Why do people insist on giving (bad) advice?

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  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    Even bad advice can be useful, if it requires you to think through why it's bad advice.
  • Cindyinpg
    Cindyinpg Posts: 3,902 Member
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    Well let me just say this. In my country we used to go around and if we needed to know anything we just asked people for advice.

    Then somewhere between the seventies and the eighties some bright sparks appeared who started saying that giving advice was wrong. In fact in the end people were victimised for giving the wrong advice. You would think that this was good - but no it was not. Companies were hounded out and prosecuted for giving the wrong advice they said.
    Then people appeared who said that you could not acll a ballcock a ballcock. So what was good for our parents, who brought us into the world and stood up and fought in the war - was not good enough for these people. No - they had to change the world by pointing their fingers at the least thing and declaring it wrong. Meanwhile we went form a first class power to a nobody - our toilets are stinking or non existent. Councils are allowed to turf sick people out of their homes and our pensions are not worth the money that they were printed on. It is simply a total lack of social responsibility where we disrespect our elders. You would not like to live in our country.

    So I say listen to all the advice that you can - some of the advice is sound because it opens our eyes to all of the crappy things that are going on - all of the shilly things they are putting into our food because there is no monitoring going on anymore.

    We are descending into the slough of despond and we can only save ourselves and our loved ones - and the first thing to do is to start caring for people. People are just lost in the absence of good advice and shackled to a silent government with no strength or leadership to guide us with our nutrition and how to preserve our health. So they believe that they are right but in most cases they just do not know what real food is anymore and just eat the junk that is peddled.
    Ah, nevermind. :tongue:
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    "thanks. I'll take it into consideration." Or not really but whatever.
  • blgmw2
    blgmw2 Posts: 171 Member
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    I am very proud of my weight loss and I do talk about it with people. I tell people I watch my caloric intake as well as my macronutrients. This will work 99% of the time. I think because some people don' t understand macronutrients. This comment either keeps them quiet or asking more questions. I love questions and sharing what has worked for me. Good Luck!
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    Well let me just say this. In my country we used to go around and if we needed to know anything we just asked people for advice.

    Then somewhere between the seventies and the eighties some bright sparks appeared who started saying that giving advice was wrong. In fact in the end people were victimised for giving the wrong advice. You would think that this was good - but no it was not. Companies were hounded out and prosecuted for giving the wrong advice they said.
    Then people appeared who said that you could not acll a ballcock a ballcock. So what was good for our parents, who brought us into the world and stood up and fought in the war - was not good enough for these people. No - they had to change the world by pointing their fingers at the least thing and declaring it wrong. Meanwhile we went form a first class power to a nobody - our toilets are stinking or non existent. Councils are allowed to turf sick people out of their homes and our pensions are not worth the money that they were printed on. It is simply a total lack of social responsibility where we disrespect our elders. You would not like to live in our country.

    So I say listen to all the advice that you can - some of the advice is sound because it opens our eyes to all of the crappy things that are going on - all of the shilly things they are putting into our food because there is no monitoring going on anymore.

    We are descending into the slough of despond and we can only save ourselves and our loved ones - and the first thing to do is to start caring for people. People are just lost in the absence of good advice and shackled to a silent government with no strength or leadership to guide us with our nutrition and how to preserve our health. So they believe that they are right but in most cases they just do not know what real food is anymore and just eat the junk that is peddled.

    da hell did I just read?
  • Cindyinpg
    Cindyinpg Posts: 3,902 Member
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    .da hell did I just read?
    I dunno either. :laugh: But "slough of despond" made me think of the Dead Marshes. I must be due to read or watch The Lord of the Rings again.
  • EHisCDN
    EHisCDN Posts: 480 Member
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    I stopped halfway through. Too confused to continue.
  • YesIAm17
    YesIAm17 Posts: 817 Member
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    I just posted the following in another thread at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1124994-what-does-your-family-say-when-you-lose-weight earlier today but it seems to fit here too so I thought I would share (most applicable bit in bold)...

    I get virtually no encouragement from family. Sometimes they will get mad at me if I don't eat the same thing as them, sometimes they will try to shove food I don't want not just onto my plate but in my face, and sometimes they insist that what I am doing is completely wrong.

    All of the people included in that "they" are either obese or very overweight themselves, and some extremely offended by that fact (when told by their doctor, not me).

    They don't want to change their habits so seeing me (or maybe you in your family) changing habits makes them feel bad.

    They also think they know what is healthy and want me (or maybe you in your family) to support their completely unfounded sense of intellectual superiority.

    I think a lot of people believe they are much better and smarter than everyone else around them and if they see someone else making improvements that they aren't making and following advice other than theirs' it hurts their egos and so they subconsciously act out either with backhanded compliments, outright insults, sabotage, or even just a passive aggressive lack of support.

    I posted a somewhat related topic you might find many of the responses to it very helpful: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1110715-they-just-don-t-get-it-what-do-you-tell-them
  • Macstraw
    Macstraw Posts: 896 Member
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    Another part of this really boils down to personal responsibility. When you tell someone that all you've done is to watch your calories and made sure to exercise more, they don't want to think it could be that simple. If it were that simple, then they no longer have their excuses to hide behind that something other than what they ate and their activity level led to their current weight. I know I was like that for a long, long time. It wasn't until I accepted that my decisions had led me to this place that I was able to start making changes.

    The theory of doing it the right way is VERY simple - eat less, move more & you'll lose weight. The problem is that to those getting started the practice of it is NOT so simple, at least before there were tools like MFP. Those here, that are willing to make the necessary changes, understand that it is a long term project - we didn't get this way in a month & we aren't going to get back to where we want to be in a month. People are willing to jump on the fad bandwagons because they are being promised big results in a short time with little to no effort. Many of them have yet to realize that they need to make behavioral changes, that it isn't about eating a particular way and/or exercising for a short time & then you can go back to what you were doing before. They want to look good in that bathing suit by summer or lose all that extra weight by the class reunion in a month & they have a choice between the way (albeit very simple in theory) that will take a long time, perseverance & will power & the way that they are being told will be a miracle for them. Unfortunately, they usually choose the miracle........
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
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    It's kind of strange, because folks don't usually like just having to offer a compliment when a subject comes up, if that makes sense. They want a subject, lol.

    So you say (or your mom does or whatever) 'I've lost a bunch of weight!'. Well, great. Seriously, that's awesome. But folks want to have a personal stake in the conversation. They don't just want to talk about you, lol. It's silly, but there you go.

    You brought up a juicy TOPIC by talking about losing weight :D They have all these opinions they've pondered and want to share. So you get to hear them sharing (like it or not).

    Try having a bad back. Oy. People start it by asking why you can't this or that, so you have to say you have a bad back. But then the floodgates are open, ROFL. I actually had a professor who made me come after class to discuss how I was getting on in the back exercises he assigned for me. **Not kidding**
  • YesIAm17
    YesIAm17 Posts: 817 Member
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    Another part of this really boils down to personal responsibility. When you tell someone that all you've done is to watch your calories and made sure to exercise more, they don't want to think it could be that simple. If it were that simple, then they no longer have their excuses to hide behind that something other than what they ate and their activity level led to their current weight. I know I was like that for a long, long time. It wasn't until I accepted that my decisions had led me to this place that I was able to start making changes.

    Yup! Many people want to believe that it isn't their fault. They can't _____ because of ______ that they have no control over. It's a lie they tell themselves to feel better about their bad habits and bad choices.
  • p4ulmiller
    p4ulmiller Posts: 588 Member
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    Well let me just say this. In my country we used to go around and if we needed to know anything we just asked people for advice.

    Then somewhere between the seventies and the eighties some bright sparks appeared who started saying that giving advice was wrong. In fact in the end people were victimised for giving the wrong advice. You would think that this was good - but no it was not. Companies were hounded out and prosecuted for giving the wrong advice they said.
    Then people appeared who said that you could not acll a ballcock a ballcock. So what was good for our parents, who brought us into the world and stood up and fought in the war - was not good enough for these people. No - they had to change the world by pointing their fingers at the least thing and declaring it wrong. Meanwhile we went form a first class power to a nobody - our toilets are stinking or non existent. Councils are allowed to turf sick people out of their homes and our pensions are not worth the money that they were printed on. It is simply a total lack of social responsibility where we disrespect our elders. You would not like to live in our country.

    So I say listen to all the advice that you can - some of the advice is sound because it opens our eyes to all of the crappy things that are going on - all of the shilly things they are putting into our food because there is no monitoring going on anymore.

    We are descending into the slough of despond and we can only save ourselves and our loved ones - and the first thing to do is to start caring for people. People are just lost in the absence of good advice and shackled to a silent government with no strength or leadership to guide us with our nutrition and how to preserve our health. So they believe that they are right but in most cases they just do not know what real food is anymore and just eat the junk that is peddled.

    But who was Carbs?
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
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    When I was at about the 70lb mark of my weight loss, my coworker saw me eating chips and proceeded to tell me that they were a bad choice. I said, do you really think for the past 8 months I haven't eaten chips or cupcakes or cheeseburgers? This is the same guy who told me I should be taking green tea pills to lose weight. I thanked him for his concern but assured him that "I got this". I think one of the things that is very annoying about unsolicited advice is that it can come across as rude and condescending.
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
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    I take only helpful advice and ignore the rest. I have few of my friends talk all the time how we are not supposed to eat any carbs post 4 PM and also strength training = ripped woman(alas!). When they argue about such stuff, i say i believe its wrong(also state the scientific reason, which leaves them speechless sometimes), but they still insist that it is right(no logic whatsoever) , i just say do what works for "YOU" and change the topic.
  • mike_ny
    mike_ny Posts: 351 Member
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    Many people believe things that aren't true and refuse to stop even when shown that they aren't true. Health and weight loss are right up there with plenty of myths and misinformation. Even doctors keep giving old advice about avoiding fat and cholesterol believing in a link to heart disease that's since been debunked in most studies. Updated information increasingly changes much faster than people's beliefs and attitudes.

    Just thank people for sharing their advice and say you'll look into it. Then keep doing what works best for you.
  • annakow
    annakow Posts: 385 Member
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    thank you for this post
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    They love to do that and the more you lose the worse it gets. I'd lost 65lbs, before the pregnancy, and got so much "great" advice. I blow it off 99% of the time not only do I have the education but I have the experience, so I dont need any advice really.
  • SteveStedge1
    SteveStedge1 Posts: 149 Member
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    different things work for different people......

    Oh, really? So not everyone is subject to the laws of thermodynamics and calories in/calories out? :huh: What an interesting world you must live in. *slowly back away*
    https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/strawman
    strawman
    You misrepresented someone's argument to make it easier to attack.

    By exaggerating, misrepresenting, or just completely fabricating someone's argument, it's much easier to present your own position as being reasonable, but this kind of dishonesty serves to undermine honest rational debate.

    Example: After Will said that we should put more money into health and education, Warren responded by saying that he was surprised that Will hates our country so much that he wants to leave it defenceless by cutting military spending.
  • lottewiegeraad
    lottewiegeraad Posts: 64 Member
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    I've lost 50 pounds since I started my weight loss plan. I pretty much just eat what I want and count calories, although I do try to avoid processed foods and artificial stuff as much as possible. I feel like the fact that I am losing steadily, feel good and am rarely hungry says I am doing things the right way, at least for me. So, why then, does everyone who sees or hears that I have lost weight insist on giving me advice? I'm already losing the weight, I don't need their ill-informed advice!

    I've gotten where I really don't tell anyone what I am doing, but my mom insists on telling everyone and their grandmother.

    When I told my aunt I just count calories she said "well, they say it's not about calories, it's about fat." No, no one says that, not since like 1962.

    If I post on facebook that I have lost weight a bunch of people ask how and when I say that I just count calories a bunch of other people chime in to inform me that I should be cutting carbs.

    It's like I can't just say "hey, I lost 10 more pounds since xxx" and have people tell me "great job" or whatever. Everyone insists on telling me the "right" way to do it.
    Join the club on that one. :grumble: I've lost 123lbs in about 15 months and a week doesn't go by without someone insinuating that I'm doing it wrong and suggesting something they've read about on Facebook or seen on Dr. Oz. It goes like this generally:
    Random acquaintance/customer/half assed friend/family member says: "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!"
    Me: "Why yes, I have. Just eating at a calorie defict and exercising, nothing fancy."
    Random Person: "But you cut carbs/fat/processed/gluten/chocolate/junk food, right? You eat clean/paleo/primal right?"
    Me. "No. I eat ice cream everyday."
    Random Person. *looking annoyed now* "Well, that's not possible. You should try cutting carbs/fat/protein/salt/processed/gmo's/gluten/sugar/aspartame.... and buy raspberry ketones/garcinawhateveryoucallit/shakeology/visalus/eat clean etc.... because what you're doing CLEARLY doesn't work."
    :laugh:

    :laugh: sounds so familiar!
  • Lives2Travel
    Lives2Travel Posts: 682 Member
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    I recently ran into a casual acquaintance in the grocery store.

    Her: Wow, you've lost a lot of weight.
    Me: Thanks.
    Her (as she eyed my shopping cart and pointed): You aren't going to eat that or that are you?
    Me: Yep.
    Her: You know you should be eating "clean". It's the only way to lose weight.
    Me: Interesting. Gotta run.

    This is why I don't discuss my diet with ANYONE or have my diary open. Why give people a chance to be jerks or give you their opinion on why you're doing it wrong? One size fits all does not work in clothing or diets.

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