have-you-lost-weight-and-what's-the-secret?"
(There are quite a few disappointed looks when I say I'm counting calories and running) 0
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