Need tips for dealing with non-dieting husband

yeah i do...drink skinny *****es (vodka, water and splash of bar lime) they're only 70 calories...and pack the tall glass full of ice so you can SIP it...order the huge steak, but cut about 3oz and tell him you're stuffed and that he can have it for lunch tomorrow...order the salad instead of fries and if he makes a comment, give him the fuzzy eyeball and tell him it's none of his business...if this doesn't work tell him in the most vulgar way you can that you've been working your @ss off and no way are you going to wreck it...tell him how much you hate the elliptical and that huge steak is at least an hour on the elliptical...that's what i do lol...when we order pizza i order a veggie with no cheese...this at least cuts some of the calories down...i freeze most of it for lunches...that's the best i can do, my fiance keeps asking me if i'm going to see my other boyfriend when i say i'm going to the gym...but i know he's just teasing me...i'm hoping that he sees how well i'm doing and he'll want to do it too, but i'm not holding my breath....

maybe you could try and bribe him...ask him if he will workout with you once a week--and you'll go to the bar with him on saturdays. that way you both get what you want---and you can "drink skinny" if you want---or just enjoy a glass of ice water if you don't feel like messing with your hard work. maybe once you get your hubby to start working out with you, he'll see some results and then change his mindset on the bar. AND, if you want a salad, who the heck cares what people think! get your salad---if your husband is embarrassed about what YOU order, well then he needs some help!

yeah i do...drink skinny *****es (vodka, water and splash of bar lime) they're only 70 calories...and pack the tall glass full of ice so you can SIP it...order the huge steak, but cut about 3oz and tell him you're stuffed and that he can have it for lunch tomorrow...order the salad instead of fries and if he makes a comment, give him the fuzzy eyeball and tell him it's none of his business...if this doesn't work tell him in the most vulgar way you can that you've been working your @ss off and no way are you going to wreck it...tell him how much you hate the elliptical and that huge steak is at least an hour on the elliptical...that's what i do lol...when we order pizza i order a veggie with no cheese...this at least cuts some of the calories down...i freeze most of it for lunches...that's the best i can do, my fiance keeps asking me if i'm going to see my other boyfriend when i say i'm going to the gym...but i know he's just teasing me...i'm hoping that he sees how well i'm doing and he'll want to do it too, but i'm not holding my breath....

Tell him if he keeps giving you *kitten*, that you WILL be going to see a new boyfriend--when you're nice and thin. Tell him, you'll be singing a new song -- "can't touch this".

So, I am commited to losing weight. My husband (who I love dearly but he also needs to lose weight) is not trying. Well every week, he says he is going to start Monday, but Monday hasn't come yet. I hope he does, for his own health, but I am not going to pressure him because I know that won't work. A person has to want to do it themselves first.

Anyway, I do really great with my eating and working out through the week. Perfect. On the weekends, he wants to go out and eat, or order pizza. Most of all, every Saturday night he wants to go out to the bar. If I don't go with, I just sit at home. And I know I can go and not drink, I have done that before, but people keep asking why I'm not drinking and my husband says I am too quiet and anti-social.

And a big part of it it not making him feel bad. Like tomorrow he wants to go to this bar and grill, where they don't really serve anything healthy. And even if they did, he would feel dumb if I ordered a salad and water and he got something unhealthy and beer.

We have a lot of fun together, and when I get to my goal weight this won't be quite as big of an issue when I am working to maintain. I just need a few months of following my plan perfect to lose the weight.

Anyone else have this problem, or any advice?

I agree with the other two posts. Unless your husband wants to loose weight or change his eating habits, there is nothing that you can do. You have no control over his life, BUT you can control your life,eating habits, and exercise routine. It is your right and nobody can take that away from you. Yes, not even your husband (trust me on this because I have been married for
almost 45 years)

My husband could loose 10 or 15 lbs and he is heading in that direction. Not because of me (sorry to say that...), but because he does not have a choice. I do the cooking so only my rules apply in the kitchen, if he does not like it he can learn how to cook. And that will never happen. I don't buy junk but he does get once in awhile something that he is not supposed to. He can eat it if he wants to and listen to my *****ing at the same time.

When we go out, I order my food and he orders his and I have to say that he is getting better now and getting more salads. I am having a hard time convincing him of not using the whole dressing or to order a vinagrette instead, but I can live with that.
A little bit a the time he is getting the message of not eating desert. Until last year, we used to share it but now I don't do that any more so it is all on him. And we come home for desert and it is always fruit. I did make an exception on his birthday :ohwell:

He is now going to gym three times a week. One of my sons convinced him that doing weights and more cardio would help him to improve his tennis game, and my other son lost almost 30 lbs doing P90X, or what ever the name of that video is. It seems that with men the recommendations of another men are more powerful that the recomendations of a woman/wife. I don't care, we now go to the gym together and he already lost almos 4 lbs.

He supports me most of the time, but on other ocassions he drops "comments" about my eating habits. I just don't listen.

If you want to eat only a salad at the bar, just go for it. Also a salad before a pizza will make you full sooner. A glass of wine with a side of club soda on ice (mix it together a little bit at the time), goes a long way. Eat something healthy at home before you go out so you are not too hungy, and you can resist temptation.

I do not recommed bribery or smashing a fry pan on his head...:laugh: Good luck and keep up the good work and your goals.

I wish you luck! I am wondering everyday if I am going to be served with divorce papers due to what I will or will not eat. Rob and I argue more over eating than anything else in this entire world:brokenheart: . I can not say that I can help you with this matter, but I can say that I feel your pain. My advice would be to do what makes you happy, be who you are, and stay true to yourself. Everyone should honor that - Jill

I have this problem too. My husband is just inside the obese catagory for his height and weight, he doesn't look that big so it came as a shock when I realised this the other week. Since I started to loose the weight and become more knowledgeable about nutrition I'm starting to worry about his health. But he doesn't want to loose the lbs, I know I can't make him, and I love him the way he is, but I wish he would want to do it for his health.

Target sells single serving sugar free margarita mix. They come in these little tubes. Make sure you have a couple hundred calories left when you go to the bar and you can order a tequila and water on the rocks and just mix that baby in. They're delicious so you can enjoy a cocktail without blowing your diet

Tell him if he keeps giving you *kitten*, that you WILL be going to see a new boyfriend--when you're nice and thin. Tell him, you'll be singing a new song -- "can't touch this".

I like your attitude!

I have zero tips for dealing with this because I am dealing with it myself. I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one with a non-supportive husband. He goes and gets doughnuts every single weekend but at least he has finally realized I am not going to eat any (and boy is THAT hard!) but he and the kids still eat them in front of me. I agree with everybody else that you have to do what's right for you. Some bar tips that I used in college when I was really poor one semester: drink water with a lime, if you don't make a big deal about it being non-alcoholic, most folks won't realize it. Or, drink something very low-cal (I love Brityn's margarita idea) and alternate those with a glass of water. My husband really does need to lose weight. He had a serious heart scare a few years ago and for a little bit he was "scared straight". He lost 50 lbs., worked out regularly and looked great. Well, he's gained back most of it, is back to all his old habits and hardly ever works out anymore. You can't make them do it, they have to want it for themselves. The other day when he teased me for doing some more exercises I said "one of us has to be alive for our kids". Shut him up for awhile! Good luck!

It sounds like you two could benefit from sitting down and talking about your health goals. Going to the doctor and getting recommendations can help both you and your partner look at the reality of your health from a medical perspective.

He doesn't have to diet, if he doesn't want to. But also, you can get healthy and focus on your overall health if you want to.

My husband hates the word "compromise" he feels like both of us have to give up something in a compromise. He told me yesterday that it's best to come up with a third option that we both like.

In marriage sometimes it's about agreeing to disagree. And that is healthy!!!!

Why is what you eat and drink such a big deal to anyone? I don't understand that at all. You having a salad and water is threatening to him? You need to have a serious talk with him about that. Explain that you're not going to push him to make changes in his diet and lifestyle, but you are not happy with YOUR diet and lifestyle and will be a happier person if he allows you the freedom to do something about it.

No one tells me what to eat or not eat or drink or not drink. No one. I barely drink alcohol because it's not worth the calories to me. Most people in my life understand that and don't care. If you want to just have something in front of you, order water or diet soda or something. If you have something in your hand, people are less likely to notice.

You can't make somebody lose weight - or quit smoking, or drinking, or do anything else 'good' for them. That's a decision and a journey they ultimately have to embark on alone. That doesn't mean you have to let them spoil all the good work you're doing.

I had this situation with my wife for the longest time - we both admitted we needed to lose weight, but both kept saying 'we'll start on Monday' until I realised Monday was always a week ago and forged out on my own. It was tough, as my wife didn't sabotage my efforts, but did mock them - she called me a woman for counting my calories! But she was impressed with the results.

And this Monday she impressed me by saying that this was 'the monday' she was going to begin and has been sticking to her diet all week, even though I have been eating tempting things in front of her. The situation's kind of reversed.

Ultimately, any husband or wife she'd be pleased as punch that their other half is trying to look, feel and live better - and put up with idiosyncrasies while you do so. He'll come on board himself as soon as he realises how good you're starting to look.

Keep at it!

I can understand how going out is hard, but I think you can drink a lite beer or a vodka-soda and not make a big deal about it, it is basically like your snack for the day. Eating healthy there is hard, but if you said you were going to eat something healthy at home first so you could enjoy your drinks, it's a compromise. I bet he really doesn't care if you order a salad!
My husband works out as much as I do and doesn't need to lose weight, but his eating habits are mixed, he doesn't keep any junk food in the house, but he eats fast food and sometimes late at night. he'll call and ask me if I want anything and it's up to me to be strong or not, sometimes I have a steak chalupa:)

My fiance is not heavy, he just needs to tone a little & keeps saying that he wants to start: in the meantime, I wake up early every AM to do my workout, I calculate my calories, log them & my exercise and keep doing what's been working for me for the last several months. Our roommate is no help since he wants to eat PB&J's, McDonalds and pizza most times & I tell them fine, I'll take care of my own. I also have Celiac's Disease (gluten allergy) so can't eat what they eat most times, and I eat my salads, veggies or have one of them grill me chicken or steak so I have dinner & lunch for work next day. I still drink (wine, tequilla shots or vodka w/seltzer water), but we also drink at home so no one has to worry about driving. On occasion I have my own gluten free pizza, but I ALWAYS have salad or veggies with it, plus I make my own corn tortilla mini pizza which are MUCH lower calorie and VERY satisfying :happy:
We go out to eat on occasion, and if I get salad, who cares! I'm doing this for me, for my life (lately I've been splitting my salad with my fiance, so it's a step): they talk about getting in shape, but it's up to them. It's not going to stop me from doing what I've been doing for the last 11 months. I've also noticed that since I keep up the way I am, it's rubbed off on them a little. They work together so sometimes go to lunch, lately they've taken to sending me text pics of their "healthy" lunches ("look I had a salad with my pulled pork sandwich" or "I had a burger with lettuce & tomato"!) Also, when our roommates girlfriend comes over for dinner, there is always salad with our chicken or steak (even though they cover it in ranch or blue cheese dressings, it's a start!)
When I started MFP, I got a bit of hell from my fiance because I was eating really different from them suddenly, or waking up early to workout on weekends and leaving him in bed alone: I even got slack for joining MFP because I log everything and "talk" to my MFP's. But he realized after a few months that this made me happy - and I was starting to look like I did when we met :happy: It also meant that I wouldn't be wasting a bunch of money on new clothes if I can fit back into my old clothes Now, he patiently waits for me to finish on the computer, he lets me log my food and drink & even has helped me make some of my foods/salads and weighed everything out for me so I can log everything accurately.

One thing I keep up with, though, and I think this is where the difference is, I update him on my progress as well as all my MFP's, plus I tell him about my MFP's progress so he doesn't feel left out of my life. Like yesterday, I fit into a pair of slacks I hadn't in over 3 years! I said "look, do you like my new slacks for work?" and he said, "so you went shopping on my side of the closet again". (this also means he'll get his closet back since I'm moving all my old too-small clothes back into my closet since they are no longer too small )

Don't worry about what him or his "friends" think: Think about all the support you have here & what you've accomplished! Like someone else mentioned, go to the bar, but let him know you're the designated driver & have seltzer water & lime (or if you can handle one drink, sip a vodka with seltzer & lime - it takes some getting used to drinking with no sweets, but it pays off since you can still keep under or close to cal goals). If he wants to eat out, go with him and eat your salad, ask for grilled chicken with it or order a burger or sandwich and tell them no bread or do an open-face sandwich where you just use 1 slice of bread & load up with lettuce & tomato.
Just remember why you're on MFP and what makes you happy: if he sees you happy, he may start to understand more. And talk to him: remember that in any relationship that communication is key: he will understand though it just may take a bit of talking to get there :flowerforyou:

Tell him, you'll be singing a new song -- "can't touch this".

LOL...so far I've been pretty lucky, my husband is being super supportive. But, to be honest...even if he wasn't, I'm a ***** when it comes to stuff I want to do. And I would hold bad choices against him...just the way I am...I would be singing that song. lol

Going out is one thing, but I think when he just wants to order pizza etc, I'd just tell him no, and cook dinner, or lunch or whatever. I mean, its not like he's not getting fed, he can live with whatever you cook for one day.

As for the going out, maybe strike a deal...if you go to a place he wants to go one day, he has to go to one you pick the next weekend. (for instance...my husband would pick Rock Bottom ALL the time if he could...but I love going to sweet tomatos...him not so much...so I would say we go to your place this week, you go to mine next week).