Can't Seem to find the Desire
char_barr
Posts: 125 Member
I am having a very hard time getting "restarted" I am feeling very defeated lately. I have become SOO negative and things with my husband have been bad - he says most of our problems come from my lack of self esteem, where I argue most of my low self esteem has come from him (which in turn is back on me, since I shouldn't let someone else dictate my feelings). The chicken or the egg. Anyway - I need to get back on track - I have 100lbs to lose and can't even bare to step on the scale. i know every day I don't do something good - is a wasted day towards my goal. I just can't seem to grasp starting. I have a 2 & 4 year old, and they deserve better, and I deserve better, and quite honestly my husband does too. I have done this all before, and it seems like I have some kind of success, and then huge setbacks that get me right back here. I am just having a pity party. Hoping just reading on the message boards will help motivate me. I need to make some small goals and small plans - I just can't help feeling like I can't do this. 
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Replies
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DO SOMETHING. Anything as a first step then move on to step 2. Lack of desire or motivation should not stop you. Schedule it and make it a habit not a diet but a lifestyle change. Your children learn from what they see much more than from what you say. Cook healthy meals with lots of vegetables and they will learn to eat them and have a healthy diet. Play with them and they will learn to be active.
Forget about what your husband or children deserve. YOU deserve to be happy, healthy and active. YOU can do it all you need to do is start. Look in the mirror and say, "Yes, I can!"0 -
You're looking at the whole problem and feeling overwhelmed. Instead, make a small goal. Promise yourself you're going to stay under your calorie goal for 6 days. That's it - just 6 days! On the morning of the 7th day, weigh-in and you'll be amazed what you've accomplished. Then take the 7th day off to rest and maybe reward yourself a little, and then do it again next week.
Success breeds more success. You'll feel good about what you accomplished and you'll just feel awesome eating healthy and working out.
Before you know it, a year will have gone by and you will have lost your 100 pounds (or close to it). This system works if you're honest with yourself and make the effort.
So get started today!
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I've been where you are so many times. Just the idea of starting is so overwhelming. But I like what Jillian Michaels always says about how important it is to find your "why". What is the absolute #1 reason you want to make this change? Nail that down and as Jillian says the "how" will come easily. Also don't pick a day to start sometime in the future. Start now while you're focusing on the subject and while you say you're unmotivated, you must have some degree of motivation to be posting on MFP and seeking out advice. Take advantage of that and start now!
Another great piece of advice that I use when I just reeealllly don't feel like working out - telling myself that I only have to workout for 5 mins. That's it. 5 minutes and then I'll be done. But what always ends up happening is that once I start moving I realize I can do this and get through the whole workout. You'll feel a million times better afterwards.0 -
I am having a hard time getting remotivated as well. had some set-backs and not wanting to workout at all.0
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It helps when I read the success stories. People with even more to lose than me being able to do so, and keep it off motivates me to thinking "I can do this too!"
Start with something small. Take a walk around the block with the kids. When you get up in the morning, do 10 squats, 10 toe touches, just something to get that spark lit. Aim for better food choices, a lot of people have open diaries, myself included. I don't always have good days, but I won't let that stop me. Take a look around and see what others are choosing to get some ideas.
Don't be afraid. You deserve to take care of yourself. Don't let someone or something dictate to you how your day will be. It's cheesy sounding, but take charge of your life, and how you react to various stimuli. You do this for YOU, not for anyone else.0 -
Have you considered talking to a marriage counselor or pastor (if you have one)? I'm not joking or trying to be mean, but this sounds like a source of stress in your life right now. Fixing that may be a huge step forward into fixing other things in your life.0
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Maybe talk to your doctor about depression. Even with mild to moderate depression, going on meds for a while can break a bad cycle and get you back to normal.0
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Wow. That was a great reply. As someone who is also lacking the desire to do something I just want to say thank you. Thank you for not being snarky.:happy:0
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Thanks - we tried counseling - but our counselor got fired from the church - never a good sign. I thought she was good, but my husband has a tendency to focus on what she said "negative" against me and forget anything she said about him or his behaviors. Which our past/present is definitely a major stressor ; combined with very poor finances and me being unemployed and looking fiercely for a job. I do work out a few times a week - just treadmill walking or biking - i have my kids in alot of Y programs, so we are there every day almost. And we eat fairly healthy - but I sneak crap whenever I can. I dont want my daughter to have my issues, so I feel somewhat too faced (I serve veggies with every meal (no salt, butter) and stick too lean meats and proteins and only fresh made ice pops for dessert. But when they sleep I can house an entire bag of crap. I think I am more upset that I can no longer do the things I used to do - and when I am dying halfway thru an exercise class I get so mad at myself for being in the position. I do way too much negative self talk, and I am just really disappointed in myself. I did try a few antidepressants, but they either made me a super slug or made me very angry and less patient. I let those appointments slip too once we lost healthcare. (Kids have it). Again, this post just feels like I am *****ing and wining, but seriously its what's going on and I really dont have anyone in my life to let it out too. This does feel like a good step, even the smallest0
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Another great piece of advice that I use when I just reeealllly don't feel like working out - telling myself that I only have to workout for 5 mins. That's it. 5 minutes and then I'll be done. But what always ends up happening is that once I start moving I realize I can do this and get through the whole workout. You'll feel a million times better afterwards.
Wow, I wish I'd seen this before I wasted my lunch workout time in front of the computer because I reeeallly didn't feel like working out. *sigh*0 -
Lifting weights can make you feel more confident. Kicking and punching a heavy bag can make you feel more confident. These are things that helped me, without having to take medications, although there's nothing to be ashamed of if you really need them. Weightlifting can change the shape of your body, even if you're not losing, and that right there helps with confidence! I hope you can find something that helps, or someone who can help both you and your husband. Good luck, OP! xx
ETA this link. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1128928-mfp-fitspiration These are actual members from mfp, and not fitness models. A lot of them overcame huge struggles. Maybe it will help inspire you.0 -
I am having a very hard time getting "restarted" I am feeling very defeated lately. I have become SOO negative and things with my husband have been bad...
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. The thing about eating and exercise that's nice is that it is 100% in your control - nobody decides but you - perhaps that's a good place to start tackling the issues, one at a time...?0 -
opps didn't mean to use *** language, sorry!0
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The desire is there otherwise you wouldn't be making this post, but you are getting in your own way. Losing weight doesn't have to be miserable!! I feel like since you've lost weight before, you know what it takes, and you're dreading it. Maybe before you were eating way fewer calories than you actually needed? Or doing workouts you didn't like or not giving it your all so you didn't see any results? I know emotional stuff makes it hard too, but that doesn't mean that you CAN'T do it! Of course you can!
Start with one day. Figure out what your calories need to be to lose 1 or 2 lbs per week (usually somewhere between BMR and TDEE, you can find calculators online or use MFP's calc) and stick to it for ONE day. You will feel so accomplished and proud when you wake up the next morning that you did it....I promise! Then you'll want to do it again. And again, and again. You'll have setbacks. You'll have bad days. There will be holidays and birthdays and vacations, but you'll know to get right back on that wagon and keep pushing forward, because life is too short and your health is too important.
You can do this!! Give me ONE day!0 -
thank you for your replies. much of my problem is my desire to be perfect, all or nothing. I lost my ability to roll with it - so if I don't work out hard enough to me "why bother" if I don't track then "i failed". I KNOW THIS IS A SELF SABOTAGE MENTALITY, but I just feel stuck with it. I try to be proud of myself when I work out or eat right - but my negativity sinks in that it just isn't enough. AGAIN I KNOW THIS IS NOT RIGHT. I "know" all the right ways to lose weight, what to eat, how to exercise. I just hate failing. I need to figure out how to accept myself for who I am, which is so much easier to say than do. And I am fretting about how to even give it one day - how to start. I will though, I just need to get this stuff off my chest.0
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I am definitely getting in my own way.0
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Maybe just start with logging your food for a few days...? Don't try to eat "less" or "better" - don't worry about exercise - just get in the habit of logging every single thing you eat, with no judgement and no goal beyond writing it down.
One step at a time.0 -
You certainly CAN do this! The fact that you have the desire to do something is important and one step towards getting where you want to be. I lost to within 5 lbs of my goal weight earlier this year only to put put 15 lbs back on during the summer. Not happy about that but I stay as positive as I can. I'm still 30 pounds lighter than when I started My Fitness Pal, so I need to remind myself of that success. The weight gain happened because I slowly and unconsciously changed my habits (ie. life style). A beer here, overdoing it at a BBQ, on and on. Now all the new smaller clothes I bought are getting snug. I made myself throw out the old big stuff and I refuse to buy new "bigger" clothes ever again. That leaves me with only the option of losing the weight I gained. My point is that when you make up your mind just do it. Even little things can make a difference. For me planning menu's and not buying the bad food I know I will eat if it's in the house is a big help. The other is the support of my wife. I hope you can get your husband to help support you or better yet, join you in a change to a healthier life style. If he really believes problems between you are a result of a lack of self confidence on your part I would think he would be more than willing to support you in something that will certainly help you and your relationship with each other!0
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You CAN do it. That's the thing. I believe that you can speak things into existence (yes I know I sound like Oprah). If you are conviced that you are unable to do it, then you probably will self-sabotage. However, if you start to believe that it is possible, it will be possible as long as you begin to move and change your outlook.
I agree with a previous poster, start by walking, do some body-weight exercises, don't make a big deal just start somewhere. I started by walking in place during commercials while watching TV. That led me to going to the gym on weekends and walking on the treadmill. Now that got me going and then I started working out at home. I don't look at the big number of what I need to lose, I started with a 5 lb goal, then another 5, and so on.
Also, if your esteem has taken a turn for the worse, losing weight won't fix that. As another poster mentioned, you have to deal with the 'why' and uncover the root of your problems (other than weight). I wish you the best of luck.
You can do it. You can do it. You can do it. You can do it. :0)0 -
baby steps.0
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I am having a very hard time getting "restarted" I am feeling very defeated lately. I have become SOO negative and things with my husband have been bad - he says most of our problems come from my lack of self esteem, where I argue most of my low self esteem has come from him (which in turn is back on me, since I shouldn't let someone else dictate my feelings). The chicken or the egg. Anyway - I need to get back on track - I have 100lbs to lose and can't even bare to step on the scale. i know every day I don't do something good - is a wasted day towards my goal. I just can't seem to grasp starting. I have a 2 & 4 year old, and they deserve better, and I deserve better, and quite honestly my husband does too. I have done this all before, and it seems like I have some kind of success, and then huge setbacks that get me right back here. I am just having a pity party. Hoping just reading on the message boards will help motivate me. I need to make some small goals and small plans - I just can't help feeling like I can't do this.
OMG i feel like you just read the thoughts in my head (minus the kids). I know i want to lose weight but i cant find the fire to put under my butt and get started. Everytime i mention doing something to get started my finace' always puts it down by saying something like "lets see how long that last" and it just discourages me all over again. I am more than willing to go on this journey with you and push you when you need it if you can push right back when im struggling. Im at the point where i can't get the support at home so im looking elsewhere!0 -
I do work out a few times a week - just treadmill walking or biking - i have my kids in alot of Y programs, so we are there every day almost. And we eat fairly healthy. I dont want my daughter to have my issues, so I feel somewhat too faced (I serve veggies with every meal (no salt, butter) and stick too lean meats and proteins and only fresh made ice pops for dessert.
You have the start right here. Now you need the carry through. STOP sneaking. You are only cheating yourself and your health. The food will not make you feel better. In the end it makes you feel worse. Remember you deserve to be healthy.0 -
I am definitely getting in my own way.
Sounds like you know what you need to do. You know that you are making excuses every day to NOT do what you need to do.
At least you are aware of that, and are not in denial about it.
Many of us have spent a lot of time in this same situation.
Change will happen when you decide that the discomfort of staying where you are, is worse than the discomfort of change.
When you are ready for that, this place has some great tools to get you started and keep you going in the right direction.:flowerforyou:0 -
Change will happen when you decide that the discomfort of staying where you are, is worse than the discomfort of change.
Wow what an awesome way of putting it! Completely true.0 -
I understand the "all or nothing"mentality. I often would start a diet, then eat something I wasn't supposed to, then think I blew it and may as well start over tomorrow.
One day I ate some crap I shouldn't have, and started to beat myself up. Then I stopped, and logged it, and realized that I was still under my calorie goal for the day. I HADN'T BLOWN IT!
This was a major break-thru for me in my thinking.
I didn't have to start over the next day. I could continue on right then.
A few chips or a cookie doesn't destroy my diet. But me freaking out about it and finishing off the bag, just might.0 -
A friend of mine told me about this and now i will share it with all of you who need the motivation, or just to hear something nice everyday. Go to www.tut.com and sign up to receive the "notes from the universe" everyday "the universe" sends you an inspirational email or just something nice to make you smile.0
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When I read your posts, I can see myself so clearly! The wanting everything to be perfect, not allowing for any slips and then when I do slip, I feel soooo guilty and it totally destroys my motivation. The "oh phooey, I ate one little square of chocolate, now I'll have to finish the whole bar!" I can beat myself up over the smallest thing! So, I'm trying to learn to be a little easier on myself, realize that I will make mistakes, I will slip and yet it won't bring about the end of the world as we know it! I wish you the best and hope that things turn around for you soon!0
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A friend of mine told me about this and now i will share it with all of you who need the motivation, or just to hear something nice everyday. Go to www.tut.com and sign up to receive the "notes from the universe" everyday "the universe" sends you an inspirational email or just something nice to make you smile.
I did that because a friend told me about it and the emails are really amazing! Most days they are just exactly what I need to hear - they make me smile, they make me cry (in a good way) and they often make me laugh, but they always touch something deep within me.0 -
baby steps.
I agree with everyone who has suggested making small changes and easing up to the big ones. I have found that even when I don't have the will power to stop doing things that are bad for me (binge eating, skipping exercise, etc.), if I do the things that are good for me, eventually I switch gears. Some of my small steps are:
Drinking water every day
Scheduling exercise as an appointment
Eating at least one piece of fruit every day
Shopping for a few healthy items to add to my menu
Getting to bed at a good hour (when you are rested, you are less likely to make bad decisions)
Treating myself to something nice (like a lovely body wash) just because. It makes me feel better about myself and I am more likely to take better care.
You can't wait until all of the external things are no longer issues. There will always be something to distract you- - -either bad (like stress at work or home) or good (like holiday parties). Just pick something. Anything! And do it.0 -
A friend of mine told me about this and now i will share it with all of you who need the motivation, or just to hear something nice everyday. Go to www.tut.com and sign up to receive the "notes from the universe" everyday "the universe" sends you an inspirational email or just something nice to make you smile.
I did that because a friend told me about it and the emails are really amazing! Most days they are just exactly what I need to hear - they make me smile, they make me cry (in a good way) and they often make me laugh, but they always touch something deep within me.
Wow! I went to the website and the message seems just right for the OP and all of us:
The one thing all famous authors, world-class athletes, business tycoons,
singers, actors, and celebrated achievers in any field have in common
is that they all began their journeys when they were none of these things.
Yet still, they began their journeys.0
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