Hi guys, boyfriend issue?
Replies
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First..anytime a female complains publicly about her mate on this forum, the hens start clucking collectively "KICK HIM TO THE CURB".
Its always the same even for the most minor infraction.
First off, dont lie to us, don't lie to yourself. Telling us you are busy with school as an excuse not to eat right and workout? I have some news for you, college is the ONLY time in your adult life when you have time to eat right and workout. Working+coomuting 10-12 hours a day in the real world isnt going to free up any time for you.
That said....his behavior and extreme rudeness toward you is downright scary. It may be that he is just too young to know how to treat a woman and if you stick with him..well he will never learn. As men there exists a feedback mechanism we all have to how we're treating women..we either get laid, or get dumped. And this guy needs you to dump him hard in order to understand he cannot treat anyone this way.
Be honest that you probably have gained weight. That often happens as we get "comfortable" in relationships. There is no external motivating factor of having to compete in the dating pool to keep yourself fit.
Today I will have to agree with the hens. This guy is ****ing MILES from where he needs to be in treating women. And unless youre willing to put up with his idiocy for the rest of your life, you better free yourself now.
I agree with your boyfriend, you should take better care of yourself. By finding a supportive partner who will encourage and support you in good times and in bad and not kick you while you're down.
Think about what sort of husband he will be. What sort of FATHER. Will he pick on you for gaining baby weight? Will he wake up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby. Not likely.
As other posters said..you're 6 months in. Thats a pretty new relationship and THIS is his best behavior? Yikes.
You, good sir, are fifteen different kinds of awesome for this comment. I really wish someone had said somehing like this to me when I was in my early twenties. Coming from a male perspective helps a lot, I think, when it comes to this kind of an issue. At least for me, anyways.
I'd totally shake your hand if I could. And maybe give you a hug.0 -
You, good sir, are fifteen different kinds of awesome for this comment. I really wish someone had said somehing like this to me when I was in my early twenties. Coming from a male perspective helps a lot, I think, when it comes to this kind of an issue. At least for me, anyways.
I'd totally shake your hand if I could. And maybe give you a hug.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me on this site. Usually they just call me an @sshole if I use my brutally honest caveman style of response. Thank you. Really.0 -
you dealt with this guy for 6 months?!!!?!0
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You're seeing big red flags.
You've been together 6 months. This is still his "best behavior."
If he's this way now, it ain't gonna get any better.
You're young. Be smart. I wouldn't waste any more of my time on him.
Good luck!
YES. X2!0 -
6 months in? And you're 20 years old? Girl you should run from this man ASAP! Find a man that will build you up no matter what shape you are. You deserve so much more than this! A good man will love you for who you are, will NOT say such negative things about your body and will support you in your decisions.0
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"Laughs like an idiot" , because he IS an idiot! Let him find some gym bunny, you've got better things to do (and nicer guys to meet.)
i like this one but yeah your still young drop kick his butt to the curve find your self a guy who respects you0 -
You dont need that jerk, move on.0
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That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me on this site. Usually they just call me an @sshole if I use my brutally honest caveman style of response. Thank you. Really.
You are honest, and sometimes that honesty stings. Especially when it's not sugar coated
But that doesn't mean that it isn't valid. What you said was true, after college it gets harder to be healthy. That's just how it is. But you also explained why this man's behavior is so out of line, that even considering the fact that OP has time to work out if she wants her bf has no reason to behave that way.
Story time with Auntie Accio! My ex-husband acted like OP's bf from very early on and I believed him for years. I never had that person come up to me six months in and say "I know that ladies tend to overreact sometimes about men, but this dirt bag is not worth your time. Really. Ditch him." Because I thought the nice people were just overreacting, being nice to make me feel better.
Like I said, that's just me and what helps me better myself. Not everyone does well with hard honesty, and not everyone succeeds with sugar coating. The world needs both. Try and remember that next time someone puts you down. Because there's probably someone like me lurking on that post who could really use hearing it.0 -
This isn't about your weight. This is about his desire to exert control over you. If he were dating a supermodel, he would abuse her about something else.
Here's the part that's going to suck: why are you still with him? Does this relationship somehow parallel your relationship with your father? No doubt you should leave him, but that's not the important thing to take from this. You have to ask some pretty tough questions about yourself and why you were attracted to him and stayed with him in the first place. And you need to do it with a licensed therapist.0 -
Umm....Red Flag....:explode: ...Red Flag...:explode:
JUST NO...Red Flag :explode:
Control issues and lack of respect in the first 6 months....JUST NO :explode:
Move on now before he can waste anymore of your time.
Lol! We thought the same thing! :-)
Great minds :flowerforyou:
In all seriousness, ladies with a few years of experience under our belts should be able to help younger women say yes to themselves. External pressure to look a particular way + stress transitioning to adult responsibility + badgering = poor relationship with food/body image mine field. We can do young ladies a favor by reminding them that they are living for themselves and that they have every right to prioritize their own expectations for themselves.
So to all of you brave younger women making your way out there, including the OP...Sometimes you just gotta DO YOU!0 -
Maybe u SHOULD get rid of some dead weight....your boyfriend.0
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This isn't about your weight. This is about his desire to exert control over you. If he were dating a supermodel, he would abuse her about something else.
Here's the part that's going to suck: why are you still with him? Does this relationship somehow parallel your relationship with your father? No doubt you should leave him, but that's not the important thing to take from this. You have to ask some pretty tough questions about yourself and why you were attracted to him and stayed with him in the first place. And you need to do it with a licensed therapist.
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No, no, no! Leave him. Someone that is going to use you as a punching bag is NOT good! Although, you should know better and by posting on here about it, tells me that you'll probably stay? Don't get yourself into something that you're going to regret. You're a beautiful girl and don't let this "guy" break you down - he needs counseling0
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Try telling him what your felt about it, if he doesn't change and you are not happy anymore, think again if you are still looking forward being with him longer. Relationships should make you feel fulfilled not insecure, it should make you feel good not bad. This way you will both grow.0
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How do you feel about your fitness? If you want to improve it, it should be because you want to and not because your boyfriend is so pushy.
How do you feel about your boyfriend? I'm guessing not so good. And it's only 6 months in. You are young and beautiful. There are tons of guys. You really don't need to put up with this. Go have some fun!
Sometimes when guys are young, they say things in...hmmm how do I put this....stupid ways. But, this does seem a bit excessive. And it all depends on what you want. If you want a guy that pushes you in fitness and that's just your thing, then that's one thing. But, it sounds like he is an annoying nag that is no fun in bed, to be honest.0 -
Lads I'm amazed by the amount of comments on this. Thanks for your support everyone! I actually started thinking that maybe he was right at some point. And that it's normal that a guy complains about a lot of things about my look. But then I looked in the mirror and got some confidence back.
it is NOT NORMAL for a guy to 'complain' about how you look. If you had really unhealthy eating habits (no fresh food) or were severely overweight and he wanted to improve your HEALTH that is one thing, but putting you down about your appearance? Pretty sure I would leave a loser like that instantly. When I told my bf (over 1 year now) that I wanted to lose a few kgs I was 5"7' and 145lb - he didn't want me to try and get slimmer, but supported me in trying to eat healthier food. When I did lose a few lb and was more confident in myself, of course he congratulated me, but not for one moment has he said I 'should' be skinnier, or make derogatory comments about my body.
Ditch the d*cikhead, I have been there and done that and let me tell you - you deserve to be confident and happy in your skin, not feel like you have to 'impress' some guy, grow insecure and then have him leave you for someone 'hotter' and you end up in a mess. Doesn't deserve you or any other girl until he cleans up his act!0 -
First..anytime a female complains publicly about her mate on this forum, the hens start clucking collectively "KICK HIM TO THE CURB".
Its always the same even for the most minor infraction.
First off, dont lie to us, don't lie to yourself. Telling us you are busy with school as an excuse not to eat right and workout? I have some news for you, college is the ONLY time in your adult life when you have time to eat right and workout. Working+coomuting 10-12 hours a day in the real world isnt going to free up any time for you.
That said....his behavior and extreme rudeness toward you is downright scary. It may be that he is just too young to know how to treat a woman and if you stick with him..well he will never learn. As men there exists a feedback mechanism we all have to how we're treating women..we either get laid, or get dumped. And this guy needs you to dump him hard in order to understand he cannot treat anyone this way.
Be honest that you probably have gained weight. That often happens as we get "comfortable" in relationships. There is no external motivating factor of having to compete in the dating pool to keep yourself fit.
Today I will have to agree with the hens. This guy is ****ing MILES from where he needs to be in treating women. And unless youre willing to put up with his idiocy for the rest of your life, you better free yourself now.
I agree with your boyfriend, you should take better care of yourself. By finding a supportive partner who will encourage and support you in good times and in bad and not kick you while you're down.
Think about what sort of husband he will be. What sort of FATHER. Will he pick on you for gaining baby weight? Will he wake up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby. Not likely.
As other posters said..you're 6 months in. Thats a pretty new relationship and THIS is his best behavior? Yikes.
This guy.0 -
But, it sounds like he is an annoying nag that is no fun in bed, to be honest.
haha yes, if he really knew what he was doing he'd be trying to up your confidence to make you more relaxed and have more fun, not trying to put you down and make you insecure! it's a sign that he wants to control you. not good... I'm only 2 years older than you and I've already made a 'silent' rule that a guy needs to be 5+ years older than me to have enough maturity 0 -
Ditch him.0
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Sounds just like my ex.
We dated for two years, and he never told me he loved me. But he kept giving me "advice" on how to be a gym rat like him. And making comments on my food choices.
As a fellow student, I know it's hard to juggle food, work, school, studying, projects, group work, family, boyfriend, friends.... and a LIFE. So I know that some things just go by the wayside. They do.
I think you need to look at what your priorities are. He's made what he wants clear. And he's made what is important to him clear. I think it's fairly obvious that your looks are more important to him than your personality.
Is dating someone like that a priority for you? Cuz I'll tell you what... I let mine push me around for two years. At 20 years old, a pretty girl like you has a LOT better options.0 -
The following is a suggested script for the next conversation you have with your boyfriend:
"You ARE the weakest link. Goodbye."0 -
Just break up.0
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But, it sounds like he is an annoying nag that is no fun in bed, to be honest.
haha yes, if he really knew what he was doing he'd be trying to up your confidence to make you more relaxed and have more fun, not trying to put you down and make you insecure! it's a sign that he wants to control you. not good.
Yeah, he should be passionate and fun and enjoying her body and getting creative in the bedroom and in other places. Not poking at her and whining about it. Boring!!! Too many guys out there to waste time with that Dud.0 -
yup. get rid of him.....
My NOW ex bf was also like this.. he actually told me to my face that "I let myself go"... and before we actually started dating, he would tell me stories about how he and his dad have a weight limit with girls they date. I thought he was just joking at the time until I finally woke up and realized how much of a jerk he really was.
The way he'd talk about girls and how they "have to be hot" you'd think he was model material himself (not that that justifies behaviour like that but I'm just sayin) -- meanwhile when we started dating he was 5'10 and pushing 200 lbs....0 -
Screw him0
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I don't consider myself or my boyfriend heavy. I was 25 lbs lighter when we first got together (5'3 130 lbs). He still loves me and I love him too. He put on 50+ pounds over 2 years. Your bf sounds like an *kitten* and he should like/love you no matter what. It's your intelligence and personality that matters most. Not your looks. You're perfect. Eff him.0
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Thrtr are more fish in the sea I would kick him to the curb, but I don't handle men like that well. It would be diffrent if you were really over weight and needed to get healthier, but even then this would be bs.0
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he's insensitive, he should be careful about it. i don't support men who mock their lover.0
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In my experience (personally and from talking to others) people who constantly criticize their partner/child/whatever's appearance and make up or exaggerate flaws to make comments about tend to be abusive or at least *kitten* in other ways as well, so like everyone else has said- get out while you can0
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Hi lads, nice to meet you all! Seems like I got a small issue here, so namely... I'm 20 years old, I weigh 125 pounds at 5'3 height. I consider myself a healthy young woman, maybe not very fit, but I'm definitely not fat... Lately I was told by my boyfriend (who is health and fitness conscious) literally this 'you didn't have that MUCH fat on your belly before'. He also keeps pointing it out and 'measures' my body fat. And laughs. Like an idiot. Then he was keep going on that I should take more care of myself and change my lifestyle. I didn't agree to it, so he mentioned that 'if you're going to have this attitude till the rest of your life, you're not gonna go anywhere' etc. I'm an university student so I would be busy during the week days and I don't have that much free time to plan out my diet and other stuff as he does. Besides... hardcore fitness and diets are not for me, I tried before. We're going out for 6 months. I found his comments offensive and defended myself, however once in every few weeks he does 'remind me' of what's 'important'.
I'm not sure what I should think about him. At the end of such conversation, he would tell me that I can do whatever I want and remains quiet for a while. As if he got offended by my self defense.
I'd like to thank you in advance for your replies
Are you me, 9 years ago?! I am your height and was your weight. You are, in fact, at my goal weight. I was dating a guy for whom I was arm candy (I was his university student, cute girlfriend and he was my high-school drop out rebellion against whatever). And he made me feel like a whale. Eventually I dumped him, he moved back in with his mom and I started dating my now husband.
Leaving him was one of the best decisions I ever made. I'm not saying you should make the same one, but do know that when you're in a good relationship your health and happiness are important to your partner. And this sort of stuff can have a lasting impact on your self-esteem, possibly even more so than you think now. Sometimes, I still feel like I am untangling the damage he left on me.0
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