Need tips for dealing with non-dieting husband

Why is what you eat and drink such a big deal to anyone? I don't understand that at all. You having a salad and water is threatening to him? You need to have a serious talk with him about that. Explain that you're not going to push him to make changes in his diet and lifestyle, but you are not happy with YOUR diet and lifestyle and will be a happier person if he allows you the freedom to do something about it.

No one tells me what to eat or not eat or drink or not drink. No one. I barely drink alcohol because it's not worth the calories to me. Most people in my life understand that and don't care. If you want to just have something in front of you, order water or diet soda or something. If you have something in your hand, people are less likely to notice.

You can't make somebody lose weight - or quit smoking, or drinking, or do anything else 'good' for them. That's a decision and a journey they ultimately have to embark on alone. That doesn't mean you have to let them spoil all the good work you're doing.

I had this situation with my wife for the longest time - we both admitted we needed to lose weight, but both kept saying 'we'll start on Monday' until I realised Monday was always a week ago and forged out on my own. It was tough, as my wife didn't sabotage my efforts, but did mock them - she called me a woman for counting my calories! But she was impressed with the results.

And this Monday she impressed me by saying that this was 'the monday' she was going to begin and has been sticking to her diet all week, even though I have been eating tempting things in front of her. The situation's kind of reversed.

Ultimately, any husband or wife she'd be pleased as punch that their other half is trying to look, feel and live better - and put up with idiosyncrasies while you do so. He'll come on board himself as soon as he realises how good you're starting to look.

Keep at it!

I can understand how going out is hard, but I think you can drink a lite beer or a vodka-soda and not make a big deal about it, it is basically like your snack for the day. Eating healthy there is hard, but if you said you were going to eat something healthy at home first so you could enjoy your drinks, it's a compromise. I bet he really doesn't care if you order a salad!
My husband works out as much as I do and doesn't need to lose weight, but his eating habits are mixed, he doesn't keep any junk food in the house, but he eats fast food and sometimes late at night. he'll call and ask me if I want anything and it's up to me to be strong or not, sometimes I have a steak chalupa:)

My fiance is not heavy, he just needs to tone a little & keeps saying that he wants to start: in the meantime, I wake up early every AM to do my workout, I calculate my calories, log them & my exercise and keep doing what's been working for me for the last several months. Our roommate is no help since he wants to eat PB&J's, McDonalds and pizza most times & I tell them fine, I'll take care of my own. I also have Celiac's Disease (gluten allergy) so can't eat what they eat most times, and I eat my salads, veggies or have one of them grill me chicken or steak so I have dinner & lunch for work next day. I still drink (wine, tequilla shots or vodka w/seltzer water), but we also drink at home so no one has to worry about driving. On occasion I have my own gluten free pizza, but I ALWAYS have salad or veggies with it, plus I make my own corn tortilla mini pizza which are MUCH lower calorie and VERY satisfying :happy:
We go out to eat on occasion, and if I get salad, who cares! I'm doing this for me, for my life (lately I've been splitting my salad with my fiance, so it's a step): they talk about getting in shape, but it's up to them. It's not going to stop me from doing what I've been doing for the last 11 months. I've also noticed that since I keep up the way I am, it's rubbed off on them a little. They work together so sometimes go to lunch, lately they've taken to sending me text pics of their "healthy" lunches ("look I had a salad with my pulled pork sandwich" or "I had a burger with lettuce & tomato"!) Also, when our roommates girlfriend comes over for dinner, there is always salad with our chicken or steak (even though they cover it in ranch or blue cheese dressings, it's a start!)
When I started MFP, I got a bit of hell from my fiance because I was eating really different from them suddenly, or waking up early to workout on weekends and leaving him in bed alone: I even got slack for joining MFP because I log everything and "talk" to my MFP's. But he realized after a few months that this made me happy - and I was starting to look like I did when we met :happy: It also meant that I wouldn't be wasting a bunch of money on new clothes if I can fit back into my old clothes Now, he patiently waits for me to finish on the computer, he lets me log my food and drink & even has helped me make some of my foods/salads and weighed everything out for me so I can log everything accurately.

One thing I keep up with, though, and I think this is where the difference is, I update him on my progress as well as all my MFP's, plus I tell him about my MFP's progress so he doesn't feel left out of my life. Like yesterday, I fit into a pair of slacks I hadn't in over 3 years! I said "look, do you like my new slacks for work?" and he said, "so you went shopping on my side of the closet again". (this also means he'll get his closet back since I'm moving all my old too-small clothes back into my closet since they are no longer too small )

Don't worry about what him or his "friends" think: Think about all the support you have here & what you've accomplished! Like someone else mentioned, go to the bar, but let him know you're the designated driver & have seltzer water & lime (or if you can handle one drink, sip a vodka with seltzer & lime - it takes some getting used to drinking with no sweets, but it pays off since you can still keep under or close to cal goals). If he wants to eat out, go with him and eat your salad, ask for grilled chicken with it or order a burger or sandwich and tell them no bread or do an open-face sandwich where you just use 1 slice of bread & load up with lettuce & tomato.
Just remember why you're on MFP and what makes you happy: if he sees you happy, he may start to understand more. And talk to him: remember that in any relationship that communication is key: he will understand though it just may take a bit of talking to get there :flowerforyou:

Tell him, you'll be singing a new song -- "can't touch this".

LOL...so far I've been pretty lucky, my husband is being super supportive. But, to be honest...even if he wasn't, I'm a ***** when it comes to stuff I want to do. And I would hold bad choices against him...just the way I am...I would be singing that song. lol

Going out is one thing, but I think when he just wants to order pizza etc, I'd just tell him no, and cook dinner, or lunch or whatever. I mean, its not like he's not getting fed, he can live with whatever you cook for one day.

As for the going out, maybe strike a deal...if you go to a place he wants to go one day, he has to go to one you pick the next weekend. (for instance...my husband would pick Rock Bottom ALL the time if he could...but I love going to sweet tomatos...him not so much...so I would say we go to your place this week, you go to mine next week).

Because most of you are trying to related to men I'm going to take me "nice" filter off.

My wife used to try to include me in every dieting attempt that she made. It always annoyed me because I knew that as much as my eating wasn't perfect ... I was by far the better eater of nutrition. And frankly, whenever I hear the word "Diet" I think of women trying to starve themselves into skinny clothes which isn't something that appeals to me.It always seems that there is some person in the surroundings who wants to "diet" by making me eat food that I despise.

Don't use words like Dieting. Lots of us guys get visions of eating nothing but celery. I don't diet. I eat right. The word diet should never enter into the room. Recognize that the right foods might be different for each of you. You might prefer to eat salads with water. Personally, I love a nice steak off of my grill. II enjoy vegetables, and chicken, and fish. When I think of eating right, I don't think about how I can eat less just to eat less. I imagine all those foods I like that are actually good for me. Then I look at those foods I eat that are just empty filler. Then, I make the connection between the crap I'm eating and the opportunity to eat more of the good stuff that I like.. Suddenly it comes down to... A large bag of chips..... vs a very large steak. The steak wins every time..

Do go ahead and follow your regimen whether your guy joins in or not. He may even be testing you without knowing it. Many of us have had more than one girlfriend who tried a new diet routine every couple of weeks....starting and giving up... over and over again. Its pretty irritating to try what she's doing, be successful at it, and have her change things yet again because it isn't working as well for her as it is for you.

Make it clear that you are doing things for yourself and make sure your man knows how important it is for you.

We men understand wasted money quite well. We also want to feel like good providers... Next time he brings home Mickey Ds try this:

Eat a bite if you want to...Then behave like it really doesn't taste very good to you.. Tell him your tastes have really changed... And throw it out, before going to the fridge and making something for yourself...Preferably something that looks a lot better than what he is eating..And make it clear that you are enjoying it. (Often us guys have a long history of wives, girlfriends, mothers, eating salads on diets and *****ing about how awful it is to make the sacrifice.)

Your man will see that he has failed to take care of you.... that he has just wasted money.... and you won't be sending a message that says "I sure wish I could have that burger but it would break my diet so I'll just keep suffering" but instead "I really don't like this crap"

Oh yeah can I relate. My husband does not care what he eats. He jokes that he likes his fried food double dunked with a side of dipping grease. Each night he eats as much as three people and then an entire bag of cookies. When I started to diet he really complained about the food that I kept in the house and where I was "allowed" to go out and eat. Then when I started to workout....omg did he make fun of me. Every day he had some silly thing to say about what I was doing. Here is the thing... I did not quit and over time it became a way of life. Even if he does not participate in your new healthy eating style he will get used to it, you will get better at it and it will just become a way of life. Just like he knew your old ways he will get to know your new ways and that will just be the way things are. Just try to enjoy your journey!!

Because most of you are trying to related to men I'm going to take me "nice" filter off.

My wife used to try to include me in every dieting attempt that she made. It always annoyed me because I knew that as much as my eating wasn't perfect ... I was by far the better eater of nutrition. And frankly, whenever I hear the word "Diet" I think of women trying to starve themselves into skinny clothes which isn't something that appeals to me.It always seems that there is some person in the surroundings who wants to "diet" by making me eat food that I despise.

Don't use words like Dieting. Lots of us guys get visions of eating nothing but celery. I don't diet. I eat right. The word diet should never enter into the room. Recognize that the right foods might be different for each of you. You might prefer to eat salads with water. Personally, I love a nice steak off of my grill. II enjoy vegetables, and chicken, and fish. When I think of eating right, I don't think about how I can eat less just to eat less. I imagine all those foods I like that are actually good for me. Then I look at those foods I eat that are just empty filler. Then, I make the connection between the crap I'm eating and the opportunity to eat more of the good stuff that I like.. Suddenly it comes down to... A large bag of chips..... vs a very large steak. The steak wins every time..

Do go ahead and follow your regimen whether your guy joins in or not. He may even be testing you without knowing it. Many of us have had more than one girlfriend who tried a new diet routine every couple of weeks....starting and giving up... over and over again. Its pretty irritating to try what she's doing, be successful at it, and have her change things yet again because it isn't working as well for her as it is for you.

Make it clear that you are doing things for yourself and make sure your man knows how important it is for you.

We men understand wasted money quite well. We also want to feel like good providers... Next time he brings home Mickey Ds try this:

Eat a bite if you want to...Then behave like it really doesn't taste very good to you.. Tell him your tastes have really changed... And throw it out, before going to the fridge and making something for yourself...Preferably something that looks a lot better than what he is eating..And make it clear that you are enjoying it. (Often us guys have a long history of wives, girlfriends, mothers, eating salads on diets and *****ing about how awful it is to make the sacrifice.)

Your man will see that he has failed to take care of you.... that he has just wasted money.... and you won't be sending a message that says "I sure wish I could have that burger but it would break my diet so I'll just keep suffering" but instead "I really don't like this crap"

wow, this is probably the most insiteful thing i've read all day...thanx for that...my fiance is also very sceptical about my calorie budget. I told him I wanted to stop eating out so we could save money for our wedding...but tomorrow night is his mom's birthday. I asked what resturant we were going to, but I DID NOT tell him it was so i could research what i'm going to eat and how many calories it will be...he hates that when i tell him what every piece of food is worth...so i've stopped...i keep my journey to myself, and if he wants to know he'll ask. I just hope he joins me soon...i asked santa for a bowflex triple thingy so i'm hoping my fiance will jump on it when he's home...

Because most of you are trying to related to men I'm going to take me "nice" filter off.

Don't use words like Dieting. Lots of us guys get visions of eating nothing but celery. I don't diet. I eat right.

I've actually noticed that it's not just men's attitudes that are affected by this particular change in vocabulary. I started telling people that I'm "eating right & stopped eating junk" and they don't give me static about it anymore!

Do go ahead and follow your regimen whether your guy joins in or not. He may even be testing you without knowing it. Many of us have had more than one girlfriend who tried a new diet routine every couple of weeks....starting and giving up... over and over again. Its pretty irritating to try what she's doing, be successful at it, and have her change things yet again because it isn't working as well for her as it is for you.

I completely agree. My husband initially was very skeptical (quietly fortunately!) but now he's totally convinced. I look so much better & am so much happier after losing nearly 40#.

We men understand wasted money quite well. We also want to feel like good providers... Next time he brings home Mickey Ds try this:

Eat a bite if you want to...Then behave like it really doesn't taste very good to you.. Tell him your tastes have really changed... And throw it out, before going to the fridge and making something for yourself...Preferably something that looks a lot better than what he is eating..And make it clear that you are enjoying it. (Often us guys have a long history of wives, girlfriends, mothers, eating salads on diets and *****ing about how awful it is to make the sacrifice.)

Your man will see that he has failed to take care of you.... that he has just wasted money.... and you won't be sending a message that says "I sure wish I could have that burger but it would break my diet so I'll just keep suffering" but instead "I really don't like this crap"

I freakin' this point. Presentation people...it's all in the presentation! :laugh: But it's an awesome point. I don't know if he'll feel like a failure but it will torque him off that he wasted money (though the spin on that is that YOU wasted it because you didn't eat it) and it will totally prevent him from including you in that next time!

My husband has been awesome about my journey. He must have made a few cracks to his buddies when I first got going because a buddy of his was told to bring something to snack on for the Steelers game last week. His friend's reply was "Well, ask Heather what I should bring. I have some tofu so she can eat too!" My retort (because his buddy's diet just FAILED miserably) was that he shouldn't hate just because I was able to stick to my method & he wasn't! Now that my gut is gone and his is well...." But nearly 40# later, my husband is a believer AND a supporter!