Relationships ruin diets !

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  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,538 Member
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    What are your thoughts on this statement.

    First off, I don't like the word diet.. Healthy eating lifestyle change :))

    Well in my experience, for me.

    When I am single I am focusing 100% on creating the best version of me and eating very healthily, making great choices and generally make getting healthier and reaching my goal weight my priority !

    Then with this comes higher self esteem, looking better and being more confident, which then often leads to putting myself out there more and meeting someone...

    In the past 3 years of my weightloss journey I would say I have had 2 big plateaus.. Both coinciding with a new relationship. And lasting the duration of the relationship ! One year... and not really a plateau as I gained 10lb ! Then lost the 10lb and a bit more... then another relationship of 6 months where I was a bit better and only gained 5lb.

    I get more comfortable and my focus shifts from weight loss to the new boyfriend and nights in and pizza, and restaurants and going for ice cream and all that stuff.

    I am single now and I am determined to keep on track until I reach my goal weight and not get distracted !!

    What have your experiences been like when it comes to relationships/dating and weight loss?

    Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this !
    The thinking for most is that "hey I got my partner, so I don't need to work out or eat as well anymore to attract". This is why when a lot of people get married, weight gain usually follows.
    When divorces happen, for some reason my personal training clientele increases. Time to attract a new mate workout time.
    I don't believe relationships ruin diets (or physiques), I believe the focus on staying fit takes a back seat to other goals.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • cbc937
    cbc937 Posts: 15
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    My girl competes - Did 3 bikini shows and has now moved up to figure. I motivate her, for strength and size and she motivates me for diet and cutting. We play off each other perfectly.

    http://gallery.rxmuscle.com/index.php?bodybuilder=36730
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
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    Totally agreed. I do have self control but part of self control is controlling your environment. Recovering alcoholics do not hang out with drunks. Recovering junkies don't hang out with users.

    Anyone who claims that it's simply about will power and self control are self-righteous and delusional.

    Then again, I could be wrong. ;)

    But I'm not.
  • Lyerin
    Lyerin Posts: 818 Member
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    The thinking for most is that "hey I got my partner, so I don't need to work out or eat as well anymore to attract". This is why when a lot of people get married, weight gain usually follows.
    When divorces happen, for some reason my personal training clientele increases. Time to attract a new mate workout time.
    I don't believe relationships ruin diets (or physiques), I believe the focus on staying fit takes a back seat to other goals.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    I agree with this completely. Once you are in a stable, secure relationship, you often develop other priorities. I got married, had two kids, and I have priorities that don't always allow me to put myself first anymore. When my DH and I were first married, we would go to work and then meet up at the gym afterwards. We were both in good shape and made exercise a priority. After we had the kids, our priorities were very different. Throw new jobs into the mix, and being healthy slipped to the back burner.

    I am very lucky though that my DH is a very supportive partner. He really encouraged me to get fit and be healthy. I definitely could not have lost all of the weight I've lost without his support. He is also going to the gym regularly now, and I'm happy to support him in that effort. In the long run, it is better for us. I don't think we could have put ourselves back into the healthy swing of things though if our kids were younger. It's only because they are older now that it's a bit easier.
  • barbieNOT
    barbieNOT Posts: 7 Member
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    Looks like your dates are centered around food...been there. Try to think of things like walks, hiking, skiing , tubing, bowling, taking cooking class together or martial arts...have fun.
  • keeptehpeace
    keeptehpeace Posts: 189 Member
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    definitely true for me, just because my partner is 6'3 and 260lbs, i'm 5'3 and 130, yet he expects me to eat the same portions as him..
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    My boyfriend lives on fast food & pizza, drinks copious amounts of beer and doesn't work out at all. Doesn't stop me from eating what I want and exercising when I want. It works kind of like this:

    Him at 1AM hours after I've already eaten dinner: "do you want something from Taco Bell?"
    Me: "No."
  • Geologynerd
    Geologynerd Posts: 3 Member
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    I find it's the moving in that kills the diet. When I had my own place I still had control over what came in the house. Now I can't keep the stupid ice cream sandwiches outside.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    meh...I really don't see what being single or in a relationship has to do with getting your nutrition on and your fitness on. I'm married and both my wife and I rock the weight room...and she likes to run while I prefer cycling and swimming.
  • DekkaTwoOneWizzy
    DekkaTwoOneWizzy Posts: 62
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    The healthier you get the more lames you filter out. I could love a sedentary fat person. i just wouldnt enjoy not having somebody who backed my play. Did it once, wont happen again.
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
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    Sure. I've slacked off a bit since I found my man but it's cool. I'm happy. He bikes with me and we are both getting back on track. Having a fun, happy life is worth the few pounds I've gained back. I'm still hovering around my goal.

    I think this really only applies in the beginning stages of a relationship. Once you have a regular routine with someone it really isn't an issue anymore.
  • kittycutemo
    kittycutemo Posts: 5
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    I think I kind of get your point, I don't think I had ever thought about it, but I had been thin and very active till I was 20 years old (the time when I met my now husband). I never exercised to get a boyfriend or anything similar, I loved to be active, run, calisthenics and stuff. But when we met online and we started a LDR my priorities just changed, besides school getting harder on the last years, if i had 5 minutes I wanted to spend them with him, and I got less active little by little, and I was like I'm gaining weight and he was like you're beatiful, blah blah, so I was staying with him and talking more...

    With the wedding came the pressure to lose weight (vanity I thought) and I did lost some weight but not as much as I wanted... Anyways I felt beautiful that day (looking into the eyes of your special one can do that) and extremely happy, and right after I thought ok, wedding day passed and I got my nice pics, back to the old life... But I couldnt, I saw what I did and couldn't go back. I wanted to reach my goal even if there was not a "special" day coming I realized I felt better and more confident, and I want to feel just as I felt again, I know my husband loves me but I want to love me too... The good thing is when I told him this, he told me he will support me because he wants me to be happy, it was really surprising to me because the only year we spent together we would eat pastas, pizza, sandwiches, and all these unhealthy (but so good) foods... And still sometimes we go out to take our favorite pizza or hamburgers, I just watch my portions, sometimes it's hard to do, but we're just trying to find our balance... Good luck girl!
  • kellybellyjellyn
    kellybellyjellyn Posts: 83
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    Totally agreed. I do have self control but part of self control is controlling your environment. Recovering alcoholics do not hang out with drunks. Recovering junkies don't hang out with users.

    Anyone who claims that it's simply about will power and self control are self-righteous and delusional.

    Then again, I could be wrong. ;)

    But I'm not.


    Glad you agree and see my point of view ! Someone pointed out I was blaming the weight gain in relationships on someone else, not really the case. I'm in this game long enough to know that every choice I make is my own and I am the one in control.

    Just to make that clear.

    :)

    Thanks everyone for your replies nice to see different point of views !
  • kellybellyjellyn
    kellybellyjellyn Posts: 83
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    I think I kind of get your point, I don't think I had ever thought about it, but I had been thin and very active till I was 20 years old (the time when I met my now husband). I never exercised to get a boyfriend or anything similar, I loved to be active, run, calisthenics and stuff. But when we met online and we started a LDR my priorities just changed, besides school getting harder on the last years, if i had 5 minutes I wanted to spend them with him, and I got less active little by little, and I was like I'm gaining weight and he was like you're beatiful, blah blah, so I was staying with him and talking more...

    With the wedding came the pressure to lose weight (vanity I thought) and I did lost some weight but not as much as I wanted... Anyways I felt beautiful that day (looking into the eyes of your special one can do that) and extremely happy, and right after I thought ok, wedding day passed and I got my nice pics, back to the old life... But I couldnt, I saw what I did and couldn't go back. I wanted to reach my goal even if there was not a "special" day coming I realized I felt better and more confident, and I want to feel just as I felt again, I know my husband loves me but I want to love me too... The good thing is when I told him this, he told me he will support me because he wants me to be happy, it was really surprising to me because the only year we spent together we would eat pastas, pizza, sandwiches, and all these unhealthy (but so good) foods... And still sometimes we go out to take our favorite pizza or hamburgers, I just watch my portions, sometimes it's hard to do, but we're just trying to find our balance... Good luck girl!

    Lovely reply thank you ! Glad you are striving towards your goal and not just settling because you are "fine the way you are" x x x
  • kittycutemo
    kittycutemo Posts: 5
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    I wouldn't say my relationship ruins my diet, but it's much more fun having movie nights in with pizza and wine. I still work out on a daily basis, but in the past 2 years I've gained 15lbs (working during the day and going to school at night) in those 2 years also hasn't helped with dinners shifting to 10pm. Now that I'm done with grad school I'm trying my best to lose the weight that I gained. Tempting pizza nights and wine aren't helping, but I don't think my bf forced any on me either. Although he does make more meat dinners than I like and gets upset when he thinks I'm not eating enough...not sure how eating alot equates to happiness in his mind...but I just ignore him when he makes my dinner portion the same as him.

    Haha this happened to me so often with my husband before we got married, he was taking a hamburger and I had to do so, same with any other food LOL. He was like: "Are you sick?", "You're going to get sick if you don't eat well", "I don't want you to be hungry", etc... He never forced me 'cause it was delicious so I was like "Ok, give it to me", but when I started changing the way I eat I was like, see it like this, I'm shorter than you, plus I'm a girl and you're a boy, and you seem to have a much better metabolism than I do... So I need less food, and I'm eating well and I won't get sick,,, It took him a while to get used to it, and to me to learn to resist, but it's so funny the way they show they care about us :P So cute!
  • kittycutemo
    kittycutemo Posts: 5
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    Thanks, we're doing our best! I'm glad for you too, seems like you're doing pretty well, keep up the good work! x x ;)
  • fitmusiclifeviola
    fitmusiclifeviola Posts: 99
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    I was never/rarely thinking about my weight when I entered into my relationship. I was moderately active, happy with myself, and did my own inner work. I found someone who I got to know, and we married with the inscription 'this will also change' on a wedding band.

    While married I gained 20+ lbs of 'happily married weight', and she loved me and supported me and found me attractive. I approached 200 lbs, and got fed up with the # increasing (ample overweight people in my immediate family!) So I then lost 35-40 lbs and am less than when I met her and she stayed the same. I'm happier and I still love her for who she is. Likewise, she still loves me and finds me attractive, and sometimes remarks how much less of me there is! In many ways I think being a little overweight when starting a relationship was a good thing for me because it helped me know the person was choosing me for who I am, rather than my now hotter body. That hot body now will inevitably change, and surviving the many changes of life, and doing it together was what I look for in a companion.

    Good luck with your choices! May you be happy!
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
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    Don't try to base a relationship on or around any particular eating habits.
    A worthwhile relationship can't be hindered by eating choices, and a good diet can be achieved without sacrificing your personal life.

    This!

    I've lost weight while dating men who were not particularly healthy. I've noticed that women who have a hard time losing weight in a relationship often tend to be the type who cling more to their significant other and won't go workout or will change their eating habits to match what their guy does. This leads them to try to get their guy to change to healthier habits so that they can do this stuff together which doesn't usually work out well.

    I tend to date workaholics who sleep in a lot so while they are snoring away, I'm at the gym working out. While I'm at work, I follow a certain meal plan and if I get home first, then I can make the meal that I want to eat and my guy can eat it or make his own. Or if he's craving something and wants us to eat together, I've already worked out in the morning and had a low calorie breakfast and lunch so I usually have enough calories to work with or I'll take a walk (sometimes even with my guy) to earn myself some extra calories or will make sure that I eat at a deficit the following day or two to make up for the overage.
  • JustMeee333
    JustMeee333 Posts: 233
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    Most of those who have agreed, are now single.
    Whilst most of those who have disagreed are married or in a commited relationship of some kind.

    So, is it not just that the wrong relationships can hinder diet success, whilst the right relationships suggest supportive flourishing lifestyle changes.

    Just a thought.
    :flowerforyou:
  • Mr_Excitement
    Mr_Excitement Posts: 833 Member
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    Just date someone like yourself. I went grocery shopping with a woman not too long ago who was like... twice the food nazi I am. It was pretty hawt...lol.

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