Can't Seem to find the Desire

I am having a very hard time getting "restarted" I am feeling very defeated lately. I have become SOO negative and things with my husband have been bad - he says most of our problems come from my lack of self esteem, where I argue most of my low self esteem has come from him (which in turn is back on me, since I shouldn't let someone else dictate my feelings). The chicken or the egg. Anyway - I need to get back on track - I have 100lbs to lose and can't even bare to step on the scale. i know every day I don't do something good - is a wasted day towards my goal. I just can't seem to grasp starting. I have a 2 & 4 year old, and they deserve better, and I deserve better, and quite honestly my husband does too. I have done this all before, and it seems like I have some kind of success, and then huge setbacks that get me right back here. I am just having a pity party. Hoping just reading on the message boards will help motivate me. I need to make some small goals and small plans - I just can't help feeling like I can't do this.

OMG i feel like you just read the thoughts in my head (minus the kids). I know i want to lose weight but i cant find the fire to put under my butt and get started. Everytime i mention doing something to get started my finace' always puts it down by saying something like "lets see how long that last" and it just discourages me all over again. I am more than willing to go on this journey with you and push you when you need it if you can push right back when im struggling. Im at the point where i can't get the support at home so im looking elsewhere!

I am definitely getting in my own way.

Sounds like you know what you need to do. You know that you are making excuses every day to NOT do what you need to do.
At least you are aware of that, and are not in denial about it.

Many of us have spent a lot of time in this same situation.
Change will happen when you decide that the discomfort of staying where you are, is worse than the discomfort of change.

When you are ready for that, this place has some great tools to get you started and keep you going in the right direction.:flowerforyou:

I understand the "all or nothing"mentality. I often would start a diet, then eat something I wasn't supposed to, then think I blew it and may as well start over tomorrow.

One day I ate some crap I shouldn't have, and started to beat myself up. Then I stopped, and logged it, and realized that I was still under my calorie goal for the day. I HADN'T BLOWN IT!
This was a major break-thru for me in my thinking.
I didn't have to start over the next day. I could continue on right then.
A few chips or a cookie doesn't destroy my diet. But me freaking out about it and finishing off the bag, just might.

When I read your posts, I can see myself so clearly! The wanting everything to be perfect, not allowing for any slips and then when I do slip, I feel soooo guilty and it totally destroys my motivation. The "oh phooey, I ate one little square of chocolate, now I'll have to finish the whole bar!" I can beat myself up over the smallest thing! So, I'm trying to learn to be a little easier on myself, realize that I will make mistakes, I will slip and yet it won't bring about the end of the world as we know it! I wish you the best and hope that things turn around for you soon!

baby steps.

I agree with everyone who has suggested making small changes and easing up to the big ones. I have found that even when I don't have the will power to stop doing things that are bad for me (binge eating, skipping exercise, etc.), if I do the things that are good for me, eventually I switch gears. Some of my small steps are:

Drinking water every day
Scheduling exercise as an appointment
Eating at least one piece of fruit every day
Shopping for a few healthy items to add to my menu
Getting to bed at a good hour (when you are rested, you are less likely to make bad decisions)
Treating myself to something nice (like a lovely body wash) just because. It makes me feel better about myself and I am more likely to take better care.

You can't wait until all of the external things are no longer issues. There will always be something to distract you- - -either bad (like stress at work or home) or good (like holiday parties). Just pick something. Anything! And do it.

Use the resources you have right in front of you. Like someone else said, just start logging everything you eat and don't think about all the changes you have to make. Just start logging. Then make one healthy decision after another.

Use the blog feature of MFP. Do a self-interview.

How are you feeling today (physically)?
How are you feeling today (mentally)?
How was this week better than last week (or how was today better than yesterday)?
What choices can I make tomorrow that would be healthier than today?

That kind of thing. Does that make sense?

You need to do it for you. Not for your husband or for anyone else.

Make a list of changes, like drinking more water, walking X-amount of minutes a week, etc.

Then choose the easiest on your list and make that your week's goal. The following week, pick another item on your list while still following the previous week's goal. Rinse and repeat. If you had a bad day, just start again the next day. Habits will help

Example: my water intake used to be horrendous. I made 1L before noon a goal for a week, and it's stuck. Next, I worked on eating a fruit or veggie with every meal. Next week, I'm going to make the effort to workout first thing in the morning.

Just take everything one step at a time. If you break down the big picture into a number of smaller, realistic/attainable goals, this won't all seem so daunting. I had to accept this sort of thinking when I started graduate school this past September...it really does help your sanity to break it up.

Maybe you could also make a list. WHY do you want this? For your kids? Your husband? So that you feel better about yourself? It's okay if your reasons for doing this are totally selfish. But if you know why you want this, then that's your lifeline when things become too overwhelming. If you screw up and don't eat well for lunch, then pick yourself up and try to eat a healthy dinner. If you are terribly for an entire day, or even an entire week or month, that's okay. You're human. Just focus on your next meal and making an improvement--even if it's drinking water between each bite

You can do this!