upset & discouraged :(

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  • supersparklegirl
    supersparklegirl Posts: 24
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    Oh my goodness, you are all so supportive & helpful, thanks to each one of you! I've never participated in an online community like this before & I feel really touched by your sincere and kind responses (& they're really freaking helpful!)

    HollisGrant, love the Richard Branson quote, "make a decision, make a mistake, move on." Good stuff.

    RheneeB, powerful points, thank you for sharing that. I'm going to take it all in & do what you suggest and spend time reflecting about how this really does connect with me abandoning myself and not fighting for myself (which of course connects with painful experiences I had as a child). I see how it is a way of not loving myself- that image you gave about shoving nachos on a dieting friend- I would never be that mean! But I do that to myself, which is something to think about. Love this, "Instead of talking negatively to yourself, convince yourself that you ARE worth every bit of effort and every sacrifice it is going to take. Convince yourself that there is no more half assing!!!!!"
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    In addition to all the good advice given so far (and I apologize if this has already been said - I skimmed), channel some of that energy into thinking about how you could handle that kind of situation better next time.

    For me, alcohol isn't just a high calorie treat, it's a gateway drug. I know that sounds silly but I'm serious. Once I start getting tipsy, all bets are off and my willpower is dead. Bring on the food! So if I'm going to be in a situation where alcohol and lots of food are both involved, I really make sure to pace myself. Trade off every other glass for some water or even diet soda. If your crew are the kind that might make comments about you not drinking, soda tends to be the better choice - most poeple assume it's a mixed drink or spritzer.

    If you know certain treats are going to be served that you just can't stay away from, make a deal with yourself that you'll only have a few bites of those things. And next time, eat your salad first so you have less room and will be less likely to overindulge.

    I will say though, for your first challenge, I think you did a halfway decent job. Your intentions were good and you did a few things right. Think of each following event as an opportunity to do better and learn more and eventually you'll get the hang of it.
  • kbcara
    kbcara Posts: 105 Member
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    Seems like you're being too strict on yourself and not planning a lifestyle you can live with - do you want to spend a lifetime taking salads to parties? Er no.

    So on days where you have something fun planned... eat well in the day [as you did] and squeeze in some exercise [which you did] and enjoy the party [which you did]... instead of having a massive blow out you could say I'm allowed this much of everything or more of just two things [your favourites] etc. That way you permitted yourself and you don't have to spend the next day/week punching yourself round the head.... you just get back on with eating healthy at home/work and exercising until the next party.... just make sure you're life isn't one long party :P

    Better to lose the weight at a slower realistic pace in a lifestyle you can stick to, than lose it fast, and then put it back on as you didn't learn any habits for life.

    Just my two-penneth worth.
  • lunglady
    lunglady Posts: 526 Member
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    Who HASN'T done that? Pick yourself up and move on.
  • barbz2119
    barbz2119 Posts: 124 Member
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    You had a good time at the party didn't you? You won't be going to parties every night. Be glad you had a good time, move on. Its so easy to get into bad habits and that's what we have all done when we binge. If we just try to break the habit we can, it just takes a few days of being strong and doing what we know is good for us. I know every time I crave something and eat it I think to myself did I really enjoy it...no, and I try and remember that for next time I want the candy, chocolate, whatever I'm planning to binge on.
    Don't beat yourself up, you can see by all the other comments the support you have on here. Move on tomorrow is another day :smile:
  • broox80
    broox80 Posts: 1,195 Member
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    I do the same thing. That is something that has always hindered me from losing the weight. I would go a little overboard and freak out, resulting in a binge, resulting in a week then a month then a season of my "piss on this noise" mentality. Now looking back I could just kick myself, because what I ate on that first day probably was not that big of a deal anyway. I try to focus on my weekly intake. Sometimes this helps me to allow myself a little freedom. I still want to keep myself accountable and not get too far off track, but it helps remind me that I am human and I will not always eat perfect. My skinny friends (ho bags) eat normally and have decadent things and drink, but they dont do it every day or every week. They have that little button in their brain that tells them,"STOP........Fatty McFatterson!!!!!" I dont have that button I guess, so I have to intentionally make myself do it. Bottom line is we are all in this together and this community has made it possible for me to have the amount of success I have had and the future success I know I will have!!! You got this toots :)
  • gabbygirl78
    gabbygirl78 Posts: 936 Member
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    Poop happens.... move on. Dust yourself on and try again. Not the end of the world just a lesson learned. Probably wont be the last time you "fall off the wagon" you just got to figure out if you are going to let it define you or if you are going to be strong enough to move past it and not let it overpower you. First and foremost you have to change the way you view your downfalls. You have to stop letting it get you down like this... just say "oh well! Gotta do better today!" What is done is done. Can't change it all you can do is MOVE FORWARD!!!! Everyday is a New Beginning!!!! :flowerforyou:
  • supersparklegirl
    supersparklegirl Posts: 24
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    I wish I could comment on each & every post since they are all so helpful! Good to hear different perspectives on this. It's helping me realize how I've set myself up to fail in the past. And some different thoughts and actions I can experiment with now...

    Will just make a few comments here- Broox80 you made me laugh with the "you've got this toots :)" MinnieinMaine too! Alcohol IS totally a gateway drug for me too, that's funny but true. OF COURSE my resolve would go down after that. Good to realize that & take it less personally. And lol, Sollus, it was the $9 that was the treat, not the salad! :) Thanks for the numbers perspective too.

    Good reminders kbcara & barbs that I am creating a lifestyle I'll want (& be able) to sustain & enjoy, so maybe I can ease up with the "gotta eat a salad" at a party. I tend to get a bit "all or nothing" with things, which is maybe why I've found MFP unsustainable beyond a few days in the past. It's always felt oppressive & then the rebel in me (she's a bit of a badass) is like "enough with this already!"

    Very interesting points, Toyb0x about willpower being a limited resource we can use up & also build up like a muscle. That really describes how I felt after all the many healthy choices I made up until 8pm at the party! A great thing to keep in mind so I can then be realistic & cool with myself about it, rather than beating myself up for something that's a natural process!
  • leap314
    leap314 Posts: 75 Member
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    I'm the exact same weight and looking for the same loss. I'll send you a FR. :)

    I need some motivation as well to keep going!
  • calliekitten9
    calliekitten9 Posts: 148 Member
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    I am feeling so upset with myself I could literally cry. I failed at keeping my word to myself yesterday about eating healthy & I don't know how I'll ever stop being fat if I can't even follow through with what I tell myself I'm going to do. So discouraged! I don't see how I can become thin & healthy when I'm so compulsive around food. This has been my pattern for as long as I can remember. After years of trying to change and screwing up again, I'm feeling angry at myself and pretty hopeless.

    Here's what happened- I woke up kinda tired & stressed yesterday so I knew I was at a risk for a binge. The good thing is that I was aware of it, wrote a note about it to my new MFP friends :), & felt encouraged and empowered to make healthy choices. I ate a healthy breakfast, brought lunch to work, didn't eat any of the piles of Halloween candy at the office, and then even fit in some exercise by walking the 35 minutes from work to my friend's party.

    Because I figured there would be junky food there, I stopped at Pret on the way there and bought a delicious & healthy $9 salad to bring with me. When I got to the party, I told my friend I was starting to eat healthy & she was fine with that (in other words, it would have been cool for me to just eat the salad whenever I wanted during the party). BUT INSTEAD I proceeded to eat bean layered dip, hot artichoke dip, tortilla chips, manchego cheese, etc. & drink too much wine, and instead of staying for 2 hours, I stayed for over 4 & got home at 12:30am, at which point I ate some more, watched Nashville, & went to bed at 2am (so now I'm tired & discouraged & feel like I'll never be successful at this even though I really tried.) And I even forgot to bring home the untouched salad from my friend's fridge!

    Sorry to rant, I'm just very upset with myself & feel so discouraged! I mean, I even brought a delicious (& expensive!) 300 calorie salad as a supportive treat, and instead I ate 3000 calories. Becoming thinner seems impossible right now :(.

    If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement from your own experience, I'd sure welcome it.

    GRACE!!! Give yourself GRACE!! There is always tomorrow and the next day and the next day....look at this from a LONG term perspectiive and don't be so very hard on yourself.
  • supersparklegirl
    supersparklegirl Posts: 24
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    And thank you gabbygirl! You're so right, I tend to get depressed about these "failures" which derails my whole process. Love what you said:
    "Not the end of the world just a lesson learned. Probably wont be the last time you "fall off the wagon" you just got to figure out if you are going to let it define you or if you are going to be strong enough to move past it and not let it overpower you. First and foremost you have to change the way you view your downfalls"

    Yes! I am strong enough to move past this & not let this define or overpower me! Gotta connect with my inner SuperGirl & also lighten up about it. With your mention of "dust yourself off & try again" I've now got that Aaliyah song in my head, "try again" :happy:
    Time to rock this moment.
  • supersparklegirl
    supersparklegirl Posts: 24
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    Ahh, yes Calliekitten, GRACE! A longer term perspective. And being less hard on myself. Very touching reminders, thank u!
  • illuvatree
    illuvatree Posts: 185 Member
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    We all do stuff that makes us feel like we've screwed up everything. The important thing is to get back on track the next day and to know that you can do it :)
  • SchroederNJ
    SchroederNJ Posts: 208 Member
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    Today's a new day --- that's how you have to think about it.

    I had a bridal shower at work on Wed. for which I ate some cookies/cake and then had more snacks then I probably should have last night. But today, I committed myself to getting my log done and staying in my calorie range and going out for a run 2nite ... one day off will not ruin all of your future success unless you let it.
  • andibenoit
    andibenoit Posts: 71 Member
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    If we are too restrictive with ourselves, our food, etc, it is a recipe for feeling like a failure. "I'm going to eat perfect all day today" is not a realistic goal. If you are doing today better than yesterday, that's a success. If you did better at that party last night than you would have in years past, THAT is a success. Take pride in the good choices, even the smallest steps, and learn from the not so good choices. We will all feel, at times, that we've failed, but real failure doesn't come until you give up.
  • leannems
    leannems Posts: 516 Member
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    Are you back on track today? If so, that's AMAZING! There's a point in time where I would have gone off plan last night and then just said - eh, screw it, I'm taking Friday/Sat/Sunday off too and will "re-start" Monday.

    I know it's been said like a million times, but I think once you think of it less as a plan and more as of, this is just how I eat now most of the time, little lips like you had last night won't matter, as long as they're just that - little blips. If you went right back to healthy eating the next morning, you are doing just fine! The trick is not to let one bad night turn into a bad weekend or a bad month. One night won't sabotage you - it just happens sometimes.
  • oroblar
    oroblar Posts: 68 Member
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    In working out and in life I have come to realize that the rearview mirror is small for a reason. Don't look back, unless you are learning from what happened. Once in a while I get that "what the hell" attitude and gorge on crappy foods. No biggie, I almost guarantee everyone who diets does it once in while. Generally it results in me kicking my own butt in the next workout to make up for the binge. Like everyone else said... You don't gain or lose it in a day. This is most defintely a marathon and not a sprint. Best of Luck on achieving your goals.
  • RachelRuns9
    RachelRuns9 Posts: 585 Member
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    you're learning! you will be OK! all you have to do is learn from the situation. make a list of even MORE precautions to take on a grouchy day like that. getting yourself the salad was an AMAZING attempt at that! so you are already headed in the right direction!

    this bad day is going to motivate you so much that it may be the best mistake you ever made!
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
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    This is ONE DAY. We all make mistakes, in all aspects of our lives. For some reason when we make mistakes with our food we find it unforgivable. We have to stop that mindset.

    I had a high calorie day yesterday. I knew I was close when we went to dinner at Wendy's and I could have easily ordered a small chili and been under for the day. Instead I opted for the pretzel chicken pub sandwich with fries. It sounded good and I wanted it. I knew that today I would do better and that one day of bad food will not deter me from my goals.

    I eat like this every once in a while and I also incorporate my favorite 'unhealthy' foods (ice cream, chips, crackers, etc) into my normal eating habits and I've managed to lose 60 pounds. It won't stop you from reaching your goals if you make your goals a priority at least 90% of the time. I go to the gym every day M-F and eat sensibly most of the time. You can too!
  • fatmichie123
    fatmichie123 Posts: 29
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    You should be proud of yourself for the things you did and the efforts you made. Today is a new day start fresh! You can do this. I have been eating anything I want and doing some binging ad well but I am proud of myself for joining this Sight and I highly recommend the calorie tracker until I tried it I wad clueless I now realize all those little snacks and drinks add up quickly. Hang in there.:happy:

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