Inlaws or Outlaws

So my husband and I have been married for two years. It is both our second marriage, and we were both married for 10 years the first go around. I think marriage is a wonderful thing. BUT, and there always seems to be a but, we have had some major challenges. One challenge has been the relationship he has with his family. I love my family, however, they live in a different state five hours away, so I don't see them as much as I like. We talk once a week or so (sometime more, some times less) on the phone just to check in and make sure all is well. My husband's family lives ten minutes away, (He actually wanted to buy the house right next door to his Dad's house--NOT). His immediate family consist of his twin sisters, who are 48 and have never left home, his mom is deceased. So his sisters and Dad live together. My husband talks to his family every day, several times a day. I saw the dynamics of his family life before we married, so to make sure there would be no misunderstandings after we got married, I told him, I was not going to spend a significant amount of time at his family Dad's house. I asked him if this was going to be a problem for him because if so, we could call the wedding off. He wanted to go to his families house every weekend and every holiday and for me that is out of the question. We both have kids and I like to spend holidays (Christmas especially) with the kids in our home. However, I am not disinclined to go to his families house during some holidays. For example, I suggested we spend this Thanksgiving with his family and not cook at our house.

At any rate, once we got married for about three months, he asked me to go with him to his Dad's house almost every weekend and I would say no, which ultimately lead to big blow out. So most of the time, he goes alone, not all of the time; however, there are many times that I accompany him about once every three months and we've done Easter, Father's Dad, his Dad's birthday, and the 4th of July at his Dads for the last two years-remember we've only been married for two years. Oh to be clear, his family never comes to our house.

Major challenge number two. We were married October 2011, he had a heart attack and stroke October 21012. Yep 11 months and 14 days later. Stayed in the hospital four months and I was there EVERY day except for when Supper Storm Sandy hit. The first three days, he was in ICU and I was there from 8 in the morning til the hospital personnel kicked me out at 10:00 at night. Once he was on the floor I did the same thing. Now, marriage is for better or worse, but (again with the but), that is a heck of a first year. However, while he was in the hospital his sisters came maybe 10 times (and honestly that's stretching it a little in their favor) and when they came, they complained about how tired they were from going to the grocery store and such. Mind you, I have been by his side nonstop for days basically, haven't been to the grocery store, washed clothes or been to work, but they were tired. And for whatever reason, almost every time they would come to the hospital the would upset him terribly and then leave for me to pick up the pieces. Needless to say, I was extremely irritated with the whole situation. Lastly, they didn't even offer to sit with him to help out, or offer to bring me a meal while I was basically glued to his bedside. So of course, now I'm even more disinclined to visit. I think what irritates me the most is that he was always talking about how great his family is but after he became ill, the only person other than my self that really helped him was his Dad. I was really astounded by this because neither of his sister have ever been married, they don't have kids and really have no responsibility.

At any rate, he is now up and better, back to work after being out for five months. But now on to challenge number three. When I married my husband I knew that he was an emotionally driven man--very sensitive. I was learning how to adjust to that before he became ill because, I'm not really an emotional person. My feelings aren't hurt that easily and I've learned to roll with the punches most of the time. The problem, it seems that sometimes stroke victim's personalities are altered so that whatever the dominate personality is, it is exacerbated ten fold. So now he is hyper sensitive and super emotional. He has more mood swings that I do with PMS.

Am I being incentive because I am basically getting really tired of it all?