VERY SERIOUS QUESTION 2 ASK! PLEAZ READ EVERY 1!!

I'd say at that age they are too old for spankings. Taking privelidges away is what I would do. What's the most important thing in their lives right now? Cell phones, extracurricular activities, computer time, hanging out with friends, etc... Make them earn it! It's not a RIGHT that they have, it's a privelidge. And be CONSISTANT. If you tell them they have to do this or that, and if they don't then they can't use the computer for a day.. then stick with it! Don't give in to their tears because they're just playing you when they try and cry their way into getting their own way. In the long run, they'll respect you if you're consistant. If you're not, they'll look at you as a weak doormat.

I have to agree spanking at those ages are to old, I have 3 children 7, 4 and 1 I do delieve in spanking as a last resort, there are so many other things that you can do to punish them. Good luck I hope everything works out for the best.

A man spanking teens and preteens is questionable. It doesn't work, and it is kind of creepy.

Hi Pammy,
I have 4 children ages 19,16,15 and 13. The only time I ever layed a hand on them was when it was open defiance. I once spanked my daughter when she was much younger and that is it. I feel taking something away works much better. Depending on their age. Losing their cell phone, no tv, not seeing their friends. Spanking should be the last resort. It makes your kids terrified of you. They don't learn anything. I rather they not like me because I took something away then be scared to come to me. Speaking calmly and finding out why did something happen makes so much more sense.Spanking is done out of anger not out of trying to help the child. There has to be consequences for certain actions.
The man in your life sounds like a bully. Either do what I say or I'm leaving you. It doesn't seem like he really cares about your feelings.

I am not any of the above, but I was raised in a house with a very clear view on the subject. I was never spanked. Also, I've applied to adopt and here there is a full week parenting course that prospective parents have to take on how to discipline your chiildren without spanking. At the ages you're talking about, if it hasn't been how they have been raised, my guess is that it would not be a good idea to start, especially since you aren't their parents. I don't know the story, but if a chlidren's agency has ever been involved then if you spank, you run the risk of losing custody of the children immediately (or you would where I live). They have a zero tolerance policy.

Let's just say that coming out of a home with no spanking, I am a productive member of society with good morals, values and a strong work ethic. I have a healthy respect for my parents but absolutely no fear. I do have a fear of disappointing them though. I know though, from having this discussion with a multitude of people, that this is a subject that many people feel very strongly about and it is possible that you and your guy will not come to an agreement on the topic.

I would be VERY worried that this man wants to spank your grandchildren. Unfortunately kids don't get to pick who their parents bring in their life.

"The man in your life" has no legal right to lay a hand on those children. If he touches them, he may well face assault charges and you may well face losing custody for allowing it to happen. All it takes is for one of the kids to tell a teacher or a friend's parents and have it reported. A man who is trying to convince you to allow him to hit people you love, against your wishes, needs to be shown the door. Or at least make sure he is never alone with them.

Your problems are deeper than spanking. You and your mate need to resolve your own issues first. Have to meet this problem with a consolidated front.

Secondly, I'm not a proponent of spanking, not do I believe that there might not be a need. I rarely spanked my children. I can count the spankings I gave my girls on one hand, and that was when they were very young. On the other hand, my wife and I discuss every situation together and when we cousel/punish/reward our children we do so together. We don't hash it out in front of them.

Here's the kicker, though. When we come to a decision and go forward, whatever we decided IS GOING TO HAPPEN. We give respect, we expect respect, but in our home, we are definitley in charge.

A little discipline, whether corporal punishment, or grounding/restriction, etc., is good for your child. They'll be better off for it and they'll thank you later. Ours did.

I see no problem with a swat or two with a young child that is acting out and being defiant. At the age your grandchildren are, spanking is a waste of time. They are going to get angry and thats about it. Take away whats important to them, cell phone, video game or whatever. I use to also have my teenagers give me an essay, report or whatever explaining why what they did caused the punishment and why it was unacceptable behavior. Those papers were meant to assure me they understood, sometimes they had alot more insight than I had even thought about! I also have a HUGE problem with a man wanting to spank teens who are not even related to him! Red flag!!

The issue on the table is not discipline-- it's this guy trying to tell you what to do with your grandkids???? Huh? And there's even a question? Tell this bum to hit the road. How is there even a question in your mind?

Sorry, but IT IS A FREAKING SPANKING. samck on the butt. I remeber being spanked twice when I was younger, my sister and brothers as well. When we were VERY naughty, we got spanked, and you better believe we didn't dare do whatever got us in trouble in the first place again.

My father, who is the most caring, generous, and gentle man in the world got the belt when he was younger. People are so concerned with the violence, kids growing up to be violent. Letting your kid watch TV unsupervised or play all those outragious xbox games is worse than a spanking or two. Balogna.

... THE MAN IN MY LIFE IS TELLIN ME THAT HE IS GOIN 2 LEAVE CUZ I WONT LET HIM PUNISH MY GRKIDS...
[/quo

First off, 11 and 13 are too old to be spanking. Second....the man in your life....so i take it that you are not married to him...that so means HE HAS NO RIGHT to spank them, punish them or lay a hand on them. However, he does have a right to put his opinion out there. I think taking privileges from the kids is fine. when my 15 year old was little, he got a few spankings, but mostly it was time out and redirection......and to be honest, my timeouts were rough, he would have rather had a spanking! LOL I dont feel spanking are bad, in fact im a firm believer in them and my 19 month old even gets a pat on the hind end when needed (if he is doing something that is going to hurt him or someone else). I was spanked as a child....whats good for the goose is good for the gander. I think you need to tell the man in your life that they are your kids and you will punish as you see fit, hes got no right to lay a hand on them. Im sure you dont want him to leave, but if he cant RESPECT your decisions on discipline for the kids, then maybe he dosent respect yo.......just a though.

I don't think this has anything to do with eating nutritiously, exercising, and losing weight. This conversation should not be posted here.

He's not even related to these kids right? He has nooo right to lay his hands on them.
Besides, they are way too old for a spanking! I got a few as a kid and I turned out (in my opinion) pretty good...but I wasn't spanked after the age of 8.
I'd be concerned about this guy.

She seems pretty upset and frantic...probably wasn't looking at where the right place to post was.