Passed my original goal of 145...from 181lbs to 140lbs

These are some of my pictures



[img]http://i1365.photobucket.com/albums/r754/fighting4fit_jessica/Mobile Uploads/IMG_20131011_112135_zps46623779.jpg[/img]



[img]http://i1365.photobucket.com/albums/r754/fighting4fit_jessica/Mobile Uploads/IMG_20130912_100926_zps81bb136b.jpg[/img]


[img]http://i1365.photobucket.com/albums/r754/fighting4fit_jessica/Mobile Uploads/IMG_20131008_075633_zps59b5a015.jpg[/img]







******MY STORY*******

I remember feeling so awful about myself at times. I was not EVER comfortable in clothes, let alone naked. If I saw myself in the mirror…I would burst into tears. I knew I had let myself get out of control but I still was in denial. I didn’t think it had gotten THAT bad! My husband still told me I was beautiful and he meant it.

I remember finding out he was going to deploy (2010). It crushed me. I have never been a full time military wife (Major props to ALL military spouses). I had 4 kids under 7 and our youngest was 10mths. I didn’t know how I would do it either. I began eating more up until he left. I sought comfort in food and SODA (my addiction).

My Husband was able to come home for 2 days after a month of training before deployment. I remember Christmas morning he had to leave. My family was great and came with us to see him off at our local airport. I remember walking him up there and my heart was so sad. My sweet sister took pictures for us. Seeing him off was so hard and heartbreaking.

When I got the pictures from my sister, My mouth hit the floor. I then realized how I had let myself go. I would eat A LOT, not exercise and drink soooooo much soda. I KNEW I HAD to make a change. I wanted to knock his socks off when he got home. I was unsure how to start or where to start. I slowly started eating better and tried to give up soda (which I didn’t). Over the months the weight slowly came off. I got down to 155lbs by the time he got home.

I could NEVER seem to break 155lbs, ever. I slowly fell back into my old habits but this time I KNEW they were bad! I started putting the weight back on.

Last Year (2012) in August I began insanity at 175lbs. I completed up to week 6 and got down to 165lbs. During this time, My Gpa went into the hospital. He was like a Dad to me. Someone, who shaped my life. He was the first man in my life and always there for me. He was perfectly fine for his 75th Bday on Sept 9th….A week later he had what they thought was a stroke. He was put in the hospital. His health declined so quickly. He lost his ability to speak, to move his arms, ect. It all happened so quickly. I am bawling even sharing this. I remember them putting him in hospice saying he may recover (I knew in my heart he wouldn’t). He was in hospice a total of 6 days. I went to see him as much as I could. He was so much to me. One of those people you just CAN’T live without. The last time I saw him was the day before he passed. He was laying in his bed and I knew he could hear but not respond. My husband and I sat and chatted together and to him for hrs. It came time to leave. I honestly DID NOT want to go at all. My Gpa and I always used to tell each other we were our favorites  I told him, Gpa…shhh, don’t tell anyone but I know I am your favorite…HE SMILED! I knew he heard me. As silly as it is, that was OUR thing. I knew I had to share my heart with him. I told him what he meant to me. How much I loved him and how he was MY hero. I leaned down to kiss him and he reached up with his arm to hug me. He struggled so hard to do that. I was the sweetest but saddest thing ever. He then said “I love you”. I just burst into tears. Seeing someone you love struggle so hard is heartbreaking. Something that shakes your very soul. That was on a Sat night. That Monday I was going to go in and see him. I was waiting for my husband to get off work. He called to say he was on duty and going to see my Gpa (My Gpa adored my husband). Next thing I get a call from my husband…He told me to sit down. My heart dropped. He told me my Gpa took his last breath before he got there (Oct 8th). I don’t think I have ever cried so hard in my life. I knew it was going to happen but was NOT ready. How can you ever prepare?! My best friend watched my kids and I went to the hospice with my family. He was still laying on the bed. I went in to have a moment. I know he wasn’t there but needed it. He used to LOVEEEE having his hair combed..I had combed it Sat. I stood behind him and combed it. It was so hard knowing that would be the LAST time. It was a very surreal feeling. Seeing his body there but knowing he was gone. I share this because it severally affected me. Shook me to my core. He was glue in our family. It’s heartbreaking to lose that. I still hurt so much over losing him. However, I know I will always be his favorite

I quit working out all together. I went back to eating crap and not caring. My heart was broken. I gained weight again. In January of this year (2013)…I was back up to 172lbs. I slowly started cutting stuff out and exercising here and there. I got down to 165lbs by middle May. In June I started my ig fitness acct for motivation/accountability. I did not think it would help nearly as much as it has. I began hitting the gym, completely cut out soda and am eating clean. I have been going strong since June and will continue to. Something clicked this last time. I know my Gpa wouldn’t want me sulking and being unhealthy. I have realized just how much my mental, emotional and physical health…have improved.

I have started and stopped a ton. I have given up, I have lost loved ones (including my oldests Dad, also heartbreaking), I have had my own trials. Life has been hard BUT your health is so important. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!! It is ok to fall sometimes. You will fail, fall and give up at times. Just pick yourself up and press forward. You are stronger, more beautiful and able than you think. I know so many have gone through more than I have. I am just sharing my story. I needed to share my heart and what I went through to get here.

I also have had a TON of MFP accounts. I would stay on here awhile...then give up and delete my acct. this time I am here to stay. this website really is great and helpful in soooo many ways.

I am so much happier now and will continue to better myself. Since June I am now down to 140lbs and going strong. I still have my bad days but I do not let them ruin me. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!