Unsupportive Boyfriend and House

Perhaps quite a few of you misunderstood me. I was not criticizing pasta as a whole, but my mother in law does push the food onto everyone. You can tell her no and still have a plate of stuff in front of you, which is disrespectful. Her cooking is very good, but all I said to him was that "it is very difficult to lose weight in a house like this" just looking for some affirmation.

I got screamed at, saying I was insulting her cooking. Actually no, i was actually praising her cooking and saying it is a huge temptation for me, because it is so good. I do try to cook for myself, and when I do, she gets INCREDIBLY OFFENDED. I bought light mayo to make tuna and crackers for myself and she literally went on for 20 minutes yesterday telling me how much mayo she had and why was I wasting my money, and OMG did you know there was food and holy crap, did you forget I make food and other such nonsense.

SO yes, I do cook for myself, even though I have to fight battle royale for my salad dressing because I am consuming something she didn't make or purchase. Its very a difficult situation.

PS to everyone who thinks I hate pasta. If I hated pasta, I probably wouldn't have 25 lbs to lose.

Thank you to everyone else who was being very supportive. I appreciate the real answers as well, of course I realize that I have consumed too many calories and whatnot , but having an unhealthy or nonexistant support system is very difficult. I have asked my mother in law to respect me when I turn down food, and she said she would, and yet, i'm in my room, finished breakfast, and she comes up with pancakes and sausage after I said no 4 times. (not even making that up.. how sad) So then i have to be hurtful and wasteful because she doesn't respect my "no Thank you, I just ate"

Thanks again to those who say maybe this isn't the best. And Toxic is an excellent word to describe this.

Good morning :flowerforyou: Your plight is nothing short of 2 positive charges repelling each other. Your future Mother-in-Law in your boyfriend's mother is feeding you out of love; She's Italian. It's part and parcel of who they are, how they come, with how they are nurtured to communicate Love. You on the other hand are obviously trying to shed your vanity weight for Love, to be the best bodied you for your man, which is likely why you're screaming for help, declaring war on his Mum from a 3rd person perspective.

From my vantage point, analysing your situation, from what you've selectively shared here, I see another solution. If it is imperative you choose to stay in his family residence to prove to him, as you'd stated earlier, that your relationship is for the long haul and that the 2 of you are capable of making this work and moving in together, to take that giant step of purchasing a house, your home together, then you'd better suck it up and modify "the you" and become an Amoeba. Adjust your workout regimen to accommodate her; Her ways, her life, her home, her kitchen, for the Love you carry for her son. Prove to him you love her. He knows you love him. This is his Mama-litmus on you. The question you should ask yourself is, "Why does he feel it prudent to test you?" Now if he's testing you, pass the test if you love him. Some guys, love them, you love their Mama. A rejection of their Mums is an outright rejection of them. Love comes with Respect. If you want respect, you have to communicate your definitions and parameters of respect. This is likely, a culture clash. How much do you love him? How much will you tolerate for him?

How do you pass the litmus test in your declared warzone? HIIT. Eat what she puts on the table. Eat when she's present, so that you aren't having to say, you've eaten. To feed you despite your declaration of "I've eaten," and "No thank you," she is probably interpreting it as you being polite, which is a positive for you. HIIT is your solution. Workout before you know you will be offered food or eat first, wait 15 mins to half an hour (+/-), then proceed with your HIIT programme. Your solution is earning yourself more consumption calories; Earning your calories for Love. Your man is declaring that you are ungrateful. Ref your 2nd post, "You should be grateful that Mom keeps chips and juice and cookies around, alot of people would love to have *that* kind of problem"

Example@HIIT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iyBP7ZIx6Q

I am of the mind, that you are one of the more fortunate 20-somethings. Your man is man enough to have the ability and the savings and the credit worthiness to enable him to purchase a home. Being 20-something, you're both part of the Lost-Generation. They have no hope in your Generation to survive the rigours of financial constraints and demands; A Generation purported to be riddled with a life of temp work and short-term employment with little to no credit; No fall back plan, no future. He negates this! In this regard, I deplore the statement that he isn't man enough to move out. He is man enough to not be debt-ridden. How many men his age can afford to buy a home? Italian parents always pitch in. How much of the down-payment will your boyfriend's Mum contribute towards your starter family home as a couple? He knows the sum. Your man living at his family residence is enabling the big shift. You will be homeowners because of his sacrifice. A man, not a boy. A man whose good with money. Your man is likely choosing to spend what you would on rent on your mortgage. Mortgage is Family; Rent is Singlehood ~ You choose. He has! He is man enough to move you into and from his family residence to your starter family home as a couple ~ Look at it as a Rite of Passage. It's a positive not a negative. Your man is a man as you well know, raised well by his Mama. The Love she bears for you both is proof of how much she recognises of how much he loves you. If for nothing else, try to find the will to accommodate her because of the love she sees he bears for you. If she didn't like you, you wouldn't be in the house. If she'd disrespected you, she'd care not for your nourishment. Make this work. You have a good man. And if that's him in the reflection ~ gurl, he gorgeous! Your man is fine. Suck it up and hit HIIT harrd. Focus.

Okay, it's pathetic that he still lives at home and has his parents cook for him. Dump him, find your own place. Well past time to grow up. You're wasting your time with this loser and his fat family.

I'm only 20 and there is nothing, NOTHING, that would entice me to move back in with my parents or anyone else's. Get a job. Rent an apartment. I did that the very instant I turned 18. Even before I moved out, I was buying and cooking my own food. Seriously, he sounds extremely pathetic. Do you want to date a little boy or a man?

Good morning :flowerforyou: Your plight is nothing short of 2 positive charges repelling each other. Your future Mother-in-Law in your boyfriend's mother is feeding you out of love; She's Italian. It's part and parcel of who they are, how they come, with how they are nurtured to communicate Love. You on the other hand are obviously trying to shed your vanity weight for Love, to be the best bodied you for your man, which is likely why you're screaming for help, declaring war on his Mum from a 3rd person perspective.

From my vantage point, analysing your situation, from what you've selectively shared here, I see another solution. If it is imperative you choose to stay in his family residence to prove to him, as you'd stated earlier, that your relationship is for the long haul and that the 2 of you are capable of making this work and moving in together, to take that giant step of purchasing a house, your home together, then you'd better suck it up and modify "the you" and become an Amoeba. Adjust your workout regimen to accommodate her; Her ways, her life, her home, her kitchen, for the Love you carry for her son. Prove to him you love her. He knows you love him. This is his Mama-litmus on you. The question you should ask yourself is, "Why does he feel it prudent to test you?" Now if he's testing you, pass the test if you love him. Some guys, love them, you love their Mama. A rejection of their Mums is an outright rejection of them. Love comes with Respect. If you want respect, you have to communicate your definitions and parameters of respect. This is likely, a culture clash. How much do you love him? How much will you tolerate for him?

How do you pass the litmus test in your declared warzone? HIIT. Eat what she puts on the table. Eat when she's present, so that you aren't having to say, you've eaten. To feed you despite your declaration of "I've eaten," and "No thank you," she is probably interpreting it as you being polite, which is a positive for you. HIIT is your solution. Workout before you know you will be offered food or eat first, wait 15 mins to half an hour (+/-), then proceed with your HIIT programme. Your solution is earning yourself more consumption calories; Earning your calories for Love. Your man is declaring that you are ungrateful. Ref your 2nd post, "You should be grateful that Mom keeps chips and juice and cookies around, alot of people would love to have *that* kind of problem"

Example@HIIT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iyBP7ZIx6Q

I am of the mind, that you are one of the more fortunate 20-somethings. Your man is man enough to have the ability and the savings and the credit worthiness to enable him to purchase a home. Being 20-something, you're both part of the Lost-Generation. They have no hope in your Generation to survive the rigours of financial constraints and demands; A Generation purported to be riddled with a life of temp work and short-term employment with little to no credit; No fall back plan, no future. He negates this! In this regard, I deplore the statement that he isn't man enough to move out. He is man enough to not be debt-ridden. How many men his age can afford to buy a home? Italian parents always pitch in. How much of the down-payment will your boyfriend's Mum contribute towards your starter family home as a couple? He knows the sum. Your man living at his family residence is enabling the big shift. You will be homeowners because of his sacrifice. A man, not a boy. A man whose good with money. Your man is likely choosing to spend what you would on rent on your mortgage. Mortgage is Family; Rent is Singlehood ~ You choose. He has! He is man enough to move you into and from his family residence to your starter family home as a couple ~ Look at it as a Rite of Passage. It's a positive not a negative. Your man is a man as you well know, raised well by his Mama. The Love she bears for you both is proof of how much she recognises of how much he loves you. If for nothing else, try to find the will to accommodate her because of the love she sees he bears for you. If she didn't like you, you wouldn't be in the house. If she'd disrespected you, she'd care not for your nourishment. Make this work. You have a good man. And if that's him in the reflection ~ gurl, he gorgeous! Your man is fine. Suck it up and hit HIIT harrd. Focus.

I'm sorry, but are FKM with this cr*p?? Please tell me you are. :noway:

ETA: The woman in those videos is scary skinny. Like: Anorexic IMO.

there is so much in that that i would re-evaluate the whole relationship , but that is just me.

and basiclly only have this to go on.

I should think the major concern here is that you have given up your previous life and changed everything to move to him. Does not sound like he has changed much of anything to meet you half way here. You are living in his mothers house, you need to follow his mothers rules, but waiting until you know you can live together hardly seems fair when you already took that leap of faith by moving to him. Sounds like you want to make this work with him, but that unfortunately means accepting that you are not about to lose any of that weight until you move out. I'd suggest adding as much exercise to your schedule as you can reasonably manage and focus on getting that body strong and healthy so when its time to change your diet you will be in an overall healthier position to do so.

Good luck!

I just am trying so hard, and when I voice my frustrations I get criticized so harshly that I'm starting to wonder if it is just me, maybe I am just super weak and stupid. I don't know. I just needed to get some advice from someone outside this crazy house.

Major red flag to me. You are not in a healthy place, this is not a healthy relationship, and I'd GTFO. No relationship is worth being in if it (or the circumstances that come with it) tear you down like this. I see no good coming out of your feeling weak and stupid and judged. Recognize that you made a mistake and move on before this becomes the rest of your life.

I also live with my boyfriend's parents, who eat a lot of processed food. I suggest buying your own food. Sometimes I'll eat small portions of what my boyfriend's mom makes, but if I don't think it's worth the calories/fat/etc I know I have my own food I can eat.

Why can't you make your own meals?

Dump him. Move on with your life

I should think the major concern here is that you have given up your previous life and changed everything to move to him. Does not sound like he has changed much of anything to meet you half way here. You are living in his mothers house, you need to follow his mothers rules, but waiting until you know you can live together hardly seems fair when you already took that leap of faith by moving to him. Sounds like you want to make this work with him, but that unfortunately means accepting that you are not about to lose any of that weight until you move out. I'd suggest adding as much exercise to your schedule as you can reasonably manage and focus on getting that body strong and healthy so when its time to change your diet you will be in an overall healthier position to do so.

Good luck!

She isn't being force fed the food. Plus portion control can be key when it comes to those big servings of Italian food. She doesn't have to eat all the snacks lying around the house. At the same time, why is she living with her 26 year old boyfriend at his parents house? Do either of them even have JOBS to buy their own food?