Can't Seem to find the Desire

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char_barr
char_barr Posts: 125 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am having a very hard time getting "restarted" I am feeling very defeated lately. I have become SOO negative and things with my husband have been bad - he says most of our problems come from my lack of self esteem, where I argue most of my low self esteem has come from him (which in turn is back on me, since I shouldn't let someone else dictate my feelings). The chicken or the egg. Anyway - I need to get back on track - I have 100lbs to lose and can't even bare to step on the scale. i know every day I don't do something good - is a wasted day towards my goal. I just can't seem to grasp starting. I have a 2 & 4 year old, and they deserve better, and I deserve better, and quite honestly my husband does too. I have done this all before, and it seems like I have some kind of success, and then huge setbacks that get me right back here. I am just having a pity party. Hoping just reading on the message boards will help motivate me. I need to make some small goals and small plans - I just can't help feeling like I can't do this. :(
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Replies

  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
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    DO SOMETHING. Anything as a first step then move on to step 2. Lack of desire or motivation should not stop you. Schedule it and make it a habit not a diet but a lifestyle change. Your children learn from what they see much more than from what you say. Cook healthy meals with lots of vegetables and they will learn to eat them and have a healthy diet. Play with them and they will learn to be active.
    Forget about what your husband or children deserve. YOU deserve to be happy, healthy and active. YOU can do it all you need to do is start. Look in the mirror and say, "Yes, I can!"
  • paxbfl
    paxbfl Posts: 391 Member
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    You're looking at the whole problem and feeling overwhelmed. Instead, make a small goal. Promise yourself you're going to stay under your calorie goal for 6 days. That's it - just 6 days! On the morning of the 7th day, weigh-in and you'll be amazed what you've accomplished. Then take the 7th day off to rest and maybe reward yourself a little, and then do it again next week.

    Success breeds more success. You'll feel good about what you accomplished and you'll just feel awesome eating healthy and working out.

    Before you know it, a year will have gone by and you will have lost your 100 pounds (or close to it). This system works if you're honest with yourself and make the effort.

    So get started today! :)
  • ClumsyArtist
    ClumsyArtist Posts: 40 Member
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    I've been where you are so many times. Just the idea of starting is so overwhelming. But I like what Jillian Michaels always says about how important it is to find your "why". What is the absolute #1 reason you want to make this change? Nail that down and as Jillian says the "how" will come easily. Also don't pick a day to start sometime in the future. Start now while you're focusing on the subject and while you say you're unmotivated, you must have some degree of motivation to be posting on MFP and seeking out advice. Take advantage of that and start now!

    Another great piece of advice that I use when I just reeealllly don't feel like working out - telling myself that I only have to workout for 5 mins. That's it. 5 minutes and then I'll be done. But what always ends up happening is that once I start moving I realize I can do this and get through the whole workout. You'll feel a million times better afterwards.
  • rosemary98
    rosemary98 Posts: 632
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    I am having a hard time getting remotivated as well. had some set-backs and not wanting to workout at all.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    It helps when I read the success stories. People with even more to lose than me being able to do so, and keep it off motivates me to thinking "I can do this too!"

    Start with something small. Take a walk around the block with the kids. When you get up in the morning, do 10 squats, 10 toe touches, just something to get that spark lit. Aim for better food choices, a lot of people have open diaries, myself included. I don't always have good days, but I won't let that stop me. Take a look around and see what others are choosing to get some ideas.

    Don't be afraid. You deserve to take care of yourself. Don't let someone or something dictate to you how your day will be. It's cheesy sounding, but take charge of your life, and how you react to various stimuli. You do this for YOU, not for anyone else.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    Have you considered talking to a marriage counselor or pastor (if you have one)? I'm not joking or trying to be mean, but this sounds like a source of stress in your life right now. Fixing that may be a huge step forward into fixing other things in your life.
  • florymonde
    florymonde Posts: 261 Member
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    Maybe talk to your doctor about depression. Even with mild to moderate depression, going on meds for a while can break a bad cycle and get you back to normal.
  • ktzmom
    ktzmom Posts: 16 Member
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    Wow. That was a great reply. As someone who is also lacking the desire to do something I just want to say thank you. Thank you for not being snarky.:happy:
  • char_barr
    char_barr Posts: 125 Member
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    Thanks - we tried counseling - but our counselor got fired from the church - never a good sign. I thought she was good, but my husband has a tendency to focus on what she said "negative" against me and forget anything she said about him or his behaviors. Which our past/present is definitely a major stressor ; combined with very poor finances and me being unemployed and looking fiercely for a job. I do work out a few times a week - just treadmill walking or biking - i have my kids in alot of Y programs, so we are there every day almost. And we eat fairly healthy - but I sneak crap whenever I can. I dont want my daughter to have my issues, so I feel somewhat too faced (I serve veggies with every meal (no salt, butter) and stick too lean meats and proteins and only fresh made ice pops for dessert. But when they sleep I can house an entire bag of crap. I think I am more upset that I can no longer do the things I used to do - and when I am dying halfway thru an exercise class I get so mad at myself for being in the position. I do way too much negative self talk, and I am just really disappointed in myself. I did try a few antidepressants, but they either made me a super slug or made me very angry and less patient. I let those appointments slip too once we lost healthcare. (Kids have it). Again, this post just feels like I am *****ing and wining, but seriously its what's going on and I really dont have anyone in my life to let it out too. This does feel like a good step, even the smallest
  • TAMayorga
    TAMayorga Posts: 341 Member
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    Another great piece of advice that I use when I just reeealllly don't feel like working out - telling myself that I only have to workout for 5 mins. That's it. 5 minutes and then I'll be done. But what always ends up happening is that once I start moving I realize I can do this and get through the whole workout. You'll feel a million times better afterwards.

    Wow, I wish I'd seen this before I wasted my lunch workout time in front of the computer because I reeeallly didn't feel like working out. *sigh*
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
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    Lifting weights can make you feel more confident. Kicking and punching a heavy bag can make you feel more confident. These are things that helped me, without having to take medications, although there's nothing to be ashamed of if you really need them. Weightlifting can change the shape of your body, even if you're not losing, and that right there helps with confidence! I hope you can find something that helps, or someone who can help both you and your husband. Good luck, OP! xx

    ETA this link. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1128928-mfp-fitspiration These are actual members from mfp, and not fitness models. A lot of them overcame huge struggles. Maybe it will help inspire you.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    I am having a very hard time getting "restarted" I am feeling very defeated lately. I have become SOO negative and things with my husband have been bad...

    I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. The thing about eating and exercise that's nice is that it is 100% in your control - nobody decides but you - perhaps that's a good place to start tackling the issues, one at a time...?
  • char_barr
    char_barr Posts: 125 Member
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    opps didn't mean to use *** language, sorry!
  • alpine1994
    alpine1994 Posts: 1,915 Member
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    The desire is there otherwise you wouldn't be making this post, but you are getting in your own way. Losing weight doesn't have to be miserable!! I feel like since you've lost weight before, you know what it takes, and you're dreading it. Maybe before you were eating way fewer calories than you actually needed? Or doing workouts you didn't like or not giving it your all so you didn't see any results? I know emotional stuff makes it hard too, but that doesn't mean that you CAN'T do it! Of course you can!

    Start with one day. Figure out what your calories need to be to lose 1 or 2 lbs per week (usually somewhere between BMR and TDEE, you can find calculators online or use MFP's calc) and stick to it for ONE day. You will feel so accomplished and proud when you wake up the next morning that you did it....I promise! Then you'll want to do it again. And again, and again. You'll have setbacks. You'll have bad days. There will be holidays and birthdays and vacations, but you'll know to get right back on that wagon and keep pushing forward, because life is too short and your health is too important.

    You can do this!! Give me ONE day!
  • char_barr
    char_barr Posts: 125 Member
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    thank you for your replies. much of my problem is my desire to be perfect, all or nothing. I lost my ability to roll with it - so if I don't work out hard enough to me "why bother" if I don't track then "i failed". I KNOW THIS IS A SELF SABOTAGE MENTALITY, but I just feel stuck with it. I try to be proud of myself when I work out or eat right - but my negativity sinks in that it just isn't enough. AGAIN I KNOW THIS IS NOT RIGHT. I "know" all the right ways to lose weight, what to eat, how to exercise. I just hate failing. I need to figure out how to accept myself for who I am, which is so much easier to say than do. And I am fretting about how to even give it one day - how to start. I will though, I just need to get this stuff off my chest.
  • char_barr
    char_barr Posts: 125 Member
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    I am definitely getting in my own way.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    Maybe just start with logging your food for a few days...? Don't try to eat "less" or "better" - don't worry about exercise - just get in the habit of logging every single thing you eat, with no judgement and no goal beyond writing it down.

    One step at a time.
  • Machdude
    Machdude Posts: 136 Member
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    You certainly CAN do this! The fact that you have the desire to do something is important and one step towards getting where you want to be. I lost to within 5 lbs of my goal weight earlier this year only to put put 15 lbs back on during the summer. Not happy about that but I stay as positive as I can. I'm still 30 pounds lighter than when I started My Fitness Pal, so I need to remind myself of that success. The weight gain happened because I slowly and unconsciously changed my habits (ie. life style). A beer here, overdoing it at a BBQ, on and on. Now all the new smaller clothes I bought are getting snug. I made myself throw out the old big stuff and I refuse to buy new "bigger" clothes ever again. That leaves me with only the option of losing the weight I gained. My point is that when you make up your mind just do it. Even little things can make a difference. For me planning menu's and not buying the bad food I know I will eat if it's in the house is a big help. The other is the support of my wife. I hope you can get your husband to help support you or better yet, join you in a change to a healthier life style. If he really believes problems between you are a result of a lack of self confidence on your part I would think he would be more than willing to support you in something that will certainly help you and your relationship with each other!
  • 40andFindingFitness
    40andFindingFitness Posts: 497 Member
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    You CAN do it. That's the thing. I believe that you can speak things into existence (yes I know I sound like Oprah). If you are conviced that you are unable to do it, then you probably will self-sabotage. However, if you start to believe that it is possible, it will be possible as long as you begin to move and change your outlook.

    I agree with a previous poster, start by walking, do some body-weight exercises, don't make a big deal just start somewhere. I started by walking in place during commercials while watching TV. That led me to going to the gym on weekends and walking on the treadmill. Now that got me going and then I started working out at home. I don't look at the big number of what I need to lose, I started with a 5 lb goal, then another 5, and so on.

    Also, if your esteem has taken a turn for the worse, losing weight won't fix that. As another poster mentioned, you have to deal with the 'why' and uncover the root of your problems (other than weight). I wish you the best of luck.

    You can do it. You can do it. You can do it. You can do it. :0)
  • qtgonewild
    qtgonewild Posts: 1,930 Member
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    baby steps.

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