Unsupportive Boyfriend and House

you're like "why cant I have it my way?" - the answer is its not your house, and you are making a problem by expecting everyone else to change when you can be the change or orchestrate the change.

you are making yourself a cage to live in by not making the best of your current situation. accept people for their faults, and adjust as much as you can to fit your lifestyle with the lifestyles of those around you.

Hello there! I'm 22, 5 foot, italian as all hell...and I know how it is!

I feel a lot of people here aren't understanding how Italian families work and the incredible focus on food and large portions. It is a culture, a custom, and often a source of offending people who don't understand healthy eating sadly.

I was overweight my whole life. Not significantly, but not unnoticeably either. Growing up, my family would praise me when the scale went up, and eventually I hit a point around 6th grade where I was like "wait...this isn't a good weight for me...why are they cheering?" My doctor also bluntly said "you'd better lay off the Burger King sweetie" (I always hated him >_<)

But the blunt truth is that they never will change. I have so many italian friends with mothers that are in DIRE health conditions and will not give up stocking the house with sausages, white bread, and bag upon bag of pasta. Thank God my mother is not in dire conditions yet, but I do also deal with the same battle. My mother likes to rinse out the pasta sauce jar with cream to get every last bit...that kind of situation.

You have to decide which is more important to you. The fact that he defends his mother so much is a bad sign...he should be supporting you! Even if you aren't eating the same foods- I don't get why that's anyone else's problem! But I do understand your position and how it offends her, though you don't mean to. They really are just like that.

The other day I went to my aunts and it's been 300 days of healthy eating for me. My mom asked what I'd like when we go there because of my eating requirements, and to make everyone happy I said "chinese food". I got a steamed veggie and shrimp plate, ate some lo-mein, a giant dumpling, and half a can of Coke (the craziest day I had in a while). I had worked out all morning, so I wasn't too concerned. And I was proud that nobody in my family would think I was "eating weird food" either. Needless to say, after stuffing my face, my aunt says, "So, when are you going to start eating NORMAL food again?" Umm....what is this? Some outer space food?

They just don't understand. When I was vegan for 6 months a while back, you should have heard the comments from my extended family. My mom understood, but everyone else was like "you're going to die! you can't survive without animal protein!" despite my arguments about substitutes and the vitamin content of green leafy vegetables.

Do this for you- ignore everyone else. If she gets that pissed at you- or if he does- then it's their own problem and you deserve better than that. No one should have to try and please everyone just to eat a damn meal!

My heart is with you...I hope this situation leads to a healthier happier you in the end

Even with all the good Italian cooking all she has to do is like 45 min of cardio a day. She could watch a youtube video and do some zumba in her room. Plus Italian food is bomb so she should just get a little bit of everything and then work out, but dont eat like 3 pieces of lasagna in one sitting and then a bunch of other stuff. Or have a piece or two of the bread during dinner just not 5. Not all Italian people are over weight so they have obviously figured out a way to eat that food and stay thin.

I truly can understand your frustration. but perhaps try a different, softer tone.
'cause you catch more flies with honey than you do with vnegar.

these are some of your comments:
" I explain to him that there are healthier ways than pasta crap every single night.
Those are cheap and easy food items. Which is why you're supposed to avoid them.
I just needed to get some advice from someone outside this crazy house.
When I voice my frustrations I get criticized so harshly ."

mmmm... with that tone in your voice, wonder why he isn't supportive? you are attacking his mom's cooking, her core, her reason for existing, who, I'm guessing is around 50, has been doing this all her life, and learned from her mom, who learned from Her mom,etc. family tradition !!

It's her house. Don't expect her to change her shopping, her cooking & her snacking habits in her house.
Be respectful & appreciative of what she puts on the table. You can always choose to eat smaller portions.

You might consider asking to cook with her, or ask her to show you how to cook a dish or two. (food flattery goes along way with us italians!!)
offer to help her in the kitchen several times.
after doing that a few times, offer to make a vegetable plate. another time, offer to make a salad to compliment her main dish.
Play it off that you want to learn & help. and don't say anything that can even remotely be construed that she makes poor choices, or your choices are better than hers. if you can win-over your boyfriends mom, it will pay off for years, and all of you will be soooo much happier.

honey, just kiss up a bit.
Keep your eye on the prize ( you just don't have to let her onto what the prize is)


btw ~ I'm 1/2 italian & my ex-husband was 100% Sicilian.

Wow, some of you people are fairly/incredibly rude.

To be clear, my boyfriend and I both have fine jobs. He just isn't ready to look for houses until the beginning of the year.

And to those who say I am not being force fed, that is correct, however, it becomes pretty hard to resist when after you put your plate in the dishwasher, she grabs a new plate, fills it with new food and brings it to the table where you are sitting to chat with everyone as they finish dinner. I understand that this is not physical force feeding, but it makes you look like a **** if you go dump back in front of the other family members (who come to visit once a week for dinner)

I understand this is her house, which is why I stated its difficult to lose weight, because I don't expect her change, in fact, I never stated that. Why would I move into someones house and expect them to change? I didn't, I don't and I won't, so stop being rude and get over it. That is why I said its difficult, since I'm not expecting them to change, I'd like a little support when it becomes difficult to resist that second helping at dinner, or picking at the millions of snacks lying everywhere.

Seriously, where did some of you people grow up? In a world where "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all?" Didn't get taught?

Oh and too all those freaking out over my choice of words to use "Pasta Crap"

If you're on the website, you know as well I do that white pasta is just bad, empty calories. She is not using wheat pasta here. Calm down. I know italian cooking is good... thats why its difficult to resist when there are gobs and gobs of it in the fridge every single day.