can't get a date

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la8ydi
la8ydi Posts: 294 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok...I've asked my friends. I've racked my brain. I'm so confused. I've been divorced since 2003 - with an engagement in 2006 that I'd rather forget. I haven't had a real boyfriend since 2006. I've tried all the dating internet sites - I actually started writing a book about all of the horrible dates I've been on. I know I'm picky - but I don't want to settle. I used to date a lot - until I hit the age of 40 - then it STOPPED. People who meet me can't believe that I'm 46. I'm not model skinny - but I don't think I'm huge either. I work at a daycare (all women) and I do attend church - but I just cannot meet anyone. I'm so confused. I'm not fishing for compliments - I'm actually looking for advice. And PLEASE don't say "stop looking and it will happen." I've been single for TEN years. I'm pretty stinking lonely and I'm tired of waiting. :-(
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Replies

  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
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    Let's start by defining "picky". What do you mean by "picky"?
  • astronomicals
    astronomicals Posts: 1,537 Member
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    I've been single for TEN years. I'm pretty stinking lonely and I'm tired of waiting. :-(

    time to invest in a cat
  • la8ydi
    la8ydi Posts: 294 Member
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    Well nothing CRAZY - he needs to be between the ages of 37 and 53 (I'm 46) - at least as tall as I am (5 foot 5), have a job, not live with his parents...and I need to feel a connection - both physically and mentally. I don't think I'm asking for too much.
  • la8ydi
    la8ydi Posts: 294 Member
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    I have a dog and a cat. And thank you for implying that it's time for me to divert to being the crazy cat lady.
  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
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    How quickly do you expect to feel a connection once you meet someone?
  • _Krys10_
    _Krys10_ Posts: 1,234 Member
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    Do you have a local bar where the local professionals go after work for Happy Hour? We have one that is a Martini bar and its a popular place for decent professional people to have a drink or two and meet new people after work.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    Try joining some clubs/activities? It's a good way of meeting people.
  • la8ydi
    la8ydi Posts: 294 Member
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    Fairly soon - but I've gone on second dates with guys who I didn't think I connected with...and it never works out.
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
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    Chloroform works every time.

    Kidding aside, volunteer, join clubs, etc.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    Where did you meet men before you hit 40? Have you stopped going out to nightclubs/bars since then? What's changed.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    Too many unknowns...are you looking or accepting only within your religious circle and what are views on intimacy outside marriage?
    Perfectly fine if you are but you potentially reduce the dating pool even smaller then it is for the age group you are in.

    What things did you put on your dating profile as far as the "story" they ask for?
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    I would honestly suggest maybe a matchmaking service? online dating is pretty weird and it's kind of like finding a needle in a haystack. either that or lower your age limit and hit the bars girl. :smokin:
  • keithmustloseweight
    keithmustloseweight Posts: 309 Member
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    Well nothing CRAZY - he needs to be between the ages of 37 and 53 (I'm 46) -

    Any dude between your age range of 37-53 is in his prime value part of life, they'll be going for chicks anywhere from 25-40. Maybe aim at a higher age
  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
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    Well, that may be part of the issue. Instant "chemistry" is over-rated. Look for someone who treats you with respect and have a lot in common with and go from there. Those are a good foundation for a building a relationship.

    As far as meeting people, well, you're going to have to get out there more! Try a dating site for people in your age group or with similar interests.
  • seventwenty
    seventwenty Posts: 565 Member
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    I have a dog and a cat. And thank you for implying that it's time for me to divert to being the crazy cat lady.

    Oh, he didn't imply. But you need to get a cat.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    Dating sucks, and it's much worse when you're a woman over 40. After 2 years of not dating I put a profile up last week and got a surprising number of emails (for a 47 yo chubby chick), but the guys are all either completely physically unattractive to me, and/or can't string together a coherent sentence, and/or are clearly just looking to get laid. Mostly the first category though. I wish I could flip a switch in my brain and find men physically attractive based on something other than, well...physical things, but I guess I'm just a shallow biotch. In the spirit of giving attraction a chance to grow, I've gone out with one guy three times now and I like him, but the thought of sleeping with him is still not appealing.

    I don't really have any advice for you, I guess. Just letting you know you're not alone. My current theory is that I need to lose more weight and try again. I see profiles of guys that interest me, and some of them even look at my profile, but they're never the ones that write. Maybe if I could check the "slim" "athletic" or even "average" body type box it might be different.
  • vlland
    vlland Posts: 55 Member
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    OMG - we have so much in common and u r definitely not alone :) First I have spent my life teaching elementary school then working at a day care and now teaching special ed. I know how it is not to meet men thru ur job. I also have been divorce awhile - 10 yrs I think. Anyway, I didn't date for 4 yrs after my divorce then met a guy that worked near my job and we dated 2 1/2 yrs. After that I knew I didn't want to be alone and started online dating. I too could write a book. Lots of first dates- a few maybe relationships- and a lot of compromising. I too have been accused of being picky. I felt I wasn't asking for much - I even relaxed my desire for at least 6ft tall when I dated 2 guys at 2 different times that were 5ft 8. Im 5 ft 7. Anyway, I came across many men that were ridiculously not my type- a few maybes- and a few relationships. The guy im with currently (1 1/2 yrs) and live with is nice but not my perfect match and we r having issues recently. The bottom line I think is as u get older its harder to met decent guys that u have things in common with that don't have lots of baggage. I don't want perfect just someone good like me. Keep trying - there has to be a decent male counterpart in the same situation but its not easy to find. Don't settle but be open. Good luck and if u find a good guy let me know if he has a brother - I may be single again in the future :)
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    Dating is so strange. I have two boys and as a single mother and this "package deal" it's a whole other ballgame..but I have been married and divorced...and was in a relationship for 8 months last year. Now I'm OK being single. I like being in a relationship and all that comes with it....but I am content on my own.

    I tried the online sites too simply because I don't have time to go out all the time....but they turned me off dating. Just too many game players it seemed. Too many taking dating and relationships for granted a bit. I do go out sometimes when my ex has my boys and I do get attention. But I don't date just to date. Has to be a good match! :)

    I think the internet has changed things a lot and I kind of wish it would be old school a bit.
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
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    You look like you are in nice shape. Let's face facts, it matters. Time to mix things up. Change your hair style and/or color, spend some time making yourself as attractive as you can in the eyes of others. Try new places and activities, make yourself do things out of the ordinary with the goal of getting noticed.

    Note that I'm not suggesting you not be yourself once you get close to someone. I'm suggesting that your usual pattern (whatever it is) isn't working strongly enough in attracting them.
  • MzTanya77
    MzTanya77 Posts: 79 Member
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    Does your church have single men or a Singles ministry? Also, does your town have Meet Up groups? Meet up groups are people who have similar interests/hobbies that get together hang out regularly, like dinner and movies. You can go to Meetup.com online and enter your town's name to see if they have one locally.

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