Gym Harrassment

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Replies

  • bka8
    bka8 Posts: 92
    Thank you so much, everyone! Your responses are overwhelming and amazing and I really appreciate all the support.

    UPDATE (as per requested):

    I did email him back telling him that his comments were inappropriate and unwelcome and told him to never contact me again.

    I printed out the email and brought it with me to the gym tonight. I wanted it in case he was there again, but he wasn't, so I didn't give it to management (yet).

    I have also discussed the situation with my boyfriend and we're looking into what it would take to get a restraining order if anything else happens.

    I tried my best not to be paranoid tonight while working out, but couldn't help looking over my shoulder a couple times. Thankfully like I said, he wasn't there and I felt great after working out!

    THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH *HUGS*
  • alaskan_blue
    alaskan_blue Posts: 24
    What happened to you was sexual harrasment, pure and simple. Print the letter out and take it to the manager of the gym. Most gyms have a section in their contracts you sign when you become a member that you will not be rude or cause problems with other members that would be detrimental to their experience while there.
  • redefiningmyself
    redefiningmyself Posts: 476 Member
    Thank you so much, everyone! Your responses are overwhelming and amazing and I really appreciate all the support.

    UPDATE (as per requested):

    I did email him back telling him that his comments were inappropriate and unwelcome and told him to never contact me again.

    I printed out the email and brought it with me to the gym tonight. I wanted it in case he was there again, but he wasn't, so I didn't give it to management (yet).

    I have also discussed the situation with my boyfriend and we're looking into what it would take to get a restraining order if anything else happens.

    I tried my best not to be paranoid tonight while working out, but couldn't help looking over my shoulder a couple times. Thankfully like I said, he wasn't there and I felt great after working out!

    THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH *HUGS*

    Thank you for the update, I'm glad you are taking this seriously. Hopefully he's gotten the message adn will stay away.
  • mommacool
    mommacool Posts: 138 Member
    First and most importantly, I would report it to the police ASAP, especially if his email was graphic and descriptive. Normal people do not do things like that. The police are professionals, and they will give you the best advice!! Also, it is quite possible the guy may already be on the radar, and if he isn't, he should be. Ask them what to do about the best way to approach the gym, and maybe they will even back you up. And ask them about whether you should contact the guy, ignore him, or if the police should do anything. I would take something like this seriously, and not mess around. Always better safe than sorry!! And that is what the police are for.
  • bella19741974
    bella19741974 Posts: 48
    I was working out at the planet fitness, doing my workout
    some creep freak me out, dont know the person ask me if I have alexandra some girl I said no... same person came again ask me the same question..,,, so I told the person to f**k off & leave me the f**k alone.. what should I do if it happens again
    F***ing creepy sh**.
  • osothefinn
    osothefinn Posts: 163 Member
    I am probably going to go against what everyone is saying. Firstly, he has only sent you an uncomfortable e-mail. Going to the police and yelling harassment is a bit much. The police need more than just one e-mail. You should talk to him directly instead of going to the gym's manager. Let him know that you don't appreciate his comments and to leave you alone. In his mind, he might be thinking he is giving you a compliment. If he begins to follow you around the gym and continues to e-mail you, then take to the next level by mentioning it to the gym's manager. Make sure you have enough evidence to show that he is harassing you.

    One time does not make harassment. It has to be repeated.

    Be strong and don't like him make you feel like you should afraid of your own shadow.

    If you can bring forth a harassment case at work from one incident, you can defintely tell the gym someone is harassing you from one email. Bringing it to the police is a precaution. Most likely they can't/won't do anything yet, but it is worth notifying them. With all the crazies out there, you never know who is a weirdo and who is not.

    Generally to establish a harassment claim at a job there has to be a continuing unwanted pattern. One lame pickup attempt which you rebuff with instructions for him to not do so again which he complies with is not sexual harassment.

    Email the guy back and tell him his email was unwanted and inappropriate and that you desire no further contact from him whatsoever, and if he contacts you in any matter again you will address the issue with both gym management and the authorities. He'll likely comply.

    Did this guy exhibit these beta/autistic tendencies when you dated him previously?
  • 1capybara
    1capybara Posts: 162 Member
    I've been in weird situations like that and its very important you take this seriously. Normal men DON'T behave like that. Repeat...NORMAL MEN DO NOT BEHAVE LIKE THAT.

    To start I would visit the local police station and show them the letter. It doesn't mean you are pressing charges or anything, but it means you are alerting them so in the event something else happens, they have something already on file which gives them more to work with. They can also give you good solid advice on what to watch for in the case this escalates.

    Then if it were me I would most definitely contact the head manager and book an appointment to see/him or her. I would show the letter and state that I wanted staff to keep an extra eye out for my safety, and whenever possible, I want and escort back to my car. If they aren't willing to do that I would tell them you want a full refund on your membership and will take your business elsewhere.

    Lastly I would send an email/ or something in writing that tells the guy in no uncertain terms to stay the hell away. (sometimes its hard to do something that sounds mean, but its important that he completely and wholeheartedly know you aren't interested - if his feelings get hurt, so be it)

    Be safe.
    Excellent advice from someone who speaks from Experience. I agree 1000% You must be pro-active in this, do nothing enables the situation to escalate. Someone smart once said, things start small, escalate gradually, then suddenly they accelerate, and spin out of control. Dont let this get worse and spin out of control.
  • skadoosh33
    skadoosh33 Posts: 353 Member

    I feel scared to go back at the gym...I know some guys think that way but to actually say it is another thing entirely. (Believe me, if someone had the audacity to say that to me in person, they'd get a freeweight to the face!)

    I don't think that the gym or the police would do anything about this. It was just one email and from a person that you dated, not just another gym member. Also, I would be concerned about making a comment that you would use a deadly weapon if this happened in person. It would be 5-10 years in prison. Just ignore him and see if it happens again.
  • qtgonewild
    qtgonewild Posts: 1,930 Member
    you must have quite the side boob if he recognized it after only two dates. he's creepy tho. he should've kept his comment to himself, now he gets no more side boob.
  • GBRhusker
    GBRhusker Posts: 32 Member
    In this order:

    1) Submit the email to the gym, NOW!
    2) Work out with your boyfriend and other male friends nearby for a while
    3) Be on the lookout for the dude, and if you're lucky enough to see him, let him know there are several guys bigger than him that are hoping you get another email, and that they do not use email to solve their emotional problems.
    4) Give a copy of the email to the police so that it is documented
    5) Spread the word about this guy to ALL the female patrons at the gym.

    In this case, less is not more, more is more. He needs to feel a bit of pain over this.
  • Hadabetter
    Hadabetter Posts: 942 Member
    He's creepy but he did nothing at the gym that was inappropriate, so I don't see how you can justify bringing Planet Fitness into this. It's not their problem that someone you once dated, and who wants to get back together with you, also has a membership at their gym. Now if he starts harassing you at the gym, it's a different story.

    Until then treat this like any other guy who wants to get back together, but you don't want to. Tell him you aren't interested, and that his email was out of line.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    Generally to establish a harassment claim at a job there has to be a continuing unwanted pattern. One lame pickup attempt which you rebuff with instructions for him to not do so again which he complies with is not sexual harassment.

    Email the guy back and tell him his email was unwanted and inappropriate and that you desire no further contact from him whatsoever, and if he contacts you in any matter again you will address the issue with both gym management and the authorities. He'll likely comply.

    Did this guy exhibit these beta/autistic tendencies when you dated him previously?

    while I agree that in the eyes of the law- there must be PERVASIVE unwanted attention- discussing her stretching and cleavage? absolutely BEYOND the bounds of "one lame pick up attempt"

    I personally wouldn't change gyms. or even my workout time- NO ONE dictates my life for me... I would definitely tell management- and I would under no certain terms walk to my car alone in that case- walk out with a group- or ask a staff member to with you.

    They absolutely have the power to revoke a membership for any reason- being disruptive- being rude- creepy- whatever. They can totally do that (they may not want to- but they can).


    Documentation is KEY in this case. save the email- save the date of the incident (make a doctument- take notes)
    Show the manager- insist they sit with you and talk about a game plan of what they do if it escalates and what you will do if they chose to do nothing.
    DOCUMENT the meeting.
    Document
    Document Documented.

    As you make decisions and get it sorted out- document.

    Glad the BF is supportive- don't be creeped out- be firm- do what's right and don't let some douchecanoe ruin your workouts.
  • salcha76
    salcha76 Posts: 287 Member
    OH I'm sorry, you post & deactivate your account? REALLY?! do you not have anything better to do with your time?!
  • 40mpw
    40mpw Posts: 75 Member
    Please get this book and read it asap: http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198
    True fear is a gift.
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    A date won't take "no" for an answer. The new nanny gives a mother an uneasy feeling. A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers unsolicited help. The threat of violence surrounds us every day. But we can protect ourselves, by learning to trust—and act on—our gut instincts.

    In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker, the man Oprah Winfrey calls the nation's leading expert on violent behavior, shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger—before it's too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker, whose clients include top Hollywood stars and government agencies, offers specific ways to protect yourself and those you love, including...how to act when approached by a stranger...when you should fear someone close to you...what to do if you are being stalked...how to uncover the source of anonymous threats or phone calls...the biggest mistake you can make with a threatening person...and more. Learn to spot the danger signals others miss. It might just save your life.

    Even if you do not fear violence from this man, this book will teach you how to deal with him (cliff's notes: Do not engage. Only tell someone ONCE to leave you alone. ANY communication from you will fuel him.) and end his contact with you.
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,724 Member
    OH I'm sorry, you post & deactivate your account? REALLY?! do you not have anything better to do with your time?!

    Um, nope. Joke's on you. The post was made and resolved 2.5 YEARS ago, and the poster was even nice enough to give an update afterwards.
  • bella19741974
    bella19741974 Posts: 48
    thats really creepy... i know how u feel....
  • frommetobetterme
    frommetobetterme Posts: 124 Member
    OH I'm sorry, you post & deactivate your account? REALLY?! do you not have anything better to do with your time?!

    If you actually pay attention, you'll notice that this is a post from 2011, but someone revived it a few days ago saying they were in a similar situation and asked for help.

    To the person who revived the post, just follow the advise that was given before, the common sense of it hasn't changed. Just do not listen to the people who said to delete communications, that is not a smart move.
  • frommetobetterme
    frommetobetterme Posts: 124 Member
    Reviving poster:
    I was working out at the planet fitness, doing my workout
    some creep freak me out, dont know the person ask me if I have alexandra some girl I said no... same person came again ask me the same question..,,, so I told the person to f**k off & leave me the f**k alone.. what should I do if it happens again
    F***ing creepy sh**.

    If he does and doesn't stop, move away and advise him that you will advise management if he doesn't. Make sure not to outside the gym alone when he's there.
  • bella19741974
    bella19741974 Posts: 48
    Im never a alone
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